Drifting Pieces
by Yeaomi
Summary: What is real and what is just a dream? The past can sometimes do more than haunt our dreams, for one does not simply forget a madness unleashed. Ken must learn to accept who he was and find a way to reconcile with every piece of him; even if they don't want to. Daisuke x Ken fic, with plenty of Kaiser to go around. Rated M for sexually suggestive themes and violent imagery.
1. Chapter 1: Straw

**Author's Note:**

**Intro**: This fic takes place a few years after the last episode minus the whole 'everyone gets Digimon and married and becomes astronaut space ninja pirates for some reason' part. I use the Japanese names. I do enjoy the American names and have watched both Dub and Sub, but honestly, the children are Japanese and it takes place in Japan. I don't know why they needed to change the names in the first place.

**About fic**: This fic was written over the course of several –_several_- years. It has been edited, re-written, edited, hard edited, and torn apart time and time again. This fic is completed and has been edited to the best of my abilities. I'm sure there are still typos and errors… For this, I apologize and hope you can overlook them and see past them to the beauty of the story as a whole.

This fic often deviates from the actual cannon and timeline. I hope you will follow me on this adventure and find my own cannon acceptable.

I hope you enjoy. Please review.

- – -

**Chapter 01: Straw**

Wormmon was worried. This was a normal event and anyone who knew the little Digimon would have been concerned if he went a full day without being worried.

He worried when it rained and the wind blew just a tad bit harder than normal. He worried when someone sneezed or their back popped if they stretched. He worried when dinner was laid out and it looked like there might not be enough food for everyone to have an equal share. He worried when he worried too much and that made him worry even more.

Above all else, he worried the most about Ken.

With their past, no one could blame the small Digimon. The past was something that felt like another life time, but every now and then he could feel it creeping out from under the bed.

Over the years, Ken had done a remarkable job of keeping the past from his mind. He had been forgiven and done his best to repent for the crimes he committed in the Digital World, and he had even forgiven himself for falling prey to those that had used him to do their evil deeds. To an outsider, Ken was healed.

Yet with the threats to the Digital World put in their place and the adventure and challenges of being 'the chosen' behind them, a new challenge had appeared that Wormmon did not know how to protect his partner from.

Life had been waiting for them on the other side of the gate and it had rushed over them before Wormmon even understood the danger was there.

A quiet sigh and soft rustling of sheets made Wormmon look up from the foot of the bed. Ken was sitting up now; his posture slumped as he starred off into the dark room.

Ken hadn't slept in three days and Wormmon didn't know what was keeping his partner going anymore. When Ken did sleep, it would only last for a short moment before he'd wake up with a jerk while gasping out shallowly.

In the past, Ken had been victim to bad dreams that would often leave him trembling as he struggled against the invisible threats in his mind that Wormmon could not help fight against. For a while the dreams had stopped and Ken had slept peacefully for the first time in years, but lately they had seemed to return with even greater force.

What worried him the most was that Ken refused to talk about them. He would simply shake his head and give Wormmon that small smile that he simply could not argue with.

Now, it seemed as though Ken had given up even trying to sleep. He would turn out the lights as a courtesy towards Wormmon and to ward off any concern his parents might have over their son's sleeping schedule.

Wormmon could see the dark circles growing under Ken's eyes. He could hear the slow heavy sighs Ken gave as he struggled to gather enough energy to do the simplest of tasks. Each breath was starting to sound painful and strained as the boy's precious energy slipped away bit by bit.

Wormmon clicked his jaws angrily. He felt so frustrated and helpless! He hadn't seen Ken this bad off since those final days as the Kaiser.

Back then, Ken would sit for hours on end just working on his plans and programs. He'd often forget what time it was as he sat in the perpetual darkness he had created for himself. But at least back then, when he had wanted to sleep, he could.

Wormmon slowly crawled across the folds in the blankets and lightly nudged Ken's hand. A slow blink then a nod signaled Ken's approval as Wormmon delicately climbed into his lap and nestled down snugly.

"Ken?" He nuzzled the hand that had started to gently stroke across his antenna.

"I know. I'm sorry. Get some sleep… I'll be fine in the morning." The tired eyes that glinted down at him told a different story.

It was clear that Ken was stressed. He was beyond stressed. He was nearing a breaking point that never seemed too far off.

This point was alarmingly familiar to Wormmon. After the initial shock of returning to life as 'Ken', the boy had struggled with the most simplest of tasks. He had seemed lost as he tried to find his place in a life that had seemingly left him behind. On many nights, he would wonder aloud if maybe things would be better if he hadn't returned from that desert.

In the end, Ken had eventually found his place in life again. It turned out that he really was a genius, just one that had to work harder than most. Slowly, his grades had climbed back up from the pits they had fallen into and his parents and teachers had once more given him approving smiles and doting compliments.

The months of struggling had come at a price. Ken was forced to limit his time with his friends and any side activities that he had enjoyed. It was hard enough as it was, trying to find time to make the long trip to go see them or join up with them on outings.

This had saddened Wormmon, not just because it meant he couldn't see his own Digimon friends, but because Ken _needed_ his friends. They could help him forget his troubles, relax, and be happy. It just wasn't fair…

Another soft sigh made Wormmon look up. "I'll get through it. Please don't worry… It's just hard right now. Just a bad time." Ken must have seen the worried looks Wormmon was giving him.

But why did every time have to be bad for Ken? Couldn't his partner just relax for once? Take a break and have some fun?

Even Daisuke had noticed that Ken was struggling, though that was not uncommon. Daisuke had developed a sense for picking these things up that even Wormmon had been amazed at. Daisuke had instructed Ken to stop worrying. To take a break when he needed it and forget about all that pressure and just enjoy himself.

Ken had simply smiled in that way that he had and said that he couldn't afford to yet. That there was just too much he had to do.

Wormmon understood that Ken had expectations. Ken had explained them to him on numerous occasions. They sounded important and terribly complicated, and to Wormmon, often unnecessary. He wished that just once his partner would listen to the other boy and forget all of that from time to time.

To top things off, a school break was approaching. Rather than looking forward to a period without all that extra stress, Ken had seemed to go into over drive as he spent hours digging through books and papers and various other sources while muttering about tests, quizzes, papers, assignments, projects and finals.

The calendar alone was weighed down with red and black ink filling in each little square with due dates and carefully laid out plans. Just trying to keep track of everything was enough to Make Wormmon's head hurt.

He didn't understand what all of this was for, but it seemed terribly important to his Ken, even though it also seemed to be making his partner more and more stressed out.

Curiously, one day on the calendar had been circled in black ink with one word written across it in Ken's meticulously neat handwriting.

_Osamu._

That was one word that Wormmon understood. It was something that was always said with a hushed whisper and a small smile.

He had asked Ken about that date earlier and had been met with a clipped response that carried more pain than he could understand.

"That was Osamu's birthday."

He hadn't asked about it again. Ken had told him all about his brother before. Explained that when humans disappeared they didn't get reconfigured and come back, they stayed gone.

In the early years, Ken used to cry out for Osamu in his sleep. Sometimes he could still hear that small fragile voice screaming out with a pain and fear that made Wormmon's antenna droop just thinking about it.

After all these years and all the healing that had taken place, Ken still blamed himself.

Even after his parents had accepted their new Ken and welcomed him home with loving tears of joy, Ken still couldn't let go.

This was something that Ken had believed with complete conviction for far too many years. He was simply too young to understand back when it had happened and even now, his memories were far too sketchy to make sense of it.

Ken had never talked much about the accident. Wormmon didn't have the heart to watch as Ken tried to relive it. Even Daisuke hadn't pushed the matter when he'd stumbled on it once with the usual Daisuke grace.

Wormmon sighed heavily and turned over in his partner's arms, gently hugging Ken.

There was no hesitation as the quiet boy gently wrapped his arms around his partner and pulled him closer with a hidden desperation.

The little green Digimon wished that Daisuke was here. Now there was something that Wormmon understood.

He wasn't a brilliant digimon, but he knew how to pay attention. Especially when Ken talked or did anything.

It was easy to see that Ken loved Daisuke. Love was something Wormmon understood. He loved Ken, after all. Even more, it was easy to see that Daisuke loved Ken in return. It just seemed so natural for them, though they had never talked about it.

It was some unspoken rule that Ken had silently enforced anytime Daisuke or anyone tried to bring up the topic of love. Ken had always gone silent, his jaw clenched tightly with a utter determination until the topic was dropped.

Wormmon had asked Ken once why he and Daisuke never talked about love the way that Miyako always did, or why they never showed affection like Takeru and Hikari. It was easy to tell that Daisuke wanted to, but was simply waiting for Ken.

"It's complicated." Ken had responded while he lightly patted Wormmon on the head. A standard Ken answer for matters that he didn't feel like elaborating on.

"But Daisuke wants to! Veemon said so! He loves you, Ken." Wormmon had pressed in a rare moment of protest. This was a topic that was important to him.

Ken had smiled with the kind of gentle smile that could warm the little Digimon's heart. "I know."

"You should tell him, Ken! It would make him so happy!" The smile had disappeared then.

"I can't." And the topic had been dropped.

Ken still hadn't talked to Daisuke about it. Just one more stress that was slowly eating away at the boy.

Just a few weeks ago, Wormmon had been sure that Ken would finally breech the subject. His heart had leapt with joy at the possibility that Ken could finally have what he wanted and so desperately needed, but then the conversation had taken a turn that had made his head hurt.

Daisuke had stumbled full force into a long and confusing talk about how he had first felt about Hikari. It had been a story full of metaphors that didn't make sense, analogies that seemed to go no where, and half finished thoughts that he seemed to hope that Ken could fill in for him.

After a confusing half an hour filled with Daisuke trying to sort out what it was he was really trying to say and what he was actually saying, Ken had held up his hand to stop the babbling boy and asked him just what he was talking about.

Daisuke had been flustered as he tried to sort it out in his head. "Ken… When I thought I loved Hikari, I think I was just trying to find someone to care about. I'd never really had anyone like that before and all I wanted was for someone to care about me too. I think I just needed a connection to something that was better and more important than me. I don't remember when it happened exactly, but I realized that I didn't need that anymore. It was kinda desperate, you know? And suddenly I had something else that I wanted and I moved on. There's something better and I want to care for it more than anything…"

There was silence as Ken seemed to be working through those words and breaking them down to find their real meaning. At last, Ken had responded quietly. "I used to feel the same way. Wanting someone to notice me."

Wormmon and Veemon had clung to each other hopefully as they thought for sure that this would be it. Their partners would finally find what they needed and wanted and they could stop playing this horrible waiting game.

Their hopes crashed as the moment ended abruptly. "It wasn't very healthy in the end."

Ken had changed the subject quickly after that, refusing to elaborate any further. Daisuke had looked confused and maybe even a little hurt, though he hadn't tried to bring it up again.

Wormmon wasn't sure he had understood either Daisuke's attempt at connecting or Ken's response, but he was starting to worry.

When it was all over and Daisuke had gone home, he had tried to make sense of it. "Why didn't you tell him, Ken?"

"One stress at a time, my friend. One at a time…" He was starting to wonder if maybe Ken was afraid.

Wormmon couldn't understand what was to be afraid of. Daisuke was his friend, after all. They had been partners for a long time and they had a connection that was so much more than anything he had ever seen before. Humans could be so complicated sometimes…

Now, as Ken clutched at his partner, Wormmon felt his own fear wash over him. How much longer could Ken go on like this?

Slowly, Ken shifted and lay back on the bed once more, still clutching Wormmon to his chest.

The hand that was stroking his antenna started to slow and grow heavier till it finally stopped and settled on his back heavily.

Wormmon froze, afraid to move and wake the boy from his much needed sleep.

It didn't last long. Barely five minutes later and Ken was tossing in his sleep.

It was with a heavy heart that Wormmon finally gave in and saved his friend from his own nightmares.

A gentle nudge and tap was all it took for Ken's eyes to fly open as his breathing labored in a struggle to even out again.

Tears threatened to well up in those dark eyes as he lay there, gasping and trembling. The dreams were getting worse.

A quick glance at the clock settled it as Ken slowly sat up and slid off the side of his bed. He sat at his desk and flicked on the side lamp while moving to pull out a few books from the many shelves that lined the wall.

"Sleep, Wormmon. I'll be fine. I have some homework that I need to finish."

Wormmon watched the frail figure slouched over his desk for a while before his own weary eyelids started to droop.

He struggled to stay awake, wanting desperately to be there for Ken, but he was tired too…

Slowly, he gave in and curled up in the still warm blankets and fell asleep.

- – -

Ken felt like crying.

He felt like screaming and kicking and throwing the biggest temper tantrum of his life.

He felt like a little child that just couldn't fall asleep no matter how much he wanted to. Laying there, watching the clock tick forward and feeling the frustration build with each change of the numbers.

He hadn't felt like that since he was in elementary school when he used to toss and turn, rolling over and crying in pure frustration as he half hoped to cry himself to sleep.

It was on nights like that when Osamu would appear at his bedside to rub his back and comfort him.

He could still hear his brother's words in the back of his mind if he was quiet enough.

"_Stop forcing it, Kenny boy. The more you reach for it, the further away it's going to get. Some things just have to happen on their own." _

"_But it feels so horrible!" _

"_I know… It feels like giving up, doesn't it? Sometimes you have to give up and lose to win, Ken." _

It had taken years before Ken finally understood what Osamu had been telling him. The day he had understood had been the day he had ceased to be the Kaiser.

The younger Ken would protest and Osamu would just smile and gently rub his back in even circular motions till eventually, Ken would fall asleep without even realizing it.

But Osamu wasn't here. Osamu would never be here again.

It was on nights like these that Ken missed him the most.

He looked over at the bed, relieved to see that Wormmon was asleep. Ken felt terrible for keeping his partner awake with his lack of a proper sleeping schedule; it couldn't be healthy for the small Digimon.

He wondered if maybe he should arrange for Wormmon to spend the night somewhere else for just a short while. Just so he wouldn't have to worry about Ken's growing insomnia.

Glancing at the calendar he breathed out slowly. Just for a day or two. That would be all that he needed. Just till he could relax and stop worrying… The little Digimon needed a break. Maybe a sleepover with Veemon or some time with the others… He was already putting it together carefully. It would be easy to do without raising any suspicions or worrying the others.

Of course the hardest part would be in convincing Wormmon. He never liked to leave Ken's side and was even more stubborn about it when he thought Ken was suffering. It hurt to realize just how loyal Wormmon was and always had been to him. His partner had given everything just to protect Ken and the very thought of just what that meant scared him.

He would have to be firm and insist that Wormmon needed this. That Ken needed this. Just a short time to fully focus on his work. That Ken would be alright without him there for just a couple of days.

He would have to lie.

The week was still young, and he would have liked to let Wormmon stay away till Friday was over and done with, but he knew that just a day away would be pushing it. He might be able to bargain for two days or even three if there was the promise of spending time with Veemon and the others.

He set aside his school work and tried not to think about an upcoming test and paper that he desperately needed to do well on in order to keep his passing grade. A test that he honestly didn't think he could pass and a paper that he didn't fully understand.

Ken ignored the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he closed his eyes and tried to fight back the exhaustion. Sleep would not come tonight. He distantly wondered if it would ever come again.

Pulling out his D3, he quickly typed out a message to everyone, trying not to sound as desperate as he really was.

"The break is just ahead of us and I'm sure everyone is completely loaded down with homework and last minute assignments (Daisuke, you had better not be slacking!). I'm sure all of our Digimon are tired of sitting around watching us study or waiting for us to come home from school. Wormmon needs some fresh air and I'm sure we could all use just a couple of hours to get away from our study books. Would anyone object to having the Digimon camp out in the Digital World till we can get all of our school work out of the way? When the break is here, we can all meet up there again and relax. Let me know. –Ken."

It wasn't his most eloquent message, but he had wanted to keep it light with promises of fun and friends spending time together. Sleep loss was starting to take a serious toll on his communicating abilities, among other things. He'd almost turned in a math paper the other day where he'd declared that Pi was four. Genius or not, the world just wasn't ready for that kind of a breakthrough.

A tired hand slowly ran through his hair as he hit send. Maybe they'd read his pathetic message and take the hint.

It was Tuesday and almost six in the morning, he'd have to get ready for school soon. Needless to say, he was deeply surprised when he got a reply barely a minute later.

"I agree! Gatomon has informed me that if I wake her up to study at this hour one more time, she'll make kitty litter out of my books. Take care, Hikari."

At least someone else was losing sleep, he thought. Though he suspected that she was just a morning person.

An hour later of him starring at his books and he'd gotten three other replies. Takeru had liked the idea and had even suggested a nice place for them to meet up.

Iori had politely responded with a time. He apparently didn't approve of his little partner sitting around all day waiting for him without any fresh air or exercise. The little Kendo Champion in the making was probably ready to go crazy himself with all the sitting around; if Iori was even capable of going crazy.

Miyako had quickly responded with an offer to provide some of the food to tide over the little bottomless pits till it was time for them to return home. Her own little partner was apparently in danger of being used as a replacement for a stress ball that had recently suffered 'a rather untimely demise' and was eager to get away for a short while.

Ken was just getting ready to leave for school when he finally received a response from Daisuke.

It was a private response directed to him.

"What the hell are you doing awake at this hour? You'd better not be studying! I thought I told you to take it easy and get some sleep! Of course I'm not slacking. I don't know who you were thinking of. I never slack. I'm practically the next professor of Algebra! Go ahead; ask me what '_i' _stands for!"

Ken smiled at this, his eyes watering up slightly as his tired body and mind were briefly flooded with emotions that he refused to examine.

The note continued, Daisuke's voice narrating loudly in his head. "Anyways, I think it's a great idea! If Veemon asks me why I have to solve for X instead of V again I think I'll eat my book. I've got a hell of a test tomorrow. I swear my teacher has it out for me! Stop thinking so much and I'll see you tonight! –Daisuke."

_He's probably just now waking up._ Ken smiled to himself and quickly typed out a reply.

"What, me thinking? I honestly think you must have me mistaken for someone else. You're going to be late. You'd better hurry!"

His heart ached as he sent out the message and said goodbye to his still sleeping little partner.

It was time for school.

- – -

Daisuke let out an overly dramatic sigh. It had been a long day at school and he just couldn't seem to keep his mind focused. He kept thinking back to the early morning message he'd gotten from Ken.

The wording had been so… Un-Ken-like. Maybe the others wouldn't notice, but he sure did.

Daisuke considered himself a sort of 'Ken specialist'. There were times where he could swear that he knew Ken better than Ken knew Ken.

To him, the early morning message had just sounded so very tired. So _desperate_.

The others had agreed with Ken on the idea of giving their Digimon a break. They simply saw it as someone thinking about their partner's comfort and getting through their own school work. Even he could agree that Veemon needed some fresh air and the comfort of friends.

But Daisuke could see the real reason behind that exhausted message. Ken probably needed Wormmon now more than ever, so he was doing the one thing that Ken was the best at doing. Escaping.

Daisuke also knew that Ken wasn't sleeping well at night. He could just look at the frail boy and it was painfully clear to him that something was wrong.

After all, he was the world's greatest Ken expert.

The subtle way Ken would bow his head and forget to move his hair from his eyes. The way his smile would barely reach out before it would die away once more. The slightly glassy look as Ken couldn't seem to focus his attention on anything for very long.

It was easy for Daisuke to see that Ken was withdrawing.

Daisuke kicked a rock with an angry sigh. It just wasn't fair! When was Ken going to get a break?

_When was Ken going to give himself a break?_ That seemed like the more appropriate question.

With a frustrated sigh he kicked another rock.

"Stop picking on the poor rocks. It's not their fault that you didn't study."

Daisuke spun around so fast he nearly fell over. "Ken!"

"You're early. Is something wrong?" The good natured teasing was only a mask. His eyes had deep dark circles under them and he looked as if a light breeze could lift him up and carry him away.

"Ha ha. Nawh. I just knew you'd be early and I wanted to talk to you!" Daisuke rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

Veemon popped up and nearly tackled Wormmon in an excited hello. "Hiya! How's it going? Wasn't this the bestest idea ever? Daisuke brought cookies!"

"Those are for everyone, Veemon!"

"But Dai~suke~! I'm hungry NOW! And Wormmon's here! I was gonna share!" The little blue Digimon gave his best and most effective pout.

"Alright. But only one. And give one to Wormmon!" There was a blue blur and the bag of cookies was quickly scampering off, followed by a bright and wide eyed Wormmon.

Daisuke grinned up at Ken, who looked relived to see Wormmon's energy picking up around his friend.

Daisuke bit his lower lip and coughed as he struggled to find the right way to approach the topic. He just wasn't good at these sorts of things.

"So, Ken! …How are you sleeping? Is it getting better?" He might as well just plow into it like he normally did.

There was a heavy sigh and Ken looked away. "I'm okay, Daisuke. I just… I have a lot on my mind right now and there's so much to do… So much pressure. I have a paper due Friday and I've only written half of it. I just can't afford to fail any of the tests coming up either. It's just the usual school problems we all get. You know how it is."

Daisuke wasn't buying any of it. He felt the hot flame of determination build in him as he looked his friend over.

"Bull honky! You look like you're about to pass out! I doubt that you can even take tests like this, let alone do well on them! You're…" A heavy pause as he searched for the elegant way to put this. "You need to stop pushing yourself so hard! Stop forcing it! I don't care what your parents or teachers or anyone says. This 'pressure' isn't worth it. Sometimes you just need to let things happen, Ken. Let them happen on their own, you know? Stop pushing it. Even if you do fail… This can't be healthy for you."

_Great. I've probably just made things worse…_ He couldn't remember the last time he'd yelled at Ken, but he just couldn't stand to see his friend suffer like this.

Ken stared at him with wide eyes. "Even if I _fail…_?"

"Yeah. You don't always have to be Mr. Perfect. You know that. I know that it hasn't been easy for you with school and all, but look at me! I don't always get good grades and I'm doing just fine!"

"Always?"

"Okay. Hardly ever get good grades. But I get by. You're like a super A plus plus plus student and you can afford to take it easy and rest now and then…"

_This isn't exactly how I had pictured this speech going…_

There was a slight look to Ken's eyes now. Like he was silently arguing with himself before he argued aloud. It was a familiar look now that Daisuke thought about it.

Ken was about to say something when the others started to arrive. His mouth snapped shut with an audible snap and he looked away. Just like that, the conversation was instantly closed with the famous Ichijouji avoidance silent treatment tactic.

_Great! Now I've not only managed to piss him off, but I think I hurt his feelings too! Stupid Daisuke! Stupid stupid stupid!" _

He made a promise to himself to make it up to Ken later.

The others didn't seem to notice as Ken stood by the sidelines. They were all stressed out about their own upcoming tests and schoolwork. They greeted each other, talking about their classes and confirming their assignments and making sure that they weren't missing anything important.

_It must seriously suck for Ken… Not having a friend in his classes to talk to. Not having anyone to reassure him that he passed the tests and that he had all the assignments down…_

Sometimes he just wanted to pull Ken away from that school. To pull him away from whatever it was that was hurting Ken and wrap him up in a protective bubble with a sign: _Handle with care._

If anything or anyone needed to be handled with care, it was Ken. He deserved it after everything he'd been through. Everything he was still going through. It just wasn't fair!

Daisuke bounced slightly in place before he ran over to the group and instantly took up the role that he knew Ken needed him to have. A distraction. A way out.

He cut in with his loud remarks and crazy antics; all just so Ken could stop thinking for just a few minutes.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Ken the whole time. For the briefest of moments, Ken was smiling as he watched the performance. It seemed to be working until the smile once more disappeared and Ken was once again _thinking_.

Daisuke sighed inwardly as Ken seemed to be sinking away from them. He graciously let the spotlight move away as the attention slipped to someone else while he moved to stand next to Ken.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I was just talking and you know me. Mouth keeps going and the brain isn't listening. I just get so upset watching them pile all that crap on you, you know? Your school is so hard and you're trying so hard and nobody else sees it…" Daisuke laughed slightly. "See? There I go again. You know what I mean. I'm sorry… I didn't mean to upset you."

Ken looked at him, and for just the briefest of moments, he was completely open. His soul was exposed for Daisuke to see and touch and cradle close to his heart. It was a look that was pure _Ken_. "I know… You don't have to apologize. I think I needed it. I just… I just need this week to be over."

And then that moment was gone and Ken closely closed back in on himself. "I'll be okay."

It was only Tuesday… But maybe things would be alright come Friday. It was hopeful, but Daisuke had to believe that things would be okay. "Okay." A silly grin that he knew Ken loved slowly spread over his face. "You still owe me a soccer game. Friday night! Your place!"

Ken hesitated then nodded. Just like that, he was suddenly shy quiet Ken again. "Okay… But don't expect me to go easy on you…"

It had been a while since Daisuke had slept over with Ken. Not since that botched attempt to discuss his true feelings with Ken.

It had to have been the single worst attempt to get things out in the open he had ever been a part of. Daisuke had meant to not only lay everything out in the open between them, but to make things progress in a more favorable direction. He had planned to give this long declaration of hope and love and feelings and romance and all the good things between them… But just one look at Ken and all those long hours of practice in front of the mirror had gone down the drain as he suddenly lost sight of everything and failed miserably.

He'd laughed then and brushed it off. Ken just wasn't ready. It was as simple as that, and he really wasn't surprised. After all, he could read Ken like a book.

It wasn't till after Daisuke had returned home and reflected on that conversation that he'd thought to check the footnotes of that particular chapter in the big book of Ken.

Ken did care for him and certainly liked him… Maybe even more. The first time Daisuke had realized this, it had been scary. More than scary. In fact it was downright terrifying. Just the thought of having _those eyes_ on him like that… Those ever watchful soul seeking eyes…

If Daisuke, the child of courage, had been that scared of such a thought then why was it so hard to imagine that Ken might be just a little scared too?

Once he'd thought of it in those terms, it was easy to look back and recall all those secret yet not so secret looks Ken would often give him from time to time… Or the way Ken had tried to avoid his friendship initially and how he had responded when Daisuke just wouldn't let him.

As Daisuke had started to accept and understand his own feelings towards his best friend, partner, and so much more… A fire had ignited in his soul. And with anything that Daisuke was passionate about, he had wanted nothing more than to shout it to the world. To grab Ken and never let him go while declaring that he loved Ken Ichijouji.

The problem was that he just wasn't sure that Ken was ready to hear it yet. Even though he knew that Ken did care about him in return, it was clear that Ken just needed more time to accept it for himself first.

Daisuke's brow furrowed at this. Maybe there were a few pages in the big book of Ken that were written in only Ken language or something, but he was going to learn that language and speak it fluently someday!

Daisuke blinked as he suddenly realized he'd been starring intently at Ken for several minutes now.

Ken ducked his gaze down with a blush as Daisuke flushed and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. Secretly, Daisuke loved those shy Ken looks. He found himself trying to catch them more and more…

His thoughts were interrupted by a soft sigh as Ken shifted and looked down at his watch. Here was a page that Daisuke could read easily.

Ken was ready to leave. It was getting late and he probably had a mountain of homework to lose more sleep over. He hated it. Loathed it.

But Ken had a point… The faster he got through it all, the faster the break would get here and the faster Ken would be sound asleep curled up next to him if he had anything to say about it.

He suddenly flailed his arms to attract the attention back onto himself once again. Moments like these made him feel like Ken's knight in shining armor.

"Awe crap! I have a test tomorrow in English and I haven't even read the chapter that it's over yet!"

All eyes were on him. Ken looked surprised before a rare smile flashed across his face.

"I told you to read ahead, Daisuke." A silent 'thank you'.

"I know… I know… But I just got distracted with other things!" A silent 'you're welcome. Now go home and rest.'

The others slowly collected themselves and nodded as thy mumbled about homework and chores.

They all said goodbye to their Digimon with promises to see them again in better spirits in just a few short days.

"You behave yourself, Veemon! And share the cookies!"

"What cookies?"

"….You had better not have eaten all those cookies yourself! You'll get a stomach ache!"

"I didn't eat them all! I shared with Wormmon like you told me too!"

Daisuke rolled his eyes and hugged his partner. To the side, Ken was also quietly saying goodbye.

Daisuke watched discretely as a few quiet words were exchanged and Ken held the small green Digimon to his chest like child might clutch a teddy bear after a bad dream. The exchanged was finalized with an even tighter hug between the two that Daisuke found himself wishing he could have been a part of.

"We'll be back Friday night. If you have any problems you contact me, okay? Now go have some fun!" Daisuke smiled as he watched Veemon bounce around his friends excitedly.

When he finally turned back around, Ken was already gone.

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	2. Chapter 2: My Brother's Eyes

**Author's Note:**

A review is like a rose in January: A delightful burst of color in an otherwise dull day. Please review.

- – -

**Chapter 02: My Brother's Eyes**

_I can do this. _Ken stared into the mirror as he gave himself a pep talk. _It's Wednesday. The week is half over and then Wormmon will be back and I can spend some time with my friends and spend time away from school. Just Wednesday and Thursday and Friday… I can do this._

He frowned as he ran a hand through his hair, messing it up slightly in his frustration. All too quickly, he smoothed it back down again.

_What are you afraid of?_

His reflection frowned back at him. He knew exactly what he was afraid of. _You're afraid you'll look like _him.

It didn't matter though. He knew that when it all came down to it, there was no 'him'. It was all just Ken. Ken that had tortured and killed all of those Digimon. Ken that had made his brother disappear. Ken that had let his Digimon partner die. Ken that had broken his parents hearts. Ken that had gone completely over the edge while everyone watched. Ken that had been more of a monster than the one that he had created.

It helped at times to try and distance himself from what he had been. To pretend that he had been controlled the whole time by the dark spore and those evil Digimon. It helped to pretend that he had been asleep with someone else walking around in his body.

_He wasn't weak_. The reflection's eyes hardened in anger for just a moment before they softened and he looked down. _I wasn't weak._

Things were so much easier back then. He had been smarter, able to keep up with everything and more than capable of dealing with his parents and teachers and the media… Back then, he had control of his life.

Ken's head snapped back up. _Oh god. Don't you DARE think like that._ It wasn't better back then. Nothing was better. Maybe things had been easier, but he had also been a heartless bastard that took pleasure in pain and suffer. _Nothing_ about that was 'better'.

His hands were trembling, his knuckles turning white as they gripped the side of the bathroom counter desperately.

_Wormmon…_He took a slow deep breath. He could do this. He had to do this for Wormmon. As much as he needed his small partner, he just couldn't let his gentle friend suffer anymore because of him.

Ken carefully composed himself and put on a determined look. "I can do this." Taking a deep breath he stepped from the bathroom.

The determined look crashed and burned.

_The box._

Out on the living room table sat a medium sized old box.

"Oh god, it's Wednesday."

How could he have been so foolish to forget? It had come up faster than he'd realized and now that it was here, he was completely unprepared.

If Wormmon had understood how to properly read a calendar he would have never of left without putting up a fight.

The box sat on the table, appearing ominous amongst all of the carefully organized and orderly furniture.

Ken found himself slowly being drawn towards it against his will, his feet shuffling forward inch by inch.

A traitorous hand reached out and slowly pulled the flaps apart and pushed them open.

"Osamu…" His gut wrenched painfully, threatening to reject anything that might have been in it.

Osamu's things were neatly packed away inside the box with the utmost of care. All of his personal possessions fitting together inside of one small box waiting for a master that would never return. It was painful to realize just how little of his brother there was left.

In the back of his mind, Ken wondered just how big of a box would be needed for him should he 'disappear'.

He closed his eyes tightly. He hated this. _Every year. Every damn year! Why can't they just let the dead stay dead!_

His parents had set out the box every year on Osamu's birthday. They would often take a personal day from their work and chores to sit around and go through the box a little at a time. They would talk about him, fawn over his pictures and remember him.

"He was such a nice boy. So smart… So gifted." They would sigh and mourn the loss of such a perfect son.

He couldn't handle this. Not now. The doubt and _guilt_ that would bubble up from the darkest part of him as they dabbed at their tears and spoke so kindly of the dead, utterly oblivious of how Ken would quietly suffer through it all.

But that wasn't the worst of it. The worst would come later when they were done laughing and keeping Osamu alive in memory and stories. The worst would come when all had gone quiet and Ken was left alone to relive that one moment.

They didn't ask him about what had happened anymore. His constant insistence that he didn't remember had eventually been accepted and they had moved on. Moved on and left him alone to suffer.

Ken had been the only one to be there on that day. The only one to truly see it happen. To see that one moment of impact…

As much as he struggled to forget and move on with them, he could still remember seeing Osamu standing beside him just before he stepped off the curb. The look on his face and in his eyes… The soft smile he'd given Ken as if he had been apologizing.

He could see the van coming, looming in his memory like a titan lurching from the darkness. Osamu had seen it too, his head turning towards it as heels left the safety of the curb.

Ken could remember how Osamu had frozen in place then, taking the last moment of serenity to look back at him. One last look at his brother before the world ended. His smile never left his face.

He could remember how Osamu had stood his ground with such determination. He could remember feeling his heart start to race as the van slid into the picture. Above all, he could remember the _sound_. The horrible crunch of bone that still woke him up in the dead of the night with a silent scream trembling on his lips.

He could still remember the way that his big strong perfect brother had flown through the air before he hit the ground like a rag doll. The sounds of the screams around him as the world exploded.

He could hear the tires screeching and smell the smoke of rubber burning on the pavement. Feel the hands of the bystanders pushing him aside as they rushed forward.

And then there was the siren, piercing the haze with a shrill cry as it colored everything in flashes of red.

_His smile broke_.

Ken flinched hard as he desperately tried to pull back from the memories before they could take over. _No. Not now._

He couldn't and wouldn't do this now. The memory always pulled at him and left him feeling like the world was about to crash down on him. They always left him with the feeling that maybe it should have been him crumpled and broken in the road and not the perfect Osamu.

Ken looked back down at the box, already knowing what he would find inside it. He'd gone through it enough times in the past. A few books meant for school, his favorite jacket that was neatly ironed and folded, several pictures and newspaper clippings, a few small trinkets from his desk, a small stuffed animal that Ken couldn't even remember his brother ever owning or loving, and a pair of glasses.

The glasses must have been a spare or older pair, as Ken knew the real set was currently sitting on a rotting corpse deep underground.

His lips twisted into a morbid smile as the thought of a pair of perfect glasses on a skeleton sprang to mind. The metal frames would sit in the dark on a steadily decaying piece of flesh and bone in a box until they were all that was left.

The smile twitched at the corners as it occurred to him that this year he would be older than his brother had been when that van had bashed his skull in. _Glass sitting on a pile of broken bones._

Moving as if in a dream, he reached inside and pulled out the glasses, marveling at how cool they felt in his hand. A strange sense of déjà vu passed over him as he slipped the glasses on and stepped over to the hallway mirror.

The world blurred slightly as his eyes struggled to adjust to the prescription. _He wasn't perfect after all…_

A hand moved up to his hair, his dark locks slowly sliding between his fingers as they moved in a familiar pattern.

_They were right_. His cheeks ached as the smile tugged at all the wrong muscles. At the right angle, he did look like a slightly softer version of his brother. His spine creaked slightly as he stood up straighter and his head tilted just right… A hand paused as his fingers toyed with a few soft spikes.

"Ken?" His mother's gentle voice broke the silence.

Ken's hands shot up to his face and the glasses were violently tossed away, landing on the floor with a heavy thump.

He stared down at them accusingly, fighting back the feeling of horror that threatened to creep up and over take him.

"Honey? Are you alright?" She sounded afraid. Like she'd seen a ghost. _Maybe she had_.

It took most of his lingering energy to slowly compose himself and answer. "Yes, Momma."

He looked up at her slightly, catching the look in her eyes as she quickly stooped to retrieve the fallen glasses. Her fingers fumbled as she folded them back up before she moved to carefully set them back into the box safe and sound.

_Safe and sound…_Ken fought back the smile he could feel twitching at his lips distantly.

"Are you going to school today, Ken?" His father walked into the room behind his mother, a slight look of concern on his face. "Maybe you should take today off…"

Ken slowly reached up and smoothed his hair back down. "I have a test." There was a heavy silence as he moved to pick up his school bag. In the past he had never taken the day to stay and grieve with them and that wasn't about to change now.

"Alright… Don't push yourself too hard today." _As opposed to all the other days, Mother? _

His mother was only trying to help but he could hear the truth behind those words.

"I'll be late today. Soccer team needs me to run a few plays with them." The soccer team didn't meet on Wednesdays and they all knew that.

"Don't stay out too late. You know that we worry…" _Yes, Father. You worry. You worry I'll disappear too. Who will be perfect then?_

"I'll try to be home for dinner." _Not if I can help it_. They all knew that he wouldn't make it in time but he at least sounded like he was going to try.

"We'll leave something out for you, dear." She knew the truth but her eyes had hope.

When he'd been the Kaiser, he'd always avoided today at all costs. _I guess that's one thing that still hasn't changed._

"Have a nice day." They both chimed up as Ken opened the door. He paused just long enough to slip on his shoes before he quickly slipped out the door and shut it behind him heavily.

He didn't want to see their worried faces following after him. He didn't want to see his Mother's tired and sad eyes or his Father's confusion at not being able to connect. He didn't want to see anything.

He took a few steps away from the apartment door then stopped. His reflection from the hall mirror came back to him and a hand went up to his mouth as he fought back the nausea.

He could feel the lingering remains of a fading smile under his fingers.

_What the hell was that back there? _

Slowly, he forced himself to move forward with sheer willpower.

_I looked just like him_… Osamu's face had briefly gazed back out at him from the glass before another more familiar smirk had appeared.

In truth, it was no coincidence that the Kaiser had looked the way that he had. The Kaiser had been born out of a twisted memory but not even Osamu could smile like that.

_A smile that would not break_.

"The dead stay dead…" Ken whispered. He didn't know if he was talking about Osamu anymore, but he really didn't care. "They stay dead…"

- – -

It had been a long tiring day at school, yet when the bell rang Ken was reluctant to move.

He wasn't ready to go back there yet. By now, his parents would be past the initial tears and laughing at memories that Ken wasn't sure were even real anymore.

They had moved on.

Ken had slipped into a blissful fog once he had gotten to school and he had clung to it desperately. He didn't want to face the questions that were lingering in the back of his mind.

_What was that this morning?_ Just thinking about it left him feeling weak and afraid.

Once he left the campus, he walked without purpose or direction. It was a good thing that Wormmon hadn't been there to see the little stunt with the glasses. The poor Digimon didn't need anymore nightmares or bad memories to pop up.

After what must have been an hour or two of just walking, Ken looked up to find himself in a park. The sun was still too high for him to consider heading back home so he made his way over to a bench and sat down heavily.

Leaning back, he stared up at the perfect blue sky. He felt sick to his core. Like he was about to fly apart at the seams. _Is this what Osamu felt? Is this what happened to him? Why he didn't move? Why he…_

"Osamu… I'm sorry…" At last, the memories flooded over him. The van. The sound. The screams. _His smile. He was smiling when it hit…_

Ken's thoughts swarmed around in his head, pounding him down with memories, doubt and pain.

A soft whimper escaped his throat as the world spun out of control.

A warm hand gently touched his shoulder and everything stopped as warm golden brown eyes came into focus.

"Daisuke…"

- – -

"I can fit in one practice round… There's still time!" Daisuke muttered under his breath as he hurried to the park. Sure, he had a tone of homework sitting at home waiting for him, but all work and no play, right?

Daisuke juggled his soccer ball and glanced around. The park was pretty empty today.

_That's 'cause everyone's at home doing what you should be doing! If Ken knew I was out here he'd give me one of those lectures again!_

He grinned and suddenly had the strange urge to email Ken and tell him exactly where he was and what he was doing. He loved those lectures. He loved that Ken cared so much about how well he was doing in school when no one else had ever really taken an interest before. It made him feel special.

_He's probably studying._ He sighed and kicked the ball around a little. When Friday got here, he was going to kidnap Ken and tickle him till all of the worry lines in his face disappeared and then he'd challenge him to a round of soccer.

Daisuke couldn't help but grin at that. "Round one goes to Daisuke Motomiya the unstoppable!" He kicked the ball into a tree and quickly caught it again.

"But look out! Here comes the Rocket!" Daisuke rounded on the tree and weaved around the protruding roots. Another kick and the ball smacked into the tree sharply before bouncing away from him.

"Oh! And he makes a fatal mistake! Can he recover?" Daisuke shouted in an over dramatic voice as he raced off after the ball.

He was on the verge of recapturing it for another goal winning kick when a familiar inky indigo color off to the side of the park caught his attention.

Daisuke skidded to a stop and stared as his ball continued to roll off.

"Ken?" What was Ken doing here? Could it be possible that he had taken Daisuke's advice and decided to relax after all? Daisuke was about to call out for Ken to join him when he noticed the look on his face.

Ken was sitting stiffly on the bench with his face tilted up towards the sky, his hair blowing into his face messily. It looked like Ken had been sitting there for a long time.

Daisuke stood still for a moment, wondering if Ken had even noticed him. Approaching cautiously, not wanting to startle him, Daisuke took note of the slightly vacant look in his eyes.

_He's in pain. I can feel it_. His heart ached at the sudden realization. With a frown, he headed towards his Jogress partner at a more determined pace.

As he got closer, he could hear a soft keening sound coming from his friend. "Ken?" He didn't respond. The sound turned into a whimper and Daisuke practically sprinted the last few feet, moving to kneel down in front of the boy.

Gently, he placed a hand on Ken's shoulder and gave a small shake. "Ken?"

Tired eyes slowly blinked and came into focus.

"Daisuke…" Ken breathed out slowly, making Daisuke pause before he continued.

"Hey… What are you doing out here? Is something wrong?" He sat down next to his friend, patiently waiting for Ken to come back from wherever he just was.

Ken looked down and sighed shakily. Daisuke knew that sigh and that look well, but what alarmed him more than anything was the slight glimmer he caught in Ken's eyes just before he looked down.

_He's crying._ Daisuke realized with alarm. _If someone made him cry I'll clobber them!_

Gently Daisuke wrapped an arm around Ken and pulled him closer in an effort to comfort him.

"Daisuke… I'm sorry. I don't know what's come over me…" Ken wiped away the tears before they could fall. "It's been a bad day."

"Hey, just relax, okay? If someone's been hassling you…"

"No. It's not that. Today…" Ken hesitated and Daisuke could tell that Ken wanted to say something. Maybe everything. _Tell me. Please tell me. I want to make it better. Please!_

For once, Daisuke was quiet as he waited for Ken to form his thoughts. He'd been around Ken long enough to know that the boy needed time to just organize. Ken had called it 'organizing his thoughts' so that his words didn't come out sounding like Daisuke's normally did.

Why his thoughts needed to be organized was beyond him as Ken was always so organized to start with. He just couldn't imagine Ken not being organized.

As he waited, he watched as Ken slowly pulled himself together. It was almost painful to watch as he forced everything down. A slow breath and Ken was once more the calm collected boy that everyone always saw.

"Today was just bad." He finished and looked up at Daisuke. There was something off about the way his eyes looked. They were distant yet scarily focused all at once.

"Ken. If something's bothering you or if something's wrong you can tell me." He was suddenly angry. Daisuke wanted to protect Ken. To snap him out of whatever this was and make him stop hurting himself like this.

"I know. I just need a moment. I must be more exhausted than I realized. Thank you…" Ken slowly leaned back against the bench, Daisuke's hand still on his shoulder in an effort to ward off the demons that were following the boy around.

They sat together in silence for a while as the sun started to drift towards the horizon. Daisuke, who was normally a bubbly and loud boy, understood these moments better than most people expected him to.

He had long ago translated them from the book of Ken a long time ago. Sometimes all Ken needed were these silent, still moments and for Daisuke to just be there.

He liked to think that maybe Ken was soaking in some of Daisuke's spare energy like a lizard soaks in the sun. Maybe they were sharing something deeper than he could ever imagine and something only Ken could see or know.

He looked over at Ken after a few minutes, taking in how his partner's eyes were slightly unfocused and his head was starting to droop slightly to the side. It was clear that he was fighting sleep.

Daisuke was about to try to coax Ken into maybe leaning into him a little more so that he could maybe trick the overly tired boy into falling asleep when Ken's quiet voice reached out to him.

"Have you ever dreamed with your eyes open?"

He blinked at the question. "Sure. Lots of times! How do you think I sleep through class without getting caught?"

"No… This is different. Where you're awake but not here. Where your eyes are open and you're seeing the real world, but there are dream images pasted on top." Ken's voice faded and he looked away.

"Oh. No… I don't think I've ever done that. It sounds kinda creepy." Daisuke tried to follow Ken's gaze, wishing he could see what Ken could.

_There has to be some way to keep that boy tied down. Just when I think he's here with me, he drifts off into his own thoughts again. _Daisuke sighed and looked off at some kids that were racing around and laughing nearby. He wished more than anything that he could just jump up with Ken and laugh and Ken would laugh with him and they could run and be just like those kids.

Ken sighed and closed his eyes, tilting his head back again. The suddenly movement drew Daisuke's attention again.

"Are you awake?" Daisuke wasn't quite sure what it was that he was asking, but he suddenly felt like it was important.

Ken opened his eyes, looking up at the sky fully. "I'm dreaming."

A sudden pressing need to pull his friend back to earth rose up inside him.

"Is it a good dream? Am I in it? I bet I'm the hero!"

"Sometimes." Ken smiled and for a moment everything felt normal again.

However, the smile didn't last and Ken was drifting once more.

"I'm spending the night, Friday. I won't take no for an answer." It came out more demanding than he'd intended.

An odd look spread across Ken's face and for a brief moment he thought that Ken would object. Then his eyes traveled across Daisuke's face slowly before he looked away again.

"I think that would be a good idea…"

Daisuke was about to ask what that was supposed to mean when Ken suddenly stood up. "I should go. It's a long walk back and it's already getting late. My parents worry."

Daisuke scowled at this. He knew Ken's parents would freak out if he was out too late, but the way Ken had said that… Something was clearly wrong.

"I can walk back with you."

"No. You need to go home and do your homework." Ken gave him a look that clearly stated that he was not to be argued with.

Daisuke returned the look before it softened. "Ken, if there's anything wrong or if you just need to talk or listen to me talk… You'll call, right? I don't care if it's three in the morning! I'll pick up! Or email me! I'll sleep with the D3 under my pillow!"

At the rate Ken was already backing away and the far off expression on the boy's face, Daisuke knew that he would be clutching the D3 and the phone in his hands all night. Yet he knew that Ken wouldn't call…

"I know. Thanks, Daisuke. I'll be fine now. I guess I just needed a good cry."

_That was NOT a good cry. A good cry would have been you in my arms telling me what the hell is wrong! Not fighting it back and making it worse!_ Daisuke scowled to himself in displeasure.

Before he could respond, Ken had turned and was walking away briskly.

Daisuke sighed and settled for what was expected. "Bye! Take care and get some sleep!"

A single hand moved up and waved back at him as Ken left the park and disappeared into the rush of people heading home for the day.

Just watching Ken walk away, Daisuke had a bad feeling about tonight.

_Something's going to happen... I think I might lose him._

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	3. Chapter 3: Into the Storm

**Author's Note:**

Please review. It could make my day.

- – -

**Chapter 03: Into the Storm**

Ken walked into the apartment quietly, not surprised to find the front room empty and dark.

His parents were already in their bedroom with the door shut. They had learned back when he was still the Kaiser that on days like this, it was just best to give him space.

He called out as a courtesy to let his parents know that he had arrived home safely. There was a brief response from his mother as she did her motherly duty to make sure her _only_ child was well and to offer him food. He politely declined and he was left alone once more.

Ken couldn't help but notice that she had left rather quickly and she had not made eye contact the whole time. _This morning is still on her mind_.

The box was still on the living room table, the flaps neatly shut. They had probably left it out for him on the off chance that he felt the need to go through it alone. They were hoping that he would finally grieve and move on like they had.

It occurred to him that they were still going through this morbid ritual just for him. They knew that he still hadn't let go but they just couldn't grasp why.

Ken hardly spared the box a second glance as he moved past it. The box would be gone by the time he was ready to leave for school in the morning.

_Hide the dead away so no one sees. Box them up to muffle their screams._

As Ken walked into his bedroom and quietly shut the door behind him, he fought back the sudden feeling of how alone he was. It seemed so cold and empty without those large blue eyes smiling up at him in greeting.

"Just a little longer…" It wasn't that bad if he really thought about it.

So what if this morning had been pure hell? So what if he'd scared his best friend this afternoon? He could handle just a couple more days and then his partner would be home and maybe, just maybe, he could finally rest.

A glance at the mountain of books on his desk made his head start to pound.

His thoughts felt fuzzy and sluggish from the lack of sleep and the very notion of doing his scholarly duty made his temples throb in protest.

_I just need to relax a little first… To get away for just a moment…_

"Escape." The word slipped past his lips in a hiss.

Oh yes, he was good at escaping. It was so easy and natural and dangerous. Especially for him. It would be all too easy to lose himself and slip back into the old ways of thinking.

Ken scowled to himself and walked out to his balcony. The world could wait. He just needed to get away for just a little while. Just to clear his head.

The air was cool and heavy with the promise of a building storm. The low hanging clouds made the city feel washed out and dull. From this high up, everything almost seemed faded and unreal like a half remembered dream.

Ken hated the view from his building. If there was one memory that hadn't been washed away or stolen from him in all those chaotic years, it was that view.

Some of the most painful memories he had were of bubbles floating up and away from this very balcony to glide so delicately across the city.

When he had finally gone over the deep end, just before he had run off to the Digital world, _escaping again,_ he had stood on the roof of the building and screamed at the world with all the fury and fire that threatened to consume him from the inside out.

When he had lost himself and everything else, he had spent hours simply staring out the window at the lifeless gray city that seemed to mirror his own empty soul.

Since that time, he found that he avoided the view as much as he could. It felt dangerous to him now, like it would drag him in and never let go.

Yet here he was, watching the clouds roll in and the sun fading away as all the color was sucked out along with it.

He turned from the view and closed his eyes. He just needed the fresh air to clear away all other thoughts and memories. He wanted to forget himself and all of his problems. _Just for a little while…_

Slowly, he sat down with his back to the rail and let everything start to fade away.

The breeze felt wondrous as it slipped through his hair and caressed his cheeks gently, luring him to just relax and let go.

A deep sigh brushed past his parted lips as he let it flow over him openly. If he kept his eyes closed, he could almost pretend that the sounds of the city traffic below were something else as it flowed in an almost hypnotic rhythm.

_Like waves crashing on the rocks._

The breeze picked up slightly, cool and moist as the clouds above started to shift and gather.

Ken breathed slowly and deeply, ignoring the sudden gusts of cold that were now accompanied by a few early rain drops that billowed past the overhang of the above balcony to spatter against his arms.

Somewhere down below, a siren was racing down the street towards the shattered screams of a small boy. The screams grew louder and louder, competing with the siren and wind until it all started to melt together into one deafening roar pounding into his head.

Just when he felt like he couldn't take anymore, the world suddenly fell away as he floated into a blissful silence.

The wind shifted and turned around him almost violently, making him feel vulnerable as the rain started to fall freely in cold and stinging drops splattering across his upturned face.

He licked his suddenly dry lips as he tried to clear his head, noting how they tasted of salt from the searing cold water dripping down his face.

There was the crash of waves around him, growing louder and louder.

_Something's wrong._

He wasn't floating anymore.

The wind turned again, rushing up at him angrily.

His eyes flew open wide in a panic, just in time to see the dark inky water rushing up at him. Just before he hit he caught sight of the shoreline in the distance, black sand painfully still in the harsh winds and clawing waves.

_Oh god_.

The waves leapt up around him, embracing their pray as he broke through the surface. Cold crashed in on him and through him as it forced out his precious air and pulled him down.

_This can't be real..._

He fought back, clawing and kicking desperately against the invisible force that pulled him downward faster and faster. The cold spread inside him until his body gave out and sank down helplessly like a stone.

What ever light there was from above was quickly fading away as the darkness crept in around him.

_This isn't real._

His eyes burned with the sting of the cold salty water and his throat was on fire as more air bubbles pushed past his lips. He was frantic as he looked around for some form of help or a sign that this was indeed just a dream.

Ken could almost see the bottom now, the darkness around it seeming to shift and move with life.

He could almost hear a faint sound reaching out to him as he got closer. It toyed with him, fading away each time he thought he could almost make out what it was. It was almost tangible as it pulled and twisted at his mind. If he strained hard enough, he could almost make out a faint whisper reaching out to him.

A dark shadow shifted below him and Ken was instantly convinced that what ever this sound was, it was coming from what ever was down there waiting for him.

He could feel it watching him, waiting, and mocking him.

The whisper was closer now, almost right inside his head. In the back of his mind, something warned him not to listen and to block it out before it could take hold.

His lungs burned harshly as he struggled to keep hold of the little air he had left.

_I can almost make it out… What is that?_ The sound was almost becoming pleasant as it tantalized him. His oxygen deprived mind was starting to think that maybe he should listen to those hushed words and seductive sighs that were swirling around in his head.

The shadow reached up and out to him and suddenly he knew. He could hear it clearly now and he knew.

Ken's eyes widened, forgetting the sting of the salt. His lips parted in a strangled cry, all air now squandered and leaving him empty.

_This isn't real!_ His mind raced, trying to find some sort of sanity and failing as the panic shattered anything he had left.

_Wake up!_

The whisper was now a deafening roar, shattering through his very core as the darkness reared up and swallowed him whole.

_WAKE UP!_

- – -

Ken sat up with a choking gasp, his lungs painfully sucking in air desperately.

His hands shot up to his head and shakily ran through his damp hair and down to wipe the water from his eyes. A pounding headache was making his vision blur painfully while the back of his neck burned sharply as if he'd been stung.

"Where…?" His voice sounded small and pained.

Glancing around, he found that he was sitting outside on his balcony in the pouring rain.

Slowly, the world came back to him and he remembered that he had gone outside to take a break and to get away.

"I must have fallen asleep…" His voice scratched roughly and he became aware of the fact that his whole body was shivering and trembling from the cold.

Grimacing, he slowly pulled himself to his feet. _Some relaxing break._ It was getting late and he was now soaked to the bone.

Stepping back inside, he ignored the fact that he was dripping all over the immaculate carpet. The world was still muted as he grabbed a dry change of clothes and made his way to the bathroom for a much needed hot shower. The last thing he needed was to catch a cold because of his own foolishness.

Turning on the hot water, he watched the steam rise up around him. A sickening feeling slowly washed over him as he stared at the cascading water rushing into the tub.

Looking down, Ken realized that he was still trembling violently. "Just a dream. It was just a dream."

He tried to tell himself that it was just something that he ate or the upcoming tests that he was supposed to be studying for. He had been studying too much lately and his subconscious was telling him that he was drowning in his school work. It couldn't have been more than that.

Watching the water rushing down the shower drain, Ken took a step back and leaned heavily against the counter, trying to force his stomach and head to stop spinning.

Glancing up into the foggy mirror, he had a heart stopping moment as he suddenly felt like he was back in the dream.

_Wake up, Ken… Wake up._

His stomach lurched and he half stumbled half dove to the toilet in time to throw up.

It was a sickeningly familiar sensation. Like he'd eaten something rotten or… _swallowed too much sea water_.

Feeling weaker than ever, he slowly stood back up and wiped his mouth off. He wanted to believe that it was just because he had been out in the rain for too long. He was probably getting sick and that was all there was to it.

Stripping down, he climbed into the shower and closed his eyes as the heat slowly melted his overly tense muscles.

His mind slowly cleared and he finally relaxed.

_It was just a dream…_

- – -

Ken starred down at the math problems on his desk. He recognized the equations. He knew how to solve them and make them work to his liking. Hell, he even knew what the answer was. But for some reason, he just couldn't bring himself to care.

The pounding headache from before had returned and the dream from earlier was still drifting in and out of his mind. It had slowly worked around his gears, drifting in and out of clarity as no amount of willpower on his part could force it back down again.

When he closed his eyes, he could still hear the waves crashing on the dark shores. He could still taste the salt water on his lips and teeth. _The salt water that I threw up earlier._

Though as clear as everything was, he could not for the life of him remember what had happened at the end. He could remember looking down into the dark waters where he could see something waiting for him… Hear it whispering in his ear…

_What was it? What did you see? What did you hear?_

The headache swelled and he closed his book. There was no point in trying to study for that test now. It was almost eight and he still had a paper to write for Friday. The least he could do was to get the rough draft out of the way without too much thought.

Ken had just reached down to pull out some clean paper when the lights flickered and died.

He froze in place, his hand lightly resting on the desk drawer.

A soft whisper lurking on the edge of a memory hissed softly. _You can't run away from the darkness forever…_

Thunder rocked the building, reminding him that there was a storm building outside.

"Ken? Are you alright, dear?" His mother called out once the rumble had faded away and there was a soft knock on his door.

"Yes, Momma." He sounded braver than he felt.

The door opened and his mother cautiously stepped into the room, not moving more than a few steps past the threshold. She was holding out a flashlight towards him. "The power might be out all night at this rate. I thought you might need this to help you study."

Ken moved to take it quickly and flicked it on. He wasn't afraid of the dark; he had spent countless hours alone in the dark after all. Yet he hadn't really been alone, had he? There had always been that voice… That constant whisper that had eventually driven him mad towards the end.

"Your father is getting together some extra batteries and candles out in the kitchen if you need them. I'm sure the storm won't last too much longer." She paused then moved forward to pull Ken into a tight hug. "Try to get some rest, dear."

"I'll try, Momma." Ken stiffened in her grip till she at last let him go and shuffled back out of his room. Rest was the last thing he wanted to do right now. Not after the dream he had experienced out on the balcony. He was so sick of bad dreams and they just kept getting worse and worse.

Yet, none of them had been like the one on the balcony. None of them had ever been quite so vivid or had ever lingered for so long. Even despite the fact that he had woken up chilled to the bone and utterly soaked, it had been the most sleep he had gotten all week.

A long weary sigh escaped him as he looked back towards his desk. The very idea of touching another book or of even scratching out another word with his pencil was making him feel ill.

Warm chocolate eyes flashed across his memory, easing away the tension. "Daisuke…" A glance at the clock told him that it wasn't too late… Maybe he could just send one little email. Just to see how he was doing. Daisuke had been so insistent that he contact him if he needed anything, after all…

Ken weighed his options and finally decided that if he attempted to do anything else in the dim light of his flashlight it would just make his headache worse.

Snatching up his D3, he climbed up onto his bed and propped himself up with his pillow. Settling down, he propped the flashlight up at just the right angle so he could see the keys.

He had just started typing out a friendly greeting when he heard a soft dripping sound.

Glancing up, Ken tried to pinpoint where it was coming from. It seemed to be getting louder the more he tried to focus on it.

Was there a leak in his room? A quick check told him that the window was closed tightly and there was nothing seeping through his ceiling.

A cold chill ran down his spine as he set the D3 aside and slowly moved the flashlight around the room.

_No. That's not where it's coming from… It's not coming from my room._

Ken glanced at the window again, watching the rain splatter against the pane in gusts. _It's not coming from out there, either._

The slow steady drip grew louder and louder until it echoed through the room, drowning out all other sounds.

"Stop it." He whispered quietly.

The dripping continued. Faster… Louder…

His hands shot up and covered his ears tightly, but he could not block it out.

_The water is rising_.

He felt like crying. The pain in his head was swelling and he just wished that the sound would _stop_. If he could just make it stop…

"Stop it!" Ken clutched at his head, closing his eyes tightly against the noise.

The flashlight fell from his grip and rolled off the bed, crashing to the floor. It flickered slightly, casting shadows across the walls.

"STOP IT!"

Everything stopped.

Ken sat in the dark, breathing heavily for a moment as he waited. It was utterly silent.

_Where's the rain? The traffic? Anything?_

He sat perfectly still, afraid to open his eyes or even move in case that provoked the sound to start up again.

The room was cold. Colder than it should have been.

Cautiously he shifted, listening to the soft creak of his bed, and opened his eyes.

It was nearly pitch black, the only source of light coming from his now fallen flashlight.

The bed creaked again as he slowly crawled towards the edge, suddenly desperate to retrieve the safety of the light.

Once at the edge, he froze in place. His room glimmered and rippled just below his bed like light reflecting off of waves in the night.

Panic started to rise up inside him as he desperately willed himself to wake up and not be seeing what he knew that he was.

A soft hiss flowed over his room, slithering up to him like a deadly snake. _The waves will sweep you away_.

The silence was shattered with the deafening crash of waves all around him. Reeling, he scrambled away from the edge till his back was firmly to the wall.

Then he saw the shadow from the bottom of the waves. Slowly, it rose up over the side of the bed, reaching out to him.

Ken's mouth opened in a silent scream. It was too much. The pain in his head was overwhelming. He couldn't look away no matter how much he wanted to.

"_Lose something, Ken?" _The whisper was like glass shattering against his mind.

The figure held up the flashlight with a grin then clicked it off, plunging the room into total darkness.

"_Wake up, Ken… Wake up."_

The world spun around him and faded away.

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	4. Chapter 4: The Rain is My Home

**Author's Note:**

Hope you enjoy! Please review!

- – -

**Chapter 04: The Rain is My Home**

Ken slowly opened his eyes, wincing at the overly bright sun that was shining through his window. Then gentle snores of Wormmon curled up at his side drifted up to him and made him smile.

He lay still for several minutes, just soaking it all in. It seemed so perfect… So normal. For the first time in days, he actually felt rested. Under any other circumstances he would have laughed at how out of place 'normal' had become in his life.

Carefully shifting so as not to disturb his sleeping partner, Ken sat up and stretched. After last night, he felt surprisingly good.

_Last night? What happened last night?_

He paused, his legs dangling over the side of the bed.

He could remember having a particularly bad day and falling asleep out on his balcony… Ken's brows furrowed as he struggled to recall the rest.

The power had gone out at some point. A glance at his desk confirmed the presence of a flashlight perched delicately on the edge.

An uneasy feeling slowly started to creep up over him as he looked at it.

He had been holding the flashlight in bed and had been about to email Daisuke about something when…

_Nothing. I can't remember anything after that._

"Ken?" Ken was jerked away from his thoughts as Wormmon slowly stretched and looked up at him with concern. "Are you alright, Ken?"

"Yes… I… I'm fine. I just had a strange dream." He hesitated, trying to place what that nagging feeling at the back of his mind was. "Wormmon? Last night… Did anything odd happen?"

The Digimon gave him a puzzled look. "No. You went to bed and slept so peacefully. I don't think you had any bad dreams either. I was so very glad. …Why? Did something happen?"

"No. I guess I'm still waking up." Ken stroked the Digimon's head and climbed out of the bed. "I'll go freshen up and see about getting you some breakfast."

"Maybe waffles?" Wormmon asked hopefully as he climbed down from the bed.

"I'll see what I can do." Ken smiled and moved to the door.

His hand was on the knob when he suddenly froze. _Wormmon… He wasn't here last night._

Struggling to keep a calm and controlled voice, he kept his eyes firmly fixed on the door. "When did you get here, Wormmon? I thought you were staying in the Digital world till Friday."

He could hear Wormmon's little pods clicking as he scurried up behind Ken. "You came and got me last night. Just before you went to bed. You said you didn't want to wait till Friday because you might need me today."

Ken spun around and stared down at his partner with wide eyes. "What are you talking about?" His voice cracked slightly and he desperately tried to push the growing panic back down.

"You don't remember? We had a nice dinner while you worked on something at your desk. You told me that you had some important things to work on and that you needed some quiet time. Oh! I was supposed to remind you not to forget your paper today. It's on your desk." Wormmon smiled hopefully up at Ken.

"My desk?" Ken's eyes instantly shot back over to his desk.

The desk looked like he'd cleaned it recently. Everything was neatly aligned and in its proper place. A small stack of papers were perfectly placed in the center waiting for him.

"Maybe you should go get something to eat, Ken. You always think better on a full stomach. You never were much of a morning person." Wormmon's gentle voice drifted over his head as he slowly moved towards his desk.

A trembling hand reached out and picked up the papers with extreme care. His name was neatly written at the top in painstakingly perfect characters.

Scanning the pages, he bit his lower lip. It was the report that he had neglected to even start. The one that was due _tomorrow_. Yet here it was, completely finished and written so neatly in his perfect handwriting.

"This can't be. I don't… I didn't write this." Ken caught sight of the calendar out of the corner of his eye. Thursday was nearly crossed off.

_What the hell happened to Thursday? How can someone live a whole day and not realize it?_

He could feel the panic rising up again as his heart pounded rapidly in his chest. Slowly and carefully, he slipped the papers into his school bag and set it on his desk.

He couldn't deal with this now. He didn't have time for this. He had school to get ready for. _Mustn't be late_… After all, he had a paper to turn in.

Calmly, Ken turned and walked out of the room to get ready.

- – -

Wormmon stared after his partner in utter confusion. Something was wrong with his Ken and he desperately wanted to know what it was.

He thought back, trying to figure out just what it was that had shaken the boy so badly.

Just last night, Ken had been fine. Sure, he had been very quiet and hadn't really given Wormmon the welcome home that he had been expecting, but Ken was very stressed and still had a lot of work to do. They could relax and have fun later that night once all of the tests and schoolwork had been finished.

Wormmon had enjoyed his vacation with the other Digimon, even if he had felt guilty for having a good time while Ken was stuck at home alone and stressed. Veemon had attempted to teach him and the others a few soccer moves and the older Digimon had regaled them with stories of the older children's adventures.

Despite the fun, he had missed being with Ken. When Ken had shown up a day early and said that he needed Wormmon at his side, his heart had raced in joy.

Thinking back on it now, it was clear that Ken had looked unbelievably tired and like he was in a hurry. Wormmon had barely had the time to say goodbye to the others before he was being carried off. Ken hadn't even bothered to attempt to converse with the others as he'd dismissed any questions with a quick explanation that he had 'prior engagements that needed to be taken care of right away.'

Wormmon wasn't sure what that meant, but it had seemed important to Ken so it was important to him as well.

When they had returned home, Ken had been very quiet during dinner; which wasn't all that unusual. Once back at his desk, Ken had stated that he needed quiet time to work on some important task that should have been completed days ago.

He had missed it at the time, but Ken's upper lip had twitched ever so slightly at that admission. Looking back, it was hard to say if it had been an expression of disgust or of something else.

Years of being obedient had trained him to recognize that when Ken was working and said that he needed quiet time, the young genius was _not_ to be interrupted.

He had felt happy to just sit back in Ken's company and watch him work. Once he had finished scribbling out the last bit of ink onto his papers, Ken had gone to bed and actually slept through the night.

Wormmon had been so very happy for Ken…But now that happiness was fading fast.

What if something had happened to the boy while he had been away? What if Ken had gotten hurt or had needed him? How could he have left his partner alone when he knew that Ken was struggling?

Wormmon's antenna drooped as the guilt overtook him.

After a few minutes, Ken came back fully dressed and ready for school. He silently set down a small plate of waffle strips for Wormmon then moved to the desk to gather his things.

An odd look was etched across his face that made Wormmon's stomach clench unhappily.

"Ken? Are you feeling better?"

"Yes. I just needed a moment. Eat your breakfast, Wormmon." There was something Ken wasn't telling him and he debated on whether or not he should push the subject as he slowly ate his breakfast.

Ken finished organizing his school bag and paused as he stared down at it for a long time. "Wormmon?"

The little Digimon jumped and nearly knocked over the plate. "Yes, Ken?"

Ken silently started to move things around in the bag before he stuffed in an old sweatshirt. Once satisfied, he held out the open bag towards Wormmon.

The little virus' eyes widened at the offering. Ken hardly ever let him accompany him to school. He had always put up the protest that Wormmon could get lost, discovered, or hurt. Ken had especially been displeased at the notion of Wormmon spending a full day crammed in a bag all day.

Wormmon didn't wait for Ken to ask twice as he instantly dove into the warm bag and nestled down into the soft bundled up sweatshirt that smelled completely of his Ken.

Ken offered him a small smile. "I think that I would feel better knowing that you were near me today. Yesterday…" A sigh. "The day before yesterday… Wasn't a very good day. I missed you." Ken hugged the bag closely to himself headed towards the door.

"I missed you too, Ken. I'm glad to be home with you." Wormmon smiled up at his partner and rejoiced at how wonderful it was to be needed.

Ken zipped up the bag carefully and started his walk to school.

- – -

Ken stared out of the classroom window, half listening to the lecture.

He could just hear Daisuke's most common excuse for not paying attention in class.

"_Honestly, if they wanted the students to pay attention, they wouldn't put windows in the dang rooms!"_

Apparently after yesterday, he didn't need to pay attention anyway.

It would seem that he had not only taken the test that he had been worried about, but he had also gotten a perfect score on it. When he had turned in his paper that he couldn't even remember writing, his teacher had smiled and remarked at how pleased he had been to see Ken doing well in class again.

_I'm so stressed out over everything that I'm doing reports on automatic and losing days._ He sighed and glanced at the clock as he felt the start of a headache coming on.

It was Friday. Not just any Friday, but the Friday before the break. Soon he could get some apparently much needed rest, relaxation, and enjoy some time with his friends.

He glanced down at the notes that he was halfheartedly taking. He had gotten quite good at taking down notes without really paying attention. A talent that Daisuke had insisted was the best line of defense against sudden teacher attacks. He would have to thank Daisuke later for the lessons.

The backpack at his feet moved slightly, nudging up against his leg. He hadn't wanted to worry Wormmon anymore than he already was. He wasn't even sure that there was even something to worry over. After all, he had done his homework and done a pretty good job of it too. Not to mention the fact that he had aced a test and pulled his grades up out of the gutter in a single day. He was sure that all stressed out students suffered memory lapses from time to time with lack of sleep.

_But those people don't lose whole days!_ He was getting tired of the little nagging voice in the back of his head.

The bag almost seemed to sense his thoughts and nudged his foot again. Ken carefully reached down inside the bag and gave Wormmon a reassuring pat on the head before he pulled out an eraser to cover his movements should anyone be watching him.

He sighed heavily as he looked back down at his notebook. The teacher was reading from some book that he would eventually have to write another report over. With any luck, he wouldn't have to write it over the break, but so far his luck hadn't exactly been the best.

He blinked sleepily, his eyelids feeling heavy as he struggled to stay focused.

There was an odd sound like the click of a record skipping ahead. The teacher was now at the blackboard in the middle of writing out a long sentence. Ken blinked and glanced around. He could have sworn that the teacher had been standing in front of his desk just a moment ago.

He looked down at his notes, startled to see that he was already on the next page. His pencil paused just over the paper, waiting for the next order.

Slowly, he looked back through the papers, reading over his painfully neat and meticulous handwriting.

_Did I fall asleep? If I did… Why did I keep writing?_ He nervously brushed his hair back out of his eyes and glanced around. At least no one had noticed. If he'd learned to write in his sleep, he'd definitely have to thank Daisuke later.

Ken shook his head in an effort to try to wake up and pay attention, and then continued to write slowly.

There was another click and jump in sound.

The bell was just finished ringing and everyone was standing up, getting ready to leave.

Ken looked around in disbelief. This time he was positive that he hadn't fallen asleep. He looked down at his desk, taking in how his notebook and pencil were neatly set to the side as if mocking him. A single piece of paper was sitting in front of him with something heavily etched onto the back.

He swallowed hard and stared at the paper. Something was telling him that the answer to everything was waiting just on the other side; he had a strong feeling that he did not want to know what it was.

All he would have to do now would be to get up and walk away without looking. Just walk away and pretend that everything was fine.

The classroom was quickly emptying and the teacher was wiping down the board, all of them oblivious to the boy in the back that was slowly breaking down.

His fingers traced the edges of the paper as he carefully turned it over.

The large angry letters looked back up at him tauntingly. It was his hand writing, but it was not the carefully smooth and perfect marks that he was used to; these characters cut deeply into the paper like angry scars.

Something in the back of his mind snapped.

Slowly, Ken got up and put his things into his bag, careful of Wormmon.

His fingers closed on the paper tightly, crushing it in a fist as he exited the classroom.

The halls were thinning out quickly as Ken made his way outside, blind to the other students around him. Once outside, Wormmon peered out of the bag up at Ken.

"Ken?" The world seemed muffled in comparison to the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. "Ken? Is school over?"

His mouth felt too dry and his voice was a quiet whisper as he answered. "Yes, Wormmon. School is over. Go back inside before someone sees you." He sounded far calmer than he felt.

Wormmon hesitated before he slowly disappeared back into the bag obediently.

Ken was barely aware of where he was going. All he knew was that he had to get away. To go somewhere quiet… To just stop thinking.

The paper in his hand crinkled slightly as his grip tightened around it.

_What's happening to me?_

Distantly he could hear someone laughing as he struggled to fight against something he couldn't see but could feel.

He refused to understand the angry black letters on the paper. Somehow he knew that if he let them in, they would rip him in half and he would never be whole again.

"**Are you awake, Ken? **_**I am.**_**" **

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	5. Chapter 5: Devil in You

**Author's Note:**

This chapter has sexually suggestive situations. You have been warned. I hope you enjoy and please review!

- – -

**Chapter 05: Devil in You**

Daisuke gnawed on his pencil ravenously as he starred at the wall clock. Time seemed to be going by painfully slowly and it was starting to feel like the big hand was never going to reach the twelve.

Beside him, Hikari leaned over slightly and whispered, "Didn't you eat lunch, Daisuke? That pencil can't be very tasty."

He blinked down at the stub that was left then tossed it aside carelessly with a heavy sigh. How could this day drag on so slowly? Didn't it know that he had places to be? More specifically, didn't it know that he had to go see Ken?

Daisuke considered it his duty to go and free Ken from the evils of school and oppressive responsibility. It was also his duty to spend the night and eat up all of Ken's food while making sure that the boy didn't even so much as glance at his school books.

He couldn't get over the feeling that had come to him just a couple of days ago in the park. It was an over powering feeling that Ken was in some sort of trouble.

After the odd encounter at the park, he had barely been able to think about much else. To make matters worse, he had gotten word that Ken had picked up Wormmon a whole day early without so much as sending him an email. He couldn't help but feel a little rejected.

Glancing at the clock again, he could swear that it had stopped ticking all together. He gave a frustrated sigh and flopped over his desk with a pitiful cry of despair that earned him a look from the teacher.

_Damn private schools! Ken got out over twenty minutes ago! _

He was about to give up all hope that he would ever get out of the class when the bell rang. He bolted up out of his seat and was nearly to the door before the bell even finished ringing.

"Daisuke! Wait up!" Takeru hurried after him.

Daisuke grumbled and ran in place, waiting for the others to catch up.

"I know its break, but come on!" Takeru smirked and held out Daisuke's forgotten notebook and bag that he had left sitting next to his desk.

"Got a hot date or something?" Miyako smirked as she sauntered up to them.

Daisuke blushed deeply and snatched back his bag and book. "No! I just… It's break! I'm ready to go relax! Plus, I'm going over to Ken's and I promised I'd be on time for once!"

They blinked at him, causing him to blush even more. "You're going to Ken's?" Iori caught up to them out in the hall.

"I'd still count that as a hot date…" Miyako smirked and Daisuke couldn't help but privately agree with her.

Even though Miyako had long given up on that day dream of an over the top romantic life as Mrs. Ichijouji, she still held a special place in her heart for Ken. Daisuke couldn't recall when she had moved on, now that he thought about it. One day she had been babbling about a romantic wedding and the next it was almost as if she had stepped aside. Ken had never seemed that interested in her to begin with, and there was the possibility that maybe she had taken the hint, but maybe there had been more behind it.

Daisuke gave Miyako a slight look, disturbed to find her giving him an all too knowing look in return.

They all walked outside, Daisuke practically jogging circles around them as he tried to get them to pick up the pace. "Come on guys! You can't tell me you aren't excited about this! No more studying!"

"As if you study." Takeru and Hikari smirked. He stuck his tongue out at them playfully.

In the past, he would have felt the jealousy rise up as the two walked side by side. But now… _Now I'm chasing after something much more beautiful… Something with long black hair and indigo eyes and the best smile and a perfect nice little…_

He had to stop himself before his mind got carried away and he practically choked back the silly grin that was sliding over his face. Ever since he had made up his mind on how he felt for Ken and made the discovery that in all likelihood Ken felt the same way, his imagination had been running rampant on him.

Iori's soft voice broke him out of his dirty fantasies. "Hey, isn't that Ken?"

They all stopped and looked up towards the front gate of the school.

Sure enough, Ken was standing just on the other side of the gate just out of the way of the quickly departing students.

He was clutching a backpack tightly to his chest, his hands clenching around the fabric tightly. Daisuke frowned at this, stopping in his jogging motions as he took the sight in fully. Looking closely, he could see Ken's lips moving lightly as he carried on a quiet conversation with his bag.

Ken looked like he had just had a _bad_ day.

"Guess he wanted to make sure that I don't forget anything…" He muttered to the others before he quickly ran over to the boy. As absent minded as he was, he knew that Ken was not one to fuss over such trivial matters.

"Hey!" He called out as he ran up. "I thought I was going to meet you at your place later. What's up? Is that Wormmon?"

Ken looked up at him slightly, straightening out as the calm visibly fell over him. "No, you were right. Wormmon just wanted to make sure that you remembered to pick up Veemon before you came over."

The backpack made a sound of protest as it poked Ken in the chest. "And I thought that it was a nice day for a walk. I could use the fresh air and exercise really. Especially after being cooped up all week studying." The smile never quite reached his eyes.

Something was not quite right. Daisuke could bet his goggles on it.

"Yeah, it's pretty nice out, huh?" He snatched away the backpack and peered inside. If anything could confirm that there was something going on, it would be the little Digimon. "Hey, little buddy. Have a little faith in me! Veemon would never let me live it down if I forgot him!"

Two large blue eyes looked up at him in surprise, his antenna lifting slightly in greeting. Much like his partner, Wormmon was used to hiding things and putting on a brave face. Unlike his partner, Wormmon had never quite been as convincing as Ken was.

His suspicions were confirmed as Wormmon's antenna never quite reached their full perkiness.

Ken gently took back the school bag, casting Daisuke a slightly annoyed look to show him that he knew exactly what Daisuke was doing and that he didn't approve.

Ken's face quickly cracked in a smile as he turned to offer the others a polite hello when they got closer. Daisuke was hardly fooled by the mask and was intent on letting Ken know it as he snorted loudly in displeasure.

"Hi Ken! Are you as ready for vacation as I am? We really should all get together as much as we can, huh? There's this great new noodle stand near the park that I've been dying to try out. Its right up next to the most perfect romantic pond you could ever hope for!" Miyako, of course. Daisuke caught the wink she tossed his way and suddenly had the horrifying notion that Miyako had changed her goal from obtaining Ken to setting him up on a date.

Ken nodded an agreement to her proposal, not really hearing her.

"Don't mind her. That biology test must have fried her brain." Takeru swept in closer than was needed. "But we really should all get together."

Ken hugged his backpack closer as he shied away from those overly friendly blue eyes. He still wasn't used to sudden attention or friendliness.

_If he could have it his way, he'd probably prefer to fade into the background forever._ Daisuke bounced slightly, feeling suddenly anxious.

"How is school going?" Iori was still shy around Ken, but always incredibly polite.

"Alright. I think the teachers were as ready for this break as we were. They didn't assign nearly as much homework as they typically do." Somehow, Daisuke seriously doubted that. He could just imagine the stacks of papers and books waiting for Ken.

"I'm with you there!" Daisuke finally spoke up. "I think I finally got to my teacher. He didn't even assign a chapter to read!"

"Uh, Daisuke… I hate to tell you this, but yes he did." Takeru was quick to prove him wrong.

"As far as I'm concerned, no he didn't! It's just going to have to wait!" He sulked. He didn't want to worry about school or let Ken worry about it either.

"I bet he forgets and doesn't do it at all…" Miyako grinned and Takeru snickered.

Daisuke sulked, though he couldn't hide the grin for long. "Yeah… You're probably right."

Hikari was strangely quiet. She had been watching Ken the whole time with a startling intensity. Was it possible that she could see what Daisuke saw? She wasn't as familiar with the book of Ken as Daisuke was, but she could still be alarmingly observant at times.

At last she finally spoke up with a kind authority. "We should get going. I'm sure Wormmon is ready to get out of that stuffy bag and we all need to go get our own Digimon before they think we've forgotten them." She gave Ken a gentle smile.

"I don't mind, as long as I'm near Ken! I'd stay in the bag forever if I had to!" Wormmon's muffled voice sounded from the bag with the kind of determination that led them all to believe that he was telling the truth.

"I wish Veemon was as easy as you, Wormmon!" Daisuke muttered. "He hates the bag."

"Are you two meeting up with us later in the Digital world?" Takeru moved in slightly.

"Oh. Uh… We uh…" Daisuke stammered, taken off guard. He had hoped to finally get Ken all alone and force him to stop over stressing.

"That's alright." Hikari came to the rescue quickly, her eyes lingering on Ken for a moment. "The rest of us are going to stop by Miyako's before we head by to pick them up. Could be another hour or so. You two go get Veemon and don't worry about waiting around for us. We'll make a point to get together tomorrow, okay?"

The others blinked in surprise at her, probably just as confused as Daisuke was. Maybe she was aware of more than Daisuke gave her credit for after all.

He was so surprised that he almost missed the silent 'thank you' look that Ken passed off to Hikari. A flash of jealousy rose up inside him before it was quickly squashed back down.

"Yeah. Sounds good! I've got to go pack for tonight anyways. We'll get Veemon before we head out again." He hooked his elbow with Ken's. "See you guys later!"

Ken barely had time to utter a quick goodbye before he was dragged off, as light as a leaf in Daisuke's grip.

They walked together silently for a few minutes, Daisuke watching Ken out of the corner of his eye. He looked exhausted and it was clear that he was over thinking again.

"I've really been looking forward to this." Daisuke smiled, trying to let Ken know that it was time to relax.

"It is nice to have a break… Just remember to study a little before you go back." Ken was almost in lecture mode.

"I meant that I was looking forward to being with you!" Daisuke laughed and bumped into Ken playfully. "We haven't had a night to ourselves in a while."

This was true, as they hadn't spent the night since the failed discussions of love. Daisuke felt a wave of butterflies descend on his insides as he decided that it was time to try again.

He was going to make this time go right come hell or high water. He would profess his feelings confidently until Ken admitted that maybe he felt the same way too.

_But is Ken ready yet?_

He desperately wanted to believe that Ken was as ready as he was. Perhaps that first time he hadn't been as ready as he was now, but this time would be different. This time he knew exactly what it was that he felt inside each time he looked at his partner, best friend, and companion.

More than anything, Daisuke longed to tell Ken that everything would be alright. That he wasn't alone. That Daisuke would always be there for him.

The bag in Ken's arms shifted uneasily. "Ken…" Wormmon looked up at them almost pleadingly.

Ken shook his head silently then looked up at the sky. "Looks like rain tonight. Not much, though. It should be clear by tomorrow. Maybe we can get a game in."

Daisuke looked from Wormmon to Ken. "I hope so! I'm looking forward to getting some mud on those nice and neat clothes of yours."

He smirked and winked. Ken was always so tidy that Daisuke just couldn't resist splattering the boy with mud each and every time they played a game.

Ken gave him a slight look. "If you can catch me, Motomiya." A faint smile graced his lips.

_That's it, Ken… Relax. Just relax for a while._

"I'll run circles around you, Ichijouji! By the time you move, I'll have scored ten goals!" If there was one thing Daisuke had learned early on in the book of Ken, it was how to make the boy let his guard down just enough to slip in.

"You keep saying that and yet I just keep leaving you in the dust." Ken stopped and pulled his backpack on slowly, making sure Wormmon was safe inside.

Daisuke stopped and stretched his calves slowly. "Oh really?"

Ken raised an eyebrow and secured the straps on his bag. "You're just too slow."

Daisuke smirked then suddenly took off running. "Eat my dust!"

Ken was far too familiar with this little game to be taken off guard and was already running after him, catching up in no time at all.

The two ran full out side by side down the sidewalk, skirting around lamp posts and pedestrians with ease.

Daisuke relished in these moments. He could hear Ken's breathing and footsteps beside him. He could even imagine his heart beating along with his, perfectly in tune with his.

He knew that if Ken truly wanted to, he could have easily outrun the redhead with his long slender legs. If Daisuke had wanted to, he could have cut corners and taken the short cut home that would have left Ken lost and forced to track around the long way. Yet they stayed perfectly side-by-side.

Sneaking a glance at the boy beside him as they dashed around a corner, he found himself wondering why he never noticed just how much Ken truly meant to him before.

Together they burst through the building's front doors and rounded the corner past the elevators to the stairwell. Daisuke made it through the door first, but Ken's long legs pushed them back together as they climbed the stairs two at a time. Daisuke didn't live anywhere near the ground floor, but neither of them minded the long climb.

Both their hands shot out when they arrived at the correct floor and they fumbled with the doorknob. There was a brief moment of confusion as the door was thrust open and both boys tried to make it through at the same time.

Limbs tangled as they tumbled through and crashed to the floor in a heap.

Daisuke winced as the wind was knocked out of him. He slowly opened his eyes and his world was suddenly filled with Ken.

Ken lay partially across him, breathing heavily and regaining his bearings. Daisuke swallowed hard as Ken shifted and looked down at him.

"S… S-Sorry!" Ken quickly sat up and pulled away. Daisuke stayed where he was for a moment, and then laughed breathlessly.

"I so beat you!" He sat up and rubbed his sore head.

"You wish! I beat you by a mile!" Ken smiled and got up, offering Daisuke a helping hand.

"I was through the door first!" Daisuke took it thankfully and pulled himself up.

"Alright, we'll call it a tie." Ken brushed himself off and straightened his clothes. "Oh!" Ken moved to quickly rescue his school bag, which had gone flying across the floor in their clamor.

A disheveled Wormmon poked up out of the bag and fussed at them to be more careful before he declared that Ken had clearly been the winner because Ken had hit the ground first.

Both boys burst out laughing. They were still laughing as they headed into Daisuke's apartment. Daisuke felt all the stress and worry over the past couple of days melt away at the sight of Ken's smile. Things were going to be alright.

- – -

The rest of the day had been more than satisfactory and Daisuke couldn't have been more pleased with the state of things as the sun slowly drifted down past the horizon.

Now, as Wormmon and Veemon were curled up in a pile of blankets at the foot of Ken's bed, Daisuke took up a determined stance as he prepared to fight the ultimate battle.

"You are _not_ sleeping on the floor!"

Ken shook his head and opened his mouth in protest. Daisuke cut him off before a single word could make it past his lips. "And neither am I! Your bed is too high and I want to be able to see who I'm talking to!"

"But we'll be sleeping." Ken gave him his best stubborn look, which was pretty impressive.

"Well… What if I roll over and fall off the bed? If we're sharing, you'll be there to rescue me! Or what if I'm on the floor and you forget I'm there and jump down and land on me? No! Don't even! You just put that Ichijouji look away, climb that ladder and get in the bed!" Daisuke pointed up at the bed and gave him a hard look.

Ken returned the look then finally threw his hands up in the air in defeat as he moved to climb up into bed.

Daisuke really had no problem with sleeping on the floor, but he wanted to feel Ken sleeping next to him. To know that the boy was still there and not floating off somewhere or having nightmares.

Daisuke climbed up into the bed after him and made himself comfortable as he squirmed down under the blankets. Next to him, Ken slowly relaxed and sank down into the mattress with a sigh.

The bed was obviously not meant for more than one person, and it was very snug fit, but the gentle warm pressure of another body beside him was amazingly soothing.

"I've been worried about you, Ken…" He was just as surprised by the sudden admission as Ken was. "I mean… You just seem so stressed lately. And then the other day when I saw you in the park…"

Silence greeted him. He had to turn slightly to make sure that Ken was even still awake. "Ken?"

"Have you ever lost a day?" The quiet voice reached out almost timidly in the dark room.

"You mean like car keys?"

"I mean where you wake up and it's later than you realized. You've lived a whole day without knowing it."

Daisuke rolled over onto his side fully to get a good look at him. He could barely make out the outline of Ken in the dark.

Propping himself up on his elbow, he looked at his friend fully. "That sounds serious, Ken. Did you lose a day?"

"No…" Ken shifted slightly till he was facing away from Daisuke and looking out the window. "I'm just tired."

Daisuke stared down at him for a moment longer before he flopped back down on the mattress. Ken wasn't telling him something important and he could bet his goggles on it.

"Damn it, Ken… If there's a problem, you'd tell me, right? I don't like it when you keep important things from me." It came out more as a grumble than anything else.

A half hearted chuckle came from the form next to him. "Alright. We'll talk tomorrow. I'm too tired right now and my head is killing me."

Daisuke considered it for a moment then sighed and rolled over onto his back. "Yeah, okay. But don't think that I'm going to forget about this tomorrow!"

"I promise… Now go to sleep, Daisuke." Ken yawned loudly, signaling to Daisuke that the conversation was over.

Daisuke allowed himself to sulk for exactly five seconds before he smiled and nestled down into his pillow. He was feeling better with that out of the way and he'd feel even better once Ken had told him what was wrong and they could fix it. Right now, Ken just needed sleep.

Daisuke stared at Ken's side for several minutes, tracing his silhouette in the dark with his eyes. It was eerie to see the way that the boy slept. He was so still, never moving and completely silent. It was a strain just to try and make out the sounds of the boy's breathing.

He fought the sudden urge to reach out and poke Ken in the side just to make sure that he was still there fully.

Finally, Daisuke closed his eyes and prepared to dream of soccer games and playing hero for a day.

He was in the middle of rescuing a damsel in distress that looked disturbingly like Ken, when suddenly his dreams were interrupted by a sound next to him. Daisuke stubbornly kept his eyes closed and clung to the dream.

The sound continued, gently growing louder till he could no longer ignore it.

_What is that?_ He slowed his breathing, listening intently. It almost sounded like… _Laughter?_

Just before Daisuke could zero in on it, it stopped and he could feel the warm body next to him shifting as Ken sat up.

Daisuke was about to brush it off as Ken talking to Wormmon or something and go back to sleep when suddenly Ken _shifted_ and a weight settled on his stomach.

His eyes flew open to find Ken straddling him and looking down at him fully.

"K-Ken! Wha-" A hand came down and covered his mouth warmly.

"Shhhh… Motomiya…" Ken whispered.

Daisuke felt a chill run down his spine at the tone Ken had used. He hadn't known that his name could even be said that way.

Ken let all of his weight rest on Daisuke slowly. "Do you love me, Motomiya? Do you _want_ me?"

There was a sudden shift as Ken's hips pressed against his fully and Daisuke had to fight back the gasp that welled up inside him.

This wasn't right. He was still dreaming. Ken most certainly wasn't sitting on top of him and looking at him like _that_ or talking like_ that. _And above all, Ken certainly wasn't sliding his hand over Daisuke's chest and down to…

"Mmph!" Daisuke gave a muffled cry against Ken's free hand then jerked back as best he could. "K-Ken! What are you doing?"

Ken giggled and leaned down, nuzzling along Daisuke's neck and kissing it slowly. The sound was eerie and wrong to Daisuke's ears and he strained to see Ken's face clearly in the dark.

"I want you, Motomiya." Ken hissed hotly against his skin making Daisuke shiver. "I've always wanted you."

He could feel the panic and confusion rising in his still groggy mind. This was not a dream. This was not how it was supposed to happen and it was all wrong. He couldn't let this go on any longer. This was not the sweet shy Ken that he loved… Was it?

"What's wrong, Daisuke? Don't you want me too? Don't you want to _fix _me?" It was a dangerous purr.

Daisuke struggled to pull away and push Ken off of him at the same time. Ken grinned in the shadows and shifted again, successfully pinning Daisuke's arms over his head in one easy move.

Daisuke's mind quickly flipped to the chapter in the book of Ken entitled, 'Ken: Judo Master'.

"Get off me!" His voice cracked under the sudden pulse of fear.

"I've wanted to have you like this for so long…" He kissed up Daisuke's neck slowly, pausing at his jugular to nip lightly. "My Motomiya… Right where I want you. Right where you belong, in my bed and utterly helpless." His grip tightened painfully around Daisuke's wrists.

Ken shifted again, leaning forward this time to slowly press and rub his hips against Daisuke's fully. Daisuke froze, his eyes widening as he felt the _heat_. Ken was turned on and so help him, Daisuke's body responded all too eagerly.

_Oh god oh god oh god… This isn't right. This isn't Ken. This isn't MY Ken!_

"You were always so helpless in my grasp. I always loved that about you." Ken leaned up and whispered in Daisuke's ear, sending a shiver down his spine. "I can feel how much you want him… But wouldn't you rather have me instead?"

The alarm bells going off in his head quickly turned to full scale sirens, bells, whistles, flashing lights, and explosions. His fear of hurting Ken flew out the window and a blind panic took its place.

Daisuke brought a knee up, hitting Ken square in the stomach and then he finally used his head.

A sharp crack echoed as Daisuke's head collided with Ken's in a rough head-butt. His thick skull finally paid off as Ken was sent reeling backwards, his eyes rolling back slightly.

Ken sank back off of Daisuke and slowly started to list to the side. Daisuke lunged forward as Ken started to slip off the side of the bed. He cursed inwardly as his fingers closed on air.

There was a loud THUD that sent Daisuke's already racing heart into over drive. "Ken? Ken! Are you alright?"

He threw off the remaining sheets, covering the stirring and very confused digimon in the process, and jumped off the side of the bed after him.

Ken was lying on his back, starring up at the ceiling with a blank look on his face.

"Ken? Are you alright?" He cautiously kneeled next to his friend, ignoring the sudden fear of getting too close.

"Daisuke?" Ken blinked slowly and sat up, bringing a hand up to touch the already forming lump on his forehead. "What… What happened?"

Daisuke sighed in relief. This was the Ken that he knew and loved. This was his Ken. _If this is Ken, then who the _hell_ was that just a moment ago?!_

He could feel his cheeks burning as he blushed a bright red. "What happened?! That's what I want to know! You… I… What was that up there?!" He rubbed his forehead, wincing slightly at the slight twangs of pain as he forced himself to take deep calming breaths.

Daisuke could see the growing confusion and fear spreading over Ken's face along with something else. Something that scared him deep inside. The fear that somehow he was about to lose Ken returned full force.

Daisuke frowned. He was done playing nice.

"Ken. I think our little talk can't wait anymore. You're going to tell me what the hell has been going on with you and you're going to tell me _NOW_."

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	6. Chapter 6: Spin

**Author's Note:**

A review is like hot soup on a cold wet day: It warms you from the inside out and makes you smile. Hope you enjoy and please review.

- – -

**Chapter 06: Spin**

Ken sat on the floor holding an ice pack to his head while Wormmon fussed at him from the bed. Veemon sat next to Wormmon attempting to keep the little virus type from having a complete conniption fit.

Daisuke sat across from Ken with his arms crossed and what he probably considered to be his famous Motomiya intimidation glare.

Ken avoided the glare as he shifted the ice pack to the cooler side and kept his gaze down on his lap. He'd had worse injuries in his life, but Wormmon had made such a fuss that he had consented to the ice before the whole house had been woken up. It was probably for the best, he could just imagine what his mother would say if she saw the angry lump the next day.

Ken didn't think he could handle having to explain to his parents why his best friend had apparently had to head but him off the bed in self defense from sexual advances.

Daisuke cleared his throat loudly and Ken shook his head slowly with a wince. "I don't know."

It was the truth. He didn't know what was happening to him or why he had done what they said he had done.

"How long has this been going on? How long have you been 'losing time'? Why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you tell me?" Ken winced at the hurt tone in Daisuke's voice at the end. Just one more thing to feel guilty for. Add that to everything else in his life…

"I'm not sure… Yesterday was the first time. I think… Then again today in class and… Just now up there." He refused to meet Daisuke's gaze.

"Wait, what happened yesterday? What happened today?"

Ken closed his eyes to fight back the pounding headache. He didn't want to tell Daisuke about the note.

"I lost some more time. I was taking notes and… Suddenly class was over and I had taken about ten pages worth of notes." That was enough, wasn't it?

Wormmon made a small sound from the bed. He didn't know about the letter, but he knew something had happened to spook Ken.

Daisuke arched an eyebrow. "Ken…" It was a plea, a warning and a demand all at once.

A sudden hot spike of anger flowed through Ken and he clenched his eyes tightly shut, pressing the ice pack to his head harder in an attempt to smother the emotion before Daisuke could recognize it.

Why was he angry? If anything, Daisuke should be angry at him. What was this emotion that threatened to bubble over and drown him?

"Ken please…" This time it was a soft and full of something that pierced his heart. Daisuke reached out and lightly placed a hand on Ken's arm.

Something snapped and Ken felt his control being ripped away. The ice pack hurtled across the room and splattered against the wall, leaving a wet smudge where it had impacted.

"I don't know!" A familiar growl slid through his too tight throat as he got to his feet and towered over the smaller boy.

Wormmon shrank back as an old instinct kicked in while Daisuke stared up at Ken with utter surprise. The surprise must have been mirrored on his own face as Daisuke's was quickly overcome with worry.

Ken could feel the room spinning around him as he looked down at Daisuke. It was wrong. Everything about this was wrong.

_Stop it._

He felt like he was drowning. He could hear the waves slowly starting to swirl around him and rising.

Daisuke, not one to ever be without action, jumped to his feet in an effort to meet the challenge head on. This only left him looking lost as he realized he had no idea what the challenge was.

Ken watched as Daisuke's lips moved, asking questions and demanding things of him, yet it sounded so far away.

_It's inside you._ There was a soft hiss that tugged at his mind almost playfully.

He spun around on his heels, his eyes frantically searching for the source. He knew this sound. He knew this feeling. He had been there before and he knew that it was no longer possible for it to pull him back in. They had closed it off and he had gotten rid of that darkness…

_I'm tainted._

The waves roared louder, threatening to tear apart his world at any moment.

"Stop it." His voice was brittle as he fought back the rising panic.

He knew that Daisuke, Wormmon and Veemon were now watching him the way one might observe a rabid animal from a distance but he didn't care. All he cared about was finding the source and forcing it to stop.

Daisuke opened his mouth to speak but Ken held up a firm hand, silencing him as his eyes darted around the room with extreme concentration. It was in his room. It just had to be.

His eyes settled on his desk and he knew it was there.

"It's here." Ken moved to the desk quickly and started to frantically search through it.

"What's here? Ken? Ken, I think maybe I hit you harder than I thought. Maybe you should sit back down and let me get you a fresh ice pack. Okay? Ken?" Daisuke slowly approached as if he was approaching a wounded animal.

Ken ignored him as he knocked things aside and off the desk. "It's here. The ocean. It's in here." His things clattered to the floor in a chaotic disarray that his room had never experienced before.

The waves grew louder and he knew he was close. With a flourish, he ripped the drawers from his desk and turned them upside down with a clatter. Was it his digivice? His D3? No, they were silent and still.

Daisuke walked up to him and lightly placed a hand on Ken's shoulder, causing him to jump and pull back. "Ken? I don't hear anything. There's no ocean." His concern was almost more than Ken could handle.

Ken was about to reply, the hysteria threatening to spill out, when his eyes fell on his backpack sitting neatly under his desk.

"There. It's in there." Unzipping it hastily, he dumped it out onto the floor to join the rest of the forming mess.

There, on top of the papers and books and pencils, sat a neat pair of glasses.

Slowly, he knelt down and picked up the glasses with a trembling hand.

Silence. The waves had stopped and the room was quiet and still once more.

Looking down at the glasses in his hands, the calm was suddenly shattered by laughter. It started as a soft giggle and slowly built into a roar that Ken knew deep down was only in his head.

He was vaguely aware of Wormmon and Daisuke at his sides, a hand clenched on his shoulder and little pods clinging to his leg in an effort to get his attention. He was aware that Daisuke sounded more desperate than he'd ever heard in his life as the boy pleaded for an answer.

An answer that Ken didn't have.

All he could do was stare down at the glasses that were so familiar and cold in his grip.

_Osamu_.

The laughter swallowed him up greedily and the world started to fade away.

His eyes slowly shifted to a crumpled piece of paper that sat ominously on top of his upturned school work. A crumpled piece of paper that he thought he had thrown away.

"**Are you awake, Ken?"** He suddenly knew the answer.

"No. I don't think I am…"

- – -

Daisuke had no idea what was going on. He had no idea why the object of his affection had been someone else and tried to do _things_ with him that he only wanted to do with Ken. The _real_ Ken.

He had no idea why his partner had suddenly gone off the deep end and torn his room apart looking for 'the ocean' and he had no idea why a boy with perfect eye sight had a pair of glasses in his backpack or why they seemed to have set off a panic attack so severe that it had left the boy trembling and nearly catatonic for a good fifteen minutes.

Daisuke had finally managed to convince Ken to just sit with him for a while as he slowly returned to himself.

What was worse was that Daisuke had no idea what to do to try and fix what ever was wrong. He eventually settled for sitting against the wall with an arm tightly wrapped around Ken's waist to keep him from slipping away and his other hand lightly brushing the hair out of Ken's eyes as if he could just as easily brush all of Ken's problems away.

Wormmon had settled into Ken's lap, curled up like a cat and clinging to Ken as if he was afraid the boy might suddenly jump up and run off.

They all sat in silence for several minutes before Daisuke spoke up. "You're thinking again. I can see it in your eyes." The statement was punctuated as Daisuke pushed back a lock of hair and Ken's eyes glanced up before quickly looking away again, appearing lost and hallow.

Ken was still clutching the glasses in his hand tightly and he had refused to let them go.

"Osamu…" Ken's voice sounded strained and he stopped to lick his lips before continuing. "They were my brother's. I… I don't know how they got in there. I don't remember taking them."

_Great. More lost time_. Daisuke made as if to take the glasses but stopped when Ken's eyes widened in alarm and he pulled back.

"I don't get it." Daisuke settled for just stroking Ken's hair again and sighed. "You think the glasses are to blame for the time issues?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. I… I could hear the dark ocean, Daisuke. It…" Ken stopped and shook his head. He was hiding things again. Always trying to fight his demons alone and failing.

"But we know that's not possible. We sealed it. What's his name is trapped in there and he can't get out. Gennai told us so." Daisuke hated this chapter in the book of Ken. It was filled with pain and so well worn that the pages were starting to crumble.

It didn't help that Daisuke still didn't fully understand all of it, either. This chapter was still mostly in that mysterious Ken language.

"Yes… That ocean… That world is gone." Ken agreed with him. "But-"

"No! No Buts! There's no but! It's gone, Ken!" Daisuke cut in sharply.

"It's inside me. The darkness is inside… It never left. Maybe…" He trailed off and Daisuke was actually glad for once. He didn't want to know what horrible 'maybe' Ken had been about to explore.

Daisuke was about to dive into his own special Ken lecture mode when Wormmon suddenly spoke up.

"You can't keep thinking like that, Ken." Everyone looked down at the little digimon in surprise. "That's not you anymore. You've changed and already suffered enough."

"Oh Wormmon…" Ken pulled his partner into a tight hug. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why I can't just let go and move on like everyone else…"

Daisuke frowned. He hated it when Ken apologized. He was always apologizing. If he had it his way, Ken would never have to apologize for anything ever again.

"Maybe it's just stress. I mean, you had a million tests and Wormmon told me you weren't sleeping well and then there was Wednesday…" Daisuke trailed off at the look Ken was giving him.

"I saw your calendar, Ken. After seeing you like that in the park the other day… I may suck at math, but I can at least put two and two together." He felt like he'd accidentally trampled something delicate and sacred.

From the look on Ken's face, this was a subject that was not something he was ready to discuss and would not be forced into discussing.

The room fell silent as Ken looked down at the glasses he'd been clutching.

"Daisuke, I…"

"If you apologize one more time I'm going to throw Veemon at you."

"Hey!" Veemon bounded over and poked him with a sharp claw. Daisuke made a mental note to give him some kind of treat later for being so good and patient during all of this. He knew it must have been hard for the little chatterbox to stay quiet while he was having one of his more intimate 'Ken moments'.

"You have a really hard head, Veemon! You make an excellent projectile!" They shared a smile only a Digimon and his Digidestined can share.

Ken let out one of his Ichijouji deep soul filled sighs and suddenly looked exhausted. "Daisuke… Maybe you're right. It has been a… A really bad week. But what happened up there when I…"

"Well it wasn't that bad…" And suddenly they were both blushing. "I mean… Not that I... Not that you… Just if it happens again I'd prefer it if you weren't in some sort of daze or sleepwalking… er… sleep-_something_."

And just like that, the sweet, shy, blushing Ken is back and Daisuke just wants to hold onto that small embarrassed smile for the rest of his life.

"Let's get back to bed, okay? You're going to relax and I'm going to be right there all night. If you start hearing the ocean or sleeping while awake or sleep molesting… Or doing any other weird things, I'll just head butt you again." He relished in the scandalous look Ken shot at him.

"Does it have to be with your head?" Ken rubbed his head lightly and winced at the forming bruise.

"You're always telling me to use my head more often and when I finally do, you complain about it!" He grinned and Ken rolled his eyes before slowly getting up.

Hesitantly, Ken set the glasses back on the desk and then skirted around the mess on the floor as he carried Wormmon back to the bed.

Flicking off the lights, Daisuke moved to help Veemon back up to the bed before carefully climbing up after them. Daisuke slowly moved to stretch out right up against Ken while draping his arms around him and pulling him close. _He's not getting away this time._

Ken sounded like he was about to protest but was cut off with a loud yawn and squeeze as Daisuke let him know that there was no way he was going to escape from the Motomiya death grip.

As exhausted as Daisuke is, he is far too worried to fall asleep. He could practically hear Ken beside him _thinking_ again when he should have been sleeping.

He silently wished that he was smarter so he could figure it all out and Ken wouldn't have to think so much.

As the minutes ticked by, he couldn't help but start to hope that maybe all of this would simply melt away in the morning.

Daisuke gave another tight squeeze and eventually Ken's body starts to relax into the other boy and his breathing slowly evens out, blending with the snores of the digimon.

Once satisfied that Ken really was sleeping and sleeping soundly, Daisuke finally let his eyes close as he drifted back to rescuing his Ken damsels. If only he could rescue his real Ken like he could in his dreams…

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	7. Chapter 7: Ghosts of Me

**Author's Note:  
**Warning: Some suggestive themes here. Hope you enjoy and please review!

- – -

**Chapter 07: Ghosts of Me**

Ken had fallen asleep easily while curled in Daisuke's arms. The feel of the tight unbreakable grip wrapped around him was enough to make his heart flutter in joy as he slipped into a dreamless sleep for the first time in weeks.

He could feel the hot breath on the back of his neck and hear the snore that was so perfectly Daisuke. It was more than enough to lure him into what he knew to be a false sense of security.

Ken wanted nothing more than to freeze this moment and live in this blissful state of denial forever. As he slowly gave into sleep, he allowed himself to believe that Daisuke and Wormmon were right about his troubles. It was all just stress and a lack of sleep. He was too tired, too over worked and probably just sleepwalking.

In the morning everything would be just a faded memory and he could enjoy his time off with the people he loved.

Even Wormmon, who was now curled up against his chest, was making soft happy sleep sounds. Add in the warm lump that was Veemon stretched out at their feet and this might possibly be the happiest and safest bed in the world.

He should have known better.

_Wake up._

Ken jolted hard and staggered as the world suddenly came into sharp focus and he found himself on his feet rather than curled up in his nice warm bed.

He was standing in the middle of his room, which appeared to have been cleaned up and reorganized, fully dressed and feeling refreshed as if he'd just showered and washed up.

The Digimon were still curled up together on the bed and sounds from the hall indicated that Daisuke was in the bathroom washing up as well. The sun was coming in through the blinds and his desk clock indicated that it was well into the late morning.

Ken felt a surge of confusion and panic rush through him as he looked around frantically. He couldn't remember waking up much less getting out of bed and getting dressed.

Reaching up out of habit to brush away a stray lock of hair, his fingers brushed against cold metal.

Ken froze and suddenly he could see that his room was framed neatly in thin silver rims and slightly blurred. All his time spent wearing those purple shades had gotten him used to seeing through a narrowed focus.

Trembling fingers slowly slid along the edges of the cold metal frames. His instincts were telling him to rip them off and toss them away. To put them where they couldn't come back to haunt him anymore. He was just about to follow that instinct when he noticed a fresh sheet of paper waiting for him on the desk with thick black writing on it.

_No. I won't. I won't._ He refused to play into the hands of whoever was tormenting him. If he didn't look, then it couldn't affect him. Yet his feet forced him forward until he could easily make out his own neat handwriting laughing up at him.

_**You can't escape your sins.**_

"_What's the matter, Kenny boy?" _A voice full of honey and vinegar glided up out of the darkness.

"Who are you?" He felt sick just breathing out the question, not wanting to know the answer.

His reflection appeared in the dark screen of his computer monitor, distorted slightly by the glasses. The reflection smirked and tilted its head back slightly until the glasses caught the light and obscured his eyes. The figure's hair was a mess of haphazard locks and spikes. _Chaos._

Ken let out a shaky breath and tried to form a word but his voice died in his throat too quickly. He licked his lips and tried again. "Osamu?" He sounded so small and so far away.

"_I'm flattered, but I doubt he would waste his time with the effort of haunting you."_ The reply was amused yet cold. _"Then again… I suppose I have him to thank for creating me."_

Ken was momentarily relived. He had started to believe that maybe his dead brother had come back to haunt him. That maybe… He shook his head, refusing to go down that path again.

The relief didn't last long as he came to the next conclusion. "That's not possible. You're me."

"_Okay, now I'm just insulted."_

"It's not possible." He clung to reason and logic with frantic desperation.

"_Just keep telling yourself that. Your denial is so pathetic."_

The bathroom door clicked open down the hall and a surge of panic rushed through Ken.

"Daisuke." How long had he been out of it? Had Daisuke noticed? Had he tried anything like last night again?

He couldn't stand the thought of trying to apologize for anything he may have done since he'd gotten up this morning, or of explaining why he was carrying on a conversation with his own reflection. With a quick jerk, he pulled the glasses off and shoved them into his pocket.

"_What's the matter, Ken? Scared? Are you afraid he'll see your chaos? Maybe we should pick up where we left off last night. I think he'd like that…" _

Suddenly, Ken fells a pull as if he were being yanked down and away from himself. His head swims as he's overcome with dizziness and the sensation that he could fall forever.

"No." Ken fought back against his unseen assailant. He wasn't about to give up so easily this time.

Staggering forward, he leaned heavily over the desk as he felt himself being pulled and pushed from the inside.

Behind him, the door opened and Daisuke walked in noisily. "I will never get used to how that shower works. One of these days you're going to have to show me how to have a nice hot shower without getting blasted with ice cold water first!"

"If you'd wanted a hot shower, you should have said something. I could have warmed it up for you…" Ken hears his own voice purr and he can feel himself starting to lose the fight.

"_Daisuke…"_ He managed to force out a quiet whisper. He wanted to cry for help, shout out a warning, anything to let Daisuke know…

_Not this time, Kenny boy._ The darkness started to close in on him and he felt like he was drowning.

A giggle escaped his lips and he knew that he had lost the battle.

- – -

Daisuke felt wonderful. He had just had the most amazing night's sleep in his life and when he woke up, he had been treated to Ken's face just inches from his own looking serene and calm.

Though he was sad when Ken and woken up and climbed out of bed, despite Daisuke's clinging protests, he was pleased by the promise of a bright sunny day. Everything just looked so much better after last night.

Ken had been quiet as he cleaned up the room, which was alright by him. Daisuke wasn't a morning person by any stretch and the most intelligent thing he could have mustered would have been little more than a grunt.

He had watched through sleepy eyes as Ken tidied up the room and then waited patiently for his turn in the bathroom, stretching and still clinging to the pillow that smelled so wonderfully of Ken.

After returning from his shower that he suspected Ken had sabotaged, he'd been surprised to find Ken hunched over his dark computer and looking pale and strained.

He had been about to suggest they head outside and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine when Ken had made a comment about the shower that was no where near as innocent as it sounded, and it didn't sound all that innocent to begin with.

Flushing brightly, Daisuke tried to form some sort of stammering response when a desperate little gasp had taken him completely off guard.

"…Ken? Are you alright?" And then he'd noticed the way Ken's hair was tossed about and the grin on his face reflecting back at him in the monitor. It was the same cocky arrogant grin from last night.

Ken laughed at that. It was an odd sort of sound that brought back memories of being chained to a cliff or being on the verge of being blown up or eaten by some crazy monster.

Ken turned around and walked up to him, a predatory look in his eyes as he licked his lips. Daisuke found himself backing up instinctively in response, though this only made the Ken that wasn't Ken laugh harder.

"I Remember why I like you, Motomiya."

Daisuke found his back quickly pressed to the wall and he swallowed hard. Any other situation and he'd have known exactly how to respond, but he couldn't keep bashing Ken in the head. That was bound to make the problem worse as the problem already seemed to _be_ with his head in the first place.

"Ken… Now wait a minute… This isn't you." It was still far too early for him and his brain was stalling as he tried to give it a hard jumpstart.

"Wrong again, Daisuke. I can assure you that it most certainly _is_ me." The Not-Ken was now inches from him and leaning in closer. "I missed you, Daisuke." And the Not-Ken's lips met his own in a hard demanding kiss.

Daisuke's eyes went wide as he tasted Ken for the first time. The lips were soft and smooth with a very distinctive force behind them. Daisuke couldn't help but notice the slight minty taste behind that kiss lingering from the morning's toothpaste and he wanted desperately to explore that taste further. He was quickly distracted as he also noticed the way Ken was leaning down into him and how his hands were clenching into the damp folds of Daisuke's shirt. Even better was the way that Ken's body pressed into his own and he could feel the lean muscles behind the misleadingly small frame moving so fluidly.

Not-Ken, as Daisuke had decided this was the best way to think of him, pulled back and slid his hands down Daisuke's chest and sides slowly. The look in his eyes scared Daisuke and he suddenly realized just how full of lust they were. There was a cold fire burning behind those deep dark amethysts that would not take no for an answer.

"Daisuke… Do you have any idea how much I want you? How much I want to own you? I want to hurt you and make you scream my name. I want to watch you writhe and squirm and see the fire burning inside you again and again. I want to make you bleed and I want to make you shiver in need." Not-Ken was kissing him again and this time he felt sharp teeth sink into his lower lip and pull.

Daisuke cried out and shoved the boy back roughly. He may not stand a chance against Ken the Judo god, but he knew his own special brand of Daisuke crazy tactics and he was fully prepared to utilize them.

A bitter metallic flavor filled his mouth and he realized his lip was bleeding. "Ken. You have to wake up. This isn't you. You're acting like…" What did one say to someone who had apparently just had some sort of mental malfunction and become someone else? Someone very familiar that he didn't want to name just yet.

The Not-Ken laughed. "When are you going to get it?" He licked the red from his lips and seemed to relish in the taste. "I am Ken. Or at least a part of him. But if you would rather we simplify this for your small little brain, we certainly can. You were just about to call me something, weren't you? I believe it started with a 'K' and it wasn't 'Ken'."

That worked for Daisuke on more than one level. His fist clenched and before he knew it, Not-Ken's lower lip was now bleeding and Kaiser was laughing that laugh that used to bring his blood to a boil.

"I've defeated you once, Kaiser." He slurred the name, finding it tasting foul and ugly on his tongue. "Don't think I'm scared of you. You… I don't know what you are… But you aren't Ken. You're just a figment!" He remembered once how Ken had tried to explain it to him. How Ken had tried to find an explanation for himself.

"_It was like I wanted to watch everything burn. I was so full of my own rage and fire and I wanted to let it out on the world… And suddenly I wasn't him anymore. It wasn't me. I was just that little boy trying to figure out where the flames were coming from so I could put them out again."_

Daisuke, of course, hadn't understood a word of it, but he did understand what it felt like to have your own fire. He had his own fire burning deep inside and right now it was telling him to pummel this delusion back into the nothing that he was supposed to be. When he was Ken again, he could kiss it and make it all better.

"I hadn't forgotten how you made me bleed. You were the first to make me bleed, Motomiya. To make me feel like I was _alive_. He craves it, you know. Late at night he remembers how you made him burn inside and he craves it. He just can't accept that he's still tainted. It's why he's weak and pathetic and I will always be stronger than he is."

"You still talk too much!" Daisuke growled out as he tackled the Kaiser back. He wanted his partner back and he would find him in there somewhere. It was just a matter of figuring out where to look.

In their scuffle, the two Digimon had woken up and were now huddled in confusion at the edge of the bed watching sleepily. Daisuke wished Wormmon didn't have to see this. He'd already suffered enough and he shouldn't have to deal with another moment of this royal pain in the ass.

Somewhere in between the manic laughter and rolling across the floor in a fight for dominance, the computer was bumped and knocked out of sleep mode.

One of their bags was knocked over and a digivice tumbled out beside them. There was a brilliant flash and both boys froze as the device activated. Daisuke knew what was coming and he doubted that it was going to be fun. The thought of seeing his old enemy as he truly was… Giving him back that power… It was not something Daisuke wanted.

"Wait!" He reached for the device desperately but it was too late. The light poured out of the computer across the two boys and sucked them all in.

After the familiar disorienting sensation of falling through the computer and digitizing, Daisuke wondered if the fates were laughing at them.

They were back in the desert.

This was a place of lasts and firsts, all of which were still fresh on the hot stale wind. The last act of a desperate monster. The first tears of a lonely and shattered soul. The last moment of self sacrifice. The first beats of a shared heart.

The two digimon were squirming in the sand in front of him, Veemon complaining about the sudden sand in his mouth and Wormmon flailing his little pod feet about as he tried to find purchase in the shifting dunes.

Daisuke wiped the sand from his eyes and wondered why Ken always seemed to return here. Why he just couldn't let go and leave this place behind.

Speak of the devil, there in the sand to his right was Ken, stretched out and slowly blinking up at the sky looking completely dazed and disoriented. His hair was back in that familiar soft straight style that Daisuke loved so very much. Thankfully, there was no sign of a cape, whip, or shades anywhere.

He became hopeful that maybe the transition had knocked him right again. "Ken? Is that you?"

Ken slowly sat up and looked at Daisuke. He looked about to answer when his eyes locked on something directly behind Daisuke. His face slowly twisted into a sickeningly familiar expression of horror and Daisuke felt a horrible sinking sensation.

Slowly, he turned and found himself looking into another pair of deep dark eyes.

These dark eyes held a dangerous calculation about them, along with the same dazed and confused look that Ken had about him. Although there was the familiar chaotic mess of hair, Daisuke was comforted in the fact that there was still no cape, jumpsuit, or whip. Comforted and confused as all get out.

The second Ken blinked at Daisuke then at Ken in what could almost be amazement, and then he started to laugh. Daisuke was getting tired of hearing that laugh.

The digimon looked just as confused as Daisuke probably looked, though Wormmon seemed to mirror Ken's obvious distress.

Daisuke staggered to his feet quickly. He always felt it was better to face any situation while standing and prepared to fight. "Ken?" He didn't sound nearly as tough and confidence as he was hoping.

Both boys sat back and answered in the same voice, though they had drastically different tones.

"Daisuke…"

"This is bad." It was the understatement of the century.

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	8. Chapter 8: Insect Wings

**Author's Note: **I realized belatedly that some of the formatting was getting lost when I posted here. I went back and fixed what I could so that it would be easier to differentiate between whose point of view is being addressed… Hopefully I was able to adjust it all. Sorry for any confusion.

I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please review!

- – -

**Chapter 08: Insect Wings**

The desert was quiet and still, rustling softly from the occasional breeze. The sun was slowly rising and the heat of the day was only just starting to warm the shifting sands.

The Kaiser sat silently next to Ken, watching everything unravel before him. He felt alive and it felt _good_. Even the little annoyances felt amazing. The shifting, gritty and warm sand under him and blowing into his eyes with every gentle breeze, the bright sun glinting off of the white dunes in the cloudless sky making him wish that he still had his trademarked violet shades, the feel of his own heart beating solidly in his chest… But then again, it wasn't his own heart that he was feeling, was it?

As they had passed through the gate, he had felt his mind cloud over and jumble as the gate tried to decipher the data and desires of the minds and souls that passed through it. Daisuke had gotten his standard hero's flames and fluff, but when the gate had gotten to Ken… Two minds, two desires, two images, two bodies.

He had been amazed at the outcome that even he couldn't have predicted. His games to torment and take control were now at a whole new level. It was easy and entertaining to watch from the back of Ken's mind as the boy struggled to understand and live in denial… But to be face-to-face with his 'problems' was more than he could have ever hoped for. It was so delicious to see the torment flash over his face with each confused thought and action.

And yet… There was so much that he was still trying to work out for himself and more still that he was just starting to understand.

He could feel Daisuke's heart next to his own as the Digital World made the jogress bond stronger and almost tangible.

His own heart felt odd as it struggled to strike out independently, sometimes following Daisuke's and at other times leading strongly or falling behind with a whimper. Kaiser wondered if Daisuke could feel it too. A theory was starting to form and he was impatient to test it, but at the same time he was almost scared to find the answer.

Focusing on the steady and faltering beats, he suspected that he and Ken were sharing more than a heart…

"Ken…?" Daisuke snapped him out of his thoughts in his usual annoying but endearing way.

Both boys answered in unison. "Yes?"

This earned a glare from both Daisuke and Ken.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I expected to answer by a different name? Do you like calling me Kaiser? It's just a title, really, but if you enjoy the master servant angle, I'm more than willing to oblige. I would also answer to Ichijouji if you want to try something a little more formal and respectful. Or would you like to just name me yourself like you would a pet?"

This earned another glare that he found so beautiful in those dark chocolate eyes.

Daisuke tried again, this time turning to face Ken fully. "Ken. Are you alright?"

Ken shook his head slightly but let out a weak, "Yeah… I think so."

"He's fine. He's just coming to terms with having his own psychosis on display for everyone to see. It's not every day that you can come face-to-face with your own insanity." He knew Ken's dark secrets. Ken knew that he knew and Kaiser could see it in his eyes that Ken was quickly nearing a snapping point. There was something cold and familiar in those eyes that he knew he'd find in his own.

"Kaiser." Daisuke snapped and looked like he really wanted to hit him again. _Oh, please do._

"Daisuke?" He loved the way Daisuke's demeanor would change completely when dealing with Ken or Kaiser. One moment he was handling an injured bird and the next a tiger.

Daisuke kneeled down in front of him and looked him in the eyes, sending shivers down his spine. "Out there… When you're in there…" He gestured lightly towards Ken. "You were safe. In here… It's just like old times. I will take you down if you so much as take one step out of line. Veemon has my full permission to use your head as a soccer ball."

To the side, he could see Veemon grinning and taking up guard to uphold the Motomiya law.

"Are you afraid I'm going to take up my whip and try our little song and dance again?" Kaiser slowly stood up, pleased as always that he was taller than the tanned boy. "I don't make the same mistakes twice. Not like he does." Another gesture towards Ken, who was starting to look like he wanted to sink away into the sand. "I was nothing but a puppet back then. Power hungry and being used. I was… _naïve._" Oh how he hated that word.

Daisuke looked like he was about to say something when Wormmon suddenly spoke up, startling everyone.

"If you aren't here to take over again… Why are you here?"

Kaiser turned around and looked down at the little digimon fully. The poor creature must have been so confused right about now. He was bound to Ken no matter what the circumstance. Ever loyal, he had stood next to him through the darkest of times… But now he had the boy he loved and the boy he had failed to protect.

He paused long enough to consider the tiny little virus type, searching his own feelings and thoughts on the matter. Wormmon sat patiently, looking back at him with those large blue eyes that had once pained him to look at.

Once he was certain on the matter, he slowly walked up to the small digimon. Daisuke stiffened and Ken looked up sharply, something passing over his features that Kaiser logged away for later study.

Wormmon shrank back in the shadow of his former master. "Wormmon… The biggest mistake I made was taking you for granted. You are stronger than I could have ever imagined and I should have taken better care of you. I promise that what ever happens… I will never raise an angry hand to you again."

Leaning down, he scooped up his Digimon and lightly stroked his antenna between his fingers. Wormmon squirmed in surprise then slowly leaned into the familiar warm touch, which earned a pained look from Ken.

"I don't know why I'm here… How it's possible for me to be here. Not yet at lest. Yet here I am and I plan to take full advantage of such an improbability. I want my life back. I worked hard for what I had and he thinks he can just swoop in and screw it all away without working for it himself. That he can ruin it all because he's a changed man. Those were MY grades. MY family. MY publicity. MY soccer title and MY respect. I'm no longer willing to sit by and watch as he fucks it all up and destroys _my life_." His hands were trembling in a barely controlled rage, yet his touch remained light on the little digimon and Wormmon didn't shy away.

Kaiser took note of how Ken's hands were trembling ever so slightly and his eyes burned with a cold flame.

Kaiser took several deep breaths to calm himself then smiled as he continued to gently stroke the digimon's head. "It's not your life, Ken. It never was. I was here longer, and I was here first."

A sudden understanding bloomed behind Ken's eyes and it was beautiful. "No… It's not your life. It's mine. It's my life. You… You're not real. I…" Ken was standing now and the look on his face was priceless.

"That's where you're wrong, my dear sweet Ken. I'm more real than you ever were. I will have it back and I will be better at it than you ever were. Look at how little it took to make you crack. You're too scared to deal with your parents, unable to cope with school, you can't stand the spotlight, and you're terrified of the ghost of your brother. You can't even admit to what you want to do to our dear Motomiya… All I had to do was lay it all out for you and just look at you… You're cracking, Ken." His heart shuddered and he felt a flash of rage rush through him.

Daisuke looked as if he was about to punch him again. As Kaiser prepared to take the hit full on, he was suddenly tackled from the side. Wormmon slipped from his arms as the two dark haired boys rolled down a small dune in a flurry of sand. Daisuke charged down after them with Veemon hot on his heels.

Kaiser smirked and allowed Ken to get the upper hand when they hit the bottom of the hill. Pinned back with Ken on top of him, he could only laugh at how easy it all was.

A rough hiss of air escaped him as Ken shoved him down roughly into the sand. "Is this just like your little fantasy, Kenny boy? Are you going to punish me for the crimes you committed? Will you stand back and watch me die again?"

"You don't get to call me that. _Never_ call me that." Ken's own voice trembled and for a brief moment, they sounded the same.

"Look at you… So violent. So like me. Do you feel that rush? That thrill deep inside as you imagine your hands around my throat squeezing?" He leaned up, lips just inches from Ken's ear. "Carefully little Kenny boy. Motomiya's watching. Do you think he'd get off on this? Maybe we could make it more interesting for him…"

Small little keening sounds escaped the other boy's throat as he whispered, "Shut up… Just shut up… Please just shut up…"

Then Daisuke was suddenly there pulling Ken off of him and holding him back. Kaiser could still feel his heart pounding heavily in his chest, his own hands clenched tightly as his nails dug into the tender flesh of his palm.

Amusement filled him as he noticed how Ken's hair had been tossed around in the scuffle, now a mess of spikes and sand, just like his own. Daisuke was not quite as amused as he noticed as well and suddenly took a step back, looking between the two.

"Ken, are you alright?" The question was open. Apparently Daisuke had lost track of them in the scuffle.

For the second time that day, Daisuke was answered in unison. "Yes. I'm fine."

"…Crap."

- – -

Daisuke could swear that he'd once had a dream like this. A rather heated dream that had left him hot, sweaty and very confused.

Now he just felt like he was in a nightmare.

Two Kens. Two Ichijoujis. Two objects of his affection. A voice in the back of his head objected that he only had _one_ Ken and the other was Kaiser. But if he thought about it too hard, Kaiser had been Ken in the end and was still an object of his affection… Just one that he tended to want to bash in the head before he snuggled with him.

And the little voice in the back of his head was now informing him of his old dreams and fantasies he'd once had back during those darker times that now had nothing to do with 'snuggling'.

Daisuke waved his hand angrily as if trying to shush the little voice. Ken must have had a little voice in the back of his head too, but now it wasn't so little or in his head anymore.

He had no idea how this was possible, what he was supposed to do, or how he was supposed to fix it.

With something like this, he would have normally waited for someone smarter to show up and tell him whose butt to kick to solve it… Problem was, Ken was that smarter someone that he normally went to and Ken was currently looking like he was about to fall apart at the seams.

Someone as seasoned in the book of Ken as Daisuke was could easily tell that the boy was about to crash, burn, and drift away with the ashes.

Daisuke wanted nothing more than to grab the boy and dive screaming back into the digi-port where at least there, the problem was more localized in one area. But maybe it was better this way. Wasn't it better to be able to stare down the problem and not have to wonder if the look in Ken's eyes was really his friend or a shadow that seemed to want to… to… _Have his way with me._

And there was that little voice again, sounding as smug as ever.

"No one's doing anything to anyone so just shut up!" He flailed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair and across his goggles.

Both Kens looked up in surprise at the sudden outburst. Kaiser smirked, "Hearing voices, Daisuke? Maybe you should listen to them. It did wonders for me."

Daisuke growled and shot him a warning look. It had taken him a whole five minutes before he could comfortably be certain on which Ken was the real Ken. Five minutes of a headache, feeling like a terrible friend, and what must have been hell to his sweet kind Ken.

_Your sweet kind Ken that had been attempting to strangle the cruel evil one…_

Kaiser was a surprisingly good actor when he wanted to be, but his arrogance and impatience seemed to be his weakness. Not to mention the whole subject of Daisuke in general. Daisuke had figured it out when he'd complained about the desert heat and the Kaiser had made a very wrong –_wonderful-_ suggestion.

He now had them sitting several feet apart, separated from each other by a hastily drawn line in the sand. Veemon stood guard over the line with instructions that should any Ken, Kaiser, or Ken shaped individual approach the line or cause trouble, he was to tackle them as hard as necessary and sit on them.

Wormmon was sitting next to Daisuke and watching both boys as if he was afraid to let either of them out of his sights. Daisuke could relate.

Daisuke pulled out his D3 and checked it for what felt like the millionth time. He had sent out a frantic email just a few minutes ago reading, 'EMERGENCY. DIGITAL WORLD NOW. BRING KOUSHIRO."

He hoped that the fact that he'd specifically asked for Koushiro had clued them all in on just how big a problem this was. He honestly didn't think that he could explain what had just happened without sounding like a raving lunatic.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Kaiser watching him like a snake watches a mouse just before striking. There was something hidden behind the cold look that left him feeling flustered and like he needed a shower. _A cold shower._

Ken, who was still slowly trying to smooth out his hair, was also quietly watching him with immense guilt. Daisuke was disturbed by how Ken's normally perfectly wispy hair wouldn't stay down; bits of it kept spiking back up in random places. On closer inspection, Kaiser's hair had several smoothed out portions too. It was as if they were looking in a mirror and having trouble getting coordinated.

Daisuke picked up Wormmon and gave him a squeeze. "Hey, don't look so worried. We'll get this sorted out soon enough!"

"I should have seen this coming. He was so stressed and I wasn't there when he needed me…" Wormmon looked up at Daisuke with those watery baby blues that just pulled on his heart strings.

"I'll have none of that!" Daisuke proclaimed loudly. "No guilt! None!" He gave Ken a stern look. He didn't like how quiet Ken was being and desperately wanted to leap in and pull Ken back up before he sank away into that bottomless pit that was the Ichijouji guilt trip.

"This… This isn't your fault. It's no one's fault. Sometimes things just happen and the best that anyone can do is to try and fix them." It was a reminder to himself more than anything. He knew Ken the best and he had known that he was in a bad place, yet he hadn't done anything to stop it.

Ken looked up and cut off any retort Kaiser had been about to toss out. "But it is my fault. How can it not be my fault? I did this… I created _that_." He pointed without looking, which was probably for the best considering the look the Kaiser was now giving him.

Kaiser smiled and slowly stretched out in the sand like a lazy cat, absently brushing a few grains of sand from his pants. "He's right, you know. He was so desperate to separate himself from his problems that he created the split. I think he's finally starting to understand what I am at long last. It only took you twice as long as it should have, Ken. I'm still waiting for Daisuke to show some glimmer of intelligence and get it."

Daisuke glared. Thankfully, it was Veemon who asked the burning question. "Well, what are you?"

"Potential." Kaiser stretched again and stood up, obviously getting restless and tired of fishing the sand from his shoes.

"What the heck does that even mean?!" Daisuke was frustrated and really not in the mood to play the 'I'm smarter than you' Kaiser game.

Ken stayed quiet and kept his eyes firmly on the sand in front of him as if he were expecting it to put on a show.

"If I tell you, you won't learn anything and where would the fun be?" Kaiser laughed then fixed his gaze somewhere behind Daisuke. "Ah… And the cavalry arrives. Get up, Ken. Let them see your pretty face."

Ken flinched then slowly got to his feet. He looked like he wanted to hide and Daisuke felt terrible for having to put him through this.

Takeru was the first on the scene. "Alright, Daisuke. What's so important that we had to pull Koushiro out of a _fascinating_ day of computer upgrades?"

Daisuke was pleased to see Taichi and Yamato dragging along Koushiro, who was still immersed in his laptop and not watching where he was going at all.

"We have a small… problem." Daisuke stepped aside and weakly gestured behind him.

The others all came to a stop and looked curiously up at Kaiser, who was standing front and center with a smirk. Daisuke watched their faces as they went from confusion to utter shock as one by one, they picked out Ken who was lingering back and still watching the sand blowing around his feet.

"…_Fascinating_!" Koushiro dropped his lap top.

- – -

Ken stayed back as the others listened to Daisuke's story, which he noticed skipped over the 'he tried to do _things_ to me in bed' part. At this point, he wanted nothing more than to sink into the sand and just disappear. He felt agitated as the Kaiser allowed them to look him over, surprisingly patient as if he were just humoring a bunch of dull children.

Ken was ashamed and aghast that the others were there to see this. It was upsetting enough that Daisuke had to see this… To put up with _that_…

Ken had understood just what the Kaiser was after his embarrassing loss of temperament that had lead to their tumble down the hill.

Thinking about that moment again, his hand shot up and he smoothed out his hair obsessively as he recalled those agonizing minutes where Daisuke had attempted to tell the two apart, and failed. It would seem that the Kaiser relished in watching him suffer.

"_I'm potential."_ The response rang out in his head again, causing him to wince. He could feel his heart beating strongly in his chest, feeling like a foreign object as it marched to the beat of the other.

The Kaiser was not really _The Kaiser._ He wasn't the whip carrying insane power hungry child that had overstepped his bounds with the powers of darkness. No, that other boy that was wearing his manic smile and cold calculating eyes was a part of himself that he had tried to burry away and forget about long before and after those darker days.

He was desire, lust, arrogance, anger, rage, violence… And now it was all running loose and seemed to want nothing more than to destroy what was left of reserve, kindness and humility.

_And take Daisuke and fuck him into the ground._

Ken shook his head to clear it and looked over at Kaiser. He was not surprised to find the Kaiser watching him out of the corner of his eyes with a sadistic smirk.

"So let me get this straight." Koushiro cleared his throat and everyone quieted down as if he were a school teacher preparing to explain something that was overly complicated.

"Ken, while out in the real world…Had several instances where he wasn't Ken. You two had a scuffle and when you came here… You had two, uh… Kens." It was a very inelegant summary and judging from the look on Kaiser's face, he thought that he could have done far better. Ken looked away as he felt a flare of arrogance roll over him when he realized that he agreed.

Koushiro had paused and looked at the two of them as if waiting for some sort of confirmation. He frowned when he didn't receive any. "Ken, I'm afraid that we'll need more information if we're to discover the cause of this phenomenon."

Kaiser sighed and walked up to Ken, draping an arm over his shoulder as if they were long time buddies.

A brief surge of alarm raced through him as he realized that being this close to the Kaiser made his head hurt. It seemed to muddle his thoughts and do funny things to his carefully controlled emotions. Ken could tell that it did the same to the Kaiser, but he didn't seem to mind or care. It was almost as if the closer they got to each other, the harder it was to stay separate. It felt _dangerous_.

"I already know the answer to what we are… And I'm betting that he does too. Though I must confess that the cause still eludes me. There is one little test I would like to conduct, however. Shall we give a demonstration, Ken?" Kaiser turned to look at him fully, reaching up to place a hand firmly against his cheek.

Their eyes locked and there was a sharp pull. Ken's heart fluttered painfully in his chest and his vision doubled for the briefest of moments.

"_Do you understand yet, Ken?" _The world was suddenly so far away and it was getting harder and harder to hear anyone over the sound of the waves.

_Waves…_

Ken's eyes flew open and he gasped desperately for air. He couldn't remember having fallen, yet he was flat on his back in the sand with Daisuke leaning over him yelling something.

To the side, there was more yelling and he could vaguely make out the image of Kaiser being threatened by Taichi and Yamato. They looked angry while the Kaiser looked slightly delirious.

Koushiro was at his computer looking as amazed as always while the others were all standing off to the side looking angry and confused.

"Daisuke… What happened?" Ken sat up despite his pounding head.

"I don't know!" Daisuke was still practically leaning over him and well into Ken's personal space. Ken was starting to find it rather distracting. "He touched you and you both just kinda… Flickered or something. It looked like you were phasing! Then you just collapsed! Are you alright? What did he do?"

Ken felt like he was blushing, seeing Daisuke leaning over him like this. He was so close and the gentle hand on his arm was quite soothing…

His eyes watched Daisuke's lips as he talked and Ken subconsciously licked his own lips. It would be so easy to just take it… So fast. All he would have to do would be to lean up just a little and…

"Ken?"

"Dai…Suke…" He blinked, realizing his hand was now resting on Daisuke's shoulder. "I… I'm fine. Just…" Off to the side, the Kaiser was now watching him intently, reminding him of a hungry wolf watching a wounded animal.

There was an odd sensation at the back of his mind, almost like something _or someone_ trying to worm their way inside.

Ken shuddered and slowly sat up fully, pulling away from Daisuke. "I'm fine."

"Well now!" Everyone jumped, including Kaiser, at the sudden intrusion of the loud and overly friendly voice of Gennai. "If you were going to cause trouble, the polite thing to do would be to cause it in a place that isn't going to get sand in my boots." His voice was gentle and un-accusing, though his eyes fell on Ken heavily and seemed to drill a hole right through him.

Ken looked away and slowly got to his feet, still feeling disoriented. Daisuke placed a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to steady him.

The others were now moving in to greet Gennai, which left Kaiser free to slowly wander back towards Ken. Ken instantly backed up slightly, keeping Daisuke between them carefully. The Kaiser was hardly fazed as he settled naturally on the other side of Daisuke.

Ken wondered if the rising heat was finally starting to get to Daisuke as the boy's face suddenly seemed beyond flushed.

As the others busily set to work with filling Gennai in on the details as they knew them, Gennai's eyes kept wandering back to Ken and Kaiser, a curious glint to them as he listened to the story.

The Kaiser did not seem perturbed in the slightest as he kept his own cold steely stare fixed on Gennai. To anyone else, that look would have almost seemed bored. Ken, on the other hand, was very familiar with that particular look. He'd seen it on his own face far too many times in the past.

It was the look one gave a curious insect while trying to decide if they were going to step on it or not.

"Well, my young Ichijouji!" Ken started as Gennai suddenly started to make his way towards them.

He instinctively leaned into Daisuke, seeking what ever strength he could get from the child of courage. Curiously, the flush on Daisuke's face seemed to be spreading rapidly. Ken was starting to wonder if perhaps his partner should go sit in the shade before he suffered from heat stroke.

"That's quite the interesting story they've told me!" Gennai smiled and looked from boy to boy. "But I get the feeling there's more to it than we all think. I have my theories of course, but I'd very much like to hear your side of it. Er… Sides." His smile was far too bright for Ken's liking.

Of course in the past Gennai had been an odd but decent guardian to them all, but Ken had never gotten over a deep seeded distrust for the guardian. Perhaps it had something to do with the sad and almost guilty looks Gennai was always giving him.

Ken had a feeling it all had to do with his first experience in the digital world, which still only came to him in sketchy dreams and nightmares.

Gennai knew about those lost memories but had always refused to talk about them. Any time Ken had managed to get him alone to ask, he had always been given the same speech that 'some things were best left in the past'.

Gennai looked from Ken to Kaiser as if trying to make up his mind about something. "If you don't mind, I'd like to talk to each of you privately for a moment."

Kaiser's face twitched ever-so-slightly, giving away for the briefest of moments his utter dislike for the man before it smoothed back over to his contemptuous smile. _Seems that we have one thing in common after all…_

Gennai proved to be sharper than he looked as his broad smile instantly turned towards Kaiser and he placed a hand on his shoulder. "Come, my boy! I'd very much like to speak with you first."

"Are you sure that's a good idea? To go anywhere alone with him?" Takeru spoke up at last.

Kaiser looked over at the tall blond in surprise. Ken's eyes narrowed as he saw something else flicker through the Kaiser's eyes. Fear? No, he must have been imagining it. The Kaiser certainly did not fear someone like Takeru. Whatever it had been, it was well hidden now.

"I promise not to maim the old coot." Kaiser held up his hand in a show of making a pledge. Of course Gennai wasn't so old anymore, and he was surprisingly agile… But with all of Ken's judo training, it would be very interesting to see who would win in a fight.

Gennai smiled at Takeru and nodded to the boy reassuringly. "I'm sure he'll behave himself. Besides, I think I can take him." Apparently Gennai was betting on himself.

"Yes… I'm sure you could." Kaiser's smile made Ken shiver. He could feel the pure malice radiating off of his double. Apparently he had decided not to step on this insect just yet, but to pull the wings off and watch it crawl around.

One more comforting nod from Gennai and the two of them strolled out across the desert, looking for all the world like two old friends out on a casual walk. Once they were out of ear shot, they started to talk.

Ken and Daisuke watched for a moment. Whatever it was that they were discussing, it looked like Kaiser was quickly getting the upper hand and hardly being helpful to the situation. As their talk continued there was a moment where Ken felt a flash of pure hate boil up inside of him before he could squash it down and dismiss it like the foreign object that it was.

Daisuke, apparently not oblivious to Ken's struggles, suddenly spoke up. "So uh… How's everyone's vacation going?"

This earned him more than one exasperated look.

"Well I'm just glad to not have to be in school! One more minute in there and I thought I'd go crazy! Er…" His eyes darted towards Ken so fast he must have made himself dizzy. "Not that being crazy's a bad thing! I mean, there are lots of awesome crazy people out there! …I mean, I'm sure they don't think that being crazy is awesome but they… It… It's better than school, right?"

Everyone stared at Daisuke.

Ken smiled then shook his head and laughed softly. He felt the tension lower around them as the others joined in. Daisuke rubbed his nose and grinned sheepishly at Ken. Suddenly, it didn't matter what happened, everything was going to be alright as long as Daisuke was there with him.

Wormmon climbed up his leg and nestled into Ken's arms to add his own affection to the moment while Veemon sauntered up and patted his leg in a show of approval and support.

For a brief moment it felt like just a normal day with everyone simply hanging out in the digital world and enjoying their break. They could pretend that there wasn't a psychotic version of Ken just a few feet away talking to the guardian of the Digital World.

The moment ended all too soon as Kaiser rejoined their group, looking far too smug for his own good. "Your turn, Kenny boy."

Any good feelings Ken might have had disappeared like a grain of sand blowing past his feet. Kaiser took up his position next to Daisuke again, one arm snaking out to wrap around Daisuke's waist to pull the boy closer. Daisuke's face flushed deeply and this time, Ken felt the pains of jealousy starting to rise up inside of him.

He hesitated, his hands trembling ever so slightly, as he looked over at Gennai waiting patiently for him out in the sand.

Daisuke looked about to protest or offer to go with him but Ken shook his head in a silent 'no thanks' and walked towards the guardian, clutching Wormmon to his small frame desperately. Wormmon didn't seem to mind as he tried to comfort his partner by nuzzling his arms.

His pace was slow and the wind was starting to pick up a bit, blowing sand into his eyes and through his hair. Behind him he could still hear the others talking until their voices floated up and away with the wind.

Ken could feel the edge of a memory start to stir in the back of his mind. It didn't feel like a pleasant one from the way his gut was starting to wrench.

_Sand. The wind was blowing and there was so much sand._ He tried to focus on just getting to Gennai. _He was there. His sad guilty eyes always on me. Always watching…_ By now, he must have been squeezing Wormmon a little too hard as the little digimon squirmed in his arms to make himself more comfortable. _Wormmon crumpled on the sand. Osamu shattered in the road. And the boy…_

He stumbled slightly in the sand as the memory refused to stay down. _Osamu's harsh voice. Gennai's sad eyes. And that boy_…

"Ken, its unfortunate that we keep meeting this way."

Ken looked up at Gennai sharply, his eyes cold and distant. "Why am I not surprised to find you still meddling in my life?"

Gennai kept his gaze on Ken for a moment, focused and almost looking for something. "Curious that you both had the same question for me."

Ken's eyes softened and he looked away. "Why is this happening, Gennai?" His voice was almost brittle this time, begging for an answer that he knew Gennai wouldn't be able to provide.

Gennai softened and moved closer to Ken. "Problems out in the real world follow you in here, Ken. This isn't an escape. I would have thought that you'd have figured that one out by now." The answer to a question that hadn't been asked or wanted.

Ken looked down at Wormmon, his large blue eyes keeping Ken grounded and calm. He decided to stop their little game before it started and just get to the point. "What is he?"

"He's you. Talking with him made that very clear, actually. He's quite the difficult one, just like you always were." Gennai chuckled at some distant memory that only he could see.

Ken didn't share his humor at the situation.

Gennai frowned when Ken did not crack a smile. "Have you been under a lot of stress lately?"

Ken sighed, "Yes."

Wormmon spoke up quickly, "Always. Especially this week. This was the week that-"

Ken shifted Wormmon in his arms a bit too roughly and kept his gaze firmly on the ground.

Gennai raised his eyebrows but didn't comment on it.

They were silent for a moment before Gennai cleared his throat loudly as if trying to clear the past demons from the air.

"You can't stay divided forever, Ken. A soul isn't meant to be split in two. If you don't fix this soon, the damage may be irreversible."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Ken snapped.

Gennai sighed and for a brief moment, Ken thought that Gennai might actually give him a straight answer. "You two are still connected. The longer you stay divided, the more the dominant one will start to take over. Right now, the break is still tenuous. Both of your emotions and thoughts are rippling across your connection and overwhelming the other. You're both dangling by some very tightly wound strings."

Ken fought back the anger that was slowly welling up inside him. It burned and threatened to eat him alive. Behind him, he knew the Kaiser was watching.

"And when those strings snap?"

Gennai stayed silent for an uncomfortably long period of time.

Wormmon was looking from Gennai to Ken with worry in his large deep blue eyes.

Ken shook his head as he decided that he already knew the answer. "What about the waves?" He pushed on impatiently.

This time Ken took a bit of pleasure in catching Gennai off guard.

"Waves?" The infuriating casual and innocent look that followed confirmed everything for him.

"Old man." Ken started slowly, his voice soft and quiet and anything but kind. "Someday you will regret toying with me."

Turning his back on the guardian, Ken started back towards the others. Towards Daisuke. Towards his nightmare. Behind him, he could feel those sad guilt ridden eyes watching him go.

Gennai's soft voice followed him on the wind. "He said the same thing, actually…"

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	9. Chapter 9: Points of View

**Author's Note:**

I promise no triangle relationship problems in my fic. This is pure Ken/Daisuke. …Even if some Kaiser Takeru is implied later on. Takeru's feelings and their relationship will be explained later. I promise. Please review.

- – -

**Chapter 09: Points of View**

Daisuke wasn't a genius by any stretch of the imagination. Sometimes he wished that he was, even though Ken was always wishing that he wasn't.

Now was one of those times as he waited for Ken to finish his one-on-one with Gennai.

Once he had extracted the Kaiser's alarmingly strong grip from around his waist, the Kaiser had been too compliant and quiet for Daisuke's taste.

The others had talked quietly while they waited; doing their best to pretend that everything was alright. Or perhaps they were just under the delusion that Gennai was about to solve all of Ken's problems and they could go on with their lives like none of this ever happened.

Daisuke knew better. Nothing was ever that easy when it came to Ken Ichijouji.

Beside him, Kaiser had a look of extreme concentration etched across his face. It was the sort of look that Daisuke had long ago learned not to interrupt unless he wanted the infamous Ichijouji Look leveled at him. Then again, he wasn't so sure that it was necessarily a good thing to let the Kaiser concentrate.

Daisuke sighed loudly and shifted impatiently from foot to foot. He couldn't understand why Gennai had singled Ken out to talk privately. If he had something to say, he should be able to say it to them all so that they could all help. So _he_ could help. No one knew Ken better than he did, after all.

Then again, maybe being the genius that he was, Ken has probably already figured out what Gennai was going to tell him and hadn't wanted everyone to hear it. It was likely that Ken thought that this was his problem and hadn't wanted to trouble anyone else.

Daisuke sighed again as he decided that this was probably the most plausible answer.

Koushiro had once explained to Daisuke that Gennai was a genius in his own way. One of those kooky ones that you had to listen to very carefully or you wouldn't get the full meaning of what he had to say.

Daisuke had never been able to master the patience that it took to listen to Gennai and had always simply waited for the others to give him the short version later. He preferred the blunt Ken type geniuses that would always patiently explain every little detail to him no matter how ridiculous the questions he asked were.

Daisuke stood on his toes as he looked out across the small stretch of desert where he could see Ken and Gennai talking. Even from this distance, he could tell that Ken was upset and guarded. His stiff overly straight back and the way Wormmon was being held tightly to Ken's chest both indicated that the conversation was not going well. Then there was the way that his head was tilted back ever so slightly so that his hair wouldn't fall across his eyes while he was looking down on something that disgusted him… _Wait, that's not right. That's not my Ken._

Daisuke quickly looked over at Kaiser, who was eyeing Gennai with the same disgusted look on his face.

_What the heck is going on here?_

Before Daisuke could start to process that particular trail of thought, Ken had turned on his heels and started back towards them. He looked less pleased about his talk with Gennai than Kaiser had been.

Gennai waited for a moment, letting Ken put some distance between them, before he followed. Though he never lost the smile on his face, Daisuke couldn't help but notice how defeated the older man appeared.

As Ken rejoined the group, he cast a look at his double. For a split second they almost seemed to be communicating silently. Some deep dark and almost tangible thought was exchanged between them and it made Daisuke's skin crawl.

As quickly as it had come, the moment was gone and Ken moved to take up his place at Daisuke's side. Daisuke couldn't help but notice how Ken was clinging to him as if he were the only life raft left in the whole ocean or how Kaiser was snaking his arm back around his waist, letting his fingers lightly ghost over his hip in the process.

_It's just like that dream_… The little voice piped up again, sending unpleasant little jolts through his heart and stomach and various other parts of his body that should definitely not be involved in such serious moments.

Daisuke felt like he was going red in the face again. Luckily, everyone else seemed to be more focused on Gennai and hadn't noticed.

Everyone that is, except for Hikari. She was pretending not to notice in a way that clearly stated that she'd noticed and understood far more than Daisuke did about it.

Gennai cleared his throat and in a solemn voice announced that it was time for him to go.

"Go?! Go where? Why? You just got here! We still have a problem! You can't just leave and expect it to get better on its own!" Taichi of course, voicing only what everyone else was thinking. Daisuke was glad that Taichi was there to take charge while he kept his eyes on other more important Ken related things.

"There is nothing any of us can do right now, I'm afraid. How this ends is completely up to him." Gennai didn't bother to specify which 'him' he had been referring to.

"But… We can't just leave them like this… Can we?" Iori, hesitant and deep in thought.

"Why not? I mean, until we can put them back together again it seems better that they're separated, doesn't it?" Miyako voiced loudly and reminded him of an old nursery rhyme about an egg and a wall.

"But wouldn't it be better if they go back? He can't stay here forever. At least out there in the real world they're in the same body. And what about his family? They'll be missing him soon." Takeru being the grounding voice of reason as always.

"I don't know… It didn't sound like he was doing any better out there… If it was me, I'd rather be able to see the problem than have it in my head doing who knows what." Yamato's soft voice cut in, sounding far too experienced on the subject.

Next to him, Daisuke could feel Ken's trembling hand digging into his arm. Ken hated being the center of attention and hated being talked about as if he wasn't there even more.

"I don't think it's up to us what he does." Hikari surprised them all as she spoke up disapprovingly. Everyone sent a guilty look over to Ken, who was eyeing the sand at his feet once more.

Daisuke decided that it was time for him to toss in his own two cents. He started in slowly and softly at first as he really thought about what he was saying. "Neither of them seem out to destroy or take over anything…. But I'm not about to just leave either of them alone, either. Not out there or in here. I don't think that they should be left alone together. Until we solve this, and I do mean _we_, I go where he goes."

This earned him a heavy eye roll from Kaiser, who pulled away from Daisuke. "Are we all quite done? As touching as this all is, it doesn't matter where we go or what you do. I'm not going to just 'disappear'. Frankly, I like it out here. It's a hell of a lot saner here than it was in there." A slender finger pointed up at Ken's head, making Ken shrink back slightly and look away. The smile that spread across Kaiser's face made Daisuke's fists clench in a desperate need for action.

_I will not maim I will not maim I will not maim._

Wormmon made a threateningly cute sound of anger as he squirmed around in Ken's arms in an attempt to watch both boys wearily at the same time. It was as if was afraid that one or both of them would suddenly just disappear. Veemon seemed equally as frustrated as Daisuke was by the lack of action, appearing as if he couldn't decide if he should tackle the other boy or not.

Ken shook his head slowly. "I can't stay here. I… I have to get back home. My Mom… She's probably worried." Daisuke knew that look. Even hidden behind the long dark hair, he could spot the 'I'm guilty and I will keep my problems to myself so no one else has to be troubled by what I do' look.

Daisuke was about to argue with that look when Koushiro suddenly spoke up from his seat in the sand, hunched over his computer. "Actually… I think it's best that he stays here. I have a theory that I need to test. I may know what caused this whole mess but I can't be certain just yet. I agree that Ken needs to go home and get things settled with his family, but after being split like this here, there's no telling what kind of damage has already been done. It could be catastrophic. Out in the real world, it's harder to ascertain such damage, but in here we can visibly see it. Plus, there's also the problem that while out there, I doubt very much that his parents would appreciate the uniqueness of this little problem."

Gennai nodded sagely towards Koushiro, obviously impressed by the young genius. Koushiro was blunt, but never willing to jump into action as easily as Ken was. He liked to work through a problem methodically before voicing his solution. Ken, on the other hand, was known to see the solutions and act on them without asking for approval.

Of course everyone else looked less impressed and more alarmed by the use of words like 'damage' and 'catastrophic'. Daisuke was especially alarmed and looked ready to start flailing his arms about while yelling 'fire!' as loudly as he could.

"Okay! We should go! Let's go then! Make it quick! I'll go with you! I was staying over at your house anyways so I should be there! We'll tell your parents that we're going to spend a few days with me and the other guys! Usual cover story! Camping or something…"

Ken frowned and looked about to protest when Takeru spoke up quickly. "We'll help too. Yamato and Taichi are real pros at the whole cover story business." Yamato turned bright red while Taichi pretended to look elsewhere. Daisuke wondered briefly about the implications behind that little statement.

Takeru continued seriously, thinking it all through as he went. "I doubt either option is a very good long term solution really… But at least in here we have a better grasp and control on the situation. Who knows what Kaiser could do to mess things up for Ken out in the real world. Either way, I don't think that he should be going back and forth between worlds too often. It could make things worse. We can all stay here for a few days. I doubt that Daisuke is enough to keep watch over things all alone for the whole time. There's no telling how long this could take. I honestly wouldn't mind staying here. It gets me out of having to suffer through Yamato's cooking all break."

"Look, that was a onetime incident!" Yamato sighed loudly and Taichi visibly fought back a smart remark. "But the squirt does have a point. Daisuke can't be here alone the whole time. We should all go home and set up something with our families then come back here when we're ready. I think that all of us would like to help you, Ken."

Daisuke couldn't help but grin at his friends. He was always trying to reassure Ken that they were all his friends too and that they would always be there for him when he needed them.

Finally, Ken nodded and gave the smallest smile. "Thank you. I'm sorry you all had to be troubled by this… I'll repay you somehow for your kindness."

Kaiser made a rude noise behind him and looked away in disgust.

Gennai clapped his hands together and smiled broadly. "Well now! I'm glad that's worked out. I have some pressing matters that I need to check on out here. I'll be by later to see how things are going. Hopefully I will have more answers when next I see you." As the guardian turned and started to walk off across the sand, Daisuke caught the parting look that had been sent in Ken's direction. Whatever they had discussed out there had left a very cold and troubled gap between them.

Belatedly, something occurred to Daisuke. "Wait… Where are we going to stay? I'm all for camping out and all, but I wouldn't mind a roof over my head or something."

The others all quieted down, deep in thought. None of them had considered shelter, food, or basic needs. There was no telling how long they would be stuck there and even if they came prepared, it might not be enough.

The silence was suddenly shattered by a giggle that quickly grew into barely stifled manic laughter. Daisuke looked over in alarm at Kaiser, who was practically doubled over in laughter.

"Oh no…" Ken's quiet voice chilled the air.

There was a moment of confusion before Hikari suddenly gasped; catching a glimpse of what had set the Kaiser off. "The base!"

There it was, glinting in the distance as the sun finally sat high enough in the sky to reflect off of it properly. Still half buried in the sand, it was hard to see it properly from where they were; yet it looked just as menacing as ever.

"I can assure you that it is actually quite decent inside. Of course you never bothered to visit any of the more lavish areas besides the prison and lower levels." Kaiser gave Takeru an almost adoring smile that left Daisuke feeling confused and… J_ealous? _Takeru surprisingly returned the smirk. Daisuke couldn't help but feel like he had been left out of something.

_Is it my imagination, or is there something going on between those two?_

Apparently he wasn't the only one that had noticed the transaction as Hikari suddenly looked very troubled.

"Oh please, put that look away Takaishi. I'm past that. I can assure you that if I'm going to be locking anyone up it will be for far more delicious reasons than you're capable of thinking of. Though I'm sure those two can explain it to you later if you insist on it." Kaiser smirked at Taichi and Yamato, who managed to outdo Daisuke in blushing while trying to look simultaneously outraged and like they had no idea what Kaiser was talking about.

Kaiser continued, sounding more than a little bored. "If I'm going to spend my days being baby sat, I at least want to sleep in a comfortable familiar bed." He walked off towards the nearest portal without waiting for a response.

Apparently he felt that the matter was closed and no one seemed to be able to find a valid reason to disagree with him. They all remembered just how difficult it had been to debate with the Kaiser once his mind was set on something.

"Are we going?" He called back over his shoulder with a grin. "It's almost lunch time and I'd hate to miss mother's cooking."

The others sighed and followed, each giving a comforting word or smile to Ken as they prepared to head back to their own gates. They didn't bother with Kaiser, who looked far more impatient than normal.

Takeru nodded to Daisuke and whispered as he passed them, "If there's trouble when you get back, call me immediately." There was a slight look in his eye that Daisuke just couldn't quite place.

Daisuke nodded and pulled Ken along gently, once again feeling as if he had missed something important.

Ken hesitated once they reached the TV. "Daisuke, wait… I don't know what's going to happen when I go through. Please, be careful."

It occurred to Daisuke that no one had considered the possibility that if the Digital World could create Digimon from pure data, could it also create a human? Would he go back and find two equally real Kens waiting for him? Apparently the thought had occurred to Ken too and he looked terrified.

His stomach churned as he looked over at the Kaiser wearily. The Kaiser smirked and gave Daisuke a look that brought back that uncomfortable feeling from earlier.

Daisuke swallowed hard and tried to ignore the way his voice cracked as he opened the gate. "Digi-port, open!"

There was the familiar dizzy sensation that ended in a thud as they landed back in Ken's room with a tangle of limbs, pods, claws, and antenna.

Daisuke sat up quickly and looked around frantically, taking stock of the number of limbs.

Thankfully, there only appeared to be two Ken arms and two Ken legs in the pile. Of course which Ken was controlling those limbs was another matter completely.

Thanks to the tumble, Ken's hair was still just as chaotic as it had been before they'd left. Just looking at him, there was no way to tell who they were dealing with.

Ken sat up slowly, a trembling hand reaching back to tenderly touch the back of his neck as his face scrunched up in pain.

Daisuke hesitated, still not quite sure who he was addressing. "…Ken? Are you okay?"

Ken didn't respond in the slightest. He appeared to be disoriented and unsteady.

Daisuke leaned down to peer behind the curtain of hair and was startled to see how faraway Ken seemed.

It was obvious that Ken was struggling and Daisuke felt a pang in his heart as he wanted nothing more than to reach out to where ever Ken was and pull him back.

Looking him in the eyes firmly, Daisuke reached out to place a hand gingerly on his partner's arm. "Ken… Come back to me. You can do this. You can beat it. I'm here… I'm right here with you."

Slowly, Ken looked like he was gaining more focus as the color started to return to his cheeks.

Daisuke was about to relax when a knock at the bedroom door sent him into a fresh new panic.

Surging to his feet, he promptly tripped over Veemon and crashed back down to the floor.

The door opened quickly and a startled looking Mrs. Ichijouji peered into the room.

"My goodness! Are you boys alright?" Apparently hearing two loud thumps in a row had set off the overly protective mother radar.

"Ah! Uh, yeah! We're alright!" Daisuke scrambled back up to his feet. "We were just, uh… Practicing some soccer moves! Ken was teaching me a new trick and I lost my balance. I'm actually pretty clumsy and always falling over, but my head's really hard though, so everything's fine! Um… How are you?"

He put on his best 'talking to adults and I'm perfectly innocent' grin.

Ken hazily blinked up at his mother quietly. Daisuke didn't like how out of it his friend looked and practically jumped between Ken and his mother in an effort to grab away her attention. He grinned so hard that his face was starting to hurt; he could only hope that he looked far more innocent than he felt. The last thing he needed was to cause any worry with Mrs. Ichijouji.

"Oh… I'm just fine, thank you." She appeared to be completely caught off guard by Daisuke's hurried and overly cheerful explanation, but she also appeared to be buying it. Daisuke's own mother would never have believed any of it for half a second.

The thought that Mrs. Ichijouji just didn't have any experience with mischievous young boys crossed his mind and Daisuke's smile faltered. Of course she wouldn't have the experience. After losing Osamu, who according to Ken was utterly perfect, and then dealing with Ken's own little disappearing act and problems, how could she be expected to?

Daisuke suddenly felt horrible about lying to her and he moved closer to properly address the overly trusting woman that had Ken's same kind smile.

"We'll be more careful, I promise." _I promise I will protect him. I will take care of your son._ "Mrs. Ichijouji… Me and some of the others were going to have this big uh… Get together… Camping… Type thing… over the break and we were wondering if maybe Ken could join us. It starts today and we would really love it if he could come. I know it's a little last minute but I just found out and uh… Yeah…"

Ken's Mom looked hesitant for a moment. He knew that she was always reluctant to let Ken out of her sights for long periods of time on such short notice. Daisuke decided to pull out the big guns and gave the poor woman his best puppy dog eyes. "Pleeeeeaaase?"

Her face flushed in a very Ken like manner, adding more guilt to the fact that he was not only lying to the kind woman, but also not telling her that her son could be 'damaged' in the whole process.

She seemed to think about it a moment longer before she smiled brightly and clasped her hands together, looking completely pleased. "Oh Daisuke, of course he can!"

Before Daisuke could breathe a sigh of relief, he was suddenly pulled into a gentle hug as she dabbed away tears of happiness.

Daisuke sputtered and awkwardly tried to return the hug. "Uh… Thank you!"

"We'll stay for lunch but then we need to get going." Daisuke stiffened as Ken spoke up behind them, sounding level and calm. _Which one is it?_

"Of course, dear." She released Daisuke and wiped her eyes. "Oh, I'm a mess. I still just get so happy that he has such wonderful friends like you, Daisuke." She smiled at Daisuke and for just a moment he saw something knowing in her eyes. It was the same something he had briefly seen in Hikari's eyes earlier.

She looked like she wanted to hug him again but she simply turned and hurried out the door to prepare lunch.

Daisuke didn't have time to consider the possible implications behind what had just happened since there was the possibility that there was a lunatic lurking just behind him.

He steeled himself and turned around to face the music.

"Contrary to popular belief, I do know how to behave myself." Daisuke's heart felt like it had just dropped down into his stomach. "You forget just how long I've worked at this. How many years I pretended to be someone else and just how long I fooled everyone into believing the lie." Kaiser sounded surprisingly bitter, not a single trace of the usual arrogance or smugness anywhere on his face.

"You certainly didn't behave yourself in the Digital World. Or earlier, for that matter." Daisuke crossed his arms and kept a firm glare fixed on the figure that was now moving to scoop up a stunned Wormmon and gently place him on the bed.

"In there, I don't have to. In there, you are already accepted for what you really are and there's no point in pretending. As for earlier… Well, it was just too good to resist having you utterly helpless and lying there in my bed next to me. Think of it as a compliment."

Daisuke swallowed hard and tried to process what he was seeing and hearing. The kindness with the cold so perfectly blended together that it almost seemed natural. "Why are you doing this? Why do you want to hurt him and yourself?"

Kaiser ignored him, refusing to face Daisuke fully, as he lightly stroked a confused Wormmon tenderly. Veemon watched from the floor anxiously and Daisuke couldn't blame him. It was hard to watch your partner get so close to danger while you were helpless to stop it.

"Did you know that this used to be a bunk bed?" Kaiser's voice was so soft that Daisuke had to strain to hear him. He took a few steps closer, drawn in as if mesmerized by the normally cold and cruel voice that now sounded so delicate. "A month after the funeral, I came home and it had been converted into what it is now. The other bed had been removed and disposed of without a single trace. All of his clothes had disappeared from the closet and the few personal items that had decorated his desk had been packed away. It was as if he had never existed. As if he had disappeared."

A memory flared up of Ken telling him something like that once. About how he had wished that his brother would disappear. "You know that isn't true. It's not your fault, Ke-… It's not your fault."

"I agree with you. It's not my fault the truck hit him. I realized this a long time ago. I also realized just how easy it was for his existence to be wiped out. To be erased. Even back then it occurred to me that should I disappear today, tomorrow the rest of the bed could be gone, the closet empty, and everything else packed up into a little shoe box. Ken would disappear."

Daisuke had no idea how to respond to that. How did you reassure someone that they wouldn't disappear?

Kaiser continued, obviously not expecting Daisuke to respond anyway.

"I wanted to make an impact. To be remembered. To leave a mark. More of a mark than _he_ left."

"Is that why you… Ahem… Cape and so on?" Another tentative step forward. This was more than Ken had ever told him. It felt sacred… Forbidden.

"Part of it. But I would be naïve to believe it was the whole reason." Kaiser turned around and leveled Daisuke with a look he had only seen in his dreams. It wasn't the kind of look that left him hot and sticky, but the kind that left his heart pounding and his arms aching to wrap around that frail frame and protect it forever.

"Who was here first?" Kaiser continued softly. "Can you honestly answer that? Sure, there was that little boy that was kind and gentle and that loved his big brother and wanted nothing more than to be noticed; but that little boy is also the one that wanted his big brother to suffer. To make others suffer for ignoring him. After that fateful trip to the other world, who do you think became the dominant persona? Do you have any idea how many years that was for? How many years of pretending and smiling for the camera while playing nice and catering to all those idiots while all I wanted was just to be accepted for who I was supposed to be and not just the ghost of someone that couldn't be?"

Another step forward and Daisuke was now in what could be considered the 'Danger Zone'. The room was so quiet and calm with just the sound of that delicate whisper reaching out to him.

"It wasn't just the spore. It was never just the spore. You saw those other children. Smart, cruel, uncaring, arrogant… But that wasn't really them. That was just them living a misguided dream that any child could have of being perfect after following a very bad role model. None of them really wanted to crush something in their fists just to feel it break. None of them wanted to cause so much pain that it validated their existence." There was the bitterness again. It was creeping into his voice little by little until he took a slow breath and pushed it down again. "And none of them liked it like I did… Liked causing that pain. Hurting something… The rush of the wild chaos and suffering and control and even the lack of control… I needed it. Maybe I still do."

"But you don't feel that way anymore. That wasn't really who you are. You don't want to hurt anyone anymore. Under all that, you really are just that boy that needed to be noticed…" Daisuke kept his voice a whisper, afraid to break the spell and lose this precious moment forever.

Kaiser looked at Daisuke thoughtfully for a moment. "You noticed me, didn't you? You noticed me and you hurt me. You tore me apart inside and I noticed you too." A small laugh without any humor behind it. "I wanted to crush you. To own you and make you mine so that you would never stop noticing me."

Another step and Daisuke was well past 'Danger Zone' and into 'Too late to turn back now' territory.

"Do you honestly think someone can go from feeling all of that to being a sweet kind and caring innocent person overnight? That all of those feelings weren't real? That I might not still feel that need to hurt someone?"

"I think that…" What did he think? How do you argue with a genius that was normally right? "I don't think you need to pretend anymore. I still notice you. I couldn't stop noticing you if I tried. Ken… I-"

"He broke, Daisuke." Kaiser cut him off, something wild and dangerous lurking just behind his eyes. "Osamu broke. What if I break too? I think I'm already starting to. I think I'm breaking apart and it feels wonderful. Is this what he felt?"

Daisuke slowly reached out and wrapped his arms around the other boy, pulling him closer as his hands ran over the too stiff spine and up into the chaotic locks of inky black hair.

Kaiser's arms snaked around his waist and fisted into his shirt tightly. Closer still and Kaiser's face was buried into Daisuke's hair, their hearts pounding against each other through their tightly pressed chests.

This wasn't the sexual desire or need that had been so very dominant before. There was nothing sexual in the way Kaiser's fingers were digging into his shirt and back or the way his face had dipped down to press into the crook of his neck.

This was pure. This was something so raw and intense that it almost scared Daisuke. This was a part of Ken that he'd only seen distant glimpses of. Something that had always been lurking just behind those insecure moments of fear and anger and barely contained tears.

And yet… It was the Kaiser that was sharing it with him. Maybe Daisuke had it all wrong. Maybe this wasn't just the monster from the past. Maybe…

A sharp intake of breath cut off Daisuke's thoughts as the small frame sinking into him shuddered. It took a moment before Daisuke realized that the small gasps were laughter. Not the usual Kaiser laughter, but this desperate giggle that edged on the verge of something so dark and foreign that it made Daisuke's blood run cold.

"He was smiling… Before he broke. I think now I know why he smiled…" Slowly Kaiser's legs gave out under him and the two boys sank to the floor, Daisuke still supporting the taller boy in his arms fully.

"Ken… It's alright. Just calm down, okay? We'll fix this soon. I'll take care of you. Just relax for now." Daisuke floundered as he struggled to grasp just what it was that Kaiser was talking about. Whatever it was, he was starting to get the feeling that this was a subject that was more dangerous than anything he'd ever dealt with before.

Kaiser didn't seem to hear Daisuke's attempts at getting him to calm down as he continued to let out a barely stifled giggle that was quickly turning into shuddering gulps for air.

It was painfully clear that the boy was melting down right there in Daisuke's arms and there wasn't anything he could do to help. The thought that Ken was more damaged by the split than even Koushiro could predict crossed his mind and it terrified him.

"Ken doesn't know." A strangled gasping giggle painfully wrenched from Kaiser's throat. A strong hand slid over Daisuke's chest and gripped the folds of his shirt desperately. "Maybe I should tell him. Denial never did anyone any good… I think it would break him so beautifully. Just like me…"

Daisuke suddenly found himself looking into a deep dark storm that surged just behind those painfully familiar purple eyes.

"Osamu killed himself because of me." There was no life behind those words.

Daisuke's eyes widened as the words hit home and the whole picture suddenly came together. Ken had never talked about the accident before. When the subject of his brother came up, he would always shy away and say how perfect his brother had been.

Daisuke had just assumed that it had been some terrible accident. Stepping off the curb too soon with a truck speeding down the street… Now the real picture was painted for him and it was ugly.

"Ken… No. It wasn't your fault. He didn't…"

"It was so fast. _'Wait here Kenny boy. Wait here.'_ A smile and then… Bang. Crunch. And then he was free." Kaiser slowly shook his head then seemed to slowly pull himself back together. It was incredible to watch as his face twisted and strained before it slowly settled back into that perfectly controlled mask. Only his eyes betrayed the storm that lurked just below the surface.

Kaiser got to his feet, steady and calm, and then headed to the door. "Lunch should be ready. I'd rather not keep mother waiting. Shall we?"

Daisuke sat in a stunned silence on the floor, starring at the now vacant space before him. On the bed, Wormmon was huddled down in the blankets starring after his partner looking just as worried and horrified as Daisuke felt.

Veemon, who was just starting to climb up to join Wormmon on the bed, looked utterly confused. Veemon had stayed quiet, sensing that the moment had been something special, but Daisuke realized that the little digimon probably didn't understand what it was that Kaiser had just told him.

It occurred to Daisuke that a digimon should rightfully be confused by things like this. They didn't know of death or suicide.

The fact that Wormmon appeared to have understood on some level only furthered to solidify just how different Ken's world was to Daisuke's.

'_Bang. Crunch.'_ The quiet and unstable whisper kept echoing in Daisuke's ears. Just those words were more than enough to horrify him. Was this what woke Ken up at night screaming? Was it because Ken heard more than just the words? Was it because that _'Bang. Crunch.' _was a sound and a picture that just wouldn't go away?

Daisuke had always known that Osamu had been hit by a truck and that Ken had been there. Perhaps it had even occurred to him that Ken had seen it happen. Yet he had always envisioned a young Ken to the side as Osamu slipped off a curb or the truck ran a light before it came barreling down until… His imagination had never allowed him to envision the rest.

Suddenly there was an alarming clarity that he wasn't sure he wanted.

A small fragile Ken, angry at the world for ignoring him and desperate for love, standing with his perfect big brother on a curb.

His big brother leaning down and offering reassuring words that 'it was all going to be okay'. Osamu watching the traffic with such intense calculation. _Smiling_. A truck rumbles down the road, the driver maybe not paying enough attention or expecting for that perfect boy to the side to suddenly step out in front of him. And then… _'Bang. Crunch.'_

He flinched as his imagination skipped over an image that, if the only picture he'd ever seen of Osamu had been any indication, looked alarmingly like his own Ken getting hit by a truck and apparently 'crunching'.

Then there was the young fragile Ken, only a few feet away…

Daisuke felt sick. He'd never gotten along with his own sister Jun, and he had often entertained the notion that if he had been an only child his life would have been so much nicer and quieter… But he could never imagine what it would be like to see her 'crunching.'

Slowly, Daisuke got to his feet and followed after Kaiser out to the main room.

'_Ken doesn't know.'_ Was that true? Ken always said he couldn't remember and no one had ever pushed it any further than that. Was it possible that Ken really couldn't remember? Or did he choose to simply not know? Kaiser apparently remembered it differently than Ken.

A suicide.

Ken had always blamed himself over his brother's death for simply wishing that his brother would disappear. What would happen if Ken found out that it wasn't just an accident? Ken was already in such a fragile state of mind… Would Kaiser set such a cruel trap for Ken?

Daisuke sat at the table across from Kaiser, a firm look on his face. Both boys smiled politely as Mrs. Ichijoiji set plates of food down before them. Kaiser's well practiced public smile was all too smooth for Daisuke's liking.

Daisuke looked up at the hopeful and caring woman and his heart sank. Did she know? Had she suspected what her own son had done? Or had Osamu been as good at pretending as Ken had become?

It made Daisuke's stomach twist to watch the way Kaiser seemed to perform for her. His smile looked so genuinely warm, his voice so polite and careful, and the way she accepted it all so eagerly...

Once she was satisfied that they had all they needed, she smiled and headed back into the kitchen.

Daisuke watched as Kaiser took a delicate bite of the offered food, the fake smile still plastered on his face.

"You can't tell him." Daisuke hissed across the table at him and shoved a large piece of food into his mouth.

"How do you know I haven't already?" Kaiser tapped his temple lightly and took another small bite.

Daisuke sighed. "Because you'd want to see his reaction."

Kaiser smirked and nodded. "How true. You know me well."

"You never answered my question. Why are you doing this? You're the same person. You'll be hurting yourself. Why can't you just be one person? Why can't you just be Ken?"

"You are so deliciously naïve sometimes." Kaiser paused and took a long drink. "It was you. It's always been you."

"What are you talking about?" Daisuke grumbled around a mouthful of food while he struggled not to choke on it.

"Please swallow your food before you speak. If you're going to choke, I'd rather it be because of something more dignified or erotic than an undercooked dumpling."

Daisuke glared and took a long gulp of water.

Kaiser looked down at his own plate with a contemplating look. "I can't let this go on any longer. His denial over what he was, what he's always been, and what he needs… The fact that while he is Ken, he is also me and will always be me. His struggles through school and with his family. His self-inflicted punishment. Then of course there's Osamu. His denial over what he did when he…" Kaiser's voice cracked slightly. "Well, now you know. I can't let his denial ruin this life that I have built. This life that he has taken and failed at. And then there's you. Always you, Motomiya."

"What about me? What did I do?" He felt like he was trying to follow a conversation that he wasn't fully a part of. Then again, maybe he wasn't.

"You noticed me, noticed _us,_ and you loved us, didn't you? You have always loved both of us." Daisuke swallowed too hard and choked slightly as the Kaiser leaned across the table slightly and whispered loudly. "Even back then. Did you dream about us? About me? Did you wake up at night after tossing and turning and dreaming about what wonderful things I could do to you with that whip?"

Daisuke's face was flushing brightly again and he wondered if it was possible to die from blushing too much.

"I thought so." A small triumphant smile. "You already know how I feel about you. How I want to make all those dirty little dreams come true. The only problem is Ken…" The smile disappeared and he shook his head slightly as a faint distracted look crept into his eyes. "Everyone he loves disappears. Suffers because of him."

'_Bang. Crunch.'_ Daisuke shuddered slightly at the far off look Kaiser was suddenly giving him.

A thought occurred to him and he looked down, afraid to meet those probing eyes. "Then he doesn't…?"

"Don't ask stupid questions. Of course he does. How could he not? It terrifies him more than anything else. With a track record like his…" Kaiser paused, his lips thin and twisted up slightly at the corners in what could almost have been a smile. "He refuses to accept it but he desires it so desperately. It may not have caused the split, but it certainly didn't help. Now that we're split, he's using it as an escape. It's a wonderful defense that his psyche has perfected over the years. It just refuses to accept what he can't handle but he can't keep this up for much longer. The walls are crumbling and there won't be much left of him soon. Gennai was right, even if he is infuriating. We can't stay split forever. Eventually one of us will disappear. I aim to do my best to make sure that it won't be me."

Daisuke slammed his hand down on the table angrily. "I won't let that happen."

"Oh really? And how do you intend to stop me?"

"I don't know but I will find a way! You… You can't be two and you can't be just one or the other. I know this! You are Ken Ichijouji and like it or not, you are both the same person. You both need to learn to accept it!" He was nearly yelling now and he hoped that Mrs. Ichijouji wasn't listening.

Kaiser starred at him in surprise. The confusion was back in his eyes and Daisuke had a sudden understanding of just what it was he was seeing.

"…Ken?"

Kaiser shook his head slightly and gripped the edge of the table tightly. "Stop it… Stop it…" It was an angry hiss filled with malice that wasn't entirely addressed to Daisuke.

"Ken." Daisuke stood up and quickly moved to go to his friend's side.

"Don't." Kaiser looked up at him sharply, stopping him from getting closer. "Don't… I'm not ready." His face twisted as he slowly regained his composure and breathed deeply.

Daisuke sighed in frustration. "I wish you wouldn't do that."

Jealousy flashed across Kaiser's face and he stood up, his eyes locking on Daisuke with deadly intensity. "Why? Do you want him? Do you wish he was out here sobbing into your arms like the weak pathetic thing that he is? Do you love him more? He can't give you what I can. I want you and I will have you."

Kaiser suddenly moved up to him like a predator, standing tall and looking down at him angrily. Daisuke stood his ground and looked up into his eyes fully.

"Ken." Daisuke said firmly and stubbornly. "You are a part of Ken and I care for and love all of you the same. Even if you are arrogant, childish, sadistic, or just aggravating. I love Ken. I love you." He was pleased by the surprised look on Kaiser's face despite the surprise he felt at his own sudden statement.

He loved Ken and he loved Kaiser. Kaiser… Ken… They were the same boy. The same vulnerable boy that had curled into his arms just a few moments ago and bared his soul for him and only him…

Kaiser smiled and suddenly grabbed Daisuke, pulling him in and kissing him hard.

A part of him wished that just for once, Ken would be the one to give him a gentle shy kiss like the ones from his dreams… But another part was relishing in the thrill of the hot passion Kaiser seemed to have no problem demonstrating. It was probably this second part that was now returning the kiss and pushing Kaiser back into the table. He refused to let Kaiser dominate him like this and he had a sudden wild urge to let Kaiser know that he could give as good as he got.

There was a brief struggle as both boys fought to dominate, hands exploring over curves and fingers seeking out bare skin. Daisuke gained the upper hand as he found a vulnerable spot on Kaiser's lower back that made him let out a moan that was sure to be a regular feature in his nightly dreams for at least a month.

Passion was quickly replaced by panic as Mrs. Ichijouji's voice suddenly called out to them from the kitchen. "Did you boys get enough to eat?"

Kaiser released him and licked his lips slowly with a purr. Daisuke breathed out deeply and shivered as he pulled away, frantically adjusting his shirt and curiously feeling the fresh claw marks that were now raked across his sides and hips.

He barely managed to muster a garbled 'zuh' sound in response as he struggled to compose himself. Thankfully, Kaiser was a master at composure.

"Yes, thank you. Would you please pack up the leftovers for us? I would like to bring them along for my friends as a snack later." Kaiser's voice was smooth, cool, deceptively innocent and utterly in control.

Daisuke suddenly felt like he'd just stolen something and been caught red handed. He swallowed hard as Kaiser smirked and slowly smoothed his clothes back out.

In the kitchen he could hear Mrs. Ichijouji happily going on about how all of Ken's friends would share the food she had lovingly prepared for them. _If only she knew._

"We should go pack." Kaiser walked past Daisuke and headed back to his bedroom, stopping just before going inside to give him a look that said far too much. Smug, knowing, and arrogant all topped with something that made Daisuke feel completely guilty.

_Oh god._

It suddenly occurred to him that he had volunteered to spend time alone babysitting Ken and Kaiser. There was a good chance that he would have several moments of being all alone with him… Most likely sleeping in the same room just so he could keep an eye on both of them at the same time… Even the possibility of sleeping in the same bed…

Daisuke felt panic surge up in him at that thought. If Kaiser was not only going to cause trouble for Ken but also continue his little game of 'let's play with Daisuke's hormones', he was about to have a very difficult vacation.

The guilt was suddenly back full force. _What will Ken think?_ He had kissed the Kaiser without Ken's consent. Ken was still so unsure of himself when it came to these emotions and Kaiser was more than likely to use it as a weapon to hurt Ken.

After what felt like ages later, the two had said their emotional goodbye to Mrs. Ichijouji and made their way down the street carrying two overnight sacks with two very tired digimon buried in them next to a large supply of food and cookies.

Packing had been awkward and filled with more than a few awkward moments of Daisuke blushing and averting his gaze. It had been decided that they couldn't just disappear from Ken's bedroom without causing any suspicion so they now walked in silence as they headed towards Ken's school.

Despite the vacation, the computer room was still open to allow for students to continue to study and work on assignments if they didn't have easy access to technology. Kaiser had decided that this was the closest and easiest way for them to reach the Digital World and Daisuke had reluctantly agreed.

Daisuke couldn't help but feel awkward and guilty over that stolen kiss. Every now and then he'd glance at Kaiser who looked like he was hardly affected at all by it. Knowing him, he probably wasn't. _He's probably scheming on how to use it against us later._

Daisuke suddenly decided he couldn't keep quiet about it anymore. "I want to talk to Ken before we go."

Kaiser stopped so suddenly that Daisuke nearly plowed right into him. The look on his face was anything but pleased.

"Do you think it's a switch? That I can just turn on and off like that? It doesn't work that way, Motomiya." The return of the use of his last name meant that he was already walking a thin line.

"I don't care. I think I should talk to Ken alone before you two split up. Just in case something happens. I… I need to know he's okay."

"He's fine. You can talk to him once we're split." It was a clipped response without an ounce of patience to it.

"No. I want to talk to him out here. I… I need to just make sure!"

Kaiser pushed past Daisuke and marched ahead angrily. "That's too bad then, isn't it?"

"Ken!" Daisuke growled and ran after him. "Ken, wait! That's not fair! I need to talk to him!"

Kaiser stopped again and pulled himself up to his full height, planting his feet in a familiar posture that told Daisuke that he was prepared for a fight. Daisuke did the same, balling his fists up as he prepared to meet him head on. He would not back down. Not from this.

"Hey, Daisuke!" A loud familiar voice called out from behind them. "I was starting to think you two would never come!"

"Takeru?!" Daisuke briefly forgot about the pending fight and stared at the cheerful boy in amazement. "What are you doing here?"

Kaiser's eyes flickered and an emotion that almost looked like fear washed over him. "Takaishi…"

Daisuke glanced up in time to watch his partner stumble and sway.

Takeru and Daisuke dove forward in time to catch him just before he took what could have been a very unpleasant trip to the ground for him and Wormmon.

Daisuke felt his heart jolt in his chest as light purple eyes met his own. "Ken?"

"Daisuke? What's going on?"

Takeru looked from Ken to Daisuke curiously. "… Let me guess. I missed the fun?"

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	10. Chapter 10: Fear in You

**Author's Note: **

Takeru is a complex character. His relationships with the team and his outlook on life were really quite interesting and I don't think they were able to really get into it all in the show. I hope you enjoy! Please review.

- – -

**Chapter 10: Fear in You**

Takeru had always been sensitive to the dark. Perhaps it had originated from his first encounter with Devimon all those years ago, or perhaps there was something else behind it.

While he admitted that he wasn't nearly as sensitive or vulnerable as Hikari was, it could still keep him up at night if he let his thoughts linger on it for too long.

After their fun in the digital world, he couldn't help but find himself pacing in his room restlessly. He had told Daisuke to contact him if there was any trouble, and so far he hadn't heard a peep; but that didn't mean that Daisuke wasn't currently up to his ears in trouble and was just being too stubborn to do anything about it.

Takeru sighed and took a seat before Patamon got dizzy from watching him pace the length of the room.

He couldn't help but think of that first time he had really come face-to-face with the Kaiser in that dark whirlpool.

He had seen something that day that still left him sitting up at night if he thought about it too hard. In that dark empty hall, he had met a boy very much like himself that was walking on a narrow edge and slowly slipping down into the darkness without even realizing it.

Kaiser had been full of insecurities back then, desperate for approval and slowly drowning in his own deepening madness. It had been hard to see under all the flare and prestige, but alone in that dark hall Takeru had seen it all seeping out from under the mask.

Ken had taken him aside once and tried to apologize for the long faded mark that had once burned across Takeru's cheek, but Takeru had told Ken to forget about it. He had insisted that Ken had nothing to apologize for and Ken had eventually left the matter alone. Yet thinking on it now, he doubted that Ken had simply 'forgotten about it'.

Takeru had once tried to talk to Hikari about it, about what he had seen in the hall, but he just couldn't seem to find the right words to explain it. In the end he had brushed it off and changed the subject, but there was a look in her eyes that was far too knowing for his liking.

When it came to Ken, Hikari had always been quiet and hesitant to comment. After her own experience in the Dark Ocean and then again when she had been taken there with Miyako and Ken, she had said that Ken was just as vulnerable to the darkness as she was. She had mentioned that there was a possibility that the darkness existed inside of them and had wondered aloud that Ken might never escape it. They hadn't really spoken of it again.

But now… Now that he had looked into the eyes of the Kaiser again… He couldn't help but wonder if it was the same as before. There wasn't a cape or a whip or tinted glasses to hide behind anymore.

Once he had gotten a good look into those eyes, Takeru had realized that this wasn't really _The Kaiser_ anymore. This was something else. Something that was more Ken than Ken himself had seemed at times.

That thought left him feeling strange inside. Curiously, he found himself wanting to know more. To get closer to and examine this dangerous creature and maybe understand just what it was that he had seen that day.

He could still see that insecure boy that was desperate for approval and guidance somewhere behind those dark eyes. The darkness wasn't the same swirling vortex that threatened to consume him, but this boy was still walking a very thin and slippery line.

Each time he had locked eyes with this strange new creature, he had seen a fragile sanity that was slowly slipping away and Takeru had been disturbed to see the same thing starting to creep into Ken's eyes too.

But, there had been something else…

The memory of that first encounter rose up again and the realization hit hard. "He's afraid of me."

"Who's afraid of you?" Patamon rolled over onto his back and looked up at his partner curiously.

"Kaiser."

"He didn't look very afraid to me, Takeru." Patamon gave him a doubtful look.

"Remember when I sort of beat on him back in the base that first time?" He tried not to blush as he remembered tackling the Kaiser back, sitting on him, and feeling more like Yamato as he pounded the guy.

"Yeah! You were amazing!" Takeru couldn't help but smile at his little partner.

"Well… Before that. When I was talking to him. He was afraid of me. I don't think anyone had ever tried to talk to him before. Back then I thought it was because I had challenged him… But now… I think it was something else. Just a bit ago out in the desert it happened again. That fear is still there. He's afraid of me."

"I wonder what he's afraid of. Maybe he's afraid you'll pound him again!"

"I doubt that." Takeru got up and started to pace again. He couldn't help but wonder how Daisuke was doing. Was Ken alright? Was Koushiro's prediction true? Was Ken or Kaiser currently in the driver's seat?

The others had all decided to go to their own homes and prepare for something that no one had any idea how to prepare for. Once Daisuke sent out the word that he had returned to the digital world, they would all meet back up. Till then, they had their own arrangements to make.

It didn't matter how good their arrangements were in the end. There was only so long they could stay and the truth was that this was a problem that would not be solved overnight. All they could do was hope that nothing really bad happened.

How long could they hold out? How long could they hold their breath and wait in this uncertainty? What if time ran out?

"I can't take it anymore! We're going to meet up with them now."

"What?" Patamon nearly fell off the bed as he rolled over and sat up too fast. "You mean in the digital world? Daisuke said he'd send out a message when he was there."

"No. Daisuke might need help now. There's something going on between those two and I don't think Daisuke can handle it all by himself. I'd just feel better if I went to help them out." He grabbed his backpack and started to shove some supplies into it hastily.

Patamon seemed to think it over for a moment. "Yeah. I have to agree with you there… But just one thing before we run off!"

Takeru paused in his search for his spare hat and looked up at his partner. "Yeah? What's that?"

"Tell Hikari."

Takeru swallowed and clutched at the hat tightly. Hikari had pulled him aside just before they'd returned home and pleaded with him. _'Don't do anything foolish, Takeru. Please… This isn't your battle.'_ He hadn't thought that Patamon had been listening, but those big ears weren't just for show.

Would she approve of his plan? Or would she tell him to wait just like everyone else? How could she be so patient and wait for an email that might never come?

He recalled the look on her face in the desert when Kaiser and Ken had flanked Daisuke like some sort of strange guard.

He sighed and nodded his surrender at last. "I'll send her an email when I meet up with them. They'll most likely be heading to the nearest public computer access. They can't leave from Ken's house if his parents are there."

Patamon eyed Takeru then puffed up his cheeks in a way that clearly stated that he didn't like that answer but he would accept it. "Promise?"

"I promise."

- – -

Takeru looked up at the large menacing building that acted as Ken's school. He'd seen pictures of it in the news many times before, but it hardly did this place any justice. Looking at it now, he suddenly felt very sorry for Ken.

He couldn't imagine having to go here every day alone without any friends there to help him and support him._ It must be very lonely… _

Takeru moved to sit on a front step while hoping that he wasn't too late. It had been a long trip in which his imagination had run rampant on him. He was half afraid that he would get an email from Daisuke before he even got to his destination. While running up to the school, he had cursed his poor planning.

Now that he was actually there, he decided to wait an hour before he'd send Daisuke an email. He didn't want to give the impression that he didn't trust Daisuke to take care of things on his own.

Luckily he'd only waited for about five minutes before he saw the two boys approaching the school. Takeru was about to call out to them when they suddenly stopped and seemed to be arguing.

Watching from his spot on the steps it was easy to figure out who was sitting in the driver's seat. Ken's posture was beyond stiff and the look on his face was anything but kind or shy.

Judging from the angry voices that carried over to Takeru, apparently Kaiser had been in charge for a while and was currently not in the best of moods.

At first look, Daisuke appeared to be gaining the upper hand until Kaiser spun around and looked ready to start practicing some of those famous Ichijouji judo moves on Daisuke's head.

Takeru jumped up and ran over. He wanted to seem casual and not like he'd been waiting for them or watching them so he slowed as he approached and lightly called out his hello.

Both boys looked over at him in surprise. Daisuke looked more annoyed than anything, making Takeru feel like he'd just interrupted something private.

Kaiser was looking at Takeru with more than surprise. For just a moment, something deep and hidden flickered across his eyes.

Takeru didn't have time to wonder about it for very long as Kaiser swayed dangerously and started to fall forward.

As Takeru and Daisuke both moved forward swiftly and caught him easily, a very confused and timid Ken greeted them.

Now that Ken was back in charge, it was easy to see that the child of kindness was not fairing too well. Daisuke had apparently drawn the same conclusion as he clutched at Ken far too tightly.

"I thought you two might like some company. Just in case…" Takeru offered a weak explanation for his presence, though it only seemed to further Daisuke's annoyed look.

Daisuke sighed then helped to steady Ken, who still looked far too lost for Takeru's liking. "I guess it is a bit much for just me, huh? Could I talk to Ken alone for a moment? I wanted to talk to him about something before we went through and… It might get a little complicated." To Takeru's surprise, Daisuke both looked and sounded guilty about something.

Takeru looked over at Ken, who looked pale and like he was struggling just to keep his eyes focused. _It must be hard not to have control over your own body… Or to feel like you're losing your mind…_

"Yeah. I'll be right over there if you need me." Takeru snagged all the bags and released the hidden digimon while walking back to the steps. Wormmon clearly didn't want to let Ken out of his sight but he followed obediently.

Takeru and the digimon watched from the steps as Daisuke and Ken walked out of ear shot and started to talk. Though, as Takeru watched, Daisuke appeared to be sputtering more than talking while Ken simply looked confused and ashamed.

A hard nudge at his side reminded him of the promise he'd made earlier. "Alright… Alright… I'll email her."

He pulled out his D3 and flipped it open distractedly. Starring at the screen for a moment, he realized that he was utterly at a loss for what to say. He sighed in exasperation as he hurriedly thumbed out a message.

'_Hey Hikari. I decided to go meet up with Daisuke and Ken before they headed back. We're at his school now and about to cross through the gate. I'll let you know when we're all settled in. I don't think Daisuke should do this alone. There could be trouble when they first get back.' _

He paused there, looking back up at Daisuke and Ken. Daisuke was now a bright shade of pink while Ken looked horrified.

Takeru looked back down at his email quickly and furrowed his brow. Hikari was going to give him the 'I disapprove' look later. He sighed and quickly finished it. There was just no explaining himself. He was here because he wanted to be and not because he was needed.

'_I'll let you know how it goes later. I think Daisuke may have had some trouble a little earlier at Ken's place. Get the guys together and as soon as you're all ready, we'll met you at the base. See you soon! –Takeru.'_

He sent it off and flipped the D3 closed in disgust. _Oh yeah… Everything's going juuuust great. _ He felt like he'd missed something big as Daisuke's stammering apologies were now starting to reach his place on the stairs and Ken appeared to now be blushing and visibly upset.

Ken murmured something softly and Daisuke looked utterly crestfallen. A surprisingly soft word from Daisuke followed by Ken shaking his head and turning to head back towards the school with an equally soft reply.

As they approached, Takeru opened his mouth to ask if everything was alright when Hikari's words drifted back to him. _'This isn't your battle.'_

He closed his mouth and just watched them return with a forced smile.

Ken must have read the curious look on Takeru's face as he bent to retrieve his bag and digimon. "Just informing me of what my other half has been up to. Apparently he's having a wonderful time." Ken walked up the steps and into the school before anyone else could reply.

Daisuke guiltily picked up his own bag and partner, who sympathetically patted his shoulder.

Takeru slung his own bag over his shoulders and sighed as Patamon flew up to his head. They followed Ken into the large building heading towards the computer rooms.

The building was a dark and cool contrast to the bright sunny day outside. Compared to his own school, everything seemed so painstakingly perfect, clean, and orderly. There weren't any chipper signs, flyers, or motivational posters hanging on the bulletin boards. There were only simple black and white papers that announced extra study classes, college prep classes, test schedules, and statistics on success.

Takeru felt an intense feeling of solitude wash over him as he looked around the gray halls filled with neat and orderly classrooms and a profound lack of windows.

Daisuke didn't seem to notice as he walked purposefully down the hall, but Takeru couldn't help but notice as Ken's posture stiffened and his eyes focused on his goal straight ahead. His gray washed out clothes faded into the colorless background easily and it was easy to imagine the timid and tired boy being swallowed up in a sea of students all fighting to be the best.

As they entered the computer lab, and the door slid shut behind them, Ken lingered as far away from the computer monitors as he could get. An intense feeling of pity washed over Takeru as he stepped up to the other boy. "It'll be alright. We don't have to do this if you don't want to. It might be better out here…" He offered a sympathetic smile that felt forced.

Ken glanced up at Daisuke then shook his head, looking back down. "I'd rather be able to see him and know what he's doing than be told about it later."

Daisuke looked like he'd just been punched.

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence as Daisuke seemed about to protest or argue, his frown growing by the moment as he hashed out the possible consequences in his head. Just as he was about to open his mouth, Ken stepped up to a computer and held up his Digivice impatiently. "Digiport open!"

There was the familiar pull as they were sucked in followed by a thump as they were digitized out in the now baking hot desert sands.

Thankfully, the digital world had taken pity on the group and placed them much closer to the half buried base. Takeru was about to comment on their good fortune, eager to find the silver lining in anything, when a gasping moan of pain grabbed his attention.

He spun around to find Ken and Kaiser both kneeling side-by-side in the sand and clutching at the backs of their necks. They both seemed to phase and flicker to gray for a moment, identical looks of pain etching across their faces.

Daisuke was at Ken's side instantly, laying a hand on his back and trying to comfort his partner. Takeru surprised himself as he was suddenly at Kaiser's side, mirroring Daisuke's actions.

Kaiser was gasping sharply and shuddering. "Don't touch me… Get away from me!" He flinched as Takeru ignored him and lightly pulled the Kaiser's hand away from the back of his neck.

A small dark glow was emitting from just over his spinal cord, slowly fading till it only resembled a light bruise. A quick glance over at Ken confirmed that he appeared to have the same mark glowing under his hand too.

_The spore_. Was this the cause of their troubles? Was this what Koushiro had theorized on?

The glow faded away and both boys slowly started to relax, breathing deeply in unison.

Kaiser regained his composure first as he shifted back on his heels. Before Takeru could react, a fist was suddenly connecting with his cheek and sending him sprawling back into the sand.

Ken and Daisuke starred in utter shock while Patamon growled and scrambled after his partner protectively.

Takeru simply stared up at the Kaiser, who was now standing over him and staring back down at him with wide eyes. _Fear._

He slowly rubbed his cheek then smiled and got back up. "I see you're still resorting to violence when you should be talking."

Kaiser took a small step back, his hands trembling ever so slightly at his side. The glare faltered as he growled out, "Touch me again and I'll show you just how violent I can be."

Kaiser turned towards the base and headed for the large gaping hole on the side.

"Are you okay?" Takeru gave Ken a worried look.

Ken returned the look, "Are you?"

"Yeah. Not even bleeding and I doubt it will swell up or anything. I think he pulled his punch, actually…" He smiled reassuringly and tried not to wince as the smile touched the now reddened cheek. Ken packed a surprising strength behind that small frame.

Ken apparently didn't find it all that reassuring as he got to his feet. "Let's not leave him alone in there. Who knows what he could do."

They followed the Kaiser and walked towards the once mighty base. While Kaiser almost seemed eager to get inside, Ken started to fall behind until Daisuke had to reach back and gently take his trembling hand. Takeru took note of how tightly Ken clung to that hand.

An image of Yamato and Taichi holding hands on the battlefield came to mind and was quickly brushed aside. His heart was twisting in odd ways at the memory and the possible implications behind why it came to mind now.

Carefully, they stepped into the base, taking a moment to adjust to the slightly slanted floor. The place was dusty with sand, smelled of smoke, and was far too dark for Takeru's liking.

Kaiser slowly walked to a wall and slid his hand over a panel, causing the lights to flicker to life dimly. They were in a small storage room with cracked and broken containers strewn about. "Remember when we built this, Wormmon? We had so much fun planning for it…" Of all the things Takeru had expected Kaiser to say, that was not even close.

Wormmon looked just as surprised. "You were so excited. You said you based your designs off of me." He beamed proudly for a moment at the memory.

Ken looked down at his little partner then looked away. "It was all based off of you at first, Wormmon. I… Kaiser… We definitely had a muse when designing everything."

A thought occurred to Takeru. "Ken… How long were you in the digital world before we got here?" Ken had never really talked about his time as the Kaiser before they had been summoned to take him down. In fact, Ken never really talked about any of his time in the digital world prior to their arrival. Takeru had always had the impression that Ken had been chosen once before long ago, but he had no idea how long ago or for what purpose.

Ken looked down at Wormmon almost imploringly. Wormmon suddenly looked guilty and pretended to examine a broken container of what looked like old nails.

Kaiser shot Takeru a look of annoyance. "If my memories are to be trusted, I first arrived here around the time when you were first summoned, Takaishi. For how long, what I did, or what happened, you'd have to ask Wormmon… Or Gennai." The bitterness was almost tangible.

Wormmon looked down sadly, "I'm not sure either… Time was different back then. It was faster than it is now. Maybe… A few years?"

Takeru could accept that answer. He remembered what felt like years taking place in mere minutes when compared to the real world. Things weren't as nice back then as they were now.

Daisuke, who had been looking around the room piped up. "Why can't you remember? What does it have to do with Gennai?"

Kaiser sighed in frustration. "I don't know." He sounded like this was not a topic that he was too pleased with. "You'd have to ask Gennai. Then again, most of my memories from that time are a little… Off."

"What about after that? How long were you here building all of this?" Daisuke honestly sounded impressed as he leaned in to look at a control panel built into a wall.

Takeru looked around and couldn't help but feel a little impressed too. It really was hard to imagine that Ken and Wormmon had built this thing from scratch on their own.

"…A long time." Ken and Kaiser responded at the same time. They glanced at each other and seemed to share a thought before looking away again.

Takeru was disturbed by that answer. "You were here building all of this and preparing for world domination… And we weren't contacted till you nearly had it all?"

Ken shrank back and Daisuke suddenly looked worried.

Kaiser was now giving Takeru an odd sort of look. "You would love that, wouldn't you? The notion of me in here all alone building something to inflict pain and suffering on others. To simply conquer. I hate to burst your bubble, Takaishi…"

Daisuke looked from Kaiser to Takeru with more than a little alarm. He cleared his throat loudly and tried to change the subject. "Uh… So… Why don't you show us where we'll be staying?"

Ken was staring at the Kaiser with an almost pleading look.

"The truth is…" Kaiser's voice was soft and full of malice.

"Kaiser." Ken's trembling voice spoke up sharply. "Please don't…"

Takeru locked eyes with the Kaiser and suddenly understood what Hikari had been warning him about. _'Don't do anything foolish, Takeru…'_

Kaiser looked over at Ken and Daisuke then let out a small disgusted sound as he moved to the door. "Perhaps later…" He hit the panel harder than necessary and the door slid open, exposing the dark and battle damaged hall. "I have work to do if I'm to make this place more than a death trap. I at least want this place to have a fully functional electric system without the threat of another nuclear meltdown."

Kaiser disappeared into the dark, his footsteps clicking down the metal hall softly. Daisuke and Ken slowly followed, hands once more tightly clasped. Apparently their argument from earlier was forgotten and forgiven already. The digimon hurried after them, uncomfortable with being left behind in the old base.

Takeru stood alone in the dark room, taking note for the first time how much cooler it was in there than it should have been with the desert creeping in through the hole in the wall. His D3 dinged and he numbly pulled it out, flipped it open and stared down at Hikari's short reply.

"_Takeru, please be careful. Don't let him pull you in."_

He closed the D3 and put it away. She knew what he wanted and couldn't have. She knew the dangers that Takeru could only catch small glimpses of.

Takeru had always been sensitive to the dark.

"I'm sorry, Hikari… But I need this." He gathered his things and slowly left the room, following Kaiser's path.

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	11. Chapter 11: Other Half of Me

**Author's Note:  
**A review is like the first thaw of spring: Refreshingly warm and full of life. Enjoy and please review!

- – -

**Chapter 11: Other Half of Me**

Kaiser watched from the corner of his eye as the others slowly explored his bedchamber. It occurred to him that they probably hadn't even considered the fact that he had a bedroom in the base. They probably thought he slept on the thrown. _Typical_.

The room was surprisingly empty for its size. A single large bed, a desk and a book shelf were the only furniture occupying the room. The door to his closet was partway jammed open and the private bathroom appeared to be in shambles. He frowned and made a mental note to get the base upright as soon as the power was restored.

Ken kept quiet, not bothering to look through anything. Apparently he didn't like to think about those good old days of living here.

Daisuke moved to study the book case, frowning at the over complex titles filled with the promises of math and computer programming. Takeru was looking through the closet curiously, digging through old odds and ends that were long forgotten. Kaiser wondered if any of his spare jumpsuits and capes were still hanging in there; not that he wanted to don that get up again, but he was still curious.

Daisuke had sent an email to everyone a few minutes earlier to let them know that they had arrived and were ready for them. As much as Kaiser hated the idea of them all poking around at his base or commenting on the final battle, he did like the idea of them really getting a good view of what he had built.

He still felt a sense of pride in his masterpiece, even after all that had happened in the end. He had designed it and built it with his own hands… Mostly. Wormmon had been his only companion in the beginning, but as the plans changed it was the enslaved digimon that had finished his fortress and polished off the final touches.

But still, he had been the one to write the initial programs, go over the blueprints with painstaking detail, and make sure it all came together.

A pale hand reached out beside him and pulled open a desk drawer, interrupting Kaiser from his thoughts of the past. He raised an eyebrow as Ken started to go through the drawer.

He had expected Ken to avoid wanting to touch anything in the base, being overly sensitive to the old unpleasant memories that were lurking around every corner.

Ken looked over at him stubbornly, eliciting a chuckle from the Kaiser, who stepped to the side to make room for him.

"I… We left everything here after the last battle. I doubt many scavengers got this deep into the base, but most of the basic supplies have probably been looted by now. Keep your eyes out for a small data pad. If we're to make this place at least halfway livable over the next few days, I'll need it to check all the systems and start some basic repairs. It contains the blueprints, codes, and a full list of the systems that run this place. I could do it without the pad, but it was very tedious and would take far too much time." Ken's voice was authoritative and apologetic all at once.

Kaiser couldn't help but enjoy the idea of working on the base again. He ached to get his hands back on the designs so he could start improving and fixing everything all over again. The best times of his life had been spent in those long hours late at night as he went over the plans and codes watching it all come together.

He found himself smiling at the memories and feeling excited at the prospect of all the work that lay ahead of him. This sort of work he enjoyed above all else and he looked forward to the pleasure of letting his mind really reach out and connect to something physical.

The smile disappeared as he caught Takeru watching him from across the room.

Daisuke was busy examining one of Ken's old handwritten notebooks full of the details about the base and digital world as he had discovered it. Kaiser highly doubted that Daisuke understood a single word that was etched across the pages in such precise and neat lines.

He was about to snap at Daisuke and tell him to stop touching such delicate and important things when Ken suddenly jerked his hand back and something metallic clattered to the desk.

Both boys stared down at the offending object with drastically different expressions. Kaiser breathed out slowly and moved to brush a finger delicately over the cold metal.

His glasses. Not the original, of course; those had disappeared along with everything else out in the desert. These were a spare, but they were just as beautiful as the original.

"You don't need those anymore." Ken snapped sharply as Kaiser picked them up, checking the lenses for scratches.

"They were a bit much, weren't they?" He smiled nostalgically. "Then again, my vision was too perfect for real glasses; but just wearing those wire frames would have been too obvious, don't you think Kenny boy?" He slipped them on and moved his hands up to his hair, easily reforming the silky strands back into their much more familiar and comfortable chaotic spikes.

Kaiser smiled and tilted his head back slightly. "What do you think? Do we look like him yet? I think I'm taller, personally. He had a better smile, though… Right to the end."

Ken's hand shot out and ripped the glasses off of Kaiser's face, tossing them across the room to clatter against the wall, cracking the lenses from the force of the blow.

"That's not funny." Ken hissed angrily. His eyes were narrowing dangerously and Kaiser relished in that look.

"I'm not the one that decided it would be a good idea to steal my dead brother's life." Kaiser hissed right back at him, matching him tone for tone and look for look. Surprisingly, Ken didn't back down.

"Neither of us are Osamu. He's dead. He's not coming back." There was the faintest hint of something growing behind those dark eyes and Kaiser suddenly had the urge to grab whatever it was and pull it out into the light for all to see.

"But it's oh-so-fun to pretend, isn't it? Did taking his identity ease the guilt? When you first looked in the mirror, did you see him smiling back at you approvingly? Did you pretend you were him as you beat down your first victims? You still see that so clearly, don't you? Standing over us as he took out his anger on us. You can pretend all you want but it doesn't erase the fact that you let him die!"

Suddenly Daisuke was between them practically flailing his arms as he yelled loudly, "Hey! I have an idea! Let's go see the kitchen! I want to drop off all this extra food before it gets eaten or something!"

Kaiser glared over the shorter boy to Ken, who looked ready to snap. Kaiser felt the desire to test his theory on who was the stronger one double.

Takeru joined Daisuke and said in a much firmer voice, "I think that's a wonderful idea. Ken? Can you lead the way?"

Ken's jaw was set as he nodded and turned to the door. His fist slammed into the panel, causing it to spark as the door slid open. Kaiser smiled at the dented metal as Ken left the room coolly.

Daisuke and Wormmon hurried after the pissed boy, most likely to try and calm him down and remind him that he was in fact the child of kindness and he didn't need to go punching innocent walls in his rage.

Takeru went to the door and mumbled something to his own digimon partner. Patamon reluctantly hopped off his partner's head and followed Veemon out down the hall.

Kaiser raised an eyebrow as Takeru reached up and shut the door behind them, effectively shutting the two in the room alone.

They stood in silence for a moment, Takeru appearing to be debating something in his head.

Kaiser moved to retrieve the fallen glasses and gingerly set them back on the desk. There was something about the cracked lenses that made his gut wrench unpleasantly.

At last, Takeru spoke up. "That was a dirty move, Kaiser. You don't really believe any of that, do you?"

Kaiser looked up at the other boy, suddenly feeling cornered. "What do you care what I believe?"

Takeru looked at him fully. "He's losing it. Since the split first happened. I can see it happening more and more. The longer he stays near you, the more he loses control. You're trying to drive him insane."

Kaiser forced a smile. "And your point is?"

"You're losing it too, Kaiser. It's not as obvious, but I can see it coming. You're both slipping and it's only a matter of time before you both fall. What happens then?"

Kaiser struggled not to back up as Takeru moved closer. "I don't think that's any of your business, Takaishi."

"What are you afraid of?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Kaiser met those overly bright and hopeful eyes fully.

"You're afraid of me. I couldn't understand it at first. Of all of us, you only seemed to avoid me. I thought maybe it was because I hit you back then… But Daisuke did far more damage than I ever did. Then I thought maybe it was because I stood up to you. That I tried to reason with your insanity when no one else was willing… But that wasn't it either, was it?"

Kaiser's eyes narrowed as Takeru walked past him and over to the closet, moving to dig through it with purpose.

"It used to really keep me up at night. Wondering what it was that I saw… If I had even seen anything or if I was just imagining it. Maybe there was something wrong with me… That I scared the great Digimon Kaiser." Takeru bent to pick something up. "But then I realized what it was. You weren't really scared of me." He stood back up and turned around, holding up a well worn whip. "You were scared of yourself."

Kaiser's eyes widened. He didn't feel the elation or comfort that he had expected towards finding his old weapon of choice. Instead, he was filled with horror. There was a clamor as he stumbled back until he was pressed against the wall, his breathing picking up heavily.

Takeru hardly looked surprised. "You were afraid of what you could do. You'd never attacked a human before. It's easy to pretend the digimon aren't real. They don't bleed like we do… But you made me bleed. One drop and suddenly it was too real for you."

Kaiser found himself trembling as he struggled desperately to regain his composure. "Shut up." He gasped out, sounding far too desperate for his taste.

Takeru walked up to him and looked him right in the eye. "You're scared of me because I've seen what you can do. I've seen the worst of you, and I wasn't afraid. I pitied you."

Kaiser flinched back under that open honest gaze. He could smell the well oiled leather of the whip and hear the creak of the coils as Takeru twisted them in his hand slowly.

"What you saw in yourself that day terrified you. Even now, you're afraid that you'll do it again. That you'll hurt someone else. That you'll lash out in anger and make someone else bleed. I remind you of your own darkness that Ken so desperately pushes away."

Kaiser closed his eyes, trying not to feel his fingers twitch as Takeru let the whip drop to the floor.

A hand lightly touched his shoulder. "Ken… You don't have to be afraid anymore. That isn't you. It was never you."

Kaiser's eyes snapped open, staring down at the hand on his shoulder. His voice was ragged and strained as he growled out angrily. "I told you… Not to touch me…"

He lunged, but this time Takeru was prepared as he ducked the first fist and stepped back, bracing himself as Kaiser tackled him hard. The second fist connected with an already sore cheek.

Takeru rolled hard and landed a blow that split Kaiser's lower lip sharply. The tall blond managed to hold the dominant position for a moment longer before Kaiser suddenly decided he wasn't playing around anymore.

There was a sharp well placed elbow to the side and then a knee came up and connected with the blond boy's solar plexus. Takeru gasped hard as his diaphragm spasmed, all the air getting knocked from him as he fell to the side.

Kaiser dove and wrapped his fingers around the warm comforting leather of the whip.

**CRACK!**

The whip sang out, snapping just inches from Takeru's face.

Kaiser got to his feet, watching as the other boy struggled into a crouching position, still clutching at his sides.

"Isn't this familiar?" Kaiser breathed out and licked his bloodied lip tenderly. "Maybe this time we'll see how it plays out, hm?" The whip snapped through the air, cracking just to Takeru's side.

The bearer of hope looked up at him firmly, not a trace of fear on his face. Kaiser sneered in response. He hated that look. That calm open and trusting face and those soul piercing eyes… He longed to put some fear into this naïve child.

"Is this why you came here without the others? Why you keep trying to corner me? Because you were just dying to know why I feared you?" He slowly circled the other boy, looking him over.

A giggle escaped his throat and Kaiser shuddered, clenching his fingers on the tight familiar leather.

"You were right about one thing. You were the first. I was frightened by what I had done… What I could do. What I would do again." He let the whip run over his free hand, slowly coiling it through his fingers. The feel of it was intoxicating.

"But you were wrong about why… I wasn't afraid because you had seen 'the worst' of me. Oh no no no… You haven't seen the worst. You are not that privileged. You are _not_ Daisuke."

The stunned expression that passed over Takeru's face was beautiful. "Don't think I haven't noticed. I know why you really came here. Why you keep seeking me out despite all the warnings to back off. To stay away… I know why you keep getting in the way and coming after me. Why _she_ told you to stay away from me."

Takeru suddenly looked worried.

"Yes… I know about that." Kaiser purred softly. "And I know why you didn't listen. You were never interested in _Ken_ like you were in _Kaiser_. You're drawn to me. You and that foolish girl. Though, she was the only one smart enough to stay away apparently."

He laughed again as he imagined just what Hikari would have to say about this little turn of events. Probably something sickeningly pathetic and hopeful.

"Dose it eat you up inside to see Daisuke being the real savior? It was always Daisuke. You aren't even second fiddle. He's the only one that could find his way through the darkness alone. The only one that could even get my attention. He understands the darkness and he isn't afraid of it like you are."

He could feel something inside of him snapping and his careful control was starting to slip away. Kaiser giggled again as he suddenly realized that he didn't care. It was all starting to come together for him and it was beautiful.

"You are nothing, child of hope. Kindness has no hope." He leaned down and looked Takeru in the eyes fully. The blond met his gaze, but this time at long last, he could see fear starting to creep in.

"Do you want to know why we were afraid?" Oh yes, there was most certainly fear edging its way in. He hoped Takeru was starting to realize the mistake he'd made. Daisuke would never have been this foolish.

"I wasn't afraid of you, pathetic little insect. I didn't care about what I'd done. You could have been bleeding to death and it would have been all the same to me… No, I was afraid because I liked it." He wiped the blood from his lip and looked at the bright red standing out against his pale skin. "I still do…" The whip snapped and this time it connected, cutting into Takeru's sleeve and digging into his skin.

Takeru flinched hard but kept his gaze firmly on Kaiser. "You're losing it, _Ken_."

A laugh, more than a giggle this time. "Ken's already lost it. I'm just here to make sure he never finds it again."

He tossed the whip to the side and slowly moved to the door. "You should follow light's example and stay the hell away from me or I'll drag you down with me."

Kaiser walked out the door, leaving Takeru staring after him with wide eyes. At last, fear had arrived. He wondered if it would stay this time.

He made it halfway down the hall before he stopped. Slowly he reached into his pocket and fished out his brother's glasses from earlier. He must have fallen on them in the scuffle as they were now cracked in several places. Cracked like the original pair that now rested on a rotting corpse buried deep in the ground.

"Osamu…" A chocking sound forced its way out of his tight throat, almost sounding like a sob. Slowly, he braced himself against the wall and struggled to contain himself. Distantly, he wondered if Ken had a pair of glasses in his own pocket. Would they be cracked too?

The sound came again, gasping now as control slipped away and disappeared from sight.

The back of his neck was burning and the world was starting to spin. Dropping the glasses, he sank to the floor gasping desperately as an echo from the past slipped into his mind. '_You can't escape the darkness._'

Kaiser laughed. _I don't think I want to escape anymore._

He looked down at his hands as they started to fade to gray and flicker. He wondered if Ken was feeling what he felt. Would he drag Ken down with him? It would be so much easier if Ken would just understand like he did… If he would just accept it and give in…

He could hear the waves crashing around him now and the understanding that he was going to drown hit him. He would drown and it would feel wonderful. _This is what Osamu felt just before he broke…_

"KEN!"

His eyes snapped open and he was suddenly sinking into something warm and familiar.

Kaiser breathed out slowly; leaning forward to soak up the last warmth that was left in the world. His arms wrapped around strong shoulders and he felt strong hands pressing against his back. "Daisuke… It's always you…"

A cold cheek nuzzled against a warm one as he shivered and whispered deliriously. "Maybe… I can take you with me…"

The world faded to black.

- – -

It was turning out to be one of _those_ days; though on further reflection, it was safe to say that it was beyond one of _those_ days. In fact, Daisuke would go so far as to say that this day was making one of _those_ days look like a pleasant vacation.

He miserably followed Ken down the hall, shuffling around the rubble and navigating the slanting halls as all three digimon scampered after him on his heels.

_I shouldn't have kissed him_. The thought ran through his head for the millionth time in the past hour or two and he felt another wave of guilt and regret rush over him. Yet, there was not as much regret there as he thought he should have had. This thought only increased his guilt and made him even more miserable.

When he'd told Ken… _Confessed_ to the stolen kiss, Ken had reacted with hurt. Rightfully so, by Daisuke's judgment. Sure, Ken had said it was alright and told Daisuke that he had nothing to be sorry for, but Ken was probably blaming himself for the loss of control. Further still, Ken was probably wondering if perhaps Daisuke didn't want Kaiser more than him. If the Kaiser really could give more than Ken could, wouldn't that be more desirable option?

This was where the guilt crept up the most. Daisuke had enjoyed it, encouraged it even; and those few moments alone with Kaiser when he had seen under the protective layers had been utterly sacred to him. But how was Daisuke supposed to explain that in those moments it hadn't been _the Kaiser_ that he had loved? How did he convince someone so deep in his own guilt that Ken and the Kaiser were the same boy in his eyes?

Things had seemed to get better for a brief moment after the initial panic of having both of them writhing in agony out in the sand. Perhaps in those early moments, things had felt clearer to Ken now that he was alone in his head.

They had held hands. Daisuke never wanted to let go of that soft but strong hand, and there had been a sort of peace between the two as Ken allowed Daisuke to lead him… But then Takeru…

Daisuke frowned as he stepped over a large piece of crumbled wall. _What the hell was Takeru doing?_ _Provoking Kaiser like that. What is he trying to accomplish? _

Takeru obviously hadn't read more than just a few pages into the Book of Ken Ichijouji. He had missed all of the warning signs Kaiser had given him that clearly stated 'do not press this button' and 'you are now in dangerous water and you've just lost your life raft'.

There was one thing to want to rile up the Kaiser and argue with him while trying to make him see your side, but even Daisuke knew his limits. You had to push and give at the same time. If you just pushed, Kaiser would knock you down and then kick you.

Things only got worse from there as apparently Ken felt it was his turn to try his chances with the Kaiser, and for a brief heart stopping moment, Daisuke thought there was a chance Ken could have won.

Daisuke had managed to delay that little explosion, but it had been a close one. It had become clear that Kaiser was biding his time and eventually, Ken was going to learn the truth about Osamu and maybe more… And from the way that Ken was acting, now was clearly not the time to let that slip so carelessly.

The dented door panel in the bedroom and corresponding bruise on Ken's hand was proof enough of that.

Ken needed time to cool off. To have someone he trusted and cared for deliver that bit of knowledge delicately. But how did someone go about delicately telling someone that everything they knew about their brother was a lie?

Daisuke looked up at the angry boy just ahead of him skirting easily around the rubble and making his way down the hall. Daisuke only managed to keep up by plowing right through everything with his usual grace.

Finally, Ken stopped and sighed. "There, the kitchen." He pointed to a large and totally trashed kitchen. "Looks like the scavengers cleaned this place out ages ago. I hope they at least got some good food out of this… Better than the usual stuff they'd find out here, anyway."

Daisuke smiled slightly as Ken's anger slowly dissipated. Of course Ken had known that Daisuke hadn't really wanted to see the kitchen, but Ken had needed a goal to distract himself with. "It's alright. We have our own supplies for a while and the others will have their own no doubt. We can always go back for more later; and I bet we'll even have this place cleaned up and in working order in no time."

Ken looked like fixing the place up was the last thing he wanted to do. "Wonderful."

Daisuke chewed his lower lip as he tried to think of something he could say or do that would cheer Ken up.

"Hey, it's not that bad. This place really isn't that terrible when it's not being used for evil." Patamon trotted past them and moved to dig through the open pantry.

Daisuke blinked then suddenly looked around. "Where's Takeru?" Panic started to build. "…And Kaiser?"

"Oh, they stayed behind." The little digimon was looking at the left over canned goods strewn about and starting to organize them. "I think Takeru wanted to talk to Kaiser about something."

"Oh." _Wait, that's bad._ "What?!"

Daisuke spun around frantically. _Oh crap oh crap oh crap._ He made a mental note to have a nice long talk with Takeru once he was done beating him over the head.

Ken hesitated and placed a hand on Daisuke's shoulder. "Daisuke, wait."

Daisuke was now running in place, looking up at Ken urgently. "We have to go back! Takeru is an idiot!" Daisuke flailed slightly, feeling an intense urgency building up inside him.

All of that urgency was lost on Ken, who remained calm and focused on Daisuke. "I wanted to talk to you… About earlier. I don't want him around for this…"

Daisuke stared, and then nearly fell over as he planted his feet firmly on the ground.

"I trust you and…" A soft gentle pink spread out from his cheeks to his nose in the most beautiful blush Daisuke had ever seen. He made a vow to try to get Ken to blush like that more often.

Ken looked down for a moment as if building up his courage. At last he looked up at Daisuke fully. "What he feels for you… What he wants from you… It's twisted and mixed up, but it's not wrong. I don't think he really understands what he's feeling or where it's coming from. He just acts on it without thinking."

Daisuke smiled as his brain finally caught up to what Ken was saying. "I understand. And Ken?"

Ken looked up at him shyly. It was the kind of look that made Daisuke feel invincible. "Yeah?"

"I can wait for you. What I feel is for both of you. What he feels… I think I understand him. And I understand you. I can't promise that it won't happen again. He's a part of you, after all… And he's very, uh… He usually gets what he wants and it's hard to argue with that. But I love that part of you as much as I love this part of you. I can't promise that when it happens again I won't respond, but I can promise that I won't let it go too far. I know my limits and I'm starting to understand his as well as yours… I don't want it till I can have all of it. I want the passion with the love at the same time." He wished he was a genius. Just trying to understand what he felt was hard enough without having to explain it coherently.

Luckily, Ken _was_ a genius. He seemed to think it over for a moment then nodded. "I understand. I can't promise I won't feel jealous if it happens again, but I understand…"

Just like that, the day didn't seem that bad anymore.

Ken looked about to say something that was slowly putting another wonderful blush on his face when he was interrupted by urgent beeping.

Daisuke reluctantly pulled out his D3 and flipped it open. "The others just got here. Looks like Hikari, Iori, Miyako, Taichi, Yamato and Koushiro all came together. Took them long enough, huh?"

Ken nodded slightly, but the smile had disappeared from his face. It occurred to Daisuke that it must be hard on him to have all of his friends present to see his darkest problems running around.

"Tell them to head for the hole on the East side of the base. Wormmon?" Ken sighed softly.

The little digimon scuttled up quickly, prepared to take orders.

"Would you please go down and show our friends to the guest rooms? The ones down the hall from my own should be alright. They didn't look damaged."

Wormmon looked thrilled to be given such an important mission.

"Daisuke! Daisuke! Can I go too?" Veemon perked up, eager to have something to do after such a long period of being patient.

Daisuke smiled and nodded at his partner, proud that he had managed to demonstrate far more patience than Daisuke could have in the same situation.

The two digimon were off in a flash, scurrying down the hall happily.

Patamon was still rummaging through the kitchen, now busy with pushing all the garbage to one side. Ken and Daisuke watched for a moment, baffled as he worked.

"Patamon… What the heck are you doing?" Daisuke finally asked after watching the little digimon boom bubble a broken table out of the way.

"I'm fixing up this place!" He beamed up at them brightly. "I got an idea when you were talking about the scavengers. We're out in the middle of the desert and there's not a lot out there, but there are a surprising amount of digimon. This place has a lot of supplies like food, water, medical supplies, and shelter from the sand storms. We could make this place something more than it was, if we tried. Something more useful than just an eyesore on the land."

Daisuke and Ken exchanged a look. "You mean… Build a shelter? Huh… Ken? Could that work?"

Ken blinked slowly, looking amazed. "It needs a lot of work… But I think we could do it. I'd need to get rid of the weapons and prisons… But we could make this place something to be proud of instead of…" He looked down, not wanting to finish.

Daisuke smiled brightly. "I think the others would love that idea. They could help! We just need to clean it up and brighten it up a bunch and stuff… Hey, let's go get Takeru and …uh… Kaiser… And go tell the others!" He wasn't sure if Kaiser would appreciate the idea as much as they did, but it wasn't like he had any say in the matter as far as Daisuke was concerned.

Ken nodded and slowly slipped his hand into Daisuke's then moved to guide him back down the hall.

Daisuke squeezed the hand gently and relished in the feeling. All the Kaiser kisses in the world couldn't compare to that one simple gesture.

They were halfway back to the room when Ken suddenly stopped and paled.

"Ken?" Daisuke looked back at him with concern.

Ken didn't respond. He seemed frozen in place, staring at something too far off for Daisuke to see.

"Hey, Ken?"

Ken slowly blinked then whispered, "Daisuke… I think something bad is about to happen."

"What do you mean?" He felt his blood run cold and the good feeling from before was quickly slipping away.

Ken didn't answer, seeming rooted to the spot as all the color drained away from the already pale boy.

Daisuke looked at Ken with wide eyes as his sense of urgency returned full force. He knew he shouldn't have left Kaiser alone with Takeru! _Stupid! Stupid!_

Ken's face was now ghost white, his eyes blank as he gazed off at something only he could see. _He's slipping away._

Daisuke felt a surge of adrenalin rush through his system as Ken flickered slightly, phasing to gray and back. Without thinking, he snatched Ken's hand tightly and pulled, running down the hall as best as he could while dragging Ken behind him.

"Ken! You stay with me!" He barked out, terrified that he was about to lose one or both of them.

He was in a blind panic as he turned a corner and attempted to navigate around the broken furniture, slabs of crumbled wall and broken glass littering his path like an insane obstacle course.

As he neared Ken's old room, he caught sight of a spike-haired figure sitting against the far wall. Kaiser was breathing hard and laughing like he'd just been let in on some deep dark private joke.

Kaiser was already phasing worse than Ken was, fading into the grays of the dark hall easily. His face was broken with a twisted and painful grin that brought back that hushed whisper of _Bang. Crunch._

Ken stopped just behind Daisuke, watching the Kaiser oddly. His face smoothed over and still, completely void of emotion.

Daisuke kneeled down in front of the Kaiser and gently shook him. "Kaiser? Kaiser!"

He cupped Kaiser's cheek and leaned in closer, tilting his head up to look into those distant and lost eyes.

"Ken!"

Kaiser blinked and slowly seemed to come back to the solid world around them, though there was still a part of him that still appeared to be missing.

He looked at Daisuke and smiled distantly, slowly sinking into him and pressing in closer. Daisuke was reminded of that sacred moment in the bedroom that now seemed like a lifetime ago.

Thin arms wrapped around him slowly, Kaiser once more seeking him out as if he was the last bit of comfort in the world.

A raspy whisper brushed against his ear, "Daisuke… It's always you…"

Daisuke wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer, desperate to keep him here. A cool smooth cheek was pressed against his and he slid a hand up to run through those deceptively soft spikes.

"Maybe… I can take you with me…" Kaiser still sounded so far away.

The Kaiser giggled, softer this time, almost sounding like a sob. Then there was dead weight in his arms as Kaiser blacked out.

Behind him, there was a thump as Ken crumpled to the ground in a heap.

Daisuke frantically looked from one to the other, just to be certain that they were indeed both still there.

A sigh of relief left him as he confirmed that yes, they were still there with him. He could be glad about that at least, but he would have been happier if they were both still conscious.

Daisuke looked up as a figure stepped out of the bedroom and stood helplessly at the end of the hall.

"Takeru." Daisuke leveled a demanding look at the boy. "What did you do?"

Takeru looked odd, pale and wide eyed. Like he'd seen into the abyss and it had laughed at him. Daisuke realized that the abyss was now most likely curled up in his arms and clinging to his shirt.

Takeru shrank back under that accusing glare, looking lost as he gazed down at the two forms curled on the floor. Daisuke couldn't help but notice the torn and bloodied shirt sleeve and the darkening bruise forming on Takeru's cheek. "I… I didn't know… I'm so sorry. Daisuke… I…"

Daisuke sighed and shook his head. Now was not the time for this. Whatever had happened in that room would have to be explained later.

There was a commotion as the others decided to pick that exact moment to arrive, crowding around in the hallway and gawking at what must have been a fairly confusing and alarming scene.

Hikari looked down at the two unconscious figures then up at Takeru, a deep look of disappointment in her eyes. Takeru looked away, refusing to meet her gaze.

Daisuke smiled pitifully and waved hello. "Hey guys… Uh… A little help?"

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	12. Chapter 12: Shades of the Past

**Author's Note:**

Gennai is so hard to write. I still hear him as the silly old coot from Season 1 even if he has the Jedi young Obiwan look to him in season 2… Please review! (Thank you to those that reviewed and pointed out some (big) mistakes. I try to always go back and look for them so that I can correct them.)

- – -

**Chapter 12: Shades of the Past**

Hikari slowly wrapped the gauze around Takeru's arm, her nimble fingers gentle and precise as she worked. The gash wasn't nearly as bad as it had originally looked, but with all of the sand and dust floating around she didn't want to risk having an infection settle in.

She had managed to locate a fairly decent medical kit in one of the bathrooms and briefly wondered about the implications of it being there.

Hikari tried not to think about what had caused the wound or question why there was a whip carelessly discarded in the corner as she worked. Takeru had not offered any explanations and she had not asked for any.

Takeru sat silently in the chair, staring at the ground and holding a cold compress to his cheek tenderly. There was guilt in his eyes and something troubling that Hikari couldn't quite put her finger on.

Across the room, Daisuke was sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning over Kaiser, gently dabbing at a bloody lip with a cool washcloth.

Hikari felt unsettled by the way Daisuke was so focused on the unconscious boy. The tender and complete loving care Daisuke was using to make sure that both Ichijouji boys were comfortable in the large bed left her with an odd feeling that she couldn't quite identify.

Watching both boys sleep in the large bed was strange to her. They seemed so calm now… So innocent and young.

The digimon had offered to go explore the base to make sure that there weren't any unpleasant surprises or dangers lurking in the shadows. Considering the state of the fortress, Hikari would be surprised if they came back having found nothing.

It had been a real challenge to get Wormmon to go with them, but they had managed to convince him that Ken would be safe with his friends. Once it had been pointed out that Wormmon knew the base better than anyone else, he had reluctantly agreed to guide them.

Takeru shifted beside her as she gently finished taping up the gauze. She wanted to feel upset at him for not listening to her. To feel guilty for not responding to Takeru's email faster and telling him to wait for the others because it wasn't safe… But she doubted that he would have listened to her.

She had been delayed while helping the others gather supplies and organize their cover stories. A part of her realized that even if she had responded faster, by the time Takeru had emailed her, he had probably already been stepping through the gate anyway.

She had initially planned on lecturing him, but the way he had avoided any eye contact with Daisuke and flat out refused to help tend to Ken or Kaiser let her know that he was already beating himself up enough.

Koushiro finally looked up from his computer and cleared his throat, breaking the silence as cautiously as he could. "Okay. We're making zero progress here. Someone's going to have to fill me in because I get the feeling something big happened and unless I'm expected to read minds, one of you I going to have to start talking."

Takeru clenched his teeth and continued to inspect the floor with extreme intensity.

Daisuke shifted on the bed, careful not to disturb the two sleeping boys. After glancing at Takeru, he sighed heavily. "When we got back to the real world, Kaiser was in control. I think the transition must have jumbled things up for him or something. He was pretty dazed for a while before he got back to being his wonderful Kaiser self again."

"Did he cause any trouble?" Iori looked at Daisuke with large worried eyes. Out of all of them, Iori had had the hardest time forgiving Ken for ever being the Kaiser.

Hikari wondered how Iori was doing now that Kaiser was back and Ken was left exposed. Did he blame Ken for this?

Daisuke hesitated at the question and Hikari frowned. She knew that look. It was the look Taichi used to give her when he knew something that would upset her and he didn't want to reveal the whole awful truth. The answer to that question was something that none of them would likely ever hear.

"No. He behaved himself." No one looked convinced, but no one pressed it any further.

It was disturbing to think about just how much Daisuke was starting to keep from them. He used to be so open, outgoing, and full of energy. It was not uncommon to have him voice his opinions loudly while jumping to conclusions without thinking… _But lately…_

Hikari looked over at Ken, whose brow was creased ever so slightly as he slept.

Daisuke was quieter now. He thought things through more often and was less of a show off. It would seem that the more time he spent with Ken, the less foolhardy he was becoming.

Hikari still hadn't decided if this was a good thing or not.

"Ken got control just before we came here. Right when Takeru showed up, actually…" Neither boy looked at each other as an uncomfortable silence settled around them.

Koushiro cleared his throat again in his no-nonsense sort of way.

Daisuke continued, looking at the genius now. "When we first got here, they were both in pain. It was like some sort of migraine or something real bad. … They were starting to phase again too."

Takeru looked up suddenly. "It wasn't in their heads. Not directly, anyways."

Everyone looked at the blond boy in surprise. "They were clutching at the backs of their necks. I checked and there was something there. Something glowing under the skin. I think… No, I'm positive… It was the spore."

"What?!" Everyone gaped at Takeru in mixed disbelief and distress. Everyone except for Koushiro, who simply nodded as if he had already guessed as much.

Despite the news, Hikari couldn't help but feel a bit relieved. Koushiro had most likely always known the answer. He never liked to guess unless there were solid facts to back him up. He was a careful genius that preferred to take his time and think out the answers before he even started to discuss what actions they might consider taking.

She had always trusted Koushiro's ideas and plans no matter how strange they often seemed. Ken, who was probably on the same level as Koushiro, still disliked discussing his ideas with the others. He tended to simply come to a conclusion and act on it before anyone else even realized what the problem fully was. He was always running off into danger in an effort to protect the others from what he considered to be his own mistakes.

Only lately, it hadn't just been Ken running headlong towards certain doom. Daisuke had started running along right next to him. Ken never even had to say anything; he would take two steps and Daisuke would be right there with him, trusting blindly and never stopping to consider if it was safe or the right thing to do…

Hikari frowned as she watched Daisuke.

Koushiro spoke up again, typing furiously at his laptop. "I suspected as much earlier but I couldn't be sure till now. There's no telling when or how or where it happened, but my guess is that out there in the real world, the spore started to crack."

"Crack? Like he hit his head or something? He never mentioned anything like that to me!" Daisuke looked down at the two sleeping figures with deep concern etched across his face.

_That look. I know that look._

"I doubt it was anything physical. It might have been stress or a mental strain or…" A rare hesitation as Koushiro censored his thoughts quickly. "Either way, a crack alone wouldn't have caused all the trouble. After it stopped working, it was supposed to be broken down anyway. Ken's body would have pushed it out or absorbed it just like any foreign object. It was supposed to be harmless."

"So why didn't it? Why is it causing problems now after all this time?" Miyako sounded as frustrated as everyone else appeared to be.

Hikari wondered if there was more behind that frustration than just her typical impatience. This was Ken, after all. Miyako had been chasing after Ken since she first found out that he existed. Sort of like how Daisuke had followed after Hikari.

Yet that wasn't true anymore. She tried to recall the last time that Daisuke had declared his love for her or the last time Miyako had begged Ken to spend more time with her? Hikari had been so used to ignoring Daisuke's advances that she'd hardly noticed when they had stopped.

She furrowed her brow as she looked over at Daisuke again. That look was still on his face; his eyes burning with a fire that only seemed to appear around Ken.

Ken… It had been when Ken and Daisuke first jogressed that Daisuke had shifted his focus and Hikari had become an afterthought. But when had Miyako stopped chasing Ken? Had she given up and accepted the fact that Ken just wasn't interested? Had she accepted that maybe… Ken was interested in someone else?

Hikari wanted to feel happy for them… Whatever those two shared, it was special. It was more than could be put into words. It was all right there in that one look.

Yet… Why did she feel so unsure?

Next to her, Takeru was staring at the Kaiser with extreme intensity. There was a sort of morbid fascination etched across his face and a light in his eyes that she had only seen once before.

_Why is Takeru so interested in him?_ Hikari stilled her mind and forced herself to return her focus back onto Koushiro, who appeared to be trying to work his way around the biggest question.

"It shouldn't be… Not unless…" His typing slowed and he stopped at last, heaving a deep sigh as if he regretted having to speak the next words. "Not unless it was active again."

Everyone's attention snapped back to Koushiro instantly as the air seemed to be sucked from the room.

Daisuke jumped up, suddenly angry. "What do you mean active again? How could it be active? I didn't see any control spires or capes or whips out there! He's not out to take anything over!"

Takeru flinched, his eyes shifting to the whip in the corner as Daisuke spoke. Hikari fought back the urge to ask him what had happened. She knew that Takeru would tell her eventually and that she would listen quietly; even if she wasn't sure she wanted to hear it.

"I don't think it was fully active. Or at least like it was before. Ken has… Ken had… better control than he did back then. Not to mention those that were manipulating him aren't exactly around anymore. It wouldn't have the same results. Without someone controlling it, maybe we're seeing its true original design. There's no telling what effects it could have without a master behind it. Again, I can't say for certain. I'm only speculating here." Koushiro almost sounded offended by that last admission.

"Okay… So… The spore is active again… And it cracked. Then what? Do we just glue it back together or have it removed? I mean, we can't exactly take him to a doctor and tell them to remove this evil dark spore that's imbedded in the back of his neck." Taichi, sounding as elegant as ever.

Hikari smiled at her big brother. He had been here before and he alone could really understand what Daisuke was going through. Taichi knew what it was like to watch someone they love attempt to self destruct.

Next to him, Yamato had his arms crossed protectively over his chest. It was clear that he was far off, revisiting old distant memories and feeling the weight they had once left on him.

Taichi draped an arm over Yamato's shoulders and pulled him closer in a gesture that could almost be mistaken for one of casual horseplay. Hikari recognized it right away as one of comfort and deep compassion. It was Taichi's way of telling Yamato to snap out of it and leave the past where it belonged.

It was a gesture that Daisuke had picked up from his mentor and mastered on Ken.

Koushiro stared down at his computer as if it held all of the answers. "There's no way to tell just how long it's been active, but I don't think it has been for very long. The spore must have been cracked or in the process of being broken down when it reactivated. I can't even begin to fathom what it was doing to him out in the real world. It was meant to feed off of darkness while warping emotions and manipulating thoughts..."

Everyone looked down for a moment, trying to imagine what Ken must have been going through.

"The real mistake…" Koushiro picked up again. "Was coming here the first time. The crack was deep and getting worse and the spore itself must have been struggling to stay active and alive without the proper nourishment. Finally when Ken came here the last time, the stress of the fracture was too much and it split in two, allowing it to divide almost like a cell."

"And it divided Ken right along with it…" Iori whispered, horrified at the notion of being ripped in half.

"How do we fix it? How do we put it back together again? Or better yet, how do we get it out? We can't just leave it in there to hurt him and make him suffer like this!" Daisuke looked frantic and outraged.

"You can't." A voice from the doorway made everyone jump.

"Gennai! Where the hell have you been?" Daisuke now looked even more outraged than ever. "We've needed you! _He_ needs you!"

The guardian looked at Daisuke apologetically. "Sorry I'm late. I had some research of my own to do…" Hikari got the impression that this research was something far more intense than any of them could ever imagine.

Once more, she found herself looking at the guardian with a growing suspicion. Questions about what he knew and what he had to do with Ken or Ken's past were rattling away inside her.

The first time he had come to them in his new younger form, he had seemed to keep his distance from Ken. Ken had been confused and timid around Gennai at first. When he looked at the guardian, it often seemed as if a long forgotten memory was stirring but staying just out of reach. Then in the desert, Ken had grown cold and bitter while Gennai had seemed sad and… defeated.

"So what do you think of my theory, Gennai? Is it possible?" Koushiro smiled up at the guardian like a student seeking approval from his teacher.

"More than possible. For the better part, it's true. Ken's spore was different than those that were planted in the other children. While theirs were just copies, his was an original and never had the chance to bloom. I admit that I do not fully understand the mechanics behind the spore, as it is foreign to this world… But I know that something has affected it and caused it to activate again." Gennai looked at the two boys stretched out on the bed, his eyes distant and full of pain. "However, I do not believe that it was cracked or fractured. I believe that some force has caused it to divide or bud off in some abnormal way. You can see the results for yourselves."

"But what do you mean we can't fix it?" Yamato spoke up softly. "What are we supposed to do?"

"I'm afraid it's in Ken's hands. The loss of Wormmon and realization of what he had done had been enough to shock him out of the darkness and force the spore to shut down. This time… We don't have that kind of sacrifice to give. He isn't being controlled and he isn't blind to his own deeds. His demons are invisible this time, and none of us can fight them for him. It's all up to him."

"What if he can't do it?" Takeru whispered. "What if this time, he's not strong enough? What will happen to him?"

Gennai gave Takeru a long mournful look that said far more than he intended.

Hikari felt her stomach drop as Gennai answered. "He's being pulled in."

"Pulled where?" Miyako again sounding frustrated and getting impatient with the lack of information.

Takeru readily supplied the answer. "The dark ocean. It's where the spore originated from, isn't it? And now it's trying to return to its true origins. It's affecting him and doing all it can just to pull him back. The split is preventing him from thinking clearly and now he can't control it anymore."

_He saw it. He saw the darkness. Whatever happened between them…_

Hikari placed a light comforting hand on Takeru's shoulder as she now understood. She understood why he had come here and why he was so focused on the Kaiser.

Gennai's tired eyes turned towards Takeru and Hikari. He knew something… Maybe everything… _What is he hiding?_

Slowly, he nodded. "A soul isn't meant to be divided like this. Split like this, Ken lacks the ability to resist it fully. Two minds are still fighting over the same heart and spirit putting untold stress on him. If one should fail, they both fail."

"I can't let that happen. I just can't." Daisuke's fists were clenched at his sides and trembling with intensity. "I won't let him face this alone. I will find a way to stop it and help him."

"I hope you do, Daisuke… For his sake, I hope you do." Gennai looked at the boys for a moment then closed his eyes and turned away. "I need to check on the engine room and make sure the core is still protected."

There was a heavy silence as Gennai left without waiting for a response.

Takeru suddenly jumped up and ran after him. Hikari smiled apologetically to everyone, silently asking them to stay where they were, and then ran after him.

"Gennai!" Takeru called out, stopping the guardian in his tracks. "What happened between you two?"

Gennai stopped and looked down at his feet silently, not looking back at the boy. For a moment, Hikari was certain that he wasn't going to answer.

"Do you remember when you and the others first returned from the digital world to search for the eighth child?"

"Of course."

"Back then, time was much faster here. You were gone for a very long time. While you were gone, the world was unprotected and another evil rose up. The protective forces couldn't call you back until you had defeated Myotismon so another team was summoned. As weak as the forces were back then, they only had the strength to summon two boys: Ken and Ryo."

Hikari and the others had always known that Ken had been a digidestined before he was the Kaiser, but they had no idea when or what it was he had done. They had just always assumed that he had been alone… But if there really was another boy, where was he now?

Gennai continued somberly. "Back then, the digital world was in chaos. It was wild and far more dangerous than it is now. The evil they fought was Millenniummon, a cunning and dangerous digimon that nearly defeated them. The two boys struggled and battled for what must have seemed like years to them. Only two small boys against such a creature… And Ken was so very young… He lacked the big brother to guide him through such hardships and dark times like you two had. Fortunately, Ryo took up that role, guiding him and helping him through his trials and lessons. Ryo had been here long before any of you and he knew what was needed. He was a destined of a different sort; a Tamer. His role was to guide and train both the destined and their partner digimon. He had such a huge task in Ken, but they connected faster and became closer than we ever expected." Gennai stopped and looked down.

"Why haven't we heard of or met Ryo before? Where is he now?" Takeru almost sounded scared of the answer. Hikari wasn't sure she wanted to hear it either, but she knew that she must.

The light glinted off of Gennai's cheek briefly and Hikari realized with a start that there were tears in his eyes.

"During their final battle, Millenniummon was desperate. He made a deal with a far more powerful and dangerous being that opened the gate to the Dark Ocean. The things that exist there have the ability to bring great misery to both our worlds… We are lucky in many respects that Millenniummon only found interest in just one of the many dangers that lurked there." Gennai paused here, his eyes distant and Hikari recalled that Gennai had once been infected with a similar dark seed that had caused him to diminish and age far before his time. She couldn't imagine what it must have felt like to have your body wither away in what must have been a matter of days.

He wiped his cheek with his fingers nimbly, clearing away the tracks of his tears as if he could just as easily wipe away the past. "Several spores were unleashed on this world and Ken was hit trying to protect Ryo. Those that did not find fertile land withered away and disappeared. Only one seed managed to take root and mature. It caused him so much pain and suffering as it burrowed into him…We did not think that he would survive. The original plan had been for them to meet up with you eight and to have all of the crests brought back together and join as one." He shook his head as if trying to clear away those painful memories.

"I was so naïve back then. I failed them both." Gennai looked up at the ceiling lights and the tears threatened to fall once more.

The hallway suddenly felt far too cold and small.

"What happened to them?" Her voice was quiet, terrified to disturb these memories that lurked like monsters in the dark.

"Ken fell ill. Ryo was taking care of him while I set out to look for answers. While I was away, there was… An accident." He closed his eyes. "Ryo died."

Hikari gasped, covering her mouth with a trembling hand. Beside her, Takeru looked far too pale in the dim light.

What happened to someone that died in the digital world? Would they become a part of it like Oikawa had? Would they come back in some other form like Wormmon or Patamon had? Or did they just disintegrate like Kaiser had out in the desert?

"What happened?" Takeru's voice was flat in the dark hall.

"I'm afraid I cannot tell you that. All I can say is that when a human dies in this world… They do not die in the same sense as they do in yours. Even so, death is still final. There is no coming back to what they once were."

"How did it happen?" Takeru's voice edged on something dangerous and Hikari fought the urge to shrink away from him.

Gennai simply shook his head. "I'm afraid I'm not allowed to go into details. For Ken's sake…"

"For _Ken's_ sake or your own?!" Takeru snapped and Hikari flinched at the angry accusation as it echoed down the hall.

Gennai stayed silent, meeting their gaze sadly.

A thought suddenly occurred to Hikari and she somehow found her voice again. "You erased his memories. That's why he never mentioned any of this. It's why he hates you."

"You have to understand… He was so young. Already suffering from the spore as it dug its roots in, what happened to Ryo was too much for him to handle. The damage was too great for even this world to help. It was out of kindness that we erased his memories and returned him to his home. He was left with the simplest memories of another world beyond his where he had done something great… Where he had been happy…"

"That's why he thought it was a game. Why he didn't think it was real." Takeru sounded angrier than Hikari had ever heard him before.

"We did not anticipate that he would be able to return. We had done what we could to prevent it, but the spore had already started to affect his mind. It prevented us from wiping away those memories in full and then twisted them until they were corrupted and used against him. When Ken tried to return to find this world, the spore tricked him and brought him to the Dark Ocean."

Hikari thought over Gennai's story slowly. There was something missing from the puzzle and it was nagging at her.

"So you sent him back right after Ryo died and right as we were returning to fight the Dark Masters." She looked at Gennai fully.

"Yes. We had hoped that he would still retain the growth that he had achieved while here and take it back with him to help him overcome his problems much like you children had. We wanted him to forget the horrors he had been faced with and to heal. It would seem that when it comes to Ken Ichijouji, nothing ever goes as it should…"

Something clicked into place. "Oh god." She felt like she was going to be sick.

Takeru suddenly caught on. "His brother… He died just a short time later."

Light and Hope stared at the guardian in horror. He turned away from them, unable to meet their eyes any longer.

"I can only try to protect you from the threats of this world. I cannot protect you from the horrors of the other one." It was an apology more than anything.

Hikari felt tears start to sting at her eyes. "No wonder the darkness won't leave him alone. He carries it with him…"

"There is more…" Gennai looked back at them apologetically. "The spore not only affects the one it buries into. It spreads the darkness and pulls in all that it can. You two are most affected by the darkness because you have already encountered it on some level. Takeru, when you lost your digimon to Devimon that first time and Hikari, when you were once pulled into the Dark Ocean."

"Wait." Takeru spoke up quickly. "I still don't understand how she was pulled in to begin with. It's another world all together. How did it even find her?" The look on his face was clear that he was no longer willing to accept riddles for answers.

Gennai accepted the challenge. "She has always been sensitive to the forces of this world and others. It found her by accident the first time, but the second time it found her through Ken. At the time, Ken could freely create gateways between the worlds and the spore allowed him to have access to the digital world at will. His travelling around our barriers created weak points in which the other world could slip through. Her sensitivity and close contact with Ken allowed her to get caught up in the spore's pull and she was pulled in."

"Then… The more Ken starts to get pulled in, the more danger we're in because we're sensitive to it?" Takeru suddenly sounded afraid again.

"He is being affected by powers that are outside of this world's control. Beyond even my understanding. I cannot protect him. His darkness from the spore and his own demons will spread. If you two are not careful, you will be pulled in with him."

"The Kaiser said that… He said if we didn't stay out of his way, he would take us with him."

"What about Daisuke?" Hikari spoke up suddenly. "Kaiser is fixated on him and… He has a connection with Ken." She looked down as Takeru gave her a startled look.

"Some are more vulnerable than others. Daisuke is strong and offers the most resistance to the darkness; however, that doesn't mean that he is safe. He might be at the greatest risk of all if he isn't careful. Even Miyako was pulled in once because she got in the way. Once you have been touched by the darkness, you will always remain vulnerable and it will try to pull you in."

Takeru looked away, his guilty fearful look from earlier returning. Something told Hikari that he had been touched by it and it had already started to pull him in.

"How are we supposed to help Ken if you're saying that we can't even get near him? What can we do if we're too scared to protect him?" It was starting to sound so impossible and hopeless…

"You don't."

"Gennai, are you telling us… There's nothing we can do? That we should just stay away from him and let it take him? We're supposed to just stand back and watch it pull him in?" Takeru asked with utter disbelief.

The guardian looked back down the hall into the darkness. "The powers that be have decided to let him go. He has become too unstable and dangerous. One child lost is more acceptable to them than all of you. You must understand… He was not supposed to return and he is now more dangerous to this world than ever before. They sent me here to make sure that the darkness does not spread. I do not agree with them, but I have to follow orders. I will offer whatever guidance I can give, but I cannot interfere."

"No." Takeru shook his head. "I won't accept that. I can't. We won't."

"My boy… I'm afraid that when he wakes up… He might not be the child of Kindness that you know anymore. The spore is growing inside of him as we speak and it will find a way to break him and there is nothing any of us can do to prevent that final blow. When it happens, and it will happen, the Ken you once knew and called your friend will disappear. I fear that the spore will release his memories and unlock all the darkness that was hidden away from him. I hope that we are all wrong and that he is still strong enough to fight… That he can still be saved…" Gennai sighed and slowly started to walk down the hall. There was nothing more he would tell them. Nothing more he could possibly say to help them.

"We will save him." Takeru's voice trembled and Hikari thought she could hear the smallest bit of doubt somewhere in those words. "I know we will. We have to…"

Gennai paused at the end of the hall. "It may not mean anything anymore… But please tell him that I'm sorry for his suffering."

The guardian turned and started down the long flight of stairs, no longer willing to face Hope and Light's accusing eyes. Hikari wondered just what Gennai was willing to do in order to protect them from the growing darkness. Did he really expect them to just let Ken go so easily?

Behind them, there was the sound of a scuffle then a loud crash as the bedroom door flew open and the others tumbled out in a heap.

From the looks of things, they had been listening at the door and Taichi and Yamato had been doing their best to restrain and muffle a fully enraged Daisuke.

"You're wrong! You're WRONG!" Daisuke scrambled to his feet, still trying to fight off the others as they frantically tried to keep him from running after the guardian. "I can save him! I will save him! You're wrong!"

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	13. Chapter 13: The Shadows Dream

**Author's Note:**

This chapter gets a little weird. Enjoy and please review!

- – -

**Chapter 13: The Shadows Dream**

"_Osamu?"_ A quiet timid whisper as he looked over the top of the desk. He had to stand on his tip toes to see fully.

"_Hm?"_ A distracted response as a pencil flew neatly across perfectly lined paper.

"_How come you're always studying?"_

"_So I can learn things, Ken."_ The pencil turned over and the eraser neatly rubbed out a stray mark.

"_But you're already so smart." _ Large eyes watched as the pencil resumed making neat perfect lines.

"_You can always be smarter…"_ A book flipped open and answers were compared to those on the paper.

"_Osamu?"_

"_Yes, Ken?"_ He sounded tired as he marked through a few of his own answers neatly and sharply.

"_Will I be as smart as you someday?" _The desk creaked as he bounced on his toes slightly, looking up at the older boy with such hope and wonder.

"_I don't know. Maybe. If you work hard."_ A pale hand turned the pages of the book quickly with the smallest hint of annoyance.

"_Did you have to work hard?"_

"_Always."_ Silence followed as a fresh piece of paper was pulled out, neatly straightened, and then brushed clean.

"_Osamu?"_

"_What, Ken?"_ Not nearly as patient as before.

"_If I work really really hard, can I be just like you?" _

Silence.

"_Osamu?" _

"_You don't want to be like me, Ken." _The book closed slowly.

"_Yes I do! You're perfect!" _

"_Perfect isn't as great as everyone says it is. Listen to me, Kenny-boy. Don't be like me. Be like Ken. Understand? Just be Ken." _

- – -

"_Hey Osamu! Let's play a game! I wanna play hide and seek!" _The demands of a child who was tired of being ignored all day long.

"_Not now, Ken. I'm studying."_ A tired and dismissive reply.

"_But you're always studying. You never play with me anymore!" _

"_Fine. You count to ten and I'll hide." _

Ken smiled brightly then eagerly turned his back on his brother and moved to the wall, covering his face and squeezing his eyes shut tightly so there was no change that he could possibly take a peak and cheat. He began to count slowly and carefully.

"_One…Two… Three…" _He didn't hear Osamu get up from his desk, but maybe his brother was just that quiet._ "Four… Five… Six…" _There were only so many places one could hide in just ten seconds. The closet?Maybe under the bed or on it if he pressed under the covers up against the wall. There was even under the desk, though Ken knew his brother was too smart for such a simple place. If Osamu was really quiet and clever, he could even sneak out to the balcony or out of the room where the whole apartment would be game. _"Seven… Eight… Nine… Ten! Ready or not! Here I come!" _He spun around eagerly.

Osamu remained at his desk, still staring down at his textbook with deep concentration.

"_Osamu! You didn't hide! You're still studying!" _

"_I don't need to hide, Ken. I was never here to begin with…"_ His voice was distant and cold. It scared Ken, though he didn't understand why.

"_Yes you are! You're here! I can see you! You're right there!" _

"_Go out and play, Ken. Go out and be real. Be real for me. Be real while you still can, Ken. You never know when they'll take it away from you." _

- – -

"_Hey, kid. What's with the water works? Are you all alone out here?" _

A nod and a sniffle in confirmation.

"_Really? Damn… I thought there'd be more. Man you're little. Well, I guess you're all I've got to work with. What's your name?" _

"_Ken Ichijouji." _A shy smile as the waterworks slowly melted away.

"_Ichijouji? Like… Osamu Ichijouji's little brother?" _

"…_Yes. But he's not here! And this isn't his! It's mine! He always gets everything! This time I'm here and he isn't!" _

"_Whoa whoa. Easy there, buddy. You're one-hundred-percent right on that. He's not here and this is all yours." _The other boy smiled and laughed. _"Hey, do you have something like this too?" _A small device was held up, glinting in the sun majestically.

"_Yeah, but it's different." _He held up his own little device, screwing up his face as he examined it.

"_That's because you're special, Ken." _He smiled and the trust there was instantly present. This boy would never lie to him or hurt him or ignore him. "_I'm Ryo Akiyama and_ _I'm here to help you and look out for you. It's not going to be easy being here, but I promise that it's worth it." _

"_Do you have any brothers?" _

"_No. Only child, I'm afraid. But hey, I've always wanted a little brother. Think I could be a stand in for your real brother for a while?" _

"_Are you going to study all the time too?" _

"_Who me? Ha! Hardly. Don't get me wrong. I'm no dummy, but I'm not at exactly at the top of the class either. How about you?" _

A firm head shake. _"Then… You'll play with me?" _

"_Course I will! We'll have lots of fun here. I won't lie, though. We're in for a real interesting time here. It won't always be fun. Sometimes it will be dangerous… Sometimes scary." _He kneeled down till he was eye level with Ken. _"But if we work together and trust each other, we'll get through okay. If you're brave, I'll be brave and then it won't be so bad." _

A bright smile, almost as bright as the sun beating down on the sand. _"I promise I'll do my best!" _

"_That's a good boy, Ken! Now, let's get a move on! I happen to know there's another friend out there who can't wait to meet you. He'll be your partner digimon and he's been waiting just for you." _

A small hand reached up and squeezed the larger one. This place wasn't so scary after all. He wasn't alone anymore…

- – -

"_Ken! Wasn't that amazing? Did you see me? Did you see?"_ A small green digimon bounced up and down excitedly.

"_Oh, Wormmon! That was amazing! You were so cool! Ryo! Ryo! Did you see?"_ Kind hands hefted the digimon up and pulled him into a warm hug.

"_I did! I'm very proud of you both. I knew you could do it! Stingmon was pretty awesome out there. Bad guys will think twice before messing with us again! And it was all because of you, Ken. You believed in yourself and you made it possible." _

A laugh and the two partners nuzzled each other happily. _"Wormmon… You're my best friend." _

"_Does that make me second best?"_ Ryo laughed behind him, teasingly ruffling his hair.

Ken turned and looked up at him with large eyes that startled the Tamer. _"You're my big brother, Ryo!" _

Ryo smiled almost sadly. _"Ken…" _He pulled the boy in and wrapped his arms around him protectively; shielding him from a danger only he could see. _"My little brother…"_

- – -

"_RYO! WATCH OUT!"_ He dove, pushing the larger boy out of the way.

"_Ken!" _

The world exploded in white hot searing pain, screams reaching out across the desert.

"_KEN!"_

"_Ryo? What's happening to him?" _There was chaos as the sand storm billowed around them and panic filled the air.

"_I don't know, Wormmon! Ken? Ken! It's alright! It's okay, little brother. I've got you… I'm here. I'll take care of you. Big brother's here." _He was near panic, clinging to Ken tightly with trembling hands.

"_Ryo… It hurts… It hurts so much…" _

"_I know… Be brave for me, okay? Be brave for me, Ken. Stay with me and be brave…" _

"_I'll try…"_A brave smile through the tears. He had to be brave for Ryo… Ryo needed him.

- – -

"_You have to do something, Gennai. He's getting worse."_ Quiet whispers reached out to the feverish boy as he grasped at dreams and delusions floating just out of reach.

"_The guardians are still not sure what it was that attacked you. It wasn't from this world. They are looking into it to see if there are any known cures, but it could take time."_ A somber tone echoed softly.

"_Gennai, he could die! We don't have time! We need answers _now!_ We can't just wait for them to get around to it when they feel like it! I'm responsible for him here and he trusts me to protect him! I'm…"_

"_You are not his brother, Ryo."_ Those stern words seemed to echo around them with a finality that was painful to hear. _"He has a big brother waiting for him. You are his trainer and his guide. You are his friend. While he is here, you are only meant to help him find his own path. He can't stay here forever and neither can you. When this is done, he will go home. You will go home." _

Ryo's voice was angry and soft. _"You know that's a lie. There's nothing for me back in that world. You know why I'm here."_ When next he spoke, he sounded desperate as he pleaded. _"He needs me, Gennai. I need him. Just a little longer… Please. I haven't even told him yet…" _

"_I'm afraid that time is running out. You don't have much longer, Ryo. You are already on borrowed time. He can't live in the shadow of a brother forever. He will eventually have to learn to grow on his own. You and his brother will need to learn to let him. You can't always be there for him… You know that better than anyone else. It's cruel to teach him otherwise." _It was stern but kind.

Ryo was silent, looking away. _"He's suffering, Gennai. I can't stand to see him like this. That… That monster hurt him and it's my fault."_

A caring hand settled on Ryo's shoulder. _"Trust him and he'll get through this. He's stronger than he looks. If you love him, you will tell him the truth and let him go."_

"_I trust him…"_ Ryo looked down at his hands sadly. _"But I still don't think he's ready… I don't think he'll ever be ready." _

"_Osamu! I'm real! Please see me! I'm real!"_ Ken cried out deliriously into the night.

"_Ken… It's okay, you're real!" _Wormmon desperately tried to comfort his partner and protect him from unknown nightmares.

- – -

"_I'm losing him!" _Ryo's voice sounding so far away in the darkness.

"_Where's Gennai? He said he'd be back!" _Poor Wormmon didn't understand.

"_Ken? It's not your time. You can't do this. You can't go…" _He could see Ryo's face floating just above his, hazy and dark with the sun behind his head. He looked like an angel from the old pictures.

It was so hot there in the sand, how was it possible that the bubbles didn't melt away as they floated past his eyes? Ryo's face blurred and Osamu was before him, waiting on the cool balcony with a smile.

"_Osamu…" _He held out his hand as he tried to reach for the straw._ "Let's make bubbles together. I want… I want to show Ryo how beautiful they are…" _

"_Stay with me… Stay with me, damn it!" _Ryo and Osamu's voices blended and Ken smiled at the thought of them all being together where there were no expectations and no fear.

- – -

"_Ryo?"_ Ken slowly blinked out across the sand away from the small shelter that had been set up for them. _"Big brother?"_

He was feeling better, though his head was still pounding and spinning unpleasantly. The past few days were a blur of strange images and dreams.

"_Ryo?" _He took a few shaky cautious steps, afraid of being scolded for being on his feet so soon. Behind him, Wormmon was curled up and sound asleep on the makeshift bed.

Ken slowly staggered through the sand, wondering where everyone was. They were supposed to be there, though Gennai kept leaving to supposedly meet with the mysterious guardians he kept talking about.

"_Big brother? Where are you?" _His voice was small and scared as he peered out into the dark. Not too far off, there was something odd illuminated against the starlit sky, stretched out in the sand.

"_Ryo! Hey big brother, I…_" The moon shifted out from behind a cloud and the pale light pierced the darkness.

"_No." _Hands flew up to his mouth as he felt a scream well up inside him. _"No no no no…" _ Ken slowly made his way over the shifting sands towards the figure, falling on his knees as he reached the lifeless form of his partner, his trainer, his brother and his friend.

Ryo didn't move. Didn't breathe.

Ken didn't cry. Didn't scream. His eyes were dry and his throat was clenched tightly shut as he slowly reached out a hand and ran it gently down the cold cheek, brushing away traces of sand.

He looked so still and peaceful. So… _Perfect_.

Ryo's empty eyes stared up at the sky with such determination and resolve that Ken wished he could see what they saw too.

This was the only human friend that he had ever known. The only human that had ever cared about him… The only person that had known who he truly was. Ryo had promised to be with him, to trust him, and above all to love him. Ryo had loved him more than anyone in his life ever had.

The back of Ken's neck burned and deep inside something twisted.

"_Ryo… Don't leave me alone… I don't want to be alone…"_

- – -

"_Ken? Ken! Snap out of it! Ken!" _Gennai's voice from somewhere far away.

"_It's so peaceful now…"_ A small voice responded, utterly foreign to his ears.

"_Ken! What happened here?" _Gennai was gripping his shoulders so tightly it was starting to hurt.

"_He can stay here forever now. Just like he wanted..."_ It was so hard to focus. What was going on? Why was Gennai shaking him?

In the distance, he could hear Wormmon begging and pleading with Gennai, desperate for him to help… Help who? Was someone in trouble?

Gennai's voice softened. _"Ken… Stay with me. Just focus on me, okay?"_

And then Ken did focus on him with such intensity that the guardian released him and stumbled back as if he'd just discovered a poisonous snake that had been hiding right in front of him the whole time.

That mysterious voice was back, high and terrifying to his young ears. _"I killed him, Gennai. I killed him."_

- – -

"_You broke my trust, Ken! You disobeyed me."_ Why was Osamu so angry with him?

"_But big brother, I… I didn't break it! See?" _Couldn't Osamu understand what had just happened? Couldn't he see how wonderful he felt inside? All he wanted to do was to share it with his big brother.

He didn't see it coming until it was too late. His cheek stung; all of the peaceful and wonderful feelings that had been left inside were suddenly gone as he stared up at the menacing figure towering over him.

Osamu had struck him. His big brother, who was supposed to protect him and make all the bad things go away, had struck him.

"_Get out. I have to study."_ Osamu was cold and so far away as Ken staggered past him.

"_I wish…I wish you'd just disappear!" _His voice was angry as he yelled out to the empty hallway.

He was alone.

- – -

"_Osamu?"_

"_Not now, Ken."_

"_But Osamu… I had a scary dream…"_

"_I don't have time to keep babying you, Ken! You're an Ichijouji! Maybe you should start acting like it! You're so pathetic sometimes. That's why no one cares about you. You're nothing special and no one wants an annoying little cry baby!" _Ken could see his own scared reflection looking back at him in his brother's perfect glasses.

"_O-sa-mu…"_ A hiccup as he shrank back under that cold gaze.

"_God! If you weren't so pathetic, maybe they'd leave me alone now and then! Give me a break and ignore me! But just look at you! You can't do anything right! That's why they need their precious perfect Osamu! Without me, all they'd have would be you."_

A soft whimper and Ken slowly got back into bed, curling up under the covers and hugging his pillow tightly. He didn't cry.

The only sound in the room was that of the pencil moving across the paper.

- – -

"_Wait here, Kenny-boy. Wait here."_

"_Osamu? Where are you going?" _

"_Just… Wait here…" _

"_But Osamu… Osamu? Osamu lookout!" _

_**Crunch.**_

- – -

Ken's eyes snapped open. He was in a large dark room that smelled of decay and salt. Voices echoed around him softly.

"_Where's the kind and gentle Ken I used to love?"_

"_Wait here…"_

"_I trust him…" _

"Pitiful, isn't it?" Ken spun around and came face-to-face with Kaiser, now fully adorned in his old uniform. "It's all so pathetic."

"It is not!" A small voice called out defiantly as a much younger Ken walked out from behind Kaiser.

Ken backed up, staring in horror. "Where am I?"

"Nowhere. Maybe everywhere. Does it really matter?" Kaiser shrugged and slowly circled around behind him. "But that isn't the question you should be asking here, Ken."

The child moved to stand before him, looking up at him with angry eyes. "Who are you?"

"Now that's the million dollar question. Someone get this kid a gold star." Kaiser laughed from somewhere behind him. "He has so much _potential_, don't you think?"

Ken found himself looking away, unwilling to meet those large demanding eyes. "I… I'm Ken. I'm you."

"Wrong!" There was a chuckle in his ear and Ken turned to face the Kaiser, suddenly tired with this game.

"What are you talking about?"

"It really is very simple. Even the brat over there could get it." The younger Ken stuck out his tongue petulantly, earning a laugh from Kaiser.

"I was here first. I was Ken!" The younger boy smiled proudly up at them and seemed to glow softly in the dim light.

"Yes. Kindness was here first. Young, sweet, innocent Kindness… How boring. How disgusting. How… Pathetic. Kindness was weak. It's no wonder that he had to die." Kaiser walked up to the child and slowly wrapped his fingers around the smaller boy's throat.

For a heart stopping moment, Ken was positive that Kaiser was going to squeeze.

"But then… I was here." Kaiser's hand flitted away, moving to gently straiten the younger boy's collar. "I came along and understood just what a cruel place this world really was. I could handle the desperation to be just like your dear Osamu. I could accept the fact that you were utterly alone. There is only one truth, and that is that you can only trust yourself."

Ken looked from one to the other, starting to feel dizzy and sick. "I… I'm not that person anymore. I found my heart!"

"Did you really?" Kaiser raised an eyebrow at him. "You swore to stop trying to be like Osamu. You promised to just be yourself… But you can't just erase everything you've done and expect something to still be there. You can't go back to that innocence. The reality is that there is no 'you'. Not after what you've done. You don't want the power anymore but you also still crave the release. You want to be kind and caring and make friends, but you don't trust them. You want to be alone while the darkness terrifies you."

Kaiser shook his head, looking angry and amused all at once. "You can't have it both ways!"

"Who are you?" The boy asked again, looking up at Ken intently.

"I… I don't know…" He felt like he was crumbling away under their scrutiny.

"We were Ken Ichijouji." Kaiser stepped up and looked him in the eyes fully. "You… You are nothing. We were created out of necessity. You were created by accident in a desperate attempt to fill the gaping hole you created when you failed."

"You tried to kill us. That wasn't very nice." The boy's brows furrowed in disapproval.

"No. I… I didn't. I am Ken. I'm Ken… Can't I just be both? Can't I go back to the way things were before?" He looked pleadingly at the small child.

"It's too late for that. You aren't innocent anymore." The child looked away. "Not with so much blood on your hands."

"And you refuse to be me anymore. So what's left? What are you?" Kaiser sneered darkly.

"I'm Ken! I'm just Ken!"

"Who is Ken?" Kaiser and the boy asked at the same time.

"I am Ken… I am… I…" Ken backed up away from them and their accusing eyes.

"You are not Ken. You aren't even human." The child looked down.

"You are nothing. Just a mask over an empty shell." Kaiser gave him a disgusted look.

"Please… You have to tell me what to do…" Ken looked desperately from one to the other. "Who am I supposed to be? What am I?!"

Both looked up at him almost sadly.

The room was suddenly plunged into pitch blackness. Ken trembled in the dark as he blindly reached out for the two before him and his fingers encountered only empty air.

"Please… Don't leave me… Come back… Come back!" He cried out desperately, slowly reaching out into the dark.

A terrified step forward was met by a squelching wet sound that made him freeze in his tracks.

Just as he was about to call out again, the lights flicked back on, blindingly white as they completely lit up the room.

As his eyes adjusted, all the air was suddenly forced from his lungs as his eyes fell on three figures laid out before him.

Ryo, Wormmon and Osamu's lifeless bodies burned their images into him.

Ryo, so cold and so utterly still as he stared into the nothingness, Wormmon, bruised and limp, and the worst one… So vivid and in so much detail...

Ken felt sick as his eyes refused to leave the sight.

A steadily growing pool of dark red was spreading out almost beautifully under the crumpled form of Osamu, the puddle expanding out to where Ken stood as it stained his shoes crimson.

His limbs were at awkward angles, trembling slightly as the nerve endings and impulses in his body slowly started to fade away.

A single shoe was halfway across the room, thrown there from the force of the impact. A pair of cracked glasses lay at Ken's feet, gleaming up at him mockingly.

A heavy wheezing sound reached his ears as lungs struggled against crushed ribs. One of them was probably punctured as blood spattered out of his mouth into the air on each pitiful attempt to breathe.

A moan of horror escaped Ken's throat as his eyes slowly moved up to his brother's face. A face that was now so familiar …

His once silky dark locks were matted with red thick blood and speckled with chunks of white that, Ken realized belatedly, must have been fragments of his fractured skull. Those once vibrant and deep eyes that Ken shared were now wide and staring down at nothing, all the light taken from them. There was no peace in those eyes. Not like Ryo. Nothing like Ryo. Scrapes and gashes ran down one side of his face to mark the areas where his brother had slid across the rough pavement.

But the worst part…

"_His smile broke…" _Osamu's lips curved upwards in what could almost be a peaceful smile as the life drained away from him. But Ken knew better…

Ken's stomach lurched. "Oh god…. Oh god no… No… Please… Please stop!"

He sank to his knees, trembling in horror as felt the warm sticky blood under him. His horror only grew as the three figures suddenly shifted and sat up, unsteadily climbing to their feet.

"We know who you are, Ken. We've seen inside of you…"

"No… Stay away." He fell back as he tried to back up too quickly, the panic welling up inside of him. "Stay away!" His hands slipped in the blood as he clawed at the floor in a desperate attempt to get back up.

Slowly, they moved closer, their dead eyes on him and piercing through him. They could see what he was and they knew… _They knew_.

"What you are…" Wormmon sounding unnaturally cold.

"What you hide from everyone…" Ryo's voice angry and sharp as he reached out.

"Is nothing." Osamu hissed at his side, his smile pulled wide across his bloody face.

- – -

Kaiser bolted up in bed, gasping for air.

Beside him, Ken was already sitting up, staring wide eyed off into the distance.

A scream was still echoing off the cold metal walls around them, ringing through the air painfully. Ken's lips were still parted, a ragged breath escaping him. _The poor fool could never handle his nightmares._

A hand flew to his own lips as his stomach lurched, threatening to heave up his lunch as the long hidden memories resurfaced.

The truth was a terrible thing. A slow acting curse that steadily ate away at his soul.

He had allowed Wormmon to die. He had not cared as the little digimon was crushed and killed. That was a truth that Ken had understood and dealt with, though he had yet to deal with the intense guilt each and every time he looked into those wonderful blue eyes.

The truth behind Osamu's death was still just a shadow of a ghost to Ken, but it was still something he could understand. Something that he had only been a part of. That had been Osamu's choice, not his. He hadn't pushed his brother. He hadn't told him to step out into the street at that precise moment. He hadn't wanted his brother to splatter across the whole block as he watched the life slowly leak out into the gutter. Osamu had chosen that path, not him.

Kaiser closed his eyes against that memory bitterly. That was a pain for another time. A pain that Ken had yet to fully experience.

The truth he faced now was something even Kaiser could not prepare himself for.

Next to him, Ken's lips moved in an unsteady whisper as the memory of a boy long forgotten came back to him. "Ryo…"

Kaiser understood that they had shared the same dream. The same memory. Yet he had taken more from it than Ken had. Ken couldn't see past those cold dead eyes like Kaiser could.

Ryo had been living off of stolen time. Another damned secret that Gennai had neglected to tell him. Perhaps it had been meant to be another of those silly lessons on how to deal with your emotions. The 'how to cope with loss' lesson that apparently Ken had never mastered. But if that were true, one could infer that the digital world had known about Osamu's plans to try to imitate road kill.

That thought was more than enough to make his stomach lurch again.

No… That most likely wasn't the case. Ryo wasn't supposed to die then. Stolen time or not, Ryo had made no indication that his time was up or coming to an end. Ryo would never have just left him like that. Not when he was hurt and still needed him.

_Ryo wasn't Osamu._ Kaiser thought bitterly.

But why had Ryo died so suddenly? Why was his body left in the sand so carelessly? _Why…?_

And the truth arrived at last. A truth that Ken must have only seen a glimpse of and pushed aside before he could fully understand what it meant.

It was hidden in a hazy memory littered with fevered hallucinations and fragmented whispers choked full of despair and regret. It was not hard to see why Ken had not yet deciphered such a cryptic meaning from half remembered words.

_Ryo._ Ken and Kaiser only agreed fully on a few things. They both desired Daisuke. They both understood that Wormmon was precious to them. Osamu's death had been tragic, though they disagreed on the real reason why. Last but certainly not least, they both agreed that Ryo had been one of the single most important people in their lives.

Ryo had been the caring big brother that didn't ignore him or hurt him. He had listened to him and paid attention to him when others simply wished he was someone else. He had believed and trusted in Ken when no one else would…

"Ryo…" Kaiser's breath caught in his throat, his chest and wind pipe suddenly far too tight.

This was a truth he didn't want. This was more than Osamu. This was more than just a time bomb to be used against that pathetic double sitting next to him. This… This was _everything_…

Kaiser's fists tightened in the sheets till his knuckles turned white. _Oh no. No no no… _

The door had flown open as the others ran in, alarmed by the earlier scream. Somehow, Wormmon had made his way to the foot of the bed and was looking up at Ken with worry.

Gennai blurred at the edge of Kaiser's vision, that damn guilt ridden look back in his eyes. _Did he know? Does he still blame me? I now know why he hates me…_

Kaiser struggled to suck in air that only seemed to want to get _out_. He was trembling, gasping, dying inside as he tried to fight back against this ugly truth that threatened to drown him.

Next to him, Ken spoke the words that Kaiser had been desperately fighting to keep from his mind. "I killed him, Gennai. I killed Ryo…"

Air filled his lungs in a painful ragged gasp. Deep inside, he could feel the last of something shatter.

At last, Kaiser started to scream.

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	14. Chapter 14: Forgotten Sins

**Author's Note:**

Gennai's story makes me sad sometimes. I've got a wonderfully tragic head cannon for him. Maybe someday I'll share it with you.

- – -

**Chapter 14: Forgotten Sins**

Gennai slowly made his way down the long dark staircase in silence. It was hard for him to imagine what it took for such a young boy to design and build such an impressive piece of machinery.

Every level was carefully constructed to conserve space, to have a function, and to be as sturdy and impenetrable as possible. The closer to the heart of the base he got, the more the designs seemed to twist and become corrupted as the large inviting halls started to narrow down into dark passages.

What had been going through Ken's mind as he built this? Had it all really been his own twisted vision or had the designs come to him in whispers in the night?

Despite the prison cells, work rooms, and various rooms covered in cruel looking devices, what bothered Gennai the most were the signs that this base appeared to have originally been conceived for other purposes. The dusty guest rooms, the overly large kitchen and dining area, and the small details scattered about that showed signs that an effort had once been made to make it all feel like a home.

According to Wormmon, Ken had originally returned to the digital world looking for comfort and companionship. It hurt to think that Ken had not found what he was looking for. _Or perhaps it had been taken away from him._

Gennai slowly slipped past the wreckage that lay partially blocking his path, glancing over lingering signs of the battle that had brought the monster down at last. His destination lay just ahead near the broken down core reactor.

He had not been sent by his masters to keep an eye on the boy, but to retrieve something that had been forgotten and neglected. They had made it quite clear that all matters concerning the boy were no longer his to trouble himself over.

Even still, Daisuke's voice was still ringing out in his head, full of anger and hurt. He hadn't intended for all of them to know those dark painful secrets. He had intended to brush off the questions of Hikari and Takeru, keeping the past where it belonged like he always did.

He had spent so many years of hiding the guilt and the painful memories that surged each time the Ichijouji boy had met his eyes… Yet when the trusting eyes of Light and Hope had fallen onto him so earnestly, the dam had finally broken and it had all slipped out.

Thankfully, he had kept the presence of mind not to tell them everything. Ryo's fate, the full force of the spore's impact, the guardians' decision, and those memories of a lost and broken child still haunted him.

Carefully, Gennai dropped down into the dark room and looked up at the power source, flickering softly against the darkness.

"The crest of kindness…" He breathed out, cringing inwardly at how tired his voice was starting to sound again. The rejuvenating powers that be were starting to wear off once more. _Nothing lasts…_

That old familiar gut wrenching guilt threatened to well up in him again as the soft pink glow of the crest fell on him. It looked so delicate in its casing, surrounded by darkness and slowly having its power leeched away and corrupted.

He wondered how the crest could even still manage what little it did considering what it had been through. Exposure to the spore, the dark ocean, the dark whirlpool and this place of cruelty had drained the once magnificent crest down to a whimper of its former self.

A tear came to his eye as he recalled the first time Ken had truly unleashed its power. It had been so beautiful… The way its light had gently wrapped around the boy and the little digimon with such care and gentleness…

It had been in that moment that all doubt had been erased from his mind that Ken was more than capable to take care of what needed to be done. In that instant, he had known that this boy was _special_.

That boy was gone now… He had been too delicate for either world. In his place… _What's left of you, Ken?_

"I failed you… I'm so sorry." Gennai slowly reached up and removed the crest. The reactors had been neutralized and no longer posed a threat now that the meddling forces of Arukenimon were long gone.

"You can rest now, my friend… It's time to return to where the darkness can no longer find you." The small crest glimmered in his hand, seeming to flicker in protest as Gennai thought he felt the small crest reaching out in search of its owner. At last, the crest faded and disappeared as its powers dispersed back into the world to join the others at long last.

There was a hum as the energy flow for the engines was redirected past the broken circuit and the lights dimmed. With a heavy sigh, Gennai sat down on the walkway and watched the lights twinkle in the dark as they slowly surged back to life around him.

"_**It wasn't supposed to end like this. He had more time. Something must have gone wrong."**_

Gennai closed his eyes against the memory. Now was not the time to slip into the past.

"_**His body had already given out. Only his spirit was hanging on. We all knew that his time was limited." **_

"_**Limited or not, he had more time. His job wasn't finished yet. It must have been the spore. It must have weakened our influence on him somehow." **_

Gennai sighed and shook his head. It was best to just let it come. It always did in the end… It was a memory he had relived time and time again, always wondering if things could have been done differently. If there was something he missed… Something he could have done… _The day Ryo died._

His death had been so unexpected and fast… They all knew it was coming. In the real world he would have already been dead, but in here he had been given stolen time.

The very fact that his body had not joined the digital stream immediately was troubling enough.

He could still see it so clearly. Could still feel the weight of it pressing down on his heart.

Gennai had gone searching for information regarding the spore. His search had been fruitless, though he had heard rumors of its origins. He had returned with hope only to find Ken sitting beside the empty shell that had once been Ryo. There was no telling how long Ken had been there, staring down into those lifeless eyes.

Gennai had summoned the guardians right away, panic eating away at his normally calm and controlled demeanor. This was a tragedy that was not supposed to happen. This was not something to be pushed aside and left to the lessons of the world.

The body had not returned to the data stream until the guardians had arrived, breaking whatever force was holding it prisoner. A force that Gennai suspected had come from Ken.

"_**It does not matter why it happened. The Tamer is safe now and resting, though he is distressed. I believe that he is worried about what will happen to the boy. This is all that matters now. What do we do about Kindness?"**_

The guardians had been arguing for what felt like hours, debating the nature of this new potential threat. All the while, Gennai waited patiently for orders that he knew he would not agree with.

The longer they argued, the more anxious he became as he realized that every second more was another second the spore had to slowly take root inside of the boy. He could practically see it growing inside him as Ken stared off into the distance, lost in his own thoughts. _Thoughts that may not even be his own anymore._

"_**We cannot leave the child like this. Perhaps if we explain the situation to him…"**_

"_**He is far too young to understand. Are we expected to tell a child of his age about the rules and laws of this world? It would be a waste of time. He would not understand. We don't even know what happened ourselves." **_

"_**He was meant to meet up with the others. They will return soon… Do we still need him?"**_

"_**No. The spore has dug too deep. Considering what has happened here, it would be far too dangerous to let it near the other children. They still have their own trials to undergo. If it blooms while he is with them…"**_

"_**Is his crest still active?"**_There was silence.

Gennai could sense them all watching Ken, reaching out to him as they felt for the warm glow of the delicate crest.

Gennai looked to the small child himself and was startled by the distant look in his eyes. There was something there, lurking just beneath the surface, waiting… A chill ran down his spine as he realized that something had always been there, hidden by Ken's desire to be accepted and loved.

"_**Gennai."**_ The guardians had come to a decision. _**"The child is damaged. He is tainted and dangerous. It's time to send him home. He has served his purpose and protected our world all that he can. We will lock this world away from him and Kindness will be returned to the stream."**_

"_You can't just send him back like this! We're responsible for this! We allowed this to happen!"_ Gennai yelled to the empty sky, suddenly enraged at his masters. They had allowed this to happen and he knew it. Had it been morbid curiosity? Did they want to test the limits that a child could be pushed to? Didn't they know that kindness was one of the most fragile crests? _"We have to help him. Please… He doesn't deserve this."_

He expected to be ignored or told to just do his job, but instead he was met with understanding. _**"We will do what we can to take away his pain. The spore has dug too deeply and we cannot remove it, but we can stunt it. Perhaps if we remove his memories it will ease his troubles and the spore will cease to grow once in the other world."**_

"_So you're just going to take all of this away from him? Make him forget as if it never happened? Everything he's learned and done here, gone just like that?"_ Gennai couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"_**No. We cannot make him forget what he has done here, but we can bury it. His memories of his time here will be hidden like a dream. In time, he may uncover them and understand them as a scar on his past that is already faded, but he will not be affected by them." **_

"_This is wrong. We should talk to him now. At least give him the choice… Tell him-"_

"_**We do not even know what was done here, Gennai."**_ The voice crashed down on him, disapproving of his objections. _**"The best we can do is send him home. As long as he stays away, the spore will not grow and it will not hurt him. Do your job, Gennai, and send the boy home." **_

The debate was over and Gennai knew he didn't stand a chance. Perhaps they were right. Ken would be safe at home with his family. He would remember the good and that was what mattered. It was time to say goodbye.

Slowly, he returned to Ken and knelt down before him. _"Ken? Are you with me?"_

Ken looked up at him and Gennai fought back a cringe as those deep eyes looked up to meet him. _"It hurts, Gennai."_

"_I know, Ken. I know…"_ Gennai gently took his hand and pulled the boy to his feet. Wormmon looked up at the two with tired and trusting eyes. Gennai couldn't help but feel a wave of guilt and pity for the little virus.

"_My friends are going to take the pain away, Ken."_ He tried to sound more reassuring on this matter than he felt. _"It's time for you to go home, Ken."_

The small hand pulled from his abruptly.

"_Home?"_ Large wild eyes looked up at him. _"Home? To… To big brother? My… Brother…" _

"_Yes…"_ Gennai spoke before he could stop himself. _"To Osamu." _

"_No… No! Ryo is my brother. Ryo loves me. Ryo… Ryo…"_ Gasps shook the small child's frame as if he were about to fly apart at the seams.

Gennai waited but the tears did not come. There would be no healing; this scar would run too deep.

The first seeds of doubt touched him as he wondered if maybe they were doing the boy more harm than good by not allowing him time to heal. They were stripping him of the right to make sense of this tragedy and move on in his own way. Spore or not, this child of kindness had proven himself capable of defying immense odds. How could they not give him the chance to fight this new evil? Was the spore really so fearful to them?

Gennai could feel the guardians watching him and becoming impatient. Slowly, he bent back down and looked him in the eyes. _"Ken… Forgive me."_ A hand brushed across the boy's temple and slowly, those deep dark eyes lightened as if everything had been suddenly lifted and swept away.

Beside him, Wormmon nuzzled Ken's leg gently and whispered softly. _"Goodbye, Ken… Please don't forget about me." _

Gennai's heart ached for the small digimon as Ken disappeared, shifting back across to his own world.

"_I'll be waiting for you."_ The little digimon's antenna lowered as he looked up at Gennai. _"He'll come back someday. He'll find a way. I just know it…"_

"_I hope so, Wormmon… I hope that one day Ken is able to heal and forgive us for what we did… He's stronger than we think. They underestimate him…" _

"Ken is stronger than you think." The echo of his own words startled Gennai and brought him back to the present with a jolt.

Wormmon sat before him, looking up at him with those same determined blue eyes.

After Ken had left the digital world that first time, there had been much talk over what to do with his partner. In the end, rather than reformatting the little virus, they had agreed to simply hide his memories away.

Gennai was unsurprised, however, to learn that Wormmon had eventually remembered all that had happened. A digimon as loyal as Wormmon was could never forget his partner. He wouldn't be surprised to find that it had been Wormmon's intense desire to find his partner again that had eventually allowed Ken to remember the digital world in the first place.

Yet, he was surprised to find that Wormmon had not told Ken of what had happened in the desert or of those final moments with Ryo… Perhaps he had naturally sensed that Ken needed to be protected from such harsh times and was simply waiting for the right time when Ken would be ready to hear the truth. Or perhaps Wormmon didn't know any more than Ken did…

"Wormmon… So you heard? I'm starting to wonder if the whole digital world didn't hear." Gennai sighed gloomily. "Are you here to judge me too?"

The little digimon slowly walked up to Gennai and settled at his feet. "No. What happened to Ken back then… It was not your fault. But what they did to him was wrong…" He paused as if searching for the right words. "They left that awful thing inside him… Even though it hurt him… Now I'm losing him and I'm afraid that this time, I won't get him back."

Gennai was startled by the little digimon's words. "Wormmon… You're right. What happened to Ken was monstrous and should never have been allowed to continue. At this point… I'm afraid that the truth will only hurt him more. Yet we've already hurt him so much by just trying to protect him. I think we're all guilty of that. We tried to shield him from everything and we failed him. We should have trusted him."

"What do we do?" Wormmon looked to the guardian helplessly. The little digimon had apparently followed him down there seeking guidance just like in the old days. Ken was lost in the dark and Wormmon wanted nothing more than to show him where the right path was again.

"We've done so much harm trying to help him already… Maybe this time, we should let him do this on his own?" It didn't matter if they tried to help him or not; truth or lies, the boy was not going to come back to them whole. There would be no return for Ken Ichijouji this time. Of this, Gennai was certain. He had looked into Ken's soul and seen how deep the fracture ran.

"I don't think he can help himself anymore, Gennai. He's so alone… He's always alone. I'm scared that I'm going to lose him again!" Tears filled those large eyes and it was enough to break Gennai's heart.

"I know, Wormmon… I know. Maybe…" And there was the smallest of hope, flickering in the dark. "This time there is courage."

Courage and friendship bonded together in one soul. It was appropriate that Courage was the jogress partner to Kindness. After all, one needed courage to be kind in the face of cruelty and one needed kindness to care for a friend. It was a long shot just to hope… Especially when Hope and Light were in such danger. The guardians were willing to let Kindness fall into shadow just to keep the other two safe, but Gennai wasn't ready to accept defeat just yet.

_I have to believe in courage._

Wormmon seemed to be on the same thought process as he nodded wisely then moved to scuttle back up the stairs, apparently pleased with that answer.

Gennai reflected that it must be nice to have such faith in the unknown as he slowly stretched and got to his feet, following the little digimon at a casual pace.

Gennai was halfway up the stairs when a high piercing scream echoed down the halls.

"Ken!" Panic filled him as he raced up the remaining flights in long strides, leaping the rubble and moving with the grace and speed only a true guarding of the digital world could possess.

Gennai burst through the door to Ken's room, pushing past the other children and coming to a stop beside Daisuke. Wormmon was at the foot of the bed already, trembling from the exertion he must have put out just to make it back up the steps so quickly despite his stubby little pods.

The two Ichijouji boys were awake and appeared to be in a very bad way. Ken was sitting up; his eyes empty as he stared off into a horror only he could see. His lips were parted, looking far too dry and cracked for comfort.

Beside him, Kaiser was doubled over, shuddering and making small gasping sounds as he struggled to breathe.

Gennai was about to run to his side when Ken suddenly spoke up in a whisper filled with pain and horror. "I killed him, Gennai. I killed Ryo…"

The guardian froze as a familiar look slowly fell over Ken's face. That one look told him that everything he had feared had come true.

The memories had returned. Somehow they had made it past the barriers the Guardians had set up to prevent such an event. It was hard to say just how much Ken remembered, but not even Gennai held all the pieces to the puzzle. Only Ken and Ryo really knew what had happened on that horrible day and neither boy was exactly willing or able to breech the subject.

Gennai breathed out slowly. Ken's statement alone told him that Ken hadn't remembered everything. The boy was simply reliving that one terrible moment… Trapped in that one moment filled with guilt, fear and uncertainty. A moment when a small boy had suddenly found himself alone in the dark surrounded by demons.

Gennai was about to relax, reaching out in an effort to comfort the distraught boy, when a gasping sound from Ken's side reminded him that nothing was ever that simple.

There was a part of Ken that apparently did remember everything. A part that knew all the dark secrets that everyone had tried to keep hidden away.

The guardian braced himself as he heard that ragged deep intake of air that threatened to tear through his world.

At long last, all of his sins finally came together as the Kaiser started to scream.

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	15. Chapter 15: Conversion

**Author's Note:**

Sorry it's late. I've been sick all week. Make what you will of this chapter. I enjoyed writing this one quite a bit and hope it turned out as well as I wanted it to. I hope you enjoy and please review!

**- – - **

**Chapter 15: Conversion**

Daisuke was still angry. Though his nature didn't allow him to hold grudges, it didn't mean that he couldn't still be angry.

Especially when it came to his friends.

Especially when it came to Ken.

Of course, he knew that he shouldn't have been listening at the door, but as Taichi had pointed out, how else were they supposed to get a straight answer out of the old coot?

But what he had heard… The suggestion that they just abandon him and leave him to whatever forces were at work had been too much for him to take. He'd wanted to run after the guardian. To tackle him and make him take it all back. To make Gennai tell him where the guardians were so that he could pound on them until they apologized and made things right again.

Only the combined efforts of Taichi and Yamato had been enough to drag Daisuke off to one of the spare bedrooms where he had been forced to sit and cool off.

Cooling off was the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted to rant and rave. To throw his fists into the air and demand justice. He wanted to tackle the guardian and force him to look him in the eye and dare him to talk about cutting their losses again.

With those options blocked, all that was left was for him to sit in his chair and _sulk_.

The others all sat around him, looking uncomfortable, morose, and guilty. They probably wished that they hadn't heard Gennai's little story. Though, as far as Daisuke was concerned, they hadn't really heard everything. How could they even come close to comprehending the full implications of what they had just heard?

To Daisuke, it had been that one special puzzle piece that when finally snapped in, it completed the big picture and gave light to what it was you were finally supposed to be looking at.

Of course, he had know about the spore and the memory loss. Ken had confided that much to him once before. He had even mentioned the fact that sometimes there were flashes of another boy in the picture with him. Someone that Daisuke reminded him of at times…

Yet that story didn't make sense. Gennai was still hiding things. Important things.

"That story doesn't make any sense." Koushiro mused aloud, startling Daisuke.

"What do you mean? It makes sense to me. The guardians are a bunch of jerks. It's not something that we didn't already know." Yamato crossed his arms and looked at Koushiro sullenly.

"That's not fair." Miyako interjected. "How were they supposed to know about the spore or about that boy dying?"

"They could have done something! I bet they knew all along how to remove it. They probably just wanted to see where it went. What it did." Yamato again. It was starting to sound like he was speaking from personal experience and judging by the look on Taichi's face, Daisuke didn't think that his guess was that far off.

Koushiro sighed, "I hate to admit it, but Yamato is right. The spore isn't from this world; it's from the Dark Ocean. It had to have passed through a gate to get here, and frankly, I believe that they had time to remove it. We know from experience that it takes several days to take hold. Maybe it would have been dangerous or difficult, but they could have found a way."

"And that poor boy?" Miyako sounded angry and tears were starting to well up in her eyes. "What about him? Do you think that they brought him there to die?"

"No." All eyes turned to Hikari. "What they did to Ken was wrong… But Ryo… I've heard that name before."

"Akiyami, right?" Koushiro's fingers flew across his keyboard as he did a search and pulled up some old news articles. "Yeah… I remember him. He was some sort of computer game champion. He won a lot of tournaments. He was pretty big for a while, heading to nationals and in the lead to win a huge tournament when he suddenly went missing. The media speculated that he couldn't handle the pressure and ran away. Later reports indicated that he was sick…"

"How sick?" Iori looked up, a familiar wrinkle of worry etched across his forehead.

"Real sick." Koushiro looked up from his computer screen gravely. "He was given just a few months to live at most."

A hush fell over the room as they all tried to process that.

"The digital world must have given him a second chance." Takeru looked down, deep in thought. "Gennai said that he couldn't talk about what happened to Ryo when he died… But he was already dying. They must have called him here to give him a second chance or to offer him something… Would the illness have followed him here? If he died here, things would have been different… Wouldn't they?"

"Different how?" Taichi looked shaken, and Daisuke didn't blame him. He could still remember how Oikawa had merged with the Digital World.

"Do you remember what happened to Wizardmon?" Gatomon's voice cracked slightly. "He was in the real world when he died. He didn't reformat like he should have… Maybe it's like that for you humans too."

There was a heavy silence again as everyone thought about just what that meant.

"So Ryo was going to die." Daisuke sighed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "He came here and was sent to help Ken. Ken gets hurt and Ryo tries to nurse him back to health. Then while Ken is the sickest and Gennai isn't there to help, Ryo just decides that his time is up and he dies in the middle of it? I don't buy it. This is the Digital World! If the guardians had such big plans for him, they wouldn't have let that happen. Ken was supposed to meet up with you guys anyways! It could have meant the difference between winning and losing. Something went wrong. We're missing something important here and I don't like it one bit."

Hikari gave Daisuke a troubled look while Takeru refused to meet her gaze.

"Something bad happened that day." Takeru shook his head and frowned. "Something Gennai isn't telling us about. Or maybe he doesn't know either. Maybe it's something that we don't want to know… Whatever it was, it was bad enough that the guardians couldn't stop it and the Digital World couldn't reconcile it. I was at that final battle against the Dark Masters and we could have really used all the help we could get. If Ken was good enough to defeat Milleniumon on his own, we could have really benefitted from his help."

Takeru hesitated before venturing down this next path. "What ever happened… I don't think we should pry into it any further than we already have."

Daisuke was about to protest when the full implications of what Takeru was saying hit him. Did he think that Ken was involved? Did the guardians believe that Ken had- No. That just wasn't possible. It wasn't something that he could accept.

_Yet…_

He stood up so fast that his chair tipped over with a crash, jolting them all out of their thoughts. "Denial isn't the way to go. I would rather face things head on and risk being hurt by them than have them hidden away from me. I won't let that happen. These are things Ken has a right to know about. It's his life and he needs to know the whole story… But not from someone like Kaiser. Not from someone that wants to cause him pain. When he wakes up, I want to talk to him."

Everyone stared at him in shock. Taichi almost looked proud while Koushiro and Yamato nodded approvingly. Miyako looked as if she wanted to ask a question, but then just shook her head and smiled in agreement.

Iori had his usual serious yet thoughtful expression before he too nodded his approval.

To the side, Takeru was silently looking down while Hikari looked up at Daisuke thoughtfully.

"Daisuke…" Whatever she had been about to say was suddenly cut off by a scream.

Daisuke was out the door and down the hall before the others could even react. He was silently cursing himself for leaving Ken and his double alone. What if they had woken up and started to fight again? What if something happened to them? What if they were phasing? _Stupid Daisuke stupid!_

He stopped short just inside the door and felt Veemon plow into his leg. Overhead, Wormmon had sticky-webbed his way into the room and landed on the bed with a little bounce.

The others quickly followed suit, crowding around Daisuke as he tried to figure out which Ichijouji was currently in the most distress.

Ken appeared to have had a nightmare. He was sitting up and staring straight ahead with unfocused eyes, looking shaken and confused, while Kaiser was hunched over and looking like he was about to lose it.

Daisuke was about to go to the Kaiser, who was gasping and struggling to breathe, when Gennai pushed his way past everyone.

Daisuke made a small sound that could almost have been a growl. If Gennai thought he was going to just swoop in and try to fix everything, then he had another thing coming. He was about to witness firsthand the Motomiya determination.

Ken seemed to sense Gennai's presence as he suddenly shivered and looked over at the man. The utter intensity and venom in that look froze Daisuke to the spot. Gennai seemed just as surprised, taking a small step back as if he had been punched.

"I killed him, Gennai… I killed him." There was no emotion behind those words and it chilled Daisuke to the bone.

Gennai took a small step forward, reaching out as if to try and comfort the distraught boy.

Daisuke's gaze moved past them to the shuddering boy that was hunched over and now making small keening sounds. It was like watching a train wreck. He could see it coming but could do nothing to stop it. He could only watch as Kaiser managed to inhaled at last and then let it all back out in a scream.

The scream seemed to snap everyone into action. Ken screwed his eyes shut and covered his ears, desperately trying to block out his other half. Wormmon leaped up onto Ken's shoulder, nuzzling and clinging to his partner protectively.

Gennai moved as if to go to Kaiser, but Daisuke stepped in front of the guardian defensively. Gennai may have dealt with Ken in the old days, but he knew nothing of how to deal with Kaiser. He wasn't about to let the man muck it up anymore than he apparently already had.

The others seemed to get the message as Taichi and Miyako moved forward to grasp Gennai by the arm and lead him out of the room while Koushiro quickly followed, nervously chattering away about wanting to show the guardian some new computer program or something.

Daisuke was surprised to find Iori standing determinedly in the doorway, silently demanding that he be allowed to help.

Glancing back, Daisuke struggled to make his decision. He wanted to be with Ken more than anything. To help him and comfort him… But Kaiser… Could he really be trusted with the others in this state?

Behind him, Kaiser had stopped screaming, most likely from running out of air than anything else.

Daisuke swallowed hard then nodded at Iori and pointed towards Ken, hoping that he had made the right decision.

Iori and Hikari moved quickly, pulling Ken up from the bed and carefully getting him onto his feet.

Daisuke stopped them just before they reached the door and gently pulled Ken into a hug, pressing his chest firmly against Ken's as if trying to confirm that the boy's heart was still beating.

He could feel Ken's hair tickling his cheek as he whispered, "Are you still with me?"

There was a pause before Ken slowly squeezed him back, his lips moving against Daisuke's ear lightly and making him shiver. "Always…"

It was enough to satisfy him. Daisuke stepped back and allowed the two to guide his partner from the room.

Turning around, Daisuke was surprised to find two others awaiting his orders.

"I'm staying." Takeru gave Daisuke a firm look.

"After last time?" Daisuke returned the look.

"I made a mistake. I can help this time."

Daisuke crossed his arms and stared up at the child of hope skeptically.

To their side, Yamato was watching carefully. "Takeru…" It was a warning.

"Yamato, you don't understand. I _know_ him. I've seen what he can do."

Daisuke sighed and looked down. "Alright. You can stay. Just… Can I have a minute? I want to make sure that… That he's okay." He didn't think that it'd be appropriate to tell them the real reason why needed this moment alone.

Takeru looked like he was about to protest, but Yamato moved in and picked up his younger brother and then carried him out of the room. Under any other circumstance, it would have been comical.

Daisuke shook his head and moved to slowly approach the bed. "Kaiser." He waited.

Kaiser shuddered and slowly forced in a slow and deep breath. Daisuke knew that the Kaiser was pulling himself back together, carefully replacing that emotionless mask to fool the world into believing that he was alright.

Daisuke wasn't fooled. He pushed again. "Ichijouji."

There was an almost feral growl as Kaiser looked up, his eyes wild and wide. The mask was cracked and slipping.

Daisuke sat on the edge of the bed and reached out, laying a hand on Kaiser's shoulder gently. "Are you with me?"

There was the briefest of moments when Daisuke felt certain that Kaiser had been about to lash out, but it passed and Kaiser slowly and tiredly sat up, recomposing himself. "Always."

Daisuke relaxed. "Hell of a day, huh?"

"Hell of a life." Kaiser slowly ran a shaking hand through his hair and then got up. "Do you plan on protecting him forever? You know you can't. Not from this."

"I know that… But I'm not going to let you hurt him, either. I'm going to tell him… I'm going to give him the choice that you never got. It will hurt and maybe he won't recover… But at least he'll know his life isn't just full of everyone lying to him!" Daisuke angrily got to his feet.

Kaiser laughed bitterly at that. "Tell him what? That big brother killed himself because he couldn't stand to be around me? That… That…" Kaiser's voice cracked and he clenched a fist angrily. "That Ryo…"

"Ken…" Daisuke gently placed a hand on his shoulder again.

"Why do you keep calling me that?!" Kaiser smacked the hand away angrily.

"Because that's who you are."

"That's who you want me to be." A stone cold glare met him. "You want Ken. You want that pathetic thing that clings to you and lets you make all the big decisions and steal the spotlight. You want someone that needs your protection and only offers advice when you need someone smarter than you. You don't want me. I intimidate you. I don't need you like he does. I make the hard decisions and I am stronger than Ken."

Daisuke opened his mouth to protest but Kaiser shook his head angrily, cutting him off. "I know someone that does want me. That wants Kaiser." Kaiser's eyes shifted past Daisuke to the closed door.

"…Takeru? What are you talking about?"

"You haven't guessed yet? You really are an idiot. He's drawn to me. Anyone can see it. He's seen what I really am and he's oh-so-very fascinated by it. It's why he keeps coming back." Kaiser laughed, though it wasn't filled with any of his usual mirth.

"Takeru isn't like that… He… He has Hikari." Daisuke blinked in confusion.

"Hikari… That little busybody that can't keep her nose in her own business. She sees it too. It's why she avoids me. I terrify her. If I wanted, I could take so much away from her… But then again, why should I take from her when I have you?" Kaiser's frown shifted into that all too familiar grin.

Now Daisuke was really lost. What the hell was Kaiser going on about? What was this about Takeru and Hikari? He'd missed something and felt like it was staring him right in the face.

Kaiser didn't appear to be in an explaining mood as he slowly moved closer to Daisuke, an odd look on his face. "Aren't you curious?"

"C-Curious?" Daisuke swallowed hard as he watched Kaiser shift and slowly drape himself across Daisuke, an arm snaking around his waist, the other hand running over his shoulder and up into his hair.

"About Ryo." Lips brushed over his cheek and settled to breathe warmly near his ear. "About how I killed him…"

Daisuke swallowed hard. This felt like more than just dangerous territory. This was bigger than Osamu's secret and he could feel it.

"I know you are… They all are." Fingers teasingly ran through his hair and twirled in the messy locks.

"I…" It was true. That much he couldn't deny. He was curious, but could he trust Kaiser? Did Kaiser really know the truth? If it had terrified him that much…

"No… I don't think I'm going to tell you. I wouldn't want you to soften the blow when it comes. To defile that memory with your kind words… Just know that I killed him… And it felt so good."

A pause while Daisuke's mind blanked. It had to have been a lie. There was no way that he was remembering it the way that it really happened… Right? Ken had been so young… He couldn't have possibly killed his friend.

He blinked as his focus returned and he found Kaiser's face barely inches from his own. "It was so easy… I wonder if I can do it again…" His lips twitched upwards at the corners and he shifted his gaze past Daisuke towards the now open door. "Takeru. Did you have a nice heart-to-heart with your brother? Did he warn you about playing with the big boys?"

Daisuke was still blinking as Kaiser slid off the bed. Alarm bells started to go off in his head as he watched the way Kaiser moved. Something was wrong and an increasing sense of danger was starting to build in the room.

Takeru, either ignoring the danger or simply not sensing it, walked into the room calmly. Yamato was not with him.

"You just keep coming back. I know he warned you about me. I know that she did too. Why don't you listen to them? Are you trying to prove something? Do you think that you can save me like you did her? Or are you doing this because you failed to save me the first time? Did Daisuke steal your thunder?" Kaiser strolled up to Takeru, who was watching him with an odd look on his face.

Daisuke got up quickly as his alarm bells suddenly went into overdrive. "Takeru, maybe you should-"

"Please don't interrupt, Daisuke. You and I can play in just a moment. Right now, I'd rather play with him."

"You talk too much. If you have something to say, just say it." Takeru bristled.

"Hm. Always so impatient. Hikari is such a patient girl. Is that why you follow her around like a puppy? Using her as a shield? Does she guide you with her light?" Kaiser lowered his voice. "Does she know about what happened? Did she tell you it was alright? That you were better than me and had nothing to feel bad about?"

Daisuke didn't know what was going on, but he knew that this needed to stop before he had to break up another fight. He was starting to feel like a referee. "Kaiser. Back off, right now." Takeru, I think you should wait out in the hall."

They ignored him, Kaiser moving closer still and Takeru holding his ground stubbornly.

"She does know, doesn't she? You tell her everything, don't you? Hoping that she'll give her approval and keep you in her light. Did you tell her about that dream you had that night?"

Takeru's indifferent look shifted to one of utter shock. "How did you…?"

"You didn't tell her. Were you too ashamed? Afraid that she'd know the truth?" Takeru slowly balled up his fists as Kaiser continued, his knuckles falling into line slowly and tightening till they turned white. "It doesn't matter. I think she's already starting to guess the truth."

Takeru swung a fist. Kaiser ducked and moved forward at the same time, pinning Takeru to the wall in a very familiar position that was giving Daisuke an odd sort of déjà vu.

Daisuke was about to run forward to pry the Kaiser off of the blond when the Kaiser suddenly leaned in and kissed Takeru roughly.

Time seemed to stand still as the kiss drug out, Takeru frozen in shock and Kaiser dominating relentlessly. Daisuke felt a surge of jealousy in the pit of his stomach as he watched, utterly dumbfounded.

At last, Kaiser pulled back with an exaggerated exhale then leaned in and whispered something in Takeru's ear. Takeru's eyes widened and there was no mistaking the fear that flashed across those clear blue eyes.

Daisuke decided he'd had enough as he stormed forward and grabbed Kaiser roughly by the arm, yanking him away from the still frozen in place Takeru.

"Kaiser! What the hell?!"

Kaiser spun into the motion and wrapped his arms around Daisuke's waist, pulling him closer with a smile. "I'm sorry, Daisuke. Are you jealous? I promise he doesn't mean anything to me. He's just a game. I should have asked you to join in. Perhaps we could play together…"

Daisuke was about to argue when something caught his eye.

"What the..." He forcefully turned Kaiser around and pushed away a few stray spikes of hair from the back of his neck where there was a dark angry mark, much like a bruise or an old burn.

Kaiser's breath caught as Daisuke lightly traced the mark with his fingers.

"Takeru… Come look at this." A light was starting to go off in Daisuke's head, but he wasn't near smart enough to figure it out on his own.

Daisuke looked up as Takeru failed to answer. "Takeru?"

"I'm sorry, Daisuke." The other boy was now standing in the doorway, his back to the room. "I can't do this." He walked out, letting the door slide shut behind him heavily.

"How disappointing." Kaiser laughed and looked back at Daisuke. "I was hoping to get to play with him a little while longer. You don't think my toy is broken already, do you?"

Daisuke gave him a look of frustration. "We aren't done here. You and I are going to have a nice long talk when I get back. Till then, you sit here and don't touch anything, do anything, or say anything!"

Daisuke nodded to Veemon as he moved to the door. "Guard him. This won't take long."

He was starting to wonder just how the hell he was supposed to help Ken get better when the rest of his team was starting to lose it too.

"Takeru, wait!"

_- – - Moments earlier- – -_

"What is going on with you, Takeru? You can tell me."

"It's nothing, Yamato. I'm just trying to support Daisuke and Ken…"

"Don't give me that. You've been acting weird since before we even got here. I'm worried about you. So is Hikari."

Takeru sighed and looked down, examining the floor. "He's getting to me. I know it's stupid and that it shouldn't matter, but he's always gotten to me. He was just a kid like me, trying to find his place in the world and make sense of what was happening around him. I couldn't understand how he could do such a thing. How he could hurt living creatures… I told myself he was a monster. It was the only way I could make sense of it." Takeru paused and closed his eyes.

"But then… I came face to face with him. Suddenly he wasn't just some arrogant punk out for power. He was alone and lost. He was a kid that hadn't had the guidance that I'd had. It could have been me, Yamato. If I hadn't of had you or any of the others… If I'd lost you in those early days… If I had been as alone as he was."

"I don't think so, Takeru. You've never even been close to being the way that he was. You've never even been tempted. Not like I was." Yamato closed his eyes for a moment, remembering his own failures for just a moment. "You were always caring and far too willing to prove just how useful you were to the group. You would never have gone down that path. Even without me. Don't you remember when I left and you were on your own?"

"But you don't know that!" Takeru shook his head angrily. "Ken was the same age as I was when he was here the first time! He didn't even have anyone helping him along. All he ever had was that trainer. He saved this world all on his own! You heard Gennai. For all we know, he was just like me. Like any of the rest of us! To think that he could go from that to… To what he was…"

Yamato was silent as Takeru looked down at the dust and rubble on the floor around them. "I'm sorry, Yamato. I just… It scares me sometimes. I'm supposed to have hope and believe that there's good in all of us… But when I first met him, all I could see was the bad. I couldn't believe that he could ever change. I couldn't see what… What Daisuke saw…"

"Takeru… What is this really about?" Yamato asked softly, giving his brother an unreadable look.

"What do you mean? I just told you-"

"That was in the past." Yamato cut him off. "We're talking about right here and now. What's in that room right now with Daisuke is not what you met back then. As much as we all want to think so, that is NOT the Kaiser. I'm not even sure that he knows what he is. Maybe it is a part of Ken, but we can't be sure." Yamato glanced at the door as if to make sure that it was really completely closed. "Whatever has you so wound up is not letting you think straight. I've never known you to be so impulsive and hot headed. To not listen to Hikari and go out of your way to cause trouble. You've been after him since you first saw him and I think this is running deeper than you think."

"What are you getting at, Yamato?" Takeru glared at his older brother. Did he think that Takeru had purposefully caused that fight? That he was out to hurt the Kaiser? To hurt Ken?

"This isn't about helping Ken and you know it." Yamato looked down, refusing to meet his brother's eyes. "I think this is about Daisuke."

"What? I-"

Yamato held up a hand to silence him. "Daisuke had been chasing Hikari since the first time he laid eyes on her. She allowed it. You allowed it. Maybe you just didn't want to hurt him, he's a good friend, but I think it became more than that at some point. It wasn't about protecting Daisuke anymore. But when Ken showed up…"

Takeru scowled and then looked away. "You'd have to be an idiot not to know this, Yamato. He stopped chasing after her. She wasn't even on his radar once Ken showed up. We all know who he wants."

"Even so, it wasn't until recently that Ken started to openly return Daisuke's advances." Yamato crossed his arms, remembering his own earlier days of playing the game of chase with Taichi.

Takeru gave Yamato a stubborn look. "It was obvious to Hikari and me. We've been around you and Taichi long enough to recognize the signs."

Yamato flushed and looked down. "Yeah, well… The point is that he never returned the advances. Ken is shy and Daisuke is hard to take seriously. All of a sudden, Ken can't go five seconds without clinging to Daisuke like he's the only human left on earth and the Kaiser… Well, I'll just say that I've seen groupies be more subtle."

"Yeah. Kaiser doesn't seem to have any concept of other people's personal space or have any problems going after what he wants." It came out sounding far bitterer than he liked. "I don't have a problem with that."

"I think you do." Yamato looked up at him with a look that pierced through him. "I don't know what went on between you and the Kaiser back then… But apparently it's starting to cause problems. You need to back off now before you get hurt or you hurt someone."

"You think I… That I…" Takeru sputtered as he starred at his brother. "I am NOT… I-This isn't about that! This is about him being wrong! He shouldn't even exist or be trusted! I know what he is and I can't believe that no one else can see it! Someone needs to put him in his place before it's too late!" Takeru pushed past his brother and moved to the door.

Yamato placed a firm hand on his shoulder and stopped him. "Takeru, I'm asking you… Please… Just listen to me. If not me, then listen to Hikari. Back off."

"You and Hikari need to keep your noses out of my business. I'm not a child anymore! I can take care of myself!" He shrugged off the hand and pushed his way into the room angrily.

Yamato stood in the hall for a moment, completely at a loss and feeling defeated. There was only so much he could do for his little brother. All he could do was hope that whatever that thing was that was in that room wasn't nearly as bad as Hikari had guessed.

- – -

Takeru exited the room and slowly walked down the hall in a daze.

A surprisingly steady hand rose up and finger tips moved to lightly trace across his dry lips. _He kissed me._

He could still feel the Kaiser's lips pressed against his, teasingly starting out so tender and then quickly dominating him. He could still feel that warm body pressing solidly against his own. He could still feel Kaiser's hips meeting his roughly while a cold hand slowly slid down his spine and pulled him closer; the other hand keeping him forcefully pinned against the wall in a show of superior power.

This had been unlike anything he had ever felt before. Hikari's kisses were always so sweet and gentle. They were shy and always left him feeling calm and relaxed.

This kiss had been controlling and dominating, yet almost playful… It held the promise of violence and something else… Something that had left his heart pounding in his ears.

Takeru shuddered and slowly wiped his lips on the back of his hand.

Being that close had left him feeling like there was a great sense of danger building up around him, ready to crash in on him at a moment's notice. _Is this what Daisuke feels?_

He closed his eyes against the echoing whisper of Kaiser's soft and sultry voice hissing in his ear. _"Let's play a game. Who do you think will fail first? Light, Hope, or Kindness?" _

"Takeru! Wait up!" Daisuke's voice pierced the silent hall.

Takeru wiped his lips again and slowly straightened, trying not to look as scared as he suddenly felt. How did Daisuke do it? How could Daisuke get so close to the abyss without falling in? How could he handle the darkness without it consuming him?

"Takeru." Daisuke stopped just behind him. "I'm sorry."

Takeru looked back at him in surprise. "What are you apologizing for? You didn't do anything. I should be apologizing to you. I should have listened. I should have just stayed away from him."

"I'm sorry I've been so hard on you. It's not your fault. I knew that he was getting to you and I…" Daisuke hesitated as if thinking something over, and then nodded as he came to a determination. "I've always felt that he was my burden. That Kaiser was something I needed to face alone, you know? Like if I was supposed to be the leader, I needed to prove that I could take him down without any help."

"But you did. You faced him while the rest of us wanted to run home and hide. You took him down while we all watched from the side lines."

"You guys didn't run. You backed me up! You think I could have done it without my friends there to support me?" Daisuke sighed. "That's not the point. After everything, I still had that same feeling. Ken was my responsibility. No one understood him like I did. No one knows what he goes through like I do… And I think it's my fault. I wanted to keep him to myself. I was his first friend and he was my first best friend."

Takeru tried not to wince from the sting of that. They had always been friends to Daisuke, but he had always been treated as just another guy that they had to tolerate because he wouldn't go away. It wasn't till much later that they had really seen just what kind of friend Daisuke could be. Only… It was through watching him with Ken that they had come to that realization.

Daisuke struggled as if trying to find the right words to make Takeru understand. "I want to help him. To help both of them. I feel like I'm running in circles trying to keep one under control while I'm trying to keep the other one from drifting away. I think… It's starting to become clear that I can't do this on my own. I need your help. I can't keep my eyes on both of them."

"Do you really trust us with him, though? Dose Ken trust us enough to let us help him? Do you trust us enough to leave us alone with the Kaiser?" Takeru glanced back at the door, wondering if Kaiser was laughing at him.

Daisuke looked down then back up at Takeru fully. It was a struggle not to take a step back under the suddenly intense fire that was now burning behind those deep dark eyes. "I'm just going to have to learn then, aren't I? Ken needs me, but he also needs to learn that he has friends that are willing to help him. As for Kaiser… That one's going to be harder. He's… It's hard to explain. He's…"

"Dangerous." Takeru finished "But not for you."

Daisuke blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know what it is… Maybe it's because you're the only one Ken trusts… Maybe it's because you're the one that Ken… likes." He ignored the way Daisuke's face blushed and the way his own heart felt like it had skipped a beat. "He's enamored with you. It's like he wants all of your attention and he gets jealous when he doesn't have it. I think I'm starting to understand what he is… With you, he's different. I don't know what it is… But there's something in him that only comes out when he's with you. He's impulsive. He lacks control. He's emotional and he's needy. With us… He's just plain dangerous. I'm starting to think he wouldn't hesitate to hurt us…"

"Ken would never hurt anyone!"

"He's not Ken! Maybe he's a part of Ken or maybe he's something else. We don't know what he is." Takeru gave Daisuke a hard look. "We can only guess. And you don't seem to remember that Ken did hurt people back then. Digimon and human alike, he was vicious. I know he's different now and that was a different situation, but the truth is, with that spore active in him… There's no telling just what either of them is capable of." _And there's still the little matter of what happened to Ryo._ Takeru shivered at that last thought.

Daisuke looked stricken, the fire in his eyes much smaller now. "Fine. I'll deal with him. If you're so scared of him, I'll make sure he doesn't hurt anyone. You won't have to go near him again."

Takeru paused. "Keep him away from Hikari, Daisuke. I'm trusting you. Back there he told me… Just keep him away from Hikari."

Daisuke seemed to think this one through carefully before nodding. "Yeah. Okay. I want to keep him away from Ken, too. For the time being anyways, until I can figure a few things out. Please… Take care of Ken. I'll be by to check on him soon. If there's any trouble at all… You come get me."

Takeru nodded and Daisuke looked satisfied, if not troubled. Daisuke turned back towards the bedroom but Takeru stopped him. "Daisuke, wait."

Daisuke stopped and looked back over his shoulder. "Hm?"

Takeru's stomach clenched unpleasantly. "About what happened in there… When he…"

Daisuke smiled. "Don't worry about it. He's just trying to get a rise out of me. He gets bored real easily. I guess all smart people do." Daisuke turned back to the door with a casual wave, dismissing the incident as if it were just an annoying fly buzzing about. "Don't let it bother you."

Just before Daisuke went back inside, Takeru could have sworn that for the briefest of moments, he saw a familiar look on Daisuke's face. The same questioning look that Hikari kept giving him.

"Yeah… No worries…" Takeru shivered and headed down the hall to try and find Hikari. She had gone with Ken and right now, Takeru wasn't so sure that he trusted Ken any more than he did Kaiser.

- – -

Hikari, Iori, and Ken all sat together on the floor of one of the larger guest rooms. The room felt completely unused, which it most likely was, and looked as if it had been abandoned halfway through being furnished.

Hikari couldn't help but feel sad about how each guest room seemed to have been carefully thought out and decorated with the most intricate of detail only to have been abandoned and forgotten shortly after completion, if not shortly before. It was all just one of the many mysteries that made up the riddle of Ken.

Ken seemed to be doing better now that he'd been taken away from the general vicinity of Kaiser. He had some of the color back in his cheeks and his eyes weren't as vacant and lost as they had been when he'd first woken up.

They sat in silence for a moment until Ken finally sighed and shifted, brushing his hair back out of his eyes. "I know you want to ask, so just ask already."

Iori seemed taken off guard when Ken looked directly at him. Of all of them, it somehow seemed appropriate that Iori be the one to be asking the questions. He was, after all, always thinking up the deep and meaningful questions. However, Iori always worked them around in his head for hours, sometimes days, before he felt confident enough to do the question justice in asking.

Hikari had come to respect the quiet and thought filled questions. He had certainly asked her a few doozies a short while back and she had done her very best to answer each and every one truthfully. No matter the question, it always felt wrong to leave them unanswered.

Looking at him now, she could tell from the look on Iori's face that he had been holding this one back for a long time.

"Is he really a part of you?" That was obviously not the question he had wanted to ask, or the one Ken or Hikari had been expecting. Apparently, the boy just wasn't ready for the big one yet… Or maybe he was building the stepping stones first.

"Yes." As short as that answer was, it held a note of finality about it that all present were willing to accept.

Iori fell silent as he let it process. "Back then, when you were Kaiser… Was that him?"

Ken clenched his fists in his lap and Hikari breathed slowly as she watched them. Iori had been the last to accept Ken and forgive him for all that he'd done, but it was obvious that he still wondered. Maybe they all did.

Ken sighed heavily. "No. I was aware of what I was doing. It was all me. It has always been me. He is… New." Apparently these were all questions that Ken had already asked himself.

Iori seemed dissatisfied with that answer. "Then you really did think it was all just a game? Is it because of what Gennai and the Guardians did? What they told you?"

Hikari tensed as Ken's fists clenched tighter. "No. Not entirely. They left behind traces of memories. I don't know what I believed, but I fooled myself. I knew what I was doing. What this was. What they were. I just didn't want to believe."

Iori was now looking at Ken with the intense concentration that only a Kendo master could possess. "Then why did you do it? What made you want to hurt them? To take control?"

Ken's fists trembled for a moment before the boy let out a long slow breath as he started to relax with the control of a Judo master.

"Sometimes, bad things happen, Iori. We have no control over them. We have no say over who lives or dies. All we can do is react." Ken looked up at last, his focus completely on the smaller boy. "Your father was killed protecting what he believed to be right. He was probably killed over something small and trivial. Something that someone else thought was worth killing another man over. You chose to be proud of him. You were taught to be proud. To understand that he gave his life so that you could know that there were good people in the world that were willing to die for something just and right."

Iori looked surprised, but oddly touched by that description.

"What would have happened if it had been different? What if he was just walking home one day and he had been shot in the back? What if your grandfather had been indifferent to you and simply tried to wash the death away like it was a nasty stain on the carpet?"

Hikari felt as if the air in the room had dropped ten degrees.

Iori looked away. "I never thought about that… I guess I would be someone different. I would want answers. I would want justice."

"You would want control." Ken slowly pulled Wormmon into his lap and started to stroke his antenna. Gatomon was sitting near Hikari, trying to seem uninterested, but the steady twitch of her tail gave away the fact that she was listening with intense concentration.

To the side, Armodillomon was watching Iori as if expecting something. Perhaps he was waiting for some grand epiphany.

"I don't think that would make him want to hurt people. To do what you did…" Armodillomon ventured slowly, seeking understanding.

Gatomon spoke up, her light voice startling them all. "It's hard to see a situation from someone else's eyes. Ken lost someone in a very different situation. They both coped differently. Iori wanted to make his father proud and he wanted to protect what he had died for. Ken…" She trailed off, her tail flipping unpleasantly.

Ken gave her a dead look. "Oh, I lived up to my brother too."

Hikari flinched and looked down as that answer made her feel cold and scared.

To his credit, Iori didn't shy away. "What was your brother like?"

Ken looked at Iori as if he was trying to make up his mind about something. "Osamu was…" He breathed deeply, his brow furrowing as his struggle for control became more and more apparent. "Osamu was perfect."

Iori frowned in protest to that less than satisfactory answer. "No one's perfect, Ken."

Hikari looked from Iori to Ken, suddenly feeling anxious and not knowing why.

Ken slowly blinked at Iori as if he'd just said something that didn't make any sense, and then looked away. "I'm sorry. About your father. He sounded like a good man. He would be proud of you."

Iori blinked at that, unsure on how to respond.

There was silence as Iori slowly gathered himself up and finally asked the question. "You and Daisuke."

Hikari and Ken both froze. It had not been the question they had expected after all of that build up. It hadn't even been a question. It was more of him thinking out loud than anything.

Ken blushed brightly and Hikari looked away, trying not to laugh. She failed and started to cough, trying to hide the giggles.

Wormmon spoke up proudly, much to his partner's dismay. "They are the best of partners!"

Hikari was now having a coughing fit while Gatomon pattered her on the back, looking amused.

"I… We haven't…" Ken had a rare moment of incoherency as he stuttered for the right answer. "Nothing is official."

Iori just looked confused by the ruckus. Finally, Hikari got a hold of herself and smiled brightly at Ken. "Official or not… I'm happy for you both."

This made Ken blush even more.

Iori seemed to have just accepted it as one of those things he wasn't going to get an answer to and sighed while Armodillomon patted his shoulder consolably.

The door opened behind them and Takeru walked in, moving with purpose before firmly taking a seat next to Hikari. Her smile faded as she caught the look on his face. He looked shaken.

"How is Daisuke doing?" Iori asked softly.

"He's fine. Kaiser seems to have recovered and is back to being his usual pleasant self." Takeru's answer sounded bitter. "He doesn't need my help. He's got it under control for the time being."

Hikari smiled softly at Takeru and was about to offer kind words of comfort when she caught the looks Ken and Takeru were giving each other.

"Takeru? Are you okay?" She ventured cautiously.

Takeru ignored her. "Do you have a connection with him?" It was accusing. Almost angry. "You do, don't you? You know what he's thinking and doing. What his plans are. You can feel what he does."

Ken shook his head almost desperately. "I don't. I don't know what he's thinking. He has memories that I don't have. Memories that I want. He knows everything I've forgotten! Do you think I would let him hold that over me on purpose?"

"Maybe you don't know what he's thinking, but if I understand things correctly, his mind is yours. He has access to your mind and you must have access to his. Out in the desert when he was angry, you reacted. You can feel what he does."

Iori looked at Ken in surprise. "He's right. When one of you gets emotional, any kind of emotion, the other reacts."

Hikari didn't like where this was going. "It doesn't mean that he can or should use it. You heard Gennai earlier. If he tries to tap in or use it, it could backfire and hurt him. We don't even know if Kaiser is aware of the connection or not. If it goes one way, it must go the other. He could use it to hurt Ken."

"But what if Kaiser is up to something? We can't trust him. Maybe he behaves himself around Daisuke, but with the rest of us he's different. I've seen it. He doesn't care who he hurts. Even with Daisuke… Can we really trust him enough to let Daisuke stay alone with him for long periods of time? You've seen the way he is with him…" Takeru looked at Hikari almost pleadingly.

"With that line of thought… Who's to say we can even trust Ken?" All eyes snapped to Iori. "He's fractured. Gennai said he has a split spirit and mind. Who's to say that this Ken is the Ken that we all know and trust? Kaiser seems to have all the traits that Ken normally doesn't. Everyone has a darkness inside of them, a darkness that wants something, but we also normally have the light to balance us out. To tell us when to stop or not do something. The light lets us know when enough is enough. Kaiser seems to lack that. But to assume that's all Kaiser is, is wrong. I've seen him act in kindness. He treats Wormmon as well as Ken does. He's gentle and feels guilt over the past. Earlier… He looked lost. He was in pain. Maybe it's all a front… But there's more going on than we all think and it would be foolish to assume that one of them is good and the other is evil."

Hikari was startled by how even and well thought out Iori made it all sound. So this was what he had been carefully thinking about this whole time.

Finally, the real question they had all been waiting for emerged. "Can we trust you, Ken?"

All eyes slowly moved back to Ken, who was looking down, his hair hiding his face.

Hikari watched him closely, feeling light headed as she searched for something that she just couldn't quite see, but knew was there.

As a child, she had always possessed a gift for sensing what others could not. Her quiet nature allowed her to hear what others couldn't and she had always been able to see what others refused.

What she felt now alarmed her more than words could ever possibly do justice.

A dark mark was slowly starting to bloom and spread out across the back of Ken's neck as a twisted smile worked its way slowly over his lips.

When Ken looked up, his eyes locked with hers and she felt something ice cold wrap around her heart and squeeze.

"_Let's play a game. Who do you think will fail first? Light, Hope, or Kindness?" _The voice was dark and mocking. For just a moment, she swore she could hear the sound of waves crashing on distant rocks.

She gasped out and blinked, the cold feeling disappearing suddenly as reality was restored.

She found Ken simply looking at her blankly, the smile and dark mark gone as if they had never been there in the first place.

No one else appeared to have seen or heard what had just happened. It was as if she had imagined the whole thing.

Finally, Ken answered. "No. I don't think you can…"

His eyes slowly shifted over to Takeru and he slowly licked his lips with a distant smile.

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	16. Chapter 16: Meaningless

**Author's Note:**

I LOVED writing this chapter. I thought Koushiro would be terrible to write but he was really fun. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Please review.

- – -

**Chapter 16: Meaningless**

Kaiser and Ken had remained in their respective rooms for several hours as the digidestined took turns watching them.

With Ken, they had teams of two. Sometimes they would chat, other times they played card games or just sat in silence.

With Kaiser, Daisuke had been determined to keep a constant vigilance, but when he had started to drift off, Daisuke had consented to letting Taichi and Yamato watch him while he stretched a bit and woke himself up.

For the most part, Kaiser had behaved himself and mostly ignored the other boys. There was no fun to be had with them. He was growing tired and bored, waiting for something that he could feel coming.

Eventually, the hours started to drag by and finally Ken and Kaiser had declared that they couldn't be expected to just sit around all day and night waiting for something to happen. Reluctantly, the others had all agreed and allowed both boys to walk around the base with an escort.

Ken had eventually settled in the engine room and started to work on repairing the power to the base. Wormmon acted as his assistant, bringing him tools and helping him to reach areas he couldn't get to.

Miyako and Iori had watched for an hour while Ken clanged away at damaged instruments and machines, his nimble fingers expertly working on familiar wires and circuits.

Wormmon had explained to the others the idea of reconfiguring the base to help other digimon rather than just leaving it to rot away out in the desert. To their credit, the others had all liked the idea and offered to help fix the place up.

Eventually, Iori and Miyako had wandered off, deciding that they were better suited to cleaning than trying to assist Ken in such complicated repairs.

Unfortunately, Daisuke had taken their place and decided that Ken needed his help. Much to Ken's amusement and frustration, Daisuke had found quite the talent for getting in the way or causing more of a mess than had originally been there.

Up in the observation room, Kaiser was half under a large dark computer panel cursing under his breath at the damaged circuits.

Koushiro had taken up watch and was sitting off to the side, his own personal computer hooked into one of the main consoles so that he could run through the massive amounts of code and programs that had once been used to observe and control the digital world.

As much as Kaiser hated to admit it, there wasn't anyone else, save for Ken himself, that he trusted to assist in such a huge task. Koushiro was… Useful. Not to mention he didn't waste his time asking a bunch of idiotic questions.

"You still have a lot of power diverted to useless systems that are either no longer functional or obsolete." Koushiro also didn't seem to have a problem stating facts bluntly and to the point. A trait that Kaiser respected.

Still… He couldn't help but feel irked about the older genius picking apart his codes and finding flaws. "Such as?"

"Observation, control spires, and prisons."

"Ah. Disable and reroute to the main systems. I'll redistribute it once I have everything else up and running. You should have full access. If prompted, use password…" He paused, wondering for the millionth time why he had never thought to change the password after all those years. "The password is 'Wormmon'."

Koushiro raised an eyebrow but didn't question it.

"You really built this place yourself? It must have taken a very long time. Especially for such a young kid."

Kaiser wished they would stop questioning how he had built his empire. "I wrote a program from my home and uploaded it. It's how I designed everything. Originally the base was much smaller and immobile, but I upgraded the program over time to suit my changing needs."

"Ingenious." This time it was Kaiser's turn to raise an eyebrow at the simple and easy acceptance. Unlike the others, Koushiro seemed to have accepted the old days for what they used to be, analyzed them, and then dismissed them as things of the past that were simply waiting for another upgrade.

They worked quietly for a few minutes as Koushiro explored the computer programs and systems through his own laptop connection.

Out of all the others, Koushiro was probably the only one that Kaiser could connect with the most when it came to intelligence. He could hazily recall Ken sitting with the older boy on a few occasions and having deep discussions over tea.

Kaiser was finding himself starving for those conversations, needing someone who could match him and _understand_.

The computer rebooted above him as he finished doing a patch job on a few fried wires. He slid out from under the panel and climbed to his feet, logging back into the main system quickly.

Fingers flew across familiar keys, following old paths that were still deeply ingrained into his muscle memory, while Koushiro watched with an analytical inquisitiveness that left the Kaiser feeling smug.

The smug sensation evaporated far too quickly as he realized just what his next task was. He typed up the command and watched as each and every program he needed was spread out across the many screens.

Once he was positive that he had located them all, he highlighted everything that had been used to control, dominated, and conquer the digital world. His fingers hovered over the delete key.

All of his work. All of his late nights filled with frustration, intense brain storms, and finally the elation over a completed project. All of it listed so perfectly and orderly spread across his screens. His finger flexed a few times as he looked it all over.

Koushiro shifted to the side. "That's a lot of data. It must have taken you ages to write it. Even longer to get it up and running."

Kaiser made a sound of agreement, his finger still refusing to descend and hit the one key that would singlehandedly erase an entire empire in less than a second.

"You don't have any backups, do you? No hard copies or anything of the sort?"

Kaiser's free hand clenched on the panel. "No." They had all been stored in a well hidden drawer in his desk at home until Ken had gone through and destroyed everything in a fit of guilt.

"You don't need any of that anymore?" It was carefully phrased as a question, but Kaiser knew it for what it was.

"No." He answered shortly.

The only sound that greeted him was the clack of Koushiro typing at his own computer.

It was almost as if the older genius didn't care what Kaiser did. At least that was the impression that was being given, but Kaiser knew better. Koushiro was watching him. Waiting to see if he could let go of the past.

He closed his eyes and slammed his finger down onto the key. He ignored the slight pain as his finger hit the cold metal harder than needed. There was a ding as a warning box popped up, questioning his decision, and his hand moved quickly without looking to hit the enter key.

He breathed slowly as all of his work was swiftly erased. He felt a great dissatisfaction at how quickly and quietly everything had disappeared. After all that… After the years of suffering and toiling, he felt that there should have at least been some sort of explosion or even a few drops of blood shed to mark the occasion. Instead, all he had was a dull throb in his hand that would be gone in just a matter of minutes.

Behind him, the typing stopped as Koushiro glanced up at him. "I'm not sure if I would have been able to do it."

Kaiser slowly slid his fingers aimlessly over the keys then opened his eyes to look up at the now blank screen.

The typing continued once more and Kaiser moved to take a seat in the only chair in the room. He was positive that had any of the others been present, they would have felt uneasy or made a comment about him resuming his familiar throne. If Koushiro was bothered by it, he didn't give any indication.

Surprisingly, there was no feeling of regret at the loss of his work. It had once served its purpose and now that purpose was gone. He could build bigger and better programs that would have a new and better purpose; and if the time came, he was positive that he would be able to delete those as well.

"I'm sure the others will have dinner ready soon. Daisuke's stomach must be raising a royal ruckus by now." Koushiro didn't look up. The comment was open, but Kaiser felt that it had direction. Neither of them seemed up to small talk.

"I'm not hungry. Besides, I doubt the others would miss my company if I continued to work here." He decided to take the bait.

"You do have a few of them spooked."

"But not you. You see to be taking it all in stride."

"Honestly? We've dealt with worse. You don't seem to be out to take over or destroy the digital world. You aren't trying to kill us and you've allowed me to examine your prodigious programs. This is a much better vacation than the week I had planned of defragging my hard drive."

"You really aren't disturbed by any all this?"

"Well it does worry me. I mean, a friend of mine appears to have suffered a pretty bad mental break down while none of us were looking and some evil spore that was planted by an evil digimon from another dimension seems to be taking advantage of that mental break down causing some pretty serious if not intriguing problems."

Kaiser slowly looked over at the genius who was still staring intently down at his screen. "Well, if you put it that way…" He smirked. "I guess it doesn't sound so bad, does it?"

"You don't seem too particularly bothered by it either. You almost seem to be enjoying it. Aside from earlier, that is. You even seem to have recovered quite well from something that most of us would still be pretty torn up over. Your ability to cope and process is really quite amazing."

"I've had practice." Kaiser fought back a sneer and instead waved a hand dismissively. "I am enjoying myself, though. Ken is such a stick in the mud. He hardly ever lets his inhibitions go. This is like a dream for me. I can do and say what I want and I don't have to worry about reputation or fall out."

"But that's not one-hundred-percent accurate. You do care about reputation. You want what you used to have. You were honestly upset over the fact that Ken is no longer at the top of his class or in the media or the soccer captain or the best at anything."

"I worked hard to acquire all of that and I still have the ability to maintain it, spore or no spore. He is just being foolish and throwing it all away in some pathetic attempt at making amends for his crimes. It would be like if you suddenly dropped out of school and decided to be a paper boy because you stepped on some ants!"

To his delight, Koushiro paused and looked up at him as if considering that possibility and then shuddered and went back to typing. "Not exactly the same situation, but I see your point. You don't like wasted potential."

"No more than you do, it would seem." Kaiser shook his head at the idea. "Perhaps I don't want any of that back. That is the old way and I don't need that sort of attention anymore… But the point is that Ken still has the ability to do something with that potential and he refuses to so much as even tap into a small fragment of it because he's afraid. With this split, I don't have to be inhibited anymore. I can be free."

"So if this is like a dream come true and you're enjoying yourself," Koushiro's typing slowed just a fraction. "Why are you working so hard to punish him?"

A purely inquisitive question with no moral implications behind it. Kaiser was impressed.

He paused to consider the question for what it was. He felt that such a question from such a person deserved a well thought out answer.

Koushiro patiently waited for the answer as he searched through the systems and made small repairs where he deemed them necessary.

Finally, Kaiser sat back in the chair and crossed his legs. "He isn't real."

Koushiro's fingers slowed to a stop and then he slowly set his computer aside, giving Kaiser his undivided attention at last. Had this answer been given to anyone else, they would have protested and argued semantics. Much to Kaiser's delight, Koushiro took the higher road.

"Are you real?"

"I'm more real than he is, but no… I'm not real either."

Koushiro seemed to consider the answer, a look of intense concentration on his face. "From what I understand, you spent years here while time stood still in the real world. I had a similar experience. Those years that were mere seconds allowed me and the others to grow mentally without growing physically. It was if we had all stepped out to check the mail and returned as completely different and more mature kids. In my eyes, we were better for it. It allowed us the time to work through problems that most people don't normally have to face until they are in their adult lives wondering where things went wrong. In some people's opinions, we each lost a part of our childhood and our innocence. When we came back, we were no older than we had been, but we now saw the world through the eyes of people that had been forced to face their darkest innermost demons."

Kaiser stayed silent, agreeing with the notion, though he would have put it in far more blunt and angry terms.

"But your memories were stolen." Koushiro continued. "It must have been a very tricky piece of programming to do what they did to you. To make sure you still retained the growth and lessons that you obtained here while the experience that you had to go through to gain it was taken away. It must have been very difficult for you to understand and accept such things. I can't even imagine how one begins to cope with that. Of course, then you were being affected by the spore. From our experiences with the other children, even though their spores were altered and growing at a more advanced rate, you more or less must have gone through the same thing. Though, I don't actually believe that it made you smarter like it did in their cases. I believe it allowed your already present potential to bloom earlier and faster than it would have normally. In essence, while the rest of us were growing up and experiencing things at a normal level and becoming who we are now, you skipped all those steps and suddenly you just came into being."

"I couldn't have put it better myself." The corners of his lips twitched slightly as he found himself forcing the smile to stay in place.

"So that brings us back to why you want to punish Ken. He is you and you are him. You are parts to the same whole, yet you seem to be out to tear him down and destroy him. You must know what that will do to you."

Kaiser sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "If you could only understand what I really am… I don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Ken is blind to it all, but a part of him has always known what I know. Now that we're separate, I represent the part that knows the truth. I am his knowledge, his suffering, and his freedom. I am his essence. Ken is the desire to be someone else. To go back and start again. He just can't understand that you don't get to start over. There is no going back. You can only pick up the pieces and move on. That is what caused the split. That is why he is naïve and I am reality. That is why I am more real than he is."

"But there is still a connection. You both experience all of the emotion on both sides, pulling the other in even if they don't agree. If you were to be enraged, he would lack the ability to control that emotion and understand where it's coming from. He simply just feels the rage and responds." Koushiro paused and considered the implications. "But why do you want to destroy him? You would feel it just as much as he would. I imagine that his death would lead to your own."

"Because there is more going on here than you realize." Kaiser tapped a finger on the arm of the chair in agitation. This was not a subject he had anticipated discussing.

Koushiro's eyes suddenly widened. "The spore. It's affecting you more than him. Whatever reactivated it… It started with you because you're the…"

Koushiro cut himself off, unable or unwilling to finish that thought. It was hard to say if it was because he didn't want to believe it, or if he wasn't comfortable saying it without first making sure he could prove it first.

Kaiser smiled. "If I must be destroyed for the cause, so be it. I have already accepted this and moved on. I will laugh from the sidelines as he spirals into his own personal abyss. It will happen, regardless of what you or anyone else tries to do. If anyone gets in my way, and I hope that some of them do, I will take them down with us."

"It doesn't bother you that you're just a means to an end?"

"That's the beautiful thing… There's no one doing the controlling anymore. All I'm trying to do is finish what destiny started and return to where it all went wrong."

"You mean the Dark Ocean?"

"A monster was born there. I'm curious to see just what kind of monster we really are."

"What happens once you go back?" Koushiro's intense focus never wavered from Kaiser for a second. It was unnerving and intimidating, yet Kaiser found himself drinking it all in eagerly.

"I don't know… Maybe the human that was Ken Ichijouji will still be there waiting in the sand… Or maybe the monster will consume us."

"So why put it off? Why don't you just take Ken and go there now? I know you're capable of opening the gates any time that you want. The spore has given you both that ability. Why wait?"

"Because it won't be the same. The spore is not ready to return yet. It's feeding and growing. It hasn't been nourished in a long time, you see, and it has a lot of work to do. We can't cross over until the spore is ready to bloom. When we split, the spore also split; the spore cannot bloom while it's split like this. We're gravitating back together, even if we are in two separate forms. Willing or not, the spore will eventually win and force us to become one again and not even I know when that will happen or how. My best guess is that one of us has to break. One of us has to lose control and be swallowed up by the other. In the end, there will be one singular will and when the spore is strong enough, it will take us home."

"So, you both are being pulled back together and forced into one mind. It's only a matter of which mind is in the best shape to take that burden. You were not meant to be in two separate bodies, yet you insisted on staying here rather than staying in the real world where I'm sure this would have been far easier to achieve. Why go through the extra work?"

"In here, the barriers between worlds aren't as strong. In here, we're closer to the darkness that makes it harder to resist the spore's call. In here, it can feed and grow freely." Kaiser shrugged slightly. "It's also more interesting. I'd rather feel my own skin, see his face, and watch as his hope is torn away."

"What will happen when the seed forces you two back into one? If you're still in two bodies, won't that cause problems? Your psyches are already damaged to an unimaginable extent and you are both still two whole separate minds. Even if one becomes more dominant, the other is still there."

Kaiser looked at Koushiro solidly for a long and silent stretch. "Sanity is a nice warm bed that hasn't been slept in for a very long time now. That is the key to everything. The answer to what caused the reactivation and the split in the first place. The Ken that you have known since day one is nothing more than just an abstract concept. I doubt that there has ever really been a Ken Ichijouji. If you pay attention, you will understand. You're relatively sensible, after all. I'm sure the whole thing is very fascinating to you, and I give you full permission to sit back and watch. When he finally realizes all that I know… When he finally snaps… I promise it will be a very entertaining show." He gave a smile that he was certain wasn't completely sane. "Try not to get too close. It could get a little ugly."

Koushiro looked at him steadily then picked up his computer and got to his feet with a stretch. "I hope you're wrong. Daisuke certainly isn't about to let Ken go, no matter who or what he really is. When this is all over, I'd like to really talk with whoever comes back from the fray. Till then… I think it's dinner time and I don't know about you, but I'd really like to get something before Taichi and Daisuke scarf it all down."

Kaiser stared after him with intense interest. "Are you going to tell them?"

"No. I think they already know all that they need to know right now." Koushiro looked back at Kaiser curiously. "Do you want me to tell?"

Kaiser laughed and stood up to follow. "No. I don't think it would make a difference."

"You're probably right." Koushiro got to the door then suddenly stopped and turned to look at him intensely.

Kaiser stopped and raised an eyebrow in question.

"I don't agree with everything you've said… A lot of it does make sense and I understand your point of view. I won't get in your way. It's not my place and we all have to solve our own problems…. But a word of warning to you: Leave Hikari and Takeru alone. Daisuke is already far more than you are prepared to deal with. You won't stand a chance against all three."

Kaiser considered this for a moment. It wasn't a threat or a warning. It was a statement.

"Perhaps… But that's really not up to me anymore. If they choose to follow, it's up to them. I've laid the path and the dark world has already noticed them once before… Once it sees you for who you really are, you never escape its gaze. Let's hope that they know who they really are and have nothing to hide." They looked at each other for a moment, really looked, and in that instant they understood one another.

Koushiro smiled. "Gennai was brewing some tea in the kitchen earlier. I could really use some to relax." The slate was cleared and an understanding had been reached.

"Gennai brewed it? I think I'll make my own pot. He tends to make it a tad too strong."

"The stronger, the better. I have a lot of work to do before we crash for the night. Your codes are a real mess."

"Maybe you just lack the ability to appreciate pure genius when you see it. Would you like for me to explain some of my more complex programs to you over dinner?"

They laughed, walking out of the room together. Kaiser couldn't help but think that if things had been different, perhaps they could have been good friends.

It didn't really matter anymore. Things like this were meaningless in the end.

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	17. Chapter 17: Civil

**Author's Note:**

This chapter was hard to write, but I'm glad I pushed through it. Hope you enjoy it! Please review.

**- – - **

**Chapter 17: Civil**

It was odd how problems could just seem to melt away when sitting down to dinner with friends.

The rest of the day had been without incident as they had all pitched in to repair and clean the base. Iori loved the idea of turning a place that had once been home to unspeakable evil into something that could give back and help those in need.

The prospect of hard work towards a good cause always left him with the feeling that he could do just about anything.

Watching Ken work to repair the base with such focus and passion was utterly awe-inspiring for the younger boy. His own determination to help only strengthened in the face of such strong resolve.

In the past, he had struggled to accept and understand Ken, and he would be the first to admit that he still didn't understand him, but Iori had come to accept that he didn't need to really understand him. He accepted Ken for who he was now and not what he had once been.

Unfortunately, the current situation was putting a damper on his limited understanding.

He now sat across from Ken and Daisuke, trying not to stare as he mentally went over their earlier conversation and what he could understand of the whole situation.

As he saw it, it all came down to one question: _Who really is Ken Ichijouji?_

Across from him, the boy they knew as Ken looked completely exhausted. He was slowly starting to nod off and increasingly leaning into Daisuke for support. Daisuke looked flushed yet pleased at the situation. In fact, each time Ken jerked awake and righted himself, Daisuke looked quite disappointed.

On the other side of the room, the boy known to them as Kaiser was sipping tea and carrying on a conversation with Koushiro as if they were old friends.

Gennai had excused himself from dinner altogether, saying that he had things that required his attention. Iori suspected that maybe the guardian had simply not wanted to cause anymore problems. He couldn't blame him after the blowout that had taken place earlier. Yet he also couldn't help but pity Gennai.

Beside him, Takeru and Hikari were talking quietly in hushed tones. It sounded to Iori like they were arguing again. They had been arguing off and on since their earlier conversation with Ken and it was starting to worry him.

It was one more mystery to add to the pile.

Next to Daisuke, Miyako was talking with Yamato and Taichi loudly. Though the conversation was unremarkable, touching on music and the latest in sound recording programs, Iori got the feeling that they were purposefully distracting themselves from something else.

Not for the first time, Iori reflected on how their lives had changed since they had first gone to the digital world. How much they had grown and changed because of it. The digital world certainly had a lasting effect on them. Perhaps that was why the digital world only recruited children.

Children were still developing and easy to mold into what was needed. Children could be shown the truth early on and they would grow and adapt to it. But was this always a good thing? The lessons it had to offer them were not always easy and often felt cruel or unfair.

Was it right to have a child called to the battle field of good and evil? How many children in the past had there been? Had they all come out of it unscathed?

_What about Ken? What about Ryo? _

He looked down at his plate and frowned. Ryo's fate had been determined before he had arrived and Ken had been lost to the darkness.

While he wanted to believe that they were the only casualties, he couldn't help but wonder how many more were out there that had been hurt? How many had been killed? Was Ken their first mistake?

He shuddered and shook his head to clear it. This was something that had the potential to keep him up at night if he wasn't careful.

The sound of an overly loud yawn drew his attention back to Daisuke, who was making a show of overly elaborate stretching.

"It's been a really long day and it's getting late. Ken needs some decent shuteye for once and I'm going to make sure that he gets it." Daisuke grinned while Ken gave him a scandalous look.

"Yeah, I bet you are." Taichi smirked and got an elbow in the ribs from Yamato for his trouble.

"What about him?" Iori looked over at Kaiser curiously. "Does he even sleep?"

Kaiser returned the look for a moment then sighed. "I can take care of myself. I still have a lot of work to do here in the base if you all want power by morning. I doubt very much that I will be sleeping tonight. I tend to suffer from chronic insomnia when there's work to be done."

Miyako furrowed her brows and adjusted her glasses. "Can we trust him out here alone while we're all sleeping?"

To their surprise, it was Koushiro who answered. "We can trust him. The electrical systems need an extensive amount of work and they will keep him busy until the early hours of the morning if he plans to stay up all night. I myself plan on getting up early to work on further reformatting of the systems. If it bothers you that much, you're welcome to stay up with him."

An odd look crossed Kaiser's face as he considered Koushiro for a moment before he shrugged. "I promise to behave myself." He stood and refilled his tea. "Pleasant dreams." Without waiting for an answer, he turned and walked out.

Ken sighed and lightly mumbled his apologies. Iori decided that it must be tiring to constantly have to apologize for yourself. Daisuke made an exasperated sound as he interrupted Ken. "Okay. It's bed time!" He grabbed Ken's wrist and hauled him out of the room before his partner could so much as open his mouth to protest.

"Good lord, he's like a mini you." Yamato chuckled at Taichi as he stood up with a stretch. "And he's about as subtle as you are too."

"I was plenty subtle!" Taichi smirked and got to his feet.

"Oh please. You two wouldn't know subtle if it hit you in the face. Well, you had better behave yourselves tonight because I'm sharing a room with you." Koushiro finished his tea then moved to gather his computer equipment.

"Oh great. Chaperone Koushiro to the rescue. Well you had better not keep us up all night clacking away at your computer!" Taichi nudged Yamato in the side with a grin.

"Actually, I had planned on getting a good night sleep on the bed." Koushiro hauled his computer under his arm and gave them a very matter of fact look.

"You're sleeping on the floor. There's only one bed and it's not big enough for all of us!" Yamato protested loudly as the group slowly moved towards the door. "And you kick in your sleep!"

"At least I'm not a cover hog!" Koushiro gave Taichi a look.

"I wouldn't have to hog all of the covers if _someone _didn't take up the whole bed!" It was Taichi's turn to give Yamato a look.

There was a pause, and then all three bolted out the door in a flash. "I'm not sleeping on the floor!"

Iori blinked slowly and looked around at the others, stunned. "What…just happened?"

Takeru sighed in irritation. "They just got out of doing the dishes is what just happened. Taichi and Yamato do it all the time. They start an argument to cause a distraction and then they run out before I even realize what they're doing."

"You too, huh?" Hikari laughed. "It looks like Koushiro's getting in on the act now too. I think we're doomed."

Iori shook his head as he got up and moved to take his own dishes to the sink. "They could have just asked…" He started the water and searched for the soap. "Do you think anyone will really be able to sleep tonight?"

Miyako snorted and snagged a wash cloth. "Koushiro will be up half the night. I honestly don't know how he functions with as little sleep as he gets. I'm starting to suspect that he's actually a robot and he just recharges with his computer."

Hikari held out the soap with a smile. "I doubt it will bother the others, either. Taichi snores loudly enough for the neighbors to complain and Yamato's half deaf from all of his concerts. Frankly, they're all used to it by now."

Iori frowned to himself. Being the youngest of the group, he found himself always feeling left out on certain matters. Of course he had quickly learned the dynamics of the others fairly easily and had wisely chosen just not to ask questions on certain matters.

He never questioned Taichi and Yamato's connection or Takeru and Hikari's closeness. He tried not to question Daisuke and Ken's dependence on one another and he certainly tried not to think about Koushiro and Miyako's little quirks.

Yet, he wondered what it was like to have someone that you could be so completely and utterly connected to. At first, he had wondered if it was like when you first jogressed, but he had never felt as connected to Takeru as Daisuke had felt to Ken. Even from the start, those two had always had a deeper connection than any of the others.

Slowly washing a dish, he followed his train of thought out loud. "Do you think Daisuke will be alright?"

Everyone paused and looked at him in surprise.

"Daisuke?" Takeru frowned and carefully dried a plate. "Why wouldn't he be? Sure, he's probably going to be exhausted once this is all over with, but it takes a lot to rattle his cage."

"It's just that Ken depends on him so completely… And Kaiser seems to be so focused on him. Being torn between them both like that, it can't be healthy." Iori wasn't really sure what he thought would happen, but he felt he needed reassurance anyway. Daisuke was a pillar of strength, life, and energy to their group. It was hard to imagine their group functioning at all without him.

Next to him, Hikari set down the glass she had been scrubbing and looked down into the soapy water. "I know what you mean, actually."

Iori turned to look at her in surprise. "You do?"

"Yeah… He's a lot like my brother, but he's also very different. Taichi was always strong and sure of himself. He was a natural leader and we all trusted him blindly. Sometimes it didn't always work out, but we could always count on him to be there for us. He trusted us just as easily, but he also knew our strengths and weaknesses. Daisuke initially lacked the self confidence that Taichi had. He was just so desperate to prove himself and make friends… He wasn't afraid of failure because he never saw it as failure. It was always just another opportunity to him. He saw the good in everyone and he wanted nothing more than to bring it out. I think if anything, that characteristic has only grown over the years. He's always just so…" She hesitated, seeming to look for the right word.

"Pure." Takeru finished quietly. "It's why he could unlock the golden radiance. Why he wasn't affected by the dark whirlpool or that dream reality in the final battle. It's why…"

"Why he could reach Ken when we couldn't." Miyako rinsed off a plate and moved to dry it quickly. There was a note of sadness in her voice and Iori wondered just what it meant. Daisuke had been the first to reach out to Ken and little by little the others had all tried too, but it was only Daisuke that had gotten through to him. Even now, Daisuke was still the only one who had really seen Ken for who he was.

Iori frowned and looked up at the others. "That being said… Do you think he'll be okay? I mean… We really don't know what's going on here, what that other thing is, or if it really is a part of Ken or something more sinister. What if it…" He looked down, afraid to finish that thought.

"What if it pulls Daisuke down right along with Ken?" Takeru whispered. "I don't think it would even have to try. If Ken goes down, Daisuke's going to jump right in after him."

They were all silent for a moment, washing, rinsing and drying the dishes methodically. Finally, Iori spoke up. "I think we just have to trust him. Trust both of them. I can't imagine one without the other. They'll either both come out or both go down. But… At least they won't be alone."

- – -

Daisuke stood at the bathroom sink, slowly brushing his teeth as he looked around. Someone had cleaned the place up since this morning, though it could still use a little polish work here and there. There was a well stocked first aid kit, a stack of neatly folded bath towels, extra toilet paper rolls, and plenty of soap stored away under the sink. The medicine cabinet had vitamins and the most basic of pain killers, most likely for those wicked headaches that evil geniuses tended to get when the hero road in and foiled all of their carefully laid out evil plans.

Daisuke grinned to himself and couldn't help but wonder how often the Kaiser had needed those back in the darker days.

He was about to start poking through the drawers when a tired voice called out from the bedroom.

"Daisuke… You've been brushing your teeth for five minutes. There is no way that you are that obsessive about dental hygiene."

"Mmph! Fmmorreh!" He blushed as he mumbled around the toothbrush and quickly moved to rinse and spit. "Sorry!"

The truth was, he'd been trying to work out just how exactly he was supposed to approach the next hurtle. At long last, he had Ken all alone with no distractions, emergencies, or evil Ken shaped people around to cause problems.

Daisuke walked out of the bathroom and gave Ken a wide grin. "Gotta take care of a smile this dashing, you know."

"Uh-huh." Ken was flopped back on the bed with Wormmon curled at his side. Veemon was already stretched out and taking up as much of the bed as he possibly could.

Daisuke stood in the doorway awkwardly for a moment longer, then slowly moved to the bed and took a seat. "So… Ken! Uh… How are you doing?"

That earned him a more than exasperated look.

"Well it's not as bad as it was, right? I mean… He's behaving himself for the most part and he's actually working to do good!"

Ken slowly sat up and looked at Daisuke fully. "Daisuke?"

"…Yeah?"

"You do know that I can tell when you're skirting around a subject or procrastinating something, right?"

"…I do now."

"You've been doing it all day. I'm tired. Could we just talk about this and get it over with?"

Daisuke sighed and propped the pillows up before slumping back into them heavily. "Sorry. It's just been so hectic and utterly chaotic. I feel like I've spent all day running around after _him_ and I haven't spent any time at all with you."

"Same thing, isn't it?"

"What? No! Ken!" Daisuke looked over at Ken fully and was startled to see just how exhausted the other boy looked. "I mean, you're both part of the same whole, yes… But you're not him, either."

"But isn't that the problem?" Ken sank back into his pillow and slowly started to pet Wormmon. "I'm not him and he's not me. I… I don't know what he is. What I am."

Kaiser's earlier words drifted back to him. _Potential_.

"Ken… Earlier today he told me something back in the real world." He winced as he brought that subject back up. Even if Ken had no hard feelings about it, Daisuke still felt an immense amount of guilt about those stolen moments.

"He certainly talks a lot, doesn't he? It really is an eye opener to my inner megalomania. I'm surprised I didn't drive you crazy with all of that gloating back when I was Kaiser." Ken shifted the sheets and fluffed his pillow.

"I enjoyed our banter. Even if I didn't understand half of what you were saying a lot of the time." Daisuke grinned and slowly edged closer until he could feel the heat radiating off of the other boy.

Ken gave him a slight look then smiled and looked away. "That's alright. I didn't understand a word of what you said either. Not for lack of trying, either. So what lovely thing did he have to tell you?"

Daisuke was silent for a moment as he tried to find the right words. There was just no easy way to bring up the subject.

"It was about Osamu." He didn't miss the way Ken winced and looked down, trying to hide any emotions that were connected to that name. "He said he remembered what happened that day… He said he remembered more than you do."

"He was hit by a truck, Daisuke. I remember it rather well, actually. I was there." Ken's voice was cold and flat.

"It was more than that. It was about why he got hit." Daisuke's voice was suddenly very small and he wondered if he was doing the right thing. Did Ken need to know?

"Daisuke." Ken's eyes fell on him fully. "What are you talking about?"

"Kaiser said…" This knowledge had brought the Kaiser down to his knees. What would it do to Ken? It wasn't too late. He could make something up. Leave Ken with the image of a careless brother stepping off of a curb too soon…

"Daisuke. What did he say?" Ken's voice was stern, barely masking the quickly fading patience that it normally held.

"Osamu killed himself." Their eyes met and held as everything around them seemed to freeze.

Seconds seemed to stretch out into years as those three little words sank in.

At last, Ken looked away and slowly breathed in then out. "I know."

Daisuke blinked. "You… You know? But he said…"

"I've always know, Daisuke. Osamu killed himself. No one else knows. No one else can know. I thought that I was better than he was. I thought that I could do better." Ken's hands slowly clenched on the sheets. "He was weak. I told myself that. He was weak and couldn't handle the pressure of being perfect. Of being what he had created for himself. I thought that I could. I thought that I could do better. If I could take it all and not crack like he had, then it would prove that he was weak and selfish."

Daisuke watched as that hand _slowly _clenched and unclenched, starting to tremble with each motion.

"And I did. I was more than he ever was. I achieved so much more where he had failed. I was better at everything and I didn't kill myself. There was nothing to kill. Nothing left of me… That was his fear. That he was nothing. He's so much more now. He achieved in death what he couldn't in life."

Daisuke blinked as Ken looked back up at him, his eyes flat and distant. "I can't let go. They don't understand. They've already let him go. Moved on with their lives. They don't understand why I can't."

"Why can't you, Ken? Why can't you just let go of the past and heal? You've done so much to change and be your own self…"

"How am I supposed to let go when he won't let go of me?" Ken sighed and shook his head. "Daisuke… I killed Ryo. Maybe he was already dying and he would have gone no matter what happened… But they had control. His proximity to me and that stupid spore weakened him. It cut him off from whatever was holding him here and giving him life. It caused him to grow weaker and weaker till he just…" Ken's voice cut off and he shook his head.

"It wasn't your fault, Ken. None of it was. Osamu and Ryo were not your fault. You need to accept this or it's going to tear you apart!" Daisuke took Ken's hand in his and squeezed as if he could force Ken to take the truth and hold onto it.

"Don't you think I know that?" Ken's voice breathed out in a hiss. "I didn't push him off that curb. I didn't make him decide to give up. I didn't make Ryo sick. I didn't drag him out into that desert and give him false hope. It's not my fault they died. I know this. I've already accepted this."

"Then why are you still beating yourself up over it, Ken? You had nothing to do with it!" Daisuke was trying his hardest to understand. He could feel the pain radiating off of his partner and it hurt him just as much as it hurt Ken.

Ken closed his eyes and just breathed. Each slow breath was deliberate and steady. Daisuke was just about to press it further when at last Ken licked his lips and whispered.

"If I don't feel their pain, who will?" Tired dark eyes slowly looked up and met Daisuke's.

Daisuke was quiet as Ken slowly settled back in the bed fully. He didn't understand. How could he understand when he had never lost anyone?

_But I'm losing someone I care about right now._

He looked down at Ken, whose hair was spread out on the pillow so carelessly. He always looked so fragile when he slept. It felt like Ken could just sink into the darkness and disappear if he wanted to.

Fear clenched around Daisuke's heart as he imagined waking in the morning to find Ken had faded away with the shadows. Smooth out the pillow and straighten the sheets and who was to say that Ken had ever been there at all?

Settling back, Daisuke slowly wrapped his arms around Ken and pulled him in tightly. A hand rested firmly on Ken's chest so he could feel his heart beating. "I feel your pain now, Ken. Even if you disappeared tomorrow, I would always feel you."

Ken shifted and his deceptively strong arms slowly wrapped around Daisuke, fingers clenching into his clothes tightly and refusing to let go. "Daisuke… I don't want you to feel any pain. You deserve so much more."

Daisuke smiled as he gently rubbed Ken's back. "I would rather feel the pain of living with you than the pain of having to live without you."

There was silence in the room as Daisuke listened to Ken breathe. Assuming Ken had fallen asleep, he was about to close his eyes and join him when a soft whisper broke the silence timidly.

"Daisuke?"

"Hmmm?"

"Thank you."

"Goodnight, Ken."

Tension slipped from the room as both boys slowly relaxed and drifted off.

- – -

Deep in the base, Kaiser worked alone in the dark. His fingers numbly tapped at keyboards and data pads while his eyes strained in the dim glowing lights of the base's core.

Kindness was gone; the marker where it had once rested now sat empty and cold.

Gennai's meddling most likely. It didn't matter. There was nothing left for it to do here but slowly wilt away like the precious rose pattern engraved on it.

As he worked, he did his best to ignore the soft whispers that seemed to brush against his ears.

_I feel your pain_.

_Always feel you… Always you… Daisuke._

His fingers started to tremble, causing a data pad to slip and slowly fall away into the darkness as it plunged past the platforms, silently turning in the darkness until it met its end with a distant thud.

Standing on the edge, Kaiser stared down into that blackness. If he should fall, would he slip away into that darkness too? Would there be a thud? _Bang. Crunch._

The darkness was so solid down there. So heavy.

_I feel your pain. I feel you._

His eyes stung and he slowly backed away from the edge. "I am not you, Osamu. There is no escape for me."

His words echoed around him, twisting in the contours of the room and mocking him. _Not Osamu. Escape. No escape…" _

Somewhere, he was warm. Somewhere, he was nestled in a nice warm bed listening to a heart beat that was stronger than his own. There, he was wanted.

A hand moved up and angrily brushed across his suddenly wet cheek. "I exist. I'm more real than you ever were. I'm better than you. I'm wanted. He feels me like you never could."

His eyes were starting to burn as he rubbed sweat into them. No matter how much he rubbed at his cheeks, his hand just kept coming away wet.

"Why does it still hurt?" His voice trembled in the darkness.

Pressing his back to a large column, he slowly sank down to the cold metal floor.

"_How can he feel you when you were never real to begin with?" _

Fingers dug into chaotic hair and eyes screwed tightly shut. _"He can't feel your pain. You have no pain to feel." _

A scream bubbled up and spilled out into the darkness, drifting around him accusingly. _"WHO ARE YOU?" _

Trembling and alone in the dark, the Kaiser waited for a fate that was slowly closing in on him.

He was cold.

_Somewhere, he was warm._

He was alone.

_Somewhere, he was wanted. _

And in the darkness, it finally came.

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	18. Chapter 18: Lucid Dream

**Author's Note:**

This chapter took me the longest to write and the longest to be satisfied with. It has a lot in it and I hope you enjoy every bit of it. Please review. It would make me feel like it was worth it.

**- – -**

**Chapter 18: Lucid Dream**

Something was wrong.

Hikari wasn't sure what exactly it was that had awoken her, but she knew that something was off.

The room was dimly lit and she could just barely make out the sleeping form of Miyako in the bed next to her. Apart from the soft puffs of breath, Miyako was still and silent.

Sitting up, Hikari waited silently, practically holding her breath.

A minute passed and then another. Perhaps she had just imagined it.

She was just about to lay back down and attempt to go back to sleep when she heard a soft creak from the hall.

Carefully climbing out of bed so as not to disturb Miyako, she crept to the door and cracked it open. The hall lights were running smoothly now, meaning that Kaiser had kept his word and restored power to the base.

Despite the light, the hall still felt cold and uninviting. A chill ran down her spine as the sound of shuffling from the end of the hall reached her.

She waited for her eyes to adjust to the light before slowly slipping out into the hall and closing the door quietly behind her.

There was a figure moving down the hall slowly, stooping now and then to move aside some of the left over debris they had yet to clean up.

Once her eyes had fully adjusted, she could make out the familiar dark spikes and stiff posture of Kaiser, who appeared to be looking for something.

"Kaiser?" She called out timidly.

He stopped mid stoop and slowly straightened back up before looking back towards her.

She was once again hit with an overwhelming sensation that something wasn't right.

Against her better judgment she moved closer, suddenly very much aware of her bare feet on the cold metal floor. "Is everything alright?"

"I have to find it. I was careless." Kaiser turned his attention from Hikari back to the rubble.

"Find what? Did you lose something?" Hikari glanced down at the piles of debris that had been swept aside out of the main path.

"Osamu." His voice was quiet and strained.

She was about to question him further when a glint caught her attention from under a broken desk.

"Is this what you're looking for?" She bent to retrieve a pair of cracked glasses and gingerly held them up.

Kaiser looked up sharply but he did not move to retrieve them. He seemed to be considering them before he smiled oddly. "They used to be whole. Just like me. Ken has the other half. I wonder if his is broken too."

Hikari glanced down at the glasses in confusion. The glass lenses glinted brightly, sending her own cracked reflection back up at her.

"I don't understand." She suddenly felt small as the hallway loomed up around them.

Kaiser's eyes watched her from the darkness, so much like Ken's but at the same time, so much more.

"Can't you feel it? The pieces are being pulled together again." Kaiser slowly started to move closer.

A flash of anxiety ran through her as she realized that she _could_ feel it. She could feel the way the glasses seemed to burn her hand and pull at her as if they had a will of their own.

"What will happen when you are whole?" She looked up at Kaiser fearfully.

"Chaos." The voice came from directly behind her, making her cry out as she spun around and stumbled back, dropping the glasses in the process.

Ken looked impassively at Hikari and the Kaiser, his eyes flat and distant. "He likes to pretend he's in control, doesn't he?"

Next to her, Kaiser stiffened as Ken slowly took a step forward. His heel carefully set down near the glasses, his foot set firmly just over the delicate frames.

"He likes to think that I am weak and naïve." There was a creak as Ken lowered his foot further.

Hikari felt a chill run through her as Ken smiled without any kindness.

"Tell me Hikari… Which one of us is real?" There was a crunch as Ken shifted his weight.

Her mouth ran dry. "You're both real. You're both parts of the same whole."

"That seems to be the popular consensus around here, doesn't it? If that is the case, what will happen when we become whole? What would happen if one is tainted? Wouldn't the whole become tainted too?" Ken reached into his pocket and casually drew out a pristine pair of glasses that were identical to the ones that were now shattered under his heel.

Kaiser's eyes widened. "Don't." It was a pleading whisper as Ken held up the glasses, almost seeming to be examining them.

Panic filled her as she could see it coming but could do nothing to stop it.

A snap and crunch echoed down the hall as Ken clenched a fist tightly. Blood ran between his fingers, dripping steadily to the floor as the broken shards cut into those powerful fingers.

Slowly, Ken opened his hand and the shards of glass and twisted remains of the frame fell to the floor, lifeless and dull. "Now they can be whole again."

Next to her, Kaiser inhaled sharply and clutched at his own hand as blood slowly started to drip down his fingers.

Hikari felt frozen to the spot, trembling as she watched the blood spatter to the floor. The hall was echoing with each drip as the floor appeared to ripple like water…

_It's coming_.

"Ken…" Her voice squeaked out in terror as she felt the water start to flow over her bare feet.

Neither boy responded as they both stared down at their bleeding hands in a sort of trance.

"Ken. We have to get out of here." She felt the panic start to take over as the water quickly rose up to her shins. "It's coming!"

Slowly, Ken looked up at Kaiser. "Let's be whole." He suddenly moved, tackling the Kaiser back into the water.

"Ken! Don't!" She screamed as the two struggled. Ken easily had the upper hand as he straddled Kaiser and pinned him back roughly. Hands wrapped around Kaiser's throat as Ken held the struggling boy down under the rising waves.

She tried to move, wanting to pull the two apart, but found herself held in place by some unseen force as the waves rose to her knees.

Kaiser's struggles were starting to waver as Ken's grip refused to budge. "Ken!" She screamed again, trying to snap him out of whatever it was that had him and force some sanity back into those cold hard eyes.

"Ken, please!" She pleaded as fingers squeezed tighter, thumbs pressing inward until there was a snap. Kaiser's hands fell limp under the waves and Ken's lips curled into a cruel smile.

The waves surged, crashing around them and rising to claim them both.

"Hikari!" Miyako's voice cut across the waves.

Hikari bolted up in bed, gasping and flailing her arms out against the water. She was trembling and disoriented, her teeth chattering as she drew her knees to her chest and fought back the sobs that twisted at her insides.

The main light was on and Miyako was sitting up next to her looking worried. "Hikari? Are you alright?"

It took a moment before Hikari could speak. "What… What happened?"

"You were having a nightmare." Gatomon spoke up from beside her. "You kicked me right off the bed." She flicked her tail in a show of annoyance, but her eyes gave away just how worried she had been.

"It was a dream…" She closed her eyes, waiting for the bliss of being awake to slowly wash the dream away.

"It was a pretty bad one." Hawkmon spoke up solemnly from the foot of the bed. "You were thrashing around and crying out pretty loudly."

She could still see the broken glasses on the floor. The blood running down slender pale fingers. The waves rising to consume him. _And that smile._

She was still trembling as she swung her feet over the side of the bed and got up. "I have to check something."

The others watched in surprise as she moved to the door. She was already out in the hall before they snapped out of it and ran after her.

"Hikari? What is it? What's the matter?" Gatomon trailed closely behind her.

"I need to be sure." Stopping in front of the main bedroom, she couldn't help but hold her breath.

As quietly as she could, she opened the door and peaked inside, bracing herself against whatever nightmare might jump out at her.

The room was quiet, still, and dark. Her eyes fell on the forms nestled together on the bed as she waited for the light in the hall to slowly piece the forms together into distinguishable shapes.

Her breath escaped her as Daisuke snored loudly and attempted to roll over. Ken lay motionless at his side, arms lightly draped over the other boy.

A sigh of relief escaped her as she closed the door and turned back to her own room. Miyako raised an eyebrow in a signal that she wanted to know what was going on, but wouldn't ask if Hikari didn't want her to.

"Just making sure the bedbugs aren't biting." Hikari scooped up Gatomon in a comforting hug and headed back to her room. As Gatomon snuggled into her arms, she knew that she would be able to fall back asleep easily. Ken was safe and snug in bed with Daisuke. It had all just been a terrible dream.

Miyako shook her head and followed, too tired to argue. Rubbing her eyes, she winced as she stepped on something sharp. Blinking blearily down, she made sure she wasn't bleeding then carefully nudged the mangled thin metal frames and shards of glass aside to join the rest of the debris.

- – -

Kaiser sat in the control room, listening to the hum of the freshly repaired engines and basking in the flickering glow of the monitors.

The monitors that weren't broken beyond repair were alternating between a heavy static and a blank blue screen. The steady hiss of electric snow filled the room, calming and hypnotic as it ebbed and flowed.

Behind him, he heard the door slide open and quiet footfalls making their way across the room.

"Did you wake him?" Kaiser kept a steady gaze on the center screen, waiting.

"No. You know how heavily he sleeps. He won't wake until it is too late." Ken stopped at Kaiser's left.

"Light has declined our invitation." Kaiser stood and moved closer to the screens.

"I had a dream that I killed you." Ken ignored Kaiser, moving to take up his place in the thrown. "I crushed your trachea with my own fingers and watched you drown." He looked down at his hands with a sense of wonder.

"Hope will accept it, though. I'm sure he's on his way now." Kaiser reached up and placed a hand against the screen. "Courage will be late, as always, but he will find a way."

"Did you hear me?" Ken clenched his hands. "I could feel it snap as I held you down. I could feel the life draining away out of you. I felt your heart stop!"

"What do you think we'll find there?" The static was almost rhythmic now, building and crashing then fading away again. He could almost trace a pattern across the screen as the electric snow started to form shadows and shapes.

"It felt real." Ken sat back in the chair, a hand moving to slowly tap at the arm rest. "I could feel you. I could see you. I… I wanted you to die. There was so much anger. So much malice. I wanted to crush you. _I_ wanted it. When I woke up, I still wanted it. I want it now."

Kaiser laughed softly as the image started to become clearer. "We're running out of time."

"Kaiser! Listen to me!" Ken slammed his fist into the arm rest and stood up. "Don't you understand what I'm telling you?"

Kaiser glanced back and looked at him pityingly. "I understand perfectly. I think you're the only one that still doesn't get it. It's not the spore, Ken. It never was. It's you. It's always been you."

"What are you talking about?" Ken still didn't see it. He wouldn't be able to see past the static until the forms were solid lines.

"It's a gate. That's all it was supposed to be used for. This isn't where it belongs. Oikawa understood the basic concept, but he got the end result all wrong. When the flower blooms, it opens a door across the dimensions and worlds. The problem was that the seeds he used were fake. He couldn't control the door and the flowers were forced. Ours is the original. It was supposed to draw its energy from us." He lowered his hand and turned to look at Ken fully. "We were supposed to die for the flower. We could give it the life it needed and it would bloom, opening the door between this world and all worlds."

Ken's eyes widened and Kaiser knew that Ken was remembering vague and fevered moments of him in the sand screaming in pain and burning up in fever. Kaiser closed his eyes as he fought back the memory of Ryo sitting at his side and clutching his hand through the worst of it.

"Why didn't we?" Ken's voice was full of pain and regret. "Why didn't we die out there? It would have made things easier. It would have prevented so much loss!"

Kaiser's smile twitched at the corners as he struggled to hold it in place. His eyes burned and his throat clenched unpleasantly as he forced his voice to stay steady. "I think you know the answer to that, Ken."

_Ken screaming in the sand, thrashing as he clawed at the back of his neck. Strong arms wrapping around him and holding him still. A gloved hand slipping into his and squeezing tightly. "Ken, hold on! Don't you give up on me! I'm not ready yet, damn it! I'm not ready… Please… I'm not ready…" _

"No." Ken's eyes widened and Kaiser turned back to the monitor, wondering if Ken could see the shores yet. "That's not what happened."

_Ken curled in cave as a sandstorm passed by around them. Ryo stroking a hand over his forehead, pushing away the damp hair and trying to cool the boy down. "It wasn't supposed to end like this. It was supposed to be me. It was supposed to be me." _

"No." Ken's eyes shifted to the center monitor as the static solidified and waves flickered in and out of focus.

_Ryo placing a hand on the back of Ken's neck, feeling cold in comparison. "Take me instead." Ryo fighting back tears as he looked up at the night sky. "Do you hear me? I know it can be done. I've seen it. Give him my life force. I don't care how you do it. Just don't let it kill him!" _

_Ken was so hot. It felt like he was on fire while every muscle and bone in his body ached. He could hazily make out a great light enveloping Ryo as the boy stood out in the open. To him, it looked like the sunrise as the light passed between the two. _

"_Ken…" Ryo moved his lips as he tried to say more, but the light was already gone from his eyes. The empty shell fell to the sand as the back of Ken's neck erupted in red hot searing pain. _

_There were screams, though Ken wasn't sure if they were his own. He could feel the thing inside of him twisting and pulsing as it slowly fell silent. _

"Ryo slowed the process. By slowing it, he allowed the spore to draw energy from us over a long period of time. This allowed us to live while it continued to bloom." Kaiser looked down. "Ryo was not expecting it to be so fast. I think… He had wanted time to say goodbye and make peace. The spore sucked the life out of him so fast the Digital World didn't even have time to take proper care of his body."

Ken could see it now, his eyes following the movement of the waves as the tide started to come in. "It continued to draw power from me until I woke up and stopped being the Kaiser."

"No." Kaiser smiled. "When 'you' woke up, you were so jolted that you stunted it. It fell dormant until your little break down. When the spore woke up, it needed more energy than you could give it. It had lost the ability to simply suck you dry, you see."

"It split itself." To his credit, Ken kept his face blank and his voice neutral, though Kaiser could feel his heart fluttering inside his chest.

"Yes." Kaiser laughed. "Isn't that amazing? It divided itself to draw in double the energy. Divided us… Soon, it will pull back together and bloom. We're running out of time."

"What happens then? What happens when it blooms?" There was a note of fear in his voice now.

"I don't know." Kaiser chuckled. "I can't wait to find out."

"I won't rejoin with you." Ken clenched his jaw stubbornly.

Kaiser's lips curled into a cruel smile. "It's not your choice to make anymore."

"I will find a way to stop you. To stop this. I won't let it bloom and I won't let you win, Kaiser." Ken turned away and headed back towards the door.

"My dear sweet boy," Kaiser called out sweetly. "I think you should call me by my real name now, don't you think? Or would you rather kill me with kindness?"

Ken stopped and ran a trembling hand up through his hair distractedly, messing up the perfectly straight strands before frantically smoothing then back down again. "You are not Ken."

"Neither are you." Kaiser smiled and lifted a hand to tenderly stroke the bruises that had formed around his neck.

- – -

Takeru couldn't sleep.

He'd spent several hours laying on his back and staring up at the ceiling, listening to the digimon snore softly, before he finally gave up.

Getting up quietly so as not to disturb Iori, he tiptoed past the bed and carefully opened the door just enough to slip through before closing it again.

Once out in the cold hallway, he started walking. He didn't know where he was going, but anything had to be better than just laying there waiting for what wouldn't come.

The lights through the base were flickering and humming gently, though as he walked, he noticed the lights steadily growing dimmer. The whole base seemed to be in an unnatural state of stillness as he moved through the empty halls.

Eventually, he found himself outside of the main control room. He was unsurprised to find a lone figure standing in the dark room, basking in the eerie glow of several static filled monitors.

Takeru hesitated then cautiously stepped forward. "You really don't sleep, do you? I would think that it would be easier to be a genius if you got a good night sleep now and then."

Kaiser didn't respond, appearing to be deep in thought as he stared up at the monitors.

"Look," Takeru sighed and moved closer. "I want to talk. We can't keep doing this. I can't keep doing this. Maybe I am jealous. Maybe I-"

"It's here." Kaiser cut him off as he lifted a hand to the main monitor and slid his fingertips slowly across the surface.

"What are you talking about? What's here?" Takeru moved closer and squinted up at the static filled monitor.

_No, not static_. He squinted as a picture flickered across it, going in and out of focus quickly.

Takeru slowly took another step closer, forcing himself to see past the white noise. At first it appeared to be nothing but a black and white view of the desert, but as Takeru watched the picture cleared up and he found himself looking at a familiar beach and ocean that he had hoped to never see again.

"How is that possible?" He licked his dry lips and found himself unable to look away.

"I think I'm already there… Maybe I never left. This whole time…" Kaiser's voice was small and frail, bringing back memories of a confused boy desperately trying to make sense of a world that had betrayed him.

The ocean slowly grew clearer on the screen until the static was almost completely gone. "Kaiser." Takeru found his own voice to be lacking in the strength he so desperately needed at that moment. "Turn it off."

Something flickered across the screen and Takeru nearly jumped back. Kaiser remained perfectly still, a hand pressed to the screen lightly.

"Kaiser." Takeru felt a growing sense of panic start to clench down around his chest as a dark figure started to appear out on the sand by the waves. "Turn it off. Close the gate."

The figure shifted and slowly started to move closer, growing larger and clearer on the screen with every step.

"Kaiser!" Takeru moved to the other boy and shook him slightly. "Close the gate!"

Kaiser didn't respond, his eyes wide and pupils small as he kept his focus completely on the screen.

The screen flickered and Takeru looked back up at it in alarm. The figure was much closer now, almost clear through the static as it continued to move closer and a strange sense of familiarity washed over him as he watched it.

Another few seconds and he was certain he'd be able to see the figure's face clearly.

Panic overtook him as he launched forward and slammed a fist into the screen, hardly feeling the impact through his adrenaline.

The monitor cracked and the picture crackled as sparks shot out in a hiss before the screen turned black.

Slowly, Takeru pulled his hand back and turned to the Kaiser angrily. "What the hell were you doing? You were going to just let that… That _thing_ in here!"

The one benefit to having the spore was that it seemed to always allow Ken the ability to keep a connection to the Digital World. The others always needed to use already formed gates, but Ken had the unique ability to create his own paths. Even with the guardians cutting him off from getting there, the spore had allowed Ken to slip past any barriers. The downside was that the spore didn't seem to limit Ken to just the Digital World.

Judging from the fading glow on the back of Kaiser's neck, Takeru was willing to bet that the spore had been attempting to go home… Or bring home to them.

Kaiser shuddered and blinked in confusion as he snapped out of his daze. He looked from the shattered screen to Takeru blankly. "It's too late."

Takeru did his best to ignore the growing pain in his hand as he fought back the urge to start throttling the other boy. "What's too late? What have you been doing?"

He winced as he attempted to move his fingers and found that one just wouldn't budge.

Kaiser tilted his head to the side slightly, seeming to consider something while looking at Takeru. "Will you come with me?"

"What?" Takeru took a step back and Kaiser took a step forward.

"Can't you feel it calling? This whole time… Can't you feel it? Each time you ignore the warnings of that girl… Each time you give into despair. It already has you, Takeru." Kaiser moved even closer and reached out, taking Takeru's injured hand lightly.

Takeru resisted for a moment before allowing Kaiser to look it over. Something about the soft purr of the Kaiser's voice almost seemed to hypnotize him, creeping inside as some part of him agreed with those alluring words.

"Don't worry. It couldn't reach the girl. Her darkness has been balanced by the light she carries inside. It can't touch her." Pain shot through Takeru as Kaiser grabbed the damaged finger and pulled hard, snapping a dislocated joint back into place with a sickening pop.

Takeru could only gasp and breathe deeply as he struggled to work through the pain, tears blurring his vision while his teeth gritted together sharply.

"Such a foolish boy. You can't stop the darkness forever." Kaiser giggled softly as the room suddenly lit up with the glow of several more monitors, each flickering with the image of the beach and that figure.

"No." Takeru looked up at the screens in horror, pulling away frantically.

The figure on the screen shifted into perfect clarity and Takeru realized what the Kaiser had meant by it being 'too late'.

"We're already there." Takeru whispered.

- – -

Daisuke blinked awake with a start. It took him less than a second to register that the wonderful warm weight that had been pleasantly resting at his side all night was missing. In that same second, Daisuke was scrambling out of bed in what must have been a personal record.

It was still dark, the air still having a thick early morning feel to it, but Daisuke didn't need the light to show him that Ken was not in the room. His heart was racing as he shoved his shoes on and bolted out the door, leaving the two groggy digimon behind without so much as a word.

His Ken alarm was blaring at full force and all he cared about was finding and getting to Ken. He would apologize to Wormmon and Veemon later.

Cursing as he raced up the hallway, Daisuke angrily berated himself for not waking up sooner. Judging by the looks of the bed, Ken must have been gone for at least half an hour by now. How could Daisuke have been sleeping so soundly? How could he have ignored that little nagging voice in the back of his head for who knows how long before he had finally let it sink in and wake him up?

"Stupid Daisuke! Stupid stupid stupid!" He paused at the end of the hall just long enough to let his instincts kick in and guide him.

He didn't know if he was going the right way or not, but he had to trust that his heart would guide him. With each passing second, he could practically feel his time running out.

He took steps at flying leaps, rounded corners at breakneck speed, and sprinted the long halls with a gait that he usually only reserved for the most intense of soccer matches.

When his destination was finally in sight, he knew he was in the right location. After all, the control room was where Ken had once spent all of his time, watching the real world and the Digital World through monitors and rose colored lenses.

Daisuke burst into the control room and froze, gasping for breath and ignoring the dull burn in his calves.

Every monitor in the room was now flickering and hissing with static. Kaiser stood before them with his arms outstretched to his sides and his eyes closed. Just behind him stood Takeru, his face upturned to the main monitor with his eyes open wide in shock. They both appeared to be frozen in place as their bodies flickered with black and white static, keeping sync with the monitors.

Daisuke quickly approached them and reached out. His hand passed through them as if they weren't even there, causing him to stumble forward slightly as he tried to catch his balance and pull back at the same time.

"Takeru? Kaiser!" They didn't move. "Hey! Kaiser! Takeru! Don't do this… Wake up!"

"They can't here you." A tired voice cut in from behind him.

Daisuke spun around on his heels, his fists clenched and ready to fight anyone that would dare tell him that he was too late.

His hands fell uselessly to his sides as he found Ken sitting in the main chair, half hidden in the shadows.

Daisuke wondered just how long Ken had been sitting there. He could have sworn that no one else had been in the room when he had first gotten there.

"Ken? What's wrong with them? What's going on?" He moved towards the chair determinedly but stopped when Ken held up a hand to still him.

"It took them home." Ken's voice was soft and still. There was a quality to it that chilled Daisuke to the core. He suddenly desperately wanted, _needed_, to see Ken's face. To look in his eyes and make sure that his partner was still there with him fully.

"I can still see them." Daisuke pointed back to the two flickering forms impatiently.

"What you see is just an imprint. In time, it will fade and there won't even be a shadow of them." Ken spoke as if giving a lecture or having a tutoring session with a classmate.

"Ken…" Daisuke cautiously stepped closer, trying to see through the shadows. "What do you mean 'it took them home'? What happened?"

Ken sighed then casually gestured towards the monitors.

Daisuke looked back at the monitors, the confusion lining his face quickly turning to horror as the static faded and gave way to black murky water and dark sands.

"How do we get them back?" He fought the urge to run to the screens and pound on them until they spit the two boys back out.

"We don't. Kaiser explained it so eloquently earlier… Or perhaps it was Ken…" Ken seemed to consider this conundrum for a moment before shaking his head and deciding it didn't matter. He stood and slowly stepped down from the pedestal. "I'd try to explain it all to you, but I don't think we have the time for me to break it down into itty bitty words."

"Ken?" Daisuke knew that tone. He knew that voice. Fear gripped him as he turned to watch Ken approach him.

"Let me see if I can't over simplify it for you…" He stopped just before Daisuke and tilted his head to the side as he thought. "Ryo tried to save me and I repaid him by sucking the life out of him. It seems to be what I'm good at… I wonder if I sucked the life out of Osamu too…. There will be time for Osamu later, though. For now, just know that soon Ken and Kaiser will merge and a doorway will open."

Daisuke stared as Ken laughed and slowly ran a hand through his hair, messing it up casually before quickly smoothing it back down again. But that wasn't right. This wasn't Ken. Not completely.

"Kaiser?" Daisuke looked back towards Ken's other half in confusion. The chaotic hair was there, but now that he looked closer, the upturned face was so calm and soft… This other boy appeared composed, but his eyes held a wild and dangerous light in them.

"Kaiser passed through. Hope is with him now. He was weak. He knew that if he stayed here any longer, I would win." Ken walked up to the flickering forms and slowly traced his fingers across the neck of the Kaiser figure, ghosting across the surface before just barely passing through.

"Ken… I think you should sit down. You're not yourself and I need to get the others so we can figure all of this out, okay?" Daisuke tried to be level headed. To show his leadership and take charge of the situation. Something was clearly wrong with Ken and he would feel much better with Koushiro and the others there to talk him through this.

Ken shot him a sharp look and walked through the now slowly fading figures, coming to a stop just before Daisuke. "You think I'm not myself? How naïve can you be? This is _me_. Do you think I should be controlled and restrained all the time? That I should always wait and see while _he_ gets to take what he wants? While he takes everything away from me?"

Daisuke held his ground and fixed Ken with a hard look. "What are you talking about?"

"If he is pleasure, what do you think that makes me?" Ken's eyes hardened and his lips twitched as he fought to maintain that perfectly calm exterior. Daisuke could practically see the storm brewing just under the surface and a light went on in his head.

"Kaiser isn't here… He's your other half and he affected you just as you affected him. Without him, you're just one side…" Kaiser was Ken's unrestrained ego. He was the side that took without thinking. That sought after pleasure and relished when people paid attention to him.

Daisuke had always just assumed that it was Kaiser that enjoyed when others suffered. That acted out of violence and hate. While Kaiser was often the violent one, it was more from a lack of impulse control than anything else.

Kaiser was playful. He was the one that laughed first. He was unrestrained emotion that often didn't understand why he was feeling the way he was.

With all of that gone, what was left?

Ken smiled and walked up to the control panel. His fingers flew across the keys and before Daisuke realized what was happening, the monitors each flickered and turned off one by one.

When the last monitor faded to black, the two static forms before them disappeared.

"Do you know why Kaiser wanted Takeru to go with him?" Ken looked at Daisuke coldly.

As far as Daisuke was concerned, they were no longer in 'the book of Ken'. This was uncharted territory and if he let his guard down even for a moment, he might not ever get to open that book up again.

Daisuke shook his head slightly, not taking his eyes off of Ken. "I don't know. I… I get the feeling that maybe he has feelings for him."

"It's an interesting thought, but not exactly the correct answer. I'll give you partial credit though." Ken leaned back against the control panel, watching Daisuke with a cold calculation. "Takeru knows what the Kaiser is. He might not fully understand it, but he has seen it. As much as we _both_ love you, Daisuke… You don't know Kaiser as well as you think you do. You weren't meant to help him. Unfortunately for you, you were destined to be stuck with me."

"So Kaiser does want to be helped then?" Daisuke allowed himself a small glimmer of hope that perhaps Ken and Kaiser would not allow themselves to be swallowed up without a fight.

"I don't care about what Kaiser wants. He is childish and unable to see the future. Kaiser follows the stronger will, and is unable to make his own fate like I do." Ken sneered.

"Alright…" Daisuke frowned. "So what about you? Did you pick me because you want me to help you? You want me to go with you when the other world pulls you in?"

Ken tilted his head to the side as he seemed to be considering the proper response. "No. I don't want to be a part of Kaiser. Despite what I want, the seed wants to be whole… There's nothing I can do about that… But when the time comes, I will dig the seed out of his cold dead flesh if I must."

Daisuke clenched his jaw as he felt his stomach stir from such a sickening image. "Answer the question." He managed to growl out. "Why do you want me if you don't even care?"

Ken walked up to Daisuke and lightly cupped his cheek with a hand. "Do you think that I would leave you here? That I would face what is about to happen without you there beside me?

Despite himself, Daisuke was surprised with how raw and honest that answer was. Perhaps there was still hope after all. Perhaps there was still some glimmer of the real Ken left inside this piece…

It was a rash judgment, but he didn't think that he would be allowed the time to tell the others. Trying to explain to them what had happened and what he knew was going to happen… They wouldn't understand. They'd want every detail and there just wasn't time…

"I'm ready." Daisuke swallowed heavily and looked around as if expecting to see swarms of guards suddenly jumping out of the shadows to escort him away. "Let's go."

Ken smiled. "Daisuke… I knew you'd come with me willingly if I just asked nicely." He moved to lightly drape his arms over Daisuke's shoulders. "You would follow me anywhere blindly."

"I would follow you to hell." Daisuke calmed his fluttering heart and fixed his eyes with resolve.

"You might not like what you find there…"

The world around them seemed to dull and darken as what little colors there were got sucked out. He could feel Ken's heart pounding beside his own as Ken clenched his fists into Daisuke's shirt and pulled him closer. The back of his neck was glowing and Daisuke could feel the heat radiating off of it.

He had seen Ken access the seed once before as he had ripped a hole in reality to banish Daemon to the negative zone. Back then, Ken had been terrified and unsure of himself. It had taken all that he had just to open the gate and keep control.

Now, though Daisuke could still feel the way the seed burned and twisted inside the other boy, Ken was in full control.

The room around them faded to gray and Daisuke could hear the waves growing closer as they started to pass through the gate.

He had a moment of wondering if he would ever see this or the real world again before he realized that there was a chance he might not ever even get to see the real Ken again.

"_Daisuke…" _He could hear Hikari's voice calling to him. _"Daisuke!"_

He looked up in time to see Hikari standing in the doorway of the control room.

Daisuke wanted to call out to her and tell her that everything would be fine. To tell her not to worry about Takeru. To assure her and the others that he would do everything he could to make sure that they _all_ made it home in one piece.

He drew breath, but the look in her eyes stopped him. _"You have to find him!" _

The gate started to close and the control room slowly darkened around them.

Her voice drifted across the dimensions as everything crashed in on them. _"He's buried in the sand! He's not two, he's three!" _

Daisuke had enough time to wonder who she was talking about before the world around him erupted in a blaze of fire.

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	19. Chapter 19: Abstract

**Author's Note:** We're almost at the end. Thank you all for sticking with me.

This chapter was hard to write for so many reasons. Things get a little strange here, but that's just the way I like them. Still not sure if I like certain parts, but hopefully they work well enough.

Please review!

- – -

**Chapter 19: Abstract**

Takeru awoke to find himself in a field.

For a moment, he lay disoriented as he stared up at the sky, watching as it swirled in shades of gray and black.

In the distance, he could hear the sounds of waves flowing in and out hypnotically.

Takeru breathed in deeply, wincing at the stale and dead taste of the air, and then sat up.

In the distance, he could see the inky black of the ocean as it moved along the black sands and crashed on the crumbling cliffs. He recognized the area from his first venture there to rescue Hikari.

He half expected to see the creatures crawling over the rocks and cliffs, calling their master's name as the monster rose up out of the water once more.

But this wasn't the same. This time, it felt different. The world felt older.

Takeru slowly got to his feet and looked around the field as if expecting to find the answers scattered about, hidden in the tall dead grass.

Away from the cliffs at the very end of the field stood a densely packed forest, dark and ominous as it seemed to divide the world in two. Something deep inside told him that he didn't want to see that other half of the world. Not if he didn't have to.

He took a step forward towards the cliffs and froze as something crunched under his shoe. "What…?"

The answer presented itself, though it felt like he was asking the wrong question, emerging from the grass and carrying the scent of death up around him.

"Flowers?" The field was filled to the brim with tightly closed flower buds filling the space between the tall blades of grass.

"They're waiting." Kaiser lay a few feet away, half buried by the buds. "This world is dead, waiting for life to return."

"Was it always like this?" Takeru licked his lips and looked out over towards the edge of the field, finding a sheer cliff that looked down on the beach.

"I don't think so." Kaiser lifted a hand to the sky, reaching for something just out of sight. "I think at one point, it was very much alive."

Takeru leaned down and delicately picked up the crushed flower bud. It quickly fell apart in his hand and blew away on the wind like ash. "This isn't the same. It doesn't really feel like the world Hikari and I came to before, but it all looks the same."

"The world Hikari went to the first time was on the verge of death. The world I banished Daemon to was on its last gasps. I don't think this world moves at the same pace as the other two." Kaiser sat up and looked around as if in a daze.

"What about when you came here? The first time. What was it like then?" Takeru carefully moved closer to the cliff and leaned over the edge, looking down at the beach fully. The cliff didn't seem safe enough to chance. One wrong hold and it was likely to crumble away and send him crashing to his death.

Kaiser laughed lightly and got to his feet. "That was a very long time ago." He moved to stand beside Takeru and looked down over the edge. "Back then… This world was still breathing. It wasn't new by any regard, but it wasn't gasping for breath like it was the second time I came here."

Takeru looked over at Kaiser then slowly backed away from the edge. "How long were you here?"

"I don't know." Kaiser turned his gaze to the ocean, his eyes tracing the horizon distantly. "I remember looking out at the water. And feeling all the heat being sucked out of me… It was so vast. So open and barren."

Kaiser held out a hand, his fingers reaching as he traced the waves in the air. "I could feel it calling and who was I to fight it? I was so small… I waded in and asked for control."

Takeru put a hand on Kaiser's shoulder and gently pulled him away from the edge. "That was when it changed your digivice, wasn't it?"

Kaiser compliantly took a few steps back and smiled at Takeru. "Yes. That was when I decided to take control of the Digital World. I think some time passed there, but I can't say how long or what I did. The next thing I recall, there was a gate and I was able to travel to the real Digital World. I think you know the story from there…"

Kaiser turned back to the beach and frowned as he focused on the sands this time. "What if Ken's still down there? What if Ken never left this place and he's still down there half buried in the sand?"

He took a step towards the cliff again, making Takeru's nerves go on edge.

"Was Ken even here to begin with? I'm not Ken. I'm not even Kaiser. I'm not even human." Kaiser laughed, this time sounding forced. "He isn't real either. The other one. He was never real. None of this is real."

"Of course you were here." Takeru frowned. "You took over the Digital World. You enslaved and tortured all those Digimon. How can you say that none of it is real?" It was hard to keep the accusation out of his voice. This was a song he'd heard before. One in which the Kaiser pretended it was all a game and millions suffered because of his delusions.

"Was that me?" Kaiser looked over at him. "Was that even the boy that came here? The thing that left with darkness in his heart wasn't even human."

"Of course that was you." Takeru sighed in frustration. "What else would it have been?"

"Just imagination trying to be more…" Kaiser closed his eyes and breathed slowly. "Ken exists because Daisuke believes in him. I exist because there was once a boy named Osamu. What if I wake up tomorrow and Osamu is still there? Would I do it all over again? Would I kill him again? Knowing what I know now… Would I stop him? Or would I let him step off into oblivion. Would I join him?"

Kaiser turned away from the edge and started to walk across the field.

"You didn't kill Osamu." Takeru followed after him. "It's not your fault that he died."

Kaiser laughed, though he did not smile this time. "Have you ever been angry at your brother?"

"Of course. We're brothers." Takeru kept pace with Kaiser, though he found himself struggling to walk around the flowers, not wanting to crush more than he had to. Kaiser moved without care, leaving a trail of trampled flowers behind him, dried up and black petals scattering in the air as their black remains withered and rotted away into ash.

"Then I'm to assume he's wronged you before. Done something that you didn't think would ever be undone in the heat of the moment. Perhaps you said something intending to cut to his core and make him feel terrible for the way he's treated you."

"A few times… I felt he wasn't treating me like he treated the others. He treated me like a child by trying to shield me from everything. I said some things that weren't very nice… That made him question if he was a good brother." Takeru looked down remembering that insecure time in their lives. The look on Yamato's face when he'd realized how jealous he was of Taichi… The way he'd left without a word… The way he'd come back with the intent to cause pain… "We got over it. All brothers do that. They hurt, but they don't really mean it."

Kaiser glanced over at him then shook his head. "Do you think it was fair for the Digital World to call me and not my brother?"

Takeru stopped dead in his tracks.

Kaiser continued on for a few more paces then slowed to a stop, though he didn't turn. "You and your brother obviously had problems… But you loved him. You idolized him. Your brother had problems with his self image. You both came here. The Digital World helped you both. It let you grow and made you closer. It made you trust one another, gave you friends, helped you to deal with things that you shouldn't have been dealing with…"

Kaiser clenched his fists and Takeru could see them trembling as his fingernails cut into his palm.

"Yes…" Takeru answered softly. "We were together when it called us… Perhaps it was just easier to take us both…" But even as he said it, he knew the flaw in that logic.

"Were Hikari and Taichi together? Was that easier?"

"No."

"Then tell me…" Kaiser's voice trembled and Takeru understood a terrible truth that he had never wanted to face. He could see himself back in the dark base when he had faced Kaiser for the first time… When Kaiser had first faced off against Yamato and Taichi… He could see everything and he braced himself for the impact.

"Why was I the only one?" Kaiser turned around, tears overflowing and his face scrunched up in rage. "Why was Osamu left behind?!"

His voice cut across the field, lifted up by the wind, and echoed across the cliffs.

When no answer came, Kaiser sank to his knees, his body wracked with silent sobs.

Cautiously, Takeru moved forward and kneeled before the Kaiser, placing a hand on his shoulder lightly. "Ken… I'm so sorry…"

Kaiser looked up and Takeru was startled to find for the very first time that he honestly could not tell the difference between Ken and Kaiser. The boy before him was lost and alone. There was no one there to guide him and there hadn't been for a very long time.

"While I was in there growing up and becoming Ken… Osamu was out there suffering and being forced into a role he didn't even want. He knew what it was… Of course he knew what the digivice was. He could feel it just like I could… When I came back, he knew that he had been denied his one and only chance to get away from this life. His one chance to become something other than perfect." Kaiser's tears gathered at his chin before forming into large drops that fell to soak into the dead ground below.

Takeru shook his head. "It's not your fault… The digital world should have called you both. You had nothing to do with it…"

As he spoke, Kaiser slowly got to his feet. "Is that what you think?" He wiped his face angrily and looked up at Takeru fully. "It must be so wonderful to exist in your world of Hope, Takaishi."

Kaiser turned and walked away, faster this time. "You should keep up, Takeru. You don't want to be here when _he _arrives."

Takeru blinked after the other before sighing and running after him. "Who are you talking about?"

Even as he spoke, a great sense of dread was starting to fill him.

Glancing back, he could see the place where Kaiser's tears had fallen. There was a dark dead patch where the flowers and grass had been crushed under their combined weight from kneeling.

"Our dear friend on the other side. The one who calls himself Ken." Kaiser didn't stop, moving faster as he neared the edge of the field.

As Takeru watched, the dead patch started to spread outward. It was slow at first, like water bubbling up from a hidden underground well, then spreading out and growing until it swept across the field with alarming speed. Flowers shriveled up and collapsed as they were touched by the blackness and quickly turned to ash.

Takeru spun around and broke into a run, following after Kaiser as they made for the edge where the field met the trees.

Takeru caught up easily, his long legs sprinting as he uncaringly trampled the remaining flowers. Together, they moved in unison as they attempted to outrun what Takeru could only think of as death.

They hit the tree line and didn't stop. Behind them, Takeru could hear the crack and crash of trees rapidly withering and crashing to the ground. As they ran, all Takeru could focus on was the complete lack of the sounds of life. There were no birds taking flight as their nests were destroyed. There were no squirrels, no deer, no insects… There was nothing…

Panic hit as Takeru caught sight of the forest coming to an end before them. There was a patch of grass and then emptiness.

"Kaiser!" Takeru called out breathlessly. "Kaiser, what do we do?"

A wild and winded laugh came from his left as Kaiser easily moved between the trees. "Don't stop!"

He wanted to argue, but he didn't have the time. All he could do was hope that there was something beyond that vast nothingness.

They broke the tree line together and moved across the grass in just a few long strides.

Takeru closed his eyes as he felt his foot hit the edge of a cliff and then push off.

The air was cold as they fell. It tore at them, ripping into every vulnerable spot and cutting at their soft flesh.

A wild thought crossed Takeru's mind and he felt like laughing. _This is it. This is where I die._

He forced his eyes open and gasped out in alarm. There was no cliff. There was no dead and dying forest or field of flowers. There were no rocks or sandy beaches. There was only blackness.

Takeru opened his mouth to scream—

"Looks like you had another bad dream."

Takeru sat up in bed, gasping and dripping with sweat. The room was in shadows, the city lights making his bed appear gray and blue as they passed through the blinds. The only real source of light came from a small and dim desk light on the other side of the room.

"Have many more like that and the neighbors are going to start complaining."

Takeru rubbed at his eyes with the palms of his hands, desperately trying to get those terrible images out of his mind. _All a dream. It had all been just a dream. _

"I'm home." He mumbled and ran his hands up through his hair, pushing it out of his face tiredly. _Home with Yamato…_ But that didn't feel right. He hadn't slept in the same room as his brother since before the divorce. And if he was home, why did the bed feel different? Why was the window on the wrong side?

"What time is it?" He waited for his eyes to adjust as he looked around blearily. His voice didn't sound right either. It sounded higher and softer. It sounded scared…

There was a sigh and the sound of a chair pushing back as the other got up and padded softly across the room towards the bed. "It's late. Last I looked, it was almost two in the morning. You should go back to sleep."

The bed shifted as his brother sat down and moved to untwist the blankets for him.

Takeru's eyes adjusted at last and he almost wished they hadn't. _Kaiser!_ Spiked hair, glasses, and sharp eyes leaned over him to adjust the pillows.

But no, that wasn't right. This boy was older and bigger. His clothes were different and his facial features were sharper.

"Why are you still up?" Takeru had no control over his voice or movements as he rubbed at his eyes again. "Did you have a bad dream too?"

The other looked at Takeru fully and it was easy to see the dark circles under his eyes. This boy was beyond tired. "No, Ken… I'm afraid that I haven't been to bed at all yet."

_Ken?_ Takeru looked down at his small hands and then back up at the other boy, catching a dark reflection of himself in the other's glasses. _Oh god, I'm Ken. This must be-_

"Osamu…" He heard Ken's voice quietly plead. "Are you studying? Tomorrow is Saturday. You promised…"

Osamu closed his eyes for a moment and Takeru could feel the barely contained rage as it radiated off of the older boy. Ken, on the other hand, was just too young to understand. "You promised…"

Osamu let out a slow and steady breath then looked back at Ken. "Yes. I did promise, didn't I? Mustn't disappoint mom. Get you out of her hair for a few hours while she goes and brags to the neighbors about her perfect and considerate son… Never mind that I still have to study. Never mind that I still have to get a perfect score on the Monday exam. Be a perfect brother, be a perfect son, be a perfect student. I did promise, didn't I?"

Osamu got up and walked back towards his desk. "Go to sleep, Ken."

"I'm scared." Ken's voice was small and Takeru felt a great pain of pity as he watched the other's posture stiffen.

"Right… The nightmare." Osamu sighed and adjusted his glasses. "What was it about?"

Ken pulled his knees to his chest and sunk down under the blankets slightly. "The desert. There was a monster in the desert and it hurt someone."

_Ryo. _Takeru drew the conclusion that this must be after Ken's experience in the digital world. _Half remembered dreams… How many nightmares did you have after you came back?_

Osamu walked back to the bed and moved to gently push Ken back down against his pillow and then tuck the blankets in around him. "This is the part where I tell you that there's no such thing as monsters. That there's nothing to be afraid of. That you're safe here."

Ken looked up at Osamu with wide eyes. "The monsters aren't real?"

Osamu looked down and Takeru felt a flash of fear run through him. _Don't… Don't do it…_

"Monsters are real, Ken. They're everywhere. Everyone has monsters."

"Even you?" Ken pulled his blanket up to his nose fearfully.

"Especially me. We all have to live accepting the monsters inside of us clawing to get out and consume us." Osamu laughed to himself. "I think I let mine out years ago."

"Osamu…" Ken couldn't believe that his brother had monsters. He looked the same. He looked like his big strong and perfect brother, just as he always did. "I don't think you're a monster."

Osamu looked at Ken for a moment. "Give it time, Ken… Someday, you'll look back on me and only see the monsters."

Osamu ruffled Ken's hair then walked back to his desk, sitting down and hunching over a text book. "Go to sleep, Ken. Dream of better things. Tomorrow will be better, if only for a little while."

Ken lay in bed watching Osamu work for a while longer, before his eyelids grew heavy and slowly closed.

Takeru was once more drifting in darkness as he caught dim images that floated in and out of focus. There was sand and the friendly face of a boy he didn't really recognize. There was laughter and cheering and the voice of Wormmon lovingly urging him along.

A lot of it didn't make sense, as dreams tend to jumble and skip, but there was a great sense of loss for something that Ken couldn't really put his finger on.

"Wake up." Ken's eyes flew open to find Osamu cleaning up and organizing his desk. "Go get dressed. I let you sleep in and now we're running behind. Mom's not going to be happy if we make her late."

Takeru got the distinct feeling that Osamu had not gone to bed at all that night as Ken slowly climbed out of bed and moved to get ready.

He had time to wonder why he was there as Ken moved about his morning routine. What had happened to them as they fell? Was he really inside of Ken? Were they in the past or were these just memories?

While trying to figure it all out, he took in the images of Ken's world around him. The overly neat and empty bedroom that was devoid of toys and games. The bland decor of the hallways and bathroom. The lack of family photos on the walls and the simplistic living room furniture that showed no signs of wear from two little boys running or jumping on them.

Takeru felt ashamed as he was shown how Ken's parents ignored him at the breakfast table, each doting on Osamu… But their doting wasn't on the boy himself. They asked about his studies. They asked if he was understanding what he was learning. They talked about advancing his studies past what the school was offering. They talked about how the neighbors had asked what career Osamu was thinking of taking. They smiled and boasted proudly about the class ranks, which had Osamu at the very top… No one asked Osamu how he was feeling. No one asked him why he looked so tired. No one asked him what he wanted to do on his day off.

At the end, Osamu politely got up and guided Ken out of the apartment. "Come on, Ken. Mom has to be somewhere and Dad has work. Let's go to the park, okay?"

Ken looked lovingly up at his brother, but Takeru could feel the jealousy as his parents each bid Osamu goodbye and wished him a good day while simply telling Ken to 'mind your big brother'.

Together, they walked down the steps and headed to the park. They were silent as they moved, Ken looking around and taking in all the sights and sounds while Osamu kept his focus on his goal.

They were almost to the park when Osamu started to slow down.

Takeru focused in as they approached a busy intersection and waited at a cross walk. _It can't be. _

Ken looked past the street to the main goal of the park, his eyes picking out the best places to play games or run around. He reached up to take Osamu's hand, squeezing tightly in preparation to cross the street just as he was taught.

Osamu's hand squeezed back half heartedly and Takeru could sense that the older brother was watching the cars speeding past. His eyes following each one, judging… waiting… _No. Not here. It can't be here…_

Osamu closed his eyes tiredly and his shoulders sagged. "Ken…" His voice cracked.

_Oh god. No… No!_

Ken looked up adoringly at his big brother, but Osamu only shook his head and looked back out at the traffic, his features pulled tight in conflict.

Two lights down, a large van was stopped at a red light. When it got going again, it would hit all green lights and be up to speed as it attempted to reach the end of the street without having to stop again.

Osamu's gaze shifted back to the street and zeroed in on the van as it started to move forward again. Osamu tensed for a moment before completely relaxing. The conflict was over.

"Wait here, Kenny-boy. Wait here." His hand left Ken's.

"Osamu? Where are you going?" Ken looked up with large eyes, his hand suddenly feeling cold. Panic surged through him as he thought of the prospect of being left alone out in the city for even just a few seconds… But Osamu was smiling.

The smile was so peaceful… So beautiful that Ken couldn't help but feel a part of that peace as he watched his brother.

"Just… Wait here…" Osamu moved closer to the curb, his eyes tracking the van.

_Ken!_ Takeru had to stop this. If he was here, truly here, maybe he could do something. Maybe he could reach out or warn him…

"But Osamu…" Ken looked up at the still red 'Don't Walk' sign then back over to his brother and that beautiful smile. "Osamu?"

He saw the van speeding down the road and something clicked.

Time seemed to slow down as Osamu's feet left the safety of the curb. "Osamu lookout!"

Osamu was in the street in one stride, turning to face Ken with the smile still across his face. The Van was just a few feet away, the driver looking up at the traffic light and hoping that it would stay green just long enough for him to make it through. Ken was looking up at his brother's face in horror, frozen to the spot as he saw it all layout before him.

Time froze.

Takeru suddenly found himself standing next to Ken and disoriented from the change in perspective.

"Here we are…" Kaiser stood on the other side of Ken, his eyes on Osamu sadly. "Where it all started. Or maybe it's where it all ended."

"Why am I here?" Takeru swallowed hard and looked up at Kaiser. "Why are you showing me this?"

Kaiser smiled and looked over at him. "Because I want you to understand."

"Understand what?" Takeru did his best not to look at Osamu or Ken. He didn't think he could handle that smile anymore.

"My choice." Kaiser closed his eyes then looked back out at Osamu.

Takeru slowly followed Kaiser's gaze from the truck to the brother then back to Ken. Ken looking up at his brother's face. Ken watching it all layout… Ken…_calculating. _

Takeru whipped his head from truck, to brother, to Ken, then back to truck. Understanding dawned on him and he felt his stomach clench.

"You had time…" If Ken had started running right now, he could have pushed Osamu out of the way. As small as his legs were, they could have at least carried him to Osamu. The momentum would have slammed into the older boy and knocked him just clear of the truck at the last possible second… But would Ken have made it? Would Ken have been hit instead?

His stomach heaved. "You would have died."

"On impact." Kaiser stepped out into the street and stood before his brother. They looked the same, save for the glasses. The same face, the same eyes, the same hair… But Kaiser appeared just a tad taller… Just a tad softer in complexion.

"Why me?" Takeru choked out. "Why show this to me? Why not Daisuke?"

"Daisuke wouldn't understand. Daisuke is courage. The choice here would have been obvious, but not the consequences. He would have said pointless things about me being too young. Me not understanding. Me doing what I had to do with no time to really think about it." Kaiser reached up and ghosted a finger across his brother's glasses. "You're hope. Choices like this aren't as biased. This is the truth that Ken has yet to realize. The truth that Ken refuses to acknowledge."

Takeru looked away. "You didn't want to die. It's not hard to understand that. You didn't know it would kill him. You were scared. Damn it, you were eight! What were you supposed to do?!"

"Do you know what I was thinking about right now?" Kaiser looked away. "It was the smile… I had never seen him look so relaxed or peaceful. Two days ago, I had wished that Osamu would disappear so that I could have all the love and attention. So that people would finally notice _me_ for a change. Two days ago, I told my brother that I hated him and that I wanted him gone…"

Kaiser slowly walked back out of the street and took up his place once more next to the younger Ken, turning to look at his brother.

"In that second when I realized my options all I could think was: 'I can see your monster'."

Time started up again and Takeru clenched his eyes shut, turning his face away as he heard the sickening _crunch_, the screech of brakes, the thud of a body hitting the ground and skidding to a stop, and the screams of bystanders.

Takeru kept his eyes closed tightly as he felt the world moving around him.

He kept his eyes closed as the sounds of chaos faded into the sounds of the ocean and the wind. He kept his eyes closed as the hard ground under his feet shifted into soft and uneven sand. He kept his eyes closed as he felt the spray of a cold and fine mist lashing at his cheeks.

It wasn't until a splash of water from a larger wave hit his feet that he opened his eyes at last.

He was on the beach near the water, Kaiser nowhere in sight. The sky was black with smoke, ashes raining down around him like so much black snow.

Up on the cliffs, the world was blindingly white with fire.

The air shimmered beside him and there was a split second when he could swear that he could almost hear Hikari's voice calling out.

Any thoughts of trying to respond were wiped clear from his head as Daisuke suddenly materialized out of thin air and crashed into him, sending them both tumbling into the sand.

"Takeru? Where's Ken?!" Daisuke frantically looked around then up at the burning cliffs. "What happened?"

Takeru looked up at the burning cliffs then slowly lay back in the sand fully, looking up at the sky. "I met a monster."

- – -

Daisuke had never been to the Dark World before. He had heard Hikari, Miyako, Takeru, and Ken talk about it on many occasions. He had even seen it once when Ken had opened the gate to banish Daemon.

Even with all of that, he could never have imagined just how strange it was to actually be there. Colors were not just washed out, but utterly grayed out. Even normal sounds seemed to be muffled by the sound of the waves. It was like living in a black and white TV that was riddled by static.

The wind across the waves was cold and he could imagine that the water was even colder. Even the sand felt cold and unyielding under his feet. This place was wrong in so many ways that Daisuke wondered if it had ever been more than it was.

To his side, Takeru was sitting in the sand looking sick and lost. Now and then, he would glance up at the burning cliffs and then nervously look back down at the sand.

Daisuke wanted to press and find out what he had missed. He wanted to know where Kaiser and Ken were, but he felt that Takeru most likely didn't know.

Daisuke looked up at the burning cliffs, shielding his eyes from the falling ash. Something told him that the fire would not last much longer and that once the fire had died, he needed to be up there.

Till then, he tried to focus on what Hikari had told him.

"Before I came here, Hikari told me that we needed to find someone. That they were buried in the sand and that he wasn't two but three." Daisuke looked around at the beach, wondering if he was supposed to just pick a spot and start digging or if it would be obvious where he needed to look.

Takeru stayed where he was, silent and lost in thought.

Daisuke frowned. "Hey, Takeru. It'd be great if you could help. I don't even know where to look and you were always real good at solving those real cryptic riddles."

Takeru didn't move. He didn't even look up from his spot in the sand.

"Takeru!" Daisuke snapped, hardly in the mood to deal with one more problem. "What is wrong with you? You've been after me and Kaiser since this problem started, desperately wanting to help! Now you're here and you can't do more than just sit there feeling sorry for yourself!"

Takeru sighed and looked up. "Everyone wants to be wanted, Daisuke. To be needed. To have an important role to play… To be important to someone. I thought I understood my role. I thought that I was meant to help. Then Kaiser finally pulls me in and I think that maybe I'm his someone. That I was meant to help him…"

Daisuke stopped and looked down at Takeru sympathetically. Early on as the leader of their group, Daisuke had struggled with finding his own role and someone that would actually listen to him and let him help.

"It was cruel. I think that was why he did it. To put me in my place. He showed me something, Daisuke. He let me see something that I wish I had never seen. I can only hope to God that someday I will be able to forget what I saw. How am I supposed to help him when I can't even deal with facing what happened myself?" Takeru looked angry, frustrated, and scared. "I can't help him."

Daisuke slowly moved to take a seat next to Takeru. "Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to understand that you were not the one meant to save them. Sometimes, we just have to accept that maybe we're not the ones that are meant to do the saving… But that we were meant to be saved."

Takeru looked over at Daisuke. "Then why am I here?"

Daisuke shrugged. "Maybe you're trying to save the wrong person?"

Takeru opened his mouth then froze. "Buried in the sand…" With that, he scrambled to his feet and started to frantically look around at the sand. "He said it was somewhere around here… When he first came to this world!"

Daisuke blinked. "What?"

"Hikari said that he was buried in the sand! Earlier, Kaiser said that when he came here the very first time, it was along this strip of the beach. Don't you get it? He's still here! He's really three!" Takeru took off towards a place where the beach pushed in further to the water.

Daisuke didn't get it, but he trusted that Takeru would understand Hikari a lot better than he did.

He took off after the blond boy and skidded to a stop when Takeru started to frantically look around at the sand, kicking and stooping to dig at it every now and then.

Daisuke shrugged and copied him, taking a few steps then stooping to dig. "Who are we looking for? Who's still here?"

"Ken." Takeru slowly moved closer to the water. "Not the one that split from Kaiser… The first Ken. The _real _Ken."

"What? What are you talking about?" Daisuke stood up, dusting his hands off in annoyance. Hadn't he just spent the last two days trying to convince Ken and Kaiser that they were one and the same? That they were supposed to be whole?

Takeru glanced up from digging. "Don't you get it? It's why they couldn't come back together in the other worlds. You can't rebuild a shattered glass if it's missing pieces!"

Daisuke flushed in embarrassment. How could he have been so blind? "He split into three pieces. That's why they're so unstable."

The closer they got, the harder it was for Kaiser and Ken to keep control. One would bleed into the other, but there was still that missing piece that wouldn't let them stay together. When Kaiser disappeared, that other side of Ken had emerged as dominant without any influence from the other two to contain him.

"Takeru?" Daisuke slowly went back to kicking through the sand. "When you and Kaiser first got here… Was he different?"

Takeru stopped and looked up, dusting clumps of wet sand off of his knees. "I didn't really get to spend a lot of time with him before… But yeah. I guess he was different. For starters, he didn't try to kill me."

"Kaiser isn't the murderous one." Daisuke muttered and kept his head down. "What was he like?"

"He… He was emotional. He was sad and angry. He… He talked about his brother. Showed me what happened. He-"

"Showed you?" Daisuke wasn't finding anything in the sand and was now just walking around kicking at it discouragingly.

"Yeah. He showed me." Takeru turned towards the ocean and moved in closer until his feet started to get wet.

"This isn't getting us anywhere!" Daisuke kicked a mound of sand and looked around angrily. "We could be out here for days tossing around this stuff and we might not even be in the right area! How deep are we even supposed to dig?"

"I don't know." Takeru sighed and rubbed his temples. "I know it's around here. I just need to figure out the right location."

"While we're wasting time down here playing in the sand, Ken and Kaiser are out there somewhere!" Daisuke looked back up at the cliffs, noting how the flames seemed to be dying down as they burned through their fuel.

"They should be fine. Kaiser didn't really seem like much of a problem here. He almost seemed a little out of it, really. I'm sure they'll be fine if we let them be for a while." Takeru looked out at the ocean and hesitantly took a few more steps closer until the water came up to his mid calves.

"No, you don't get it." Daisuke sighed, not really wanting to get into it. It only seemed fair since Takeru didn't really want to talk about his own experience with Kaiser. "Ken's going to kill him. He thinks if he takes the seed, then he can make the flower bloom."

"What? Why would he want to do that?" Takeru appeared to be sinking slowly as he stepped into a softer patch of sand.

"I don't know!" Daisuke looked out at the ocean. "Let's just say that when you two disappeared, Ken sort of… Lost it a little. He's not Ken. That's all I know. He's not Ken."

Daisuke, a boy that was known for never giving up, for fighting when everything was against him and always coming out on top, was starting to feel like he wasn't going to win this one.

"Daisuke?" Takeru was looking down at the sand as the waves washed in and out steadily. "I… I think I found something."

Daisuke ran over, nearly stumbling and falling several times as the waves crashed in and bit at his legs.

Takeru was already digging by the time he got there. He could just barely make out a small and pale hand poking through the sand.

Daisuke didn't hesitate as he dove in, digging furiously and pulling on the hand to try and get the rest of the body up and above the waves.

How was this even possible? How long had he been here? Was he even still alive?

Every time they gained an inch, the water and sand would suck back down, refusing to give up its long buried treasure.

"This isn't working!" Daisuke kept a firm grip on the hand, shivering at how cold the fingers were. "We're just going to have to pull him out!"

Takeru dropped to his knees and reached down around the half submerged arm, struggling not to get a face-full of the inky black water. He slipped his hands down into the sink hole until he found purchase. "Pull!"

Together, they both pulled, slipping and falling over each other as they fought against the ever shifting sands.

At last, the body shifted and dark hair caked with sand rose up out of the water.

They didn't stop pulling until they had pulled the small boy clear of the water all together and had all collapsed on the beach.

Takeru and Daisuke looked across at each other, both wondering the same thing: _Is he alive? _

Takeru moved first, laying the boy flat on his back and tilting his head back. He leaned down and placed his ear to the boy's lips and nose to check for any signs of breathing.

Daisuke swallowed hard as he waited. There was no telling how long the boy had been buried. For all they knew, he had been down there for years being preserved by the sheer will of this place.

The boy's eyes flew open and he gasped in sharply, scaring the other two to their core as he sputtered and clawed at the sand.

"The flower…" He wheezed and rolled to his side, hacking up old sand and muddy water.

"Easy… Just relax and breathe." Takeru patted the boy on the back gently.

"The flower…" The boy repeated and looked up at Daisuke with the same eyes Daisuke had been looking into just moments before he had come to this place.

"What about the flower?" Daisuke couldn't help but ask as he watched they very young Ken Ichijouji struggle to sit up.

"It's dying." Everyone looked up in alarm as Kaiser spoke from just up the beach.

Daisuke took a defensive stance between himself and the small boy. "What do you mean it's dying? Ken told me that it was still sucking energy from you all and was trying to remerge."

Behind him, Takeru was clutching at the boy's hand tightly and trying to keep him from getting up.

"Ken is wrong. Not exactly a surprise for me, but still disappointing." Kaiser smiled, though to Daisuke, it looked forced. "Don't worry about him, Takeru. The boy is stronger than he looks. He's survived this long, hasn't he? Though, he is fairly new."

Daisuke was getting tired of the games and the riddles. He was in no mood to waste time trying to guess just what the Kaiser was talking about when Ken -all of Ken- was in danger."What do you mean he's new? Ken said-"

Kaiser rubbed at his temples and made an irritated sound. "Oh to live in your little world of easy answers. Nothing is black and white, my dear Daisuke. Why do you think that this world exists in shades of gray? There are just so many variables…"

"I was created when Ken and Kaiser came through." The younger boy spoke up softly. "Ken's the one that did it, really… He split the spore down again. I think he's been trying to split it from the start but was unable to do it fully until just recently."

Kaiser smiled. "It would seem Ken is breaking down. How many times do you think the spore can be divided before it dies? Two is fine. A little bit of glue can solve that… But three?"

"Why would Ken want to split it down again?" Takeru spoke up softly. "He's dividing up his personality. His…"

"Oh god." Daisuke now understood why he had felt so strongly that the Ken in the Digital World was not _his_ Ken anymore.

"I was wondering what it would take before your dull little light bulb went off." Kaiser shook his head.

Kaiser was already a large chunk of the persona that Ken despised. Why would Ken decide to break off another part? Especially if this was the part that Ken had once so desperately wanted to get back to.

Even worse…

"If Ken split himself again…" Takeru voiced Daisuke's worst fear. "What's left of him?"

High above them, the flames faded away, leaving behind a field of smoldering ash.

"Let's go find out." Kaiser smiled and turned towards the cliffs.

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	20. Chapter 20: Static

**Author's Note:** The end is in sight.

I think writing for Koushiro has to be both my favorite and hardest parts. There's so much more I want to do with him. Perhaps another day in another story…

A review is a breath of fresh air while drowning. Please review.

- – -

**Chapter 20: Static**

Though Koushiro had not slept at all that night, and honestly felt that he could go at least another day without proper sleep, he was fast approaching what he liked to think of as 'sleep mode'. He called it this not because he was truly asleep, but because he felt that there was too much work to do to waste it sleeping. In this mode, he did not sleep in the typical sense, but more in the sense that he would close his eyes and let his thoughts flow free so that they could unwind like so many ribbons tangled in the breeze.

To say that Koushiro's mind tended to run fast was an understatement. Thoughts were connected by pathways that linked everything together, much like wires and signals travelling through space to transmit information. On a boring day, Koushiro's paths and roads were open and easy to navigate. If he wanted the recipe of that delicious hot drink his Mother used to make for him just before bedtime, it was just a straight shot to that information. Of course there were side roads that branched off leading to memories of his favorite mug, the way his Mother smiled, the way his Father would mispronounce the drink every single time, the way the house smelled or how the cup warmed his hands almost painfully on cold days. If he had time, he would often travel down those roads and find even more twists and bends leading to even deeper memories and even more obscure information. Before he knew it, he would be accessing the precise boiling point of water or exploring the formula of photosynthesis.

However, on days like today, when the information he needed not only had to be accurate but also fast and with plenty of backup solutions, Koushiro found it necessary to explore every branch in the road. Throughout the day his mind raced down these roads continuously, finding dead-ends, making new connections, locating things that had been long forgotten, and deducing new solutions. The larger and important things were brought to his attention right away while he allowed the smaller things to collect to the side. Now that things were quiet, it was time to call it all back home and see what he had found.

Koushiro powered his computer down and left it to charge on the side table. He eyed the bed where Yamato and Taichi were now sleeping. Sounds of slow and rhythmic breathing, some louder than others, filled the room accompanied by the gentle creak of the bed as the two shifted positions in search for that elusive perfectly comfortable spot.

It was a large bed and despite Taichi's best efforts to spread out across the whole mattress and Yamato's best efforts to wrap himself up in all of the blankets, there was still a small space near the edge.

Koushiro smiled as he navigated across the dimly lit room and quickly stole the empty spot before the other two took notice. Curling up, he closed his eyes and prepared himself for the unravel.

It hit hard, as it always did, and flowed wildly from item to item in ways that others might consider chaotic. The day's events replayed, this time zeroing in on the smaller moments that would have gone easily missed during the larger events. He saw subtle glances, body language, oddities in speech, and the even smaller personality ticks.

At the same time, his mind dug deeper, pulling up the past to compare what he had found. He saw the first time he had met Daisuke. The first time he had seen the Kaiser for himself and the damage that had been done. He saw Ken transformed into a friend that was not yet believed in. Even more, he found his mind going further back to his own time as a chosen child. He saw the painful loss of friends, the moments when others understood their troubles and accepted them, and his own troubled understanding of his true origins with his parents. He relived the first time Gennai had been honest with them and he had seen the story of how their partners had been chosen and raised. He saw his first glimpse of the dark spore, and his last glimpse of Oikawa dispersing into the Digital World.

Even more, Koushiro saw the gates.

The first gate that had swallowed them up and taken them to this strange world. The gate that Taichi had passed through several times. The gates that Myotismon had opened. The gates that Daisuke and his group had used in the computers. The gates that Ken was able to create at a whim and the most important, the gate that Oikawa had opened by mistake in his desperate attempt to find his lost friend.

His mind sped up as it found the connections. Faster and faster as it all unwound before him until the same two pictures came up again and again.

Oikawa and his children, each with the cloned spores in full bloom and each trying to unite their desires to one location as they opened the wrong gate.

Ken opening his own gate to the Dark Ocean, terror holding him back until he let go. One thought and the gate was his to control.

But there was still something missing… Something important that he had never fully understood…

Koushiro's eyes snapped open and he sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed so fast that he stumbled forward. "It was then. The divide happened then."

How could he have been so blind? It was easy to miss; they had all missed it. They had thought it was over and dealt with, but the problem was just getting started.

It wasn't just about the spore anymore. As far as he was concerned, he had solved that mystery first and while doing so, he had overlooked a huge problem.

"It's Ken. It was always Ken." He scrambled in the dark room, throwing his clothes and shoes back on in a hurry.

A sleep ridden Taichi and Yamato stirred and looked up at him with blurry and heavy lidded eyes.

"What's going on?" Taichi rubbed at his eyes under the blanket as he fought the urge to roll over and bury his face back into the pillow.

"Koushiro, what time is it? What are you doing still up?" Yamato sat up, more awake than Taichi but hardly capable of rational thought yet.

"It was Ken this whole time!" Koushiro hit the power to his computer impatiently as he waited for it to boot back up. "When they went to that other world with Oikawa. The one that fed off of their greatest desires! Don't you remember what Ken's made up world had been like?"

Of course he had not seen it for himself, but Ken had once described it to him briefly during one of their many conversations over tea and chess.

Yamato made a non-committal sound of acknowledgment and Taichi just made a complaintive sound to show that he was listening but not happy about being awoken for it.

Koushiro sighed and tapped his fingers in irritation as his computer came out of sleep mode and his systems slowly started to come back up. "The desert where the Kaiser died. Ken said that he had watched the Kaiser die. It was his greatest desire! He wanted to separate himself from what he had once been so that he could watch it suffer. He wanted to kill it and be free of having to feel such guilt. Don't you get it?"

"Okay, so it happened for real this time. We already know that. We've been dealing with it all day in case you hadn't noticed." Yamato was obviously fighting the urge to lie back down and join Taichi under the covers.

"It happened for real that time too!" Koushiro brightened as he at last had access to his computer. "Don't you get it? The Digimon were able to divide up into their separate evolved forms because Daisuke wished they could be more powerful. It had been assumed that this was just limited to the Digimon, but it wasn't! That world was capable of creating our greatest desires and making them solid. Perhaps it was all in their minds, or perhaps it was real. There's no telling just how real everything in that world was. Once they left that world, the manifestations could no longer hold form and disappeared."

Yamato and Taichi were both starting at him now with identical looks of confusion. Perhaps it was a bit much to ask for them to comprehend after just waking up, but Koushiro persisted.

"Don't you see? Ken desired to be divided and that world made it happen. When he left that world, it should have faded away like the others did, but Ken had one thing none of the others had." He waited, but incomprehension was still painfully plastered across their faces. "The spore! When that world split him, it must have split the spore too. The real divide happened there, but when he left that world the manifestation of the other half was unable to be supported. When he returned to the real world, it went back inside of him but never fully healed. Ken's been dividing everything up ever since. The spore didn't cause the split, it just made it possible. It sensed that it could take in more energy from two than from one and most likely encouraged the split, but now that it wants to come back together, Ken isn't letting it!"

Koushiro paused then accessed one of the systems that he had downloaded for later inspection from Ken's base earlier. _Please let me be wrong. _

His screen flickered and then filled with static, softly crackling and hissing as it filled the room with an eerie glow.

"Oh no." He stared at the computer screen with wide eyes. "It's already happening."

"What's happening?" Taichi was sitting up now, looking at the screen in confusion.

The screen flickered and for just a moment, they all caught a glimpse of a barren cliff overlooking a dark ocean with a single silhouette standing near the edge.

"The gates are cut off." Koushiro looked up at the other two, face ashen in the glow. "We can't go home."

- – -

Hikari had awoken several hours after her nightmare to a very real sensation that not only was something wrong, but that it was already too late.

Once more she slipped from her bed and made her way down the dark hall. She knew she should have stopped to alert the others, but something in her gut was telling her to hurry.

She didn't have time for caution or fear as she moved ever closer to the familiar presence of a world that had once tried to make her a part of it.

She arrived in time to watch from the doorway as Daisuke slipped into the other world. She could already feel that not only was Kaiser already gone, but that Takeru had succumbed to it as well.

Hikari could hear the waves distantly breaking through the static. Just before Daisuke had fully crossed over, an image came to her of a boy buried in the sand and something told her that this could be the answer to something very important. She called out, letting her intuition speak freely for her, though she herself did not fully understand the message. All she could do was hope that perhaps he would understand and find the answers before it was too late.

To her surprise, Ken did not fade to gray and disappear along with Daisuke. He stood before the monitors, watching the other world flicker across the screens with fascination.

"Have you come to join me after all?" Ken glanced over at her and her nightmare came back to her full force as she noticed a freshly healing cut on the palm of his hand.

She held her ground, refusing to come any further into the room. "Was it a dream?"

He looked at her fully and tilted his head to the side. "You tell me, Hikari. Do you believe it was a dream?"

"I want to. Of course I want to believe that it wasn't real." She crossed her arms protectively over her chest. "Who would want to believe that their friend would ever do something so evil?"

"Would it be so wrong to kill him?" Ken turned away from the monitors and slowly ran a hand through his hair. His hand was shaky and lacked fluidity as it moved, brushing the hair out of his face and into disarray. "He's Kaiser. He has already killed so many. Would I be at such a disadvantage without him?"

"He's a part of you, Ken. No one should ever kill a part of themselves just because they think it's for the best." She longed for someone else to join her as she glanced up at the monitors. She was struggling to keep her fear from taking over as she felt that world calling to her and trying to pull her in.

"Are you going to give me a speech about how everyone needs balance?" Ken sighed. "I've heard it all before. 'You have to live accepting everything inside of you. There is both good and evil in everyone to balance things out'. Everyone is so eager to tell me how I'm supposed to live."

"You believed it once before. Why not now? What's changed?" She struggled to remember how Miyako had once helped her overcome her fear of this world just long enough to save her from it. How Takeru had literally road in to rescue her from the dark creatures that wanted to drain the life and light slowly from her.

Ken reached back and gingerly touched the back of his neck absently and Hikari could see it starting to glow. The spore was growing impatient to return home. "Who do you think I am, Hikari?"

"I don't know." She pulled her eyes away from the monitors and focused on Ken fully. "We thought we knew… We all thought we knew."

"You thought I was just the sweet and kind Ken that you all wanted and that he was the cruel and evil Kaiser that should have died years ago. You can't deny that much even if you wanted to." He looked down. "Everyone always wants to believe that there are only two sides to everything. Good and evil, black and white, life and death."

"But you aren't Ken, are you?" Hikari's fingers were digging into her upper arms tightly now as she felt the other world's pull growing. "You aren't good and he isn't evil."

"If you cut down a tree and turn it into a million splinters, can you put them all back together with glue and still call it a tree?" He was clutching at the back of his neck now, the corner of his mouth twitching as he fought back a grimace. "Do you think that I can ever be Ken again?"

It hit her then, looking at this shard of a boy that she used to call friend. "Ken… What have you done?" She glanced up at the monitors, letting her eyes settle on the dark images of a world that frightened her more than she cared to admit. "How many times have you split?"

Ken's fingers clenched at the back of his neck and she could see his nails starting to dig into the marred flesh. "Just twice, not including myself. It was all I could manage while here. This world is so limiting, but soon I will be free to pull out every part of me if I should so desire."

"Why?" Hikari felt as if the room around them had suddenly gotten smaller. "Why would you do that to yourself, Ken? You can't just split yourself like this!"

Kaiser had already taken such a huge chunk away from Ken's personality that she couldn't imagine what was left to divide out. If Ken had managed to take more away, what was left?

"Everyone wants to change themselves at some level. How narcissistic would you have to be to not want to change yourself?" Ken's hand trembled and she winced as she saw a few fresh drops of blood start to well up around the fingernails that were digging into his neck. "What if you just wanted to peel away the layers of yourself that you hated? What if you peel away layer after layer and what you find underneath is worse? Can you imagine hating yourself so much that you just want to peel the layers away until all that's left is nothing?"

"Ken…" She slowly moved into the room. "You can't mutilate yourself over mistakes of the past. If all you do is look back, of course all you'll see is what you hate."

"We are made by the past, aren't we?" Ken gave her a cold look. "If your past was erased, would you exist today as the Hikari that we all know?"

"But you can't just get rid of the parts that you don't like!" Hikari attempted to reason with him, though she knew it was useless. "We remember the past so that we may draw from it and learn and change. The past is subjective in that we only remember the parts that matter the most and the parts that made us who we are."

Ken's face twisted as his anger surfaced without control. "Then how do you undo who we are? What if I don't want to be this person anymore? How are we supposed to change if what made us is always there?!"

Hikari fell silent as Ken's voice echoed around them, the pain marring each word.

Ken closed his eyes and took in a slow deep breath. "That's not so easy to answer, is it? We all know the correct answer. The one they teach you in school and on the television. You're supposed to learn from the past so you don't make the same mistakes. You're supposed to take away different things. Try to understand it and accept it. You're supposed to look ahead and stay optimistic. To think about the future and be mindful of yourself. You're in control of your own life and you can decide who you are."

Ken pulled his hand away and looked at the blood that was now smeared across his fingers and under the nails. "But it's always there, isn't it? It doesn't matter how much you change on the outside if it's still there inside you. It doesn't matter who I decide I am if I can still feel the pain of what happened in the dead of night just before I close my eyes. It's always there…"

Ken turned towards the monitors and Hikari struggled to find the right answer. Was there an answer?

Ken closed his eyes for a moment while he composed himself, wiping the blood absently from his hand and onto his pant leg. "Daisuke and Takeru had unfinished business with me. Their inability to let go is what caused them to be sucked in. You have wisely chosen to keep your distance through all of this and I cannot force you to pass through the gate. I want you to think about this very carefully, child of light. Will you witness the end with me?"

Hikari's hands trembled as they dug into her sleeves. Her mind screamed at her legs to _just move forward_ but she had never felt more rooted to the spot as she stared up at the dark waters that swirled across the screens.

"It would seem you've made your choice." Ken glanced over his shoulder at her and smiled. "Now you just have to find a way to live with it."

With that, Ken was gone and the screens went black. Panic filled her and at last she moved, rushing forward. "Wait… Ken! Wait!"

Her hands beat on the cold screens as she cried out. "You can't… You can't! Ken!"

For the first time, she found herself doubting whether or not she had made the right decision.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she sank to the floor. _Takeru… I'm so sorry… I couldn't be there for you._

- – -

Miyako woke up to Hawkmon poking her in the side and tugging on her blankets. "Miyako! There's someone at the door!"

Sitting up, she squinted in the dark as she clumsily pulled her glasses on. "Wh…Who is it?" She yawned and looked around in confusion as she realized Hikari was not there.

"It's Iori. Is Takeru in there with you?" His raspy voice called out, utterly laced with worry.

Miyako climbed off the bed and flicked on the dim lights before opening the door. "No. Why would he be?"

"I can't find him." Patamon flew into the room and landed beside Hawkmon. "Gatomon can't find Hikari either. She's out looking right now."

"What if something bad happened to them?" Iori looked down, his brow heavy with concern. "What if…"

"Now Iori," Armadillomon reached up and patted his hand comfortingly. "We can't go assuming the worst. Maybe they couldn't sleep and they're just out together working on the base."

Hawkmon nodded in agreement. "Or taking a walk. The desert is quite charming under the right circumstances at night."

Iori hardly looked convinced and Patamon's cheeks puffed in disagreement.

Miyako sighed and looked out into the hall. "I'm sure if something bad happened, we'd know about it. Daisuke is babysitting and Koushiro is most likely still hunched over his computer. That boy never sleeps. If something happened, they'd come and let us know."

It wasn't easy to get over her old habits of always assuming the worst and panicking. Even now, her mind was racing with countless 'what if' scenarios. Yet the endless patience of Iori and the compassion of Hikari had guided her away from the old days of irrational panic.

"Let's all go see if anyone else is awake. Maybe they know something." She adjusted her glasses and for the second time that night, headed out into the hall.

A nagging feeling had slipped in and she struggled not to run down the hall to Koushiro's room and start pounding on the door. She had come to depend on Koushiro in so many ways.

She didn't bother to knock, knowing that he would be awake, as she barged into the room. "Koushiro! We have a…"

Koushiro, Taichi and Yamato were all sitting around the laptop with determined and worried looks on their faces.

"It would seem we're a little late to the party." Iori frowned.

Taichi looked up at them, his gaze quickly sliding past them to the empty hall. It was clear from his expression that his fears had been confirmed as he took note of who was not with them.

Miyako bit her lower lip and moved closer. "We don't know where the others are. Is it safe to assume that this isn't news to you guys?"

Koushiro glanced up at them, never pausing his fingers as they flew across the keyboard. "The gate is locked. I don't know what he did, but Ken has completely shut us out. We can't even open a basic digiport to get back to our world. I assumed that this meant that he had somehow crossed over, but we were unaware that any of the others were missing."

Miyako couldn't believe it. The gate was locked? How was that even possible? "You can override it, right?" She looked at Koushiro with the best hopeful smile she could muster. "We aren't trapped here, right?"

Koushiro stopped typing and looked over his screen towards her. It was all the answer she needed. "Oh god, we're trapped?! How do we fix it? Can't we just get Ken back here to undo it? This isn't permanent, right? I mean, you guys travelled here and back all the time in the past and you couldn't even open a port at will like we could!" Panic was threatening to overtake her.

"We have to have faith." Yamato spoke up at last. "Faith that the others are with Ken and that they can bring him back. Faith that Ken isn't lost out in the darkness alone and that he can find his way home."

"And if they can't?" Iori pressed further.

"Then we'll have bigger things to worry about." Hikari appeared in the doorway looking tired and scared.

Taichi was visibly relieved to see that his sister had not crossed over. Yamato looked questioningly at Hikari and she shook her head before looking away.

Miyako felt a pang of pity well up inside her as Yamato clenched his hands and looked down. He seemed more disappointed than angry.

Beside him, the computer screen flashed a bright white and whatever program Koushiro had been looking at suddenly disappeared in a wave of static.

Koushiro stared at his screen in fascination, though Miyako knew him well enough to recognize the alarm that was slowly working its way across his features. "I think we have a problem."

A low rumble, much like the sound of approaching thunder in the distance, slowly welled up until it crashed around them and shook the base before fading away again.

The whole room practically held its breath as Koushiro frantically tried to get his computer going again, trying every trick in the book and looking more and more desperate as each tactic failed. When the hard restart didn't even register, Koushiro set the machine down and got to his feet. "Okay. We definitely have a problem."

"What's happening?" Iori winced as the thunder rolled in again, shaking the base harshly.

"Every gate is closed. I don't know how it happened, but every single gate to every world is closed!" Koushiro frowned. "I was trying a backdoor. We normally only travel to this world and our own, but in the past we have ventured into other realities, mostly by accident. I thought that perhaps if I could open a door to one of those other realities, we could take a door from there to our own world or at the very least, to the Dark Ocean."

"Let me guess," Taichi looked down at the frazzled computer with a frown, "back door isn't an option?"

"It _was_ working for a moment, but then something must have happened on another level and every single gate closed all at once. It was like they were just all wiped out in one blow." Koushiro sat on the edge of the bed and slumped back.

Miyako swallowed hard, looking down at the flickering screen. The room was silent as they all reflected on their situation. "I guess we just have to trust that Daisuke and Takeru know what they're doing."

Taichi and Yamato exchanged looks then put their faces in their hands. "We're doomed."

- – -

On a nearby dune overlooking the base, watching as the multicolored lights lit up the ever shifting sands, the guardian stood alone in the dark.

The thunder crashed around him shifting the sands under him with the sheer force of the shockwaves. It felt like the world was hanging by a thread and he dreaded the idea that Ken was the one pulling it tighter and tighter until it would eventually snap under the pressure.

Grief and regret threatened to tear at him as he thought of the past. He mourned for the loss of the boy he had known, the boy that had died, and the boy that he was losing now.

"_Are you growing so pessimistic, Gennai?"_ A voice cutting through time, soft and weak. _"Have you no faith in him?"_

Gennai sighed and pulled the hood to his cloak up around him as he turned away from the base. "I don't know how to save him anymore. How do you save someone that isn't supposed to be saved? Too many lives have already been lost for his sake. There's no one left to sacrifice for him."

The voice on the wind crackled softly as it crossed over fading dimensions and slipped through rapidly closing doorways. _"Do you still blame him for what happened? Or are you blaming yourself?"_

"I never blamed him for… For what happened." Gennai's fists clenched tightly as he fought back the anger. "It wasn't even supposed to be him…"

The thunder crashed around him and the voice grew fainter, nothing but a whisper at the back of his mind now. _"Fate is strange, isn't it… Two boys, one meant to die so that he could become the next great guardian… How angry the gods of this world must have been when they were cheated out of both a guardian and a chosen." _

Gennai closed his eyes and bowed his head. For the first time he allowed himself to give voice to a suspicion that had long tormented his dreams in the dead of night. "What if… What if it wasn't supposed to be Ken? What if that device was really meant for Osamu? What if both boys were meant to be called here? What if Ken was supposed to die and not Osamu?"

"_Why would Ken's life be in question? Osamu took his own life. There was nothing set in stone. There was no illness." _

The wind blew harshly, covering up the silence as it tore at the guardian with blasts of unforgiving sand.

"It was two potential Guardians and one Chosen." Gennai at last let the weight on his soul crush in around him. "You were both meant to die, Ryo."

Gennai didn't hear the response as the thunder crashed around him and the door between worlds crumbled and faded away.

Once more, he was alone.

A part of him hoped that the world would crumble away. That Ken would pluck that delicate string and watch as he and everything else frayed and blew away like a grain of sand in this harsh desert.

Maybe then he would finally be able to sleep at night. Maybe then, as the world faded to dark and he met that oblivion that had long been denied to him, his sins would finally be forgiven.

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	21. Chapter 21: Foundations

**Author's Note:** One to go after this.

Warning: This chapter gets violent.

This chapter flowed out like endless rain. Please review.

**- – - **

**Chapter 21: Foundations**

The flames had died down and turned to nothing more than wisps of smoke curling up into the sky as the field of flowers became nothing more than gray ash.

Looking out at the blackened and now empty field, it was hard to imagine a time when it had once been overflowing with blooming flowers. It must have been hypnotic to see them gently blowing in the salty sea breeze. The scent alone would have been overwhelming as their petals let off that light fragrance that had long drifted into other worlds and teased at the imaginations of weary travelers. It brought to mind images of ladies dabbing perfume at their long slender necks, ancient royalty surrounded by the most exotic of bouquets to cover up the stench of decay, and lovers pressing delicate petals between the pages of their favorite books to forever preserve the idea of romance.

Had there been color back when this world was still new? When had the flowers first start to press their way up through the weeds? Had they all bloomed at once, creating new paths with the flourish of their petals, or had they opened slowly over the years as new worlds came into being?

Slowly as time crawled by, measured only in the grains of sand that washed out with each passing wave, the flowers had started to fade. The leaves wilted and grew brittle while the outer petals fell away. Before the very core of each path could fall away, the flowers had closed tightly against the harsh winds.

It was here that they had waited as the world died around them. There were no new worlds and life did not renew. The pathways grew narrow and untraveled as the weeds and grass grew tall around them, choking them out.

The world seemed content to remain in a state of static for the remainder of time, frozen on the brink of loss just before the core of this and the next world collapsed inward and disappeared forever.

It was then that an unknown hand plucked away one of the trembling buds and discovered the unfounded seeds.

A single seed had survived the trials of worlds unfamiliar to it, trembling as it desired to return to a home it had only dreamed of. At long last, it had reached the end of its journey only to find that the center of the universe was already dead.

Rage burned hot and white as the flames spread, turning everything in its path into fuel to build on. Now that the fuel had run dry, the last of the seeds waited for fate to find it.

Would it be plucked out and crushed before it could bloom? Would it bloom and find a world that had ended before it had begun? Or would it take root in the soil fertilized by its brethren and become something unknown?

It waited and called out to become one again. To be swept away in the winds of destiny that billowed like a hurricane just off shore.

- – -

Once it had been established where they needed to go, Daisuke had instantly been impatient to get there. Had he been alone, he would have attempted to climb the sheer cliff face without so much as a second thought. Sure, he was confident that he would have made it, but he was also confident that it would have been a climb filled with many close calls.

With Takeru and the young Ken at his heels, Daisuke had set off to find a safer place to start their ascent.

"Maybe the boy should stay down here." Daisuke glanced back at the two.

"We can't leave him here. Who knows what sorts of monsters might still exist in a place like this." Takeru protested.

"You would stay with him." Daisuke had it in his mind that facing Ken was something that he should do alone.

"You aren't going up there alone!" Takeru disagreed.

"Glad to know that I'm still being counted." Kaiser muttered under his breath.

Takeru sighed. "I'm not letting you go up there with just Kaiser and Ken."

"Well, maybe you should stay down here with both of them." Daisuke stopped and looked at the three of them fully. "I'll be honest, I don't know what I'm going to find up there. He wasn't exactly the easiest to talk down when he was whole, and no offence," He gave an apologetic look at the Kaiser, "but just talking with you was difficult at the best of times."

Kaiser smiled slightly, but it didn't reach his eyes. "It's hard to converse with only half a mind that already knows where it stands."

Daisuke continued. "Even with just the initial split from Kaiser, I could always sense that there was something wrong with Ken. He just didn't feel... Whole." He sighed in frustration as he failed to explain what had always been there but what he was just starting to understand.

At first, he had felt closer to Ken. It was as if he was with the part of Ken that he had always longed for back in the days when he was still just trying to reach out and connect. Yet being around the Kaiser had given him more of a sense of completion than he would have thought. There was more substance. More emotion. More... _Ken_.

"When you two came over, Ken changed. It was like..." He struggled to find a way to make them understand just how wrong that Ken had been. How _dangerous_ that Ken had suddenly felt...

"It was like finding out that the monster you thought was in your closet was under the bed the whole time." The younger Ken spoke up quietly.

"Or sleeping on the top bunk anyways." Kaiser shrugged, though Daisuke could hear the bitterness.

"Yeah." Daisuke looked up at the cliff, picking out a potential route that didn't seem as steep or dangerous.

"So what you're trying to say is that you think that we should stay here because you think there's a monster up there." Takeru crossed his arms over his chest and looked up at the cliff, picking out the same route as Daisuke.

"That might be true." Kaiser moved forward, looking up to the edge of the cliff, his eyes moving along the structure as he judged just how stable it all was. "But we can't stay here."

"Why not?" Daisuke looked at him in exasperation.

"Because he won't let us."

They all looked up to the cliff in unison and took a step back as they saw the slender form of Ken standing on the very edge, looking out at the ocean.

"If we don't go to him," The younger Ken reached up and took Takeru's hand. "He will _bring_ us to him."

"Are you saying he can transport you?" Takeru gaped. "Then why hasn't he done so yet? What is he waiting for? He could just take you and leave us two alone down here!"

Daisuke felt his heart jump start at that notion.

"Because he knows we'll go to him. No matter what happens, we have no choice." Kaiser sighed and ran a hand through his hair in a motion that Daisuke found familiar and strange. "If I were in his place, I would rather wait than expend energy like that. It takes a lot to create a world. Even more to sustain a life."

Takeru turned to look at the Kaiser with wide eyes that, much to Daisuke's shock, almost seemed to be filling with tears. "Kaiser... Did you?"

Kaiser did not meet Takeru's gaze. "You were worth it."

Daisuke looked from one to the other curiously.

"We're wasting time here." Kaiser sighed and headed up to the rocks to start the climb. "Don't any of you die here. It would be a shame to come this far and miss the end."

- – -

The back of his neck burned and throbbed, sending shooting pain along the base of his skull and out across his temples.

The pain came in bursts, pulsing until he saw white flashing before his eyes one moment, only to fade into nothing the next.

Each wave crashing in on his state of being seemed to pull more and more of him away, tearing away his psyche piece by piece until he wondered if he would fly into a million pieces, or at the very least crack down the middle like a piece of glass -_glasses_- cracking from the stress of too much pressure.

Standing on the edge of the cliff, he could feel the others moving closer. It was a strange sensation; so simultaneously foreign and familiar that he wondered if maybe it hadn't always been there.

If he closed his eyes, he felt that he could see the thoughts of all those pieces floating just out of his reach. He could feel the emotions rushing past him in a river that he was no longer a part of.

The whole thing was so ridiculous that it made him want to laugh. To give in to that growing desire to throw it all to the wind and just let himself burn up along with everything else.

He had already removed the part of himself that he loathed the most, but that part had proven to be stronger than he had anticipated. It was a part that refused to die easily and fade away into the darkness. With every passing second that it was allowed to remain, he could feel the ever growing pull that was threatening to bring them back together.

When this world had opened up to him, the notion that perhaps he just needed to take down the smaller pieces first came to him.

The young boy found in the sand was the furthest one from him in terms of connecting. He was foreign and unknown and therefore one that Ken would have the least problems disposing of. There would be no emotions spent over this one's loss.

There was a soft crunching sound followed by scuffling as the four boys pulled themselves over the tops of the cliffs.

Ken smiled and turned to them in greeting. "That must have been a hard climb. Do you need a moment to rest?"

The four sat in the burned up grass for a moment, catching their breaths and looking up at him with a wide range of emotion.

Daisuke, ever the hopeful optimist, carried a deep sense of hurt in his eyes while Takeru just looked angry and just the slightest bit confused.

The smaller Ken, still wet and sandy from his unearthing earlier, looked frightened. Ken couldn't blame him.

It was when Ken looked to the Kaiser that he found himself unable to meet those hard and cold eyes.

"Oh Ken," Kaiser purred. "I can see your sanity." He laughed breathily, still winded from the apparent climb up. "How very little of it you have left. Have you decided to join me in blissful destruction?"

"I will be rid of you soon." Ken clenched his fists tightly, the nails biting into his flesh. "Once you are gone, everything will be so much better. No more pain. No more guilt. No more suffering. I will be renewed and can finally be free."

"It doesn't work that way." The smaller Ken stood up. "You can't kill who you were and become someone new. You can't just forget the past and still be Ken. You can't forget Osamu or Ryo… You can't forget Ken."

Takeru stood up and took his place behind the younger boy. "He's right, Ken. You can't keep doing this. You can't tear yourself apart and expect something to still be there."

"I don't _want_ something to still-be-there." Ken looked at Takeru angrily. "But I wouldn't expect you to understand."

Daisuke got to his feet but stayed quiet, keeping his dark eyes on Ken fully. The disappointment in them stung and Ken wished that Daisuke would just understand. This had to be done.

"This has to be done." Kaiser echoed Ken's thoughts, startling him. "You need the spores. One way or another, you will get them. More than that, though… The last one standing is the one that remains. Is that your theory? Is that your game? This is something I could do easily. I could do it right now if I so desired. It would take just one motion and he'd be over the edge of the cliff and dead before he even realized he'd left the ground." Kaiser slowly walked up to the smaller Ken and placed a hand on the top of his head. Everyone tensed, expecting him to attempt to do just that. "But that's just such a pathetic way to go. So fast… So messy… Not to mention you would still have to go down there and get the spore. It's just not practical. You need a much more hands on approach."

They relaxed slightly at that, the younger Ken looking up at the other cautiously. Kaiser smiled down at him reassuringly. "Frankly… I don't think you have it in you." He moved before Takeru or Daisuke could respond, grabbing the boy by the back of the neck and shoving him forward.

Ken felt the now familiar stab of pain branching off from his neck as the boy stumbled towards him. He was so small… So innocent and naïve. Ken could see it in the boy's eyes. The trusting and wide eyes that had done little more than watch as the two people he loved most in his life died.

No, this was not the boy he wanted to become. This one was far too comfortable in his own little world. This one did not understand just how hard things could be. This one had yet to feel real pain or cause it.

The searing white lights were before his eyes again and the world slid away from him.

_Do it, Ken. _Kaiser's voice was in his head, whispering and laughing. _Let me help you. It will be so easy. Just like I showed you… All you have to do is squeeze…_

Chaos erupted around him as the lights faded away and the world returned. There was yelling, screaming, and laughing all around him. He was on the ground, sitting on a warm body and his fingers were trembling from the strain of clenching down.

Someone was pulling at him, trying to knock him away, but his grip was far too tight.

The smaller boy's arms fluttered at his side, reminding him of a bird he had seen once when he was younger that had flown into a window and broken its neck. The small fingers grasped at the ground below him and clawed at the ash as he kicked helplessly. There was a rasping sound as he struggled for air and his eyes rolled back, hazing over slightly.

_Just a little more and you'll never have to feel his pain again. _

Ken cried out as his thumbs suddenly sunk down and there was a loud snap.

Daisuke slammed into him and they both went flying, rolling across the field and skidding to a stop dangerously close to the cliffs.

The world spun and he could just barely make out Takeru kneeling over the smaller boy and desperately trying to revive him. Daisuke lay at his side, coughing as he got a face full of burnt up flowers.

Ken closed his eyes, aware that his cheeks were wet but not knowing why. He opened his eyes and found the Kaiser bending down over him. "One down."

The heel of a hand slammed into Ken's stomach making him cry out and curl protectively in on himself. The Kaiser then grabbed a fist full of Ken's hair and pulled him up just enough to expose the back of his neck.

Next to him, Daisuke had started to scramble up, desperately trying to stop them.

Ken was aware of something sharp being pressed to the back of his neck just before the world exploded in pain.

- – -

How could so much go so wrong so fast?

Just a few feet away lay the younger Ken, his eyes open wide and the light slowly fading away as they stared up at the gray sky. Takeru sat beside him in shock, hunched over the smaller frame with his hands trembling as they curled into the mud stained shirt. A strained wheeze and gurgle sounded each time the small boy's chest struggled to rise.

There was a dim light coming from the back of the child's neck, appearing black in the negative world. It flickered with each shuddering wheeze, growing dimmer with each passing second.

Daisuke felt his heart sink as he listened to the air straining through the crushed trachea, knowing that there was nothing that anyone there could do for the boy. He didn't have time to feel the panic that was clearly gripping Takeru as Kaiser came up behind Ken and attacked.

Daisuke caught a glimpse of something glinting brightly in the palm of Kaiser's hand as he scrambled to his feet, kicking up ash in his panic. Ken was screaming as the Kaiser slowly pressed what appeared to be a shard of glass into Ken's neck.

Daisuke charged forward and slammed into the side of Kaiser, taking all three of them down roughly.

They rolled across the burned field and slid to a stop closer to the edge, Daisuke's feet sticking out over the cliff slightly.

"Only one…" Kaiser breathed out heavily from under Daisuke. "Only one can remain. Do you really want it to be him?"

Ken had landed slightly off to the side, clutching at the back of his neck and breathing hard. Blood, tinted black in this negative world, slowly dripped down between his fingers. "Don't you get it, Daisuke? Can't you see it yet?"

Daisuke looked over at him. "No." He could feel his own heart pounding in his chest. "Why are you doing this? Why are you tearing yourself apart? There will be nothing left of you."

"That's exactly what I want, Daisuke…" Ken slowly got up, his right hand sliding across the blackened ground till his fingers closed around the glass shard. "I want to start over. You can't start over if there's still something left of the past."

Kaiser laughed and pushed Daisuke off of himself. "I can't go back to what I was. I can never be that naïve again."

"And I can never let myself be so full of malice… So prideful… So full of guilt." Ken looked down at his blood stained hand then at Kaiser with cold eyes.

"There's so much more to you, Ken." Daisuke sat up, hating the look that was in his partner's eyes. "You can't just start a life over. Not like this. There will always be more."

"Then I'll just have to keep digging it out, won't I?" Ken ran his bloody hand through his hair, sending those perfect strands into chaos.

"That's not how it works, Ken!" Daisuke felt the frustration rising in him. "You can't keep digging down. You'll be digging forever! If you really want to reinvent yourself, I think you're supposed to go up, not down." His eyes stung with tears now, making the world blur around him. "And you can't go up if you have nothing to stand on."

Ken stared at Daisuke, his cold expression slowly melting as fear flashed across his eyes. "What if it's too late? What if there's nothing left to stand on?"

"There's always something to stand on, Ken." Daisuke got up and held his hand out to Ken. "From the moment we come into this world we're building a foundation. It's a little unsteady at first, and sometimes a little fragile, but it's just enough to stand on. It's the people that we take into our hearts that help us build. Even if you just let one person in, together you can build something wonderful."

The shard fell from his hand. "I'm scared." His voice quivered and the fear ran so deep that Daisuke felt his own heart clench. "I've lost so much. What if… What if I lose you too?"

Daisuke slowly moved forward and placed a hand on Ken's shoulder. "It's the risk we take with everyone. Maybe someday you will lose me… Maybe someday I'll lose you. It'll hurt and there's a good chance the pain will always be there… but I wouldn't want you to stop building. As long as you live, you should never stop building. It would be such a shame if you let what we built together crack and fade away."

Ken took a step forward and was suddenly in Daisuke's arms, trembling and clutching at his back. "What about my brother? What about Ryo? It still hurts so much. I could have done something…" His whole body was shaking now and Daisuke squeezed him closer.

There were no easy answers. Ryo's choice was an easy one that Daisuke could see himself making. He gave what was left of his life to save Ken. It was something Ken might already understand if he allowed himself to really feel it someday. Yet, what about his brother? How did you explain that? How could he tell Ken it was okay when Osamu had done something that Daisuke could never understand.

"It was love."

Daisuke was startled as Kaiser spoke up, now standing behind Ken near the very edge.

"Ryo gave you everything because of love. His time was over and you are all that is left to feel for him. We can't keep marring his memory with pain. He didn't live his life that way and he wouldn't want us to remember him like that. It was bad enough that we had to lose him twice. As for Osamu…" Kaiser looked down, his fists clenched tightly. "You were the only one that he ever let in. He loved you so much… But he couldn't see past his own pain."

"It wasn't right that he wasn't given the chance that I was given." Ken looked back at Kaiser, tears running down his face. "He could have been helped. He could have been saved!"

"But he wasn't." Kaiser looked up at the sky. His face was calm and almost serene as he gazed into the eerie gray light. "There is nothing you could do about it and nothing you can do now. I can see that now. Even if I had saved him that day… How long would he have gone on after? Would he be the one standing here now filled with pain and rage?"

Kaiser held up a fist and slowly opened it, palm up, revealing a small black seed.

Ken's hand instantly flew to the back of his neck. "You dug it out…"

To the side, there was one last painful gurgle and wheeze followed by silence. Daisuke knew without looking that the small boy's eyes were now empty, the fading light gone.

Kaiser smiled. "You know me… I always have to win."

"Kaiser?" Daisuke suddenly noticed that Kaiser had picked up the forgotten glass shard in all the commotion. In this light, it appeared to still be connected to a twisted and broken metal frame. "Kaiser, wait!"

The shard moved in a blur as it was lifted and plunged deep into Kaiser's neck, cutting a jagged horizon across the perfect flesh before being pulled out and falling away.

Kaiser's body staggered forward and fell to the ground heavily. Daisuke released Ken, screaming as he sank to Kaiser's side.

He rolled the boy over and frantically held his hands to the gushing wound. "No… No! Please no…"

Kaiser sputtered and spit up blood as he attempted to speak, no air making it past his torn throat. Daisuke was aware that Ken had moved to his side, looking down at the life that was rapidly slipping away. Behind him, Takeru was yelling something.

"Kaiser… No… Not Kaiser. You were never Kaiser, were you?" Daisuke trembled as his hands slipped in the blood and he knew that there was no stopping the flow. "Ken… You were always Ken… I've always loved you, Ken. All of you."

Kaiser smiled at that, a humor in his eyes that Daisuke had long ago learned to cherish. His lips moved silently, carefully forming Daisuke's name as he reached up to weakly push the hands away from his neck.

It was over quickly. There was no lingering hope and no final goodbye. The blood continued to pool, slowing as the working force to pump it out failed.

"When did you know?" Ken whispered.

"That you were him?" Daisuke went to wipe his eyes and stopped when he saw the blood on his hands.

"That he was the real Ken." Ken reached out and lightly wiped Daisuke's cheeks clean.

"But he wasn't." Daisuke slowly wiped his hands on the ground and stood up. "And you aren't either."

He turned to face Ken, smiling as tears continued to fall freely. "I think… I think I've known since we came back to the digital world. When you both went to speak with Gennai. I should have known sooner, but I was always a little slow."

Takeru had joined them now, looking pale and shaken. "What are you talking about? If he isn't Ken, who is he? _What_ is he?"

"You must have sensed it too, Takeru. You just didn't know what it was." Ken looked at the blond fully. "It was why you didn't listen to her. Why you didn't trust him… Why you came here."

Takeru's eyes widened for a moment as he thought about it. "Are you another split? Just another part of him that he broke off?"

"I didn't see it then." Ken looked down at his hands. "I thought that I was real. Had to be the real one. I see it now. He knew." He looked back at the lifeless body of Kaiser and slowly moved to pry the seed from the cold fingers. "Once he cut the seed out… I knew that he was more Ken than I ever was."

"What are you?" Takeru repeated, this time sounding angry. "Why did you kill him?" He pointed back at the smaller body just a few feet away.

"This world is dead. I think it's been dying for years and waiting for someone to come and save it." Ken looked down at the seed in the palm of his hand. "Just like me."

Daisuke blinked and looked around as if noticing it for the first time. Considering that his first priority had been Ken, he may as well be noticing it for the first time.

Ken smiled faintly and clenched his hand around the seed tightly. "But you can't just wait around for someone to come by and save you. You have to ask for help. You have to want to be helped… You have to have people that want to help you."

Takeru opened his mouth to repeat his question but Daisuke cut him off. "Where is he?"

Takeru blinked and stared at Daisuke. "Where is who? What are you talking about?"

"Ken. The real Ken." Daisuke shook his head. How could he have been so blind? No wonder they couldn't join back together. No wonder they were so different and the same all at once. "You were all just fragments… Projections."

"You mean we've just been dealing with imaginary people?" Takeru looked at Daisuke fully. "How is that possible?"

"I'm not sure…" Daisuke frowned. "I think it has something to do with this world. It's not supposed to be like this. I think the two are connected somehow. Maybe if we can help one…"

"Kaiser had the right idea. The seeds need to be returned to the soil that first produced them. It has been growing in me for so long that I think we've become one and the same." Ken held up the seed. "A seed nurtured on pain and suffering is only going to yield more suffering. What if I let go and nothing grows? What if all that's left is just a husk?"

"You can't think that for even a second, Ken." Daisuke moved closer and gently brushed the hair back from Ken's eyes. "There's so much more in you than you believe. Who ever put that seed in you tried to convert it into something wicked and evil, but they failed. There was just too much beauty in you to tarnish it. You alone kept it alive all this time. You alone were enough to keep it safe until it could return. All that's left is to let go and move on."

Ken looked down, his hand trembling slightly. "I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what I'll find on the other side."

Daisuke swallowed hard and took Ken's hand. "It's okay to be afraid of the future. I don't know what I'll find on the other side either… But what I'm most afraid of is that I'll return and you won't be there. I meant what I said… I have always loved you. I loved you as Kaiser and I loved you as Ken. I have always loved every part of you and I look forward to loving the you that is waiting out there to become whole once more."

Ken looked up at him, tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry I put you all through this."

"Don't be." Daisuke smiled. "I got to see parts to you that I will always cherish." He paused as he felt the briefest bit of panic and worry trace over his mind. "What happens now?"

"I return." Ken pulled away from Daisuke and looked down at the small seed in his hand. "Everything returns to where it belongs. This body is a part of this world and it must return to nourish the seeds and help them grow. With any luck, the others are waiting for me on the other side where we can finally come back together."

Daisuke swallowed hard. "I'll meet you there."

"Thank you." Ken held out his hand and released the seed to let it fall to the ground. His body went limp on impact and hit the ground shortly after. Even after all this, Daisuke found that it still hurt his heart to see those deep dark eyes that he loved so much be so void of life as they stared blankly up at the gray sky.

"What do we do now?" Takeru stepped up beside Daisuke and looked up at the sky as if expecting to find something there. "How do we get back and how do we find the real Ken?"

Daisuke let his shoulder slump as he realized that he had no idea what they were supposed to do now. The seeds were home where they could grow and bloom safely without taking any more of Ken's life… But was that enough? Was it as simple as that?

"Let's go back down." Daisuke didn't want to stay up here any longer. It was too disturbing and painful to see the lifeless bodies of his friend, partner, and special someone lying in a puddle of deep red blood.

_Wait. Red?_

He froze mid step and turned back to the Kaiser. "It's red!"

It started small, a dark red patch coming out from under all three boys and slowly spreading out around them.

"It's not blood." Takeru breathed out in a mixture of relief and wonder.

Daisuke couldn't help but feel relief flood over him too as he saw that Takeru was right. Small dark red buds were pushing up out of the ashes, stretching up towards the sky and trembling as the tightly folded petals formed around the core.

The flowers spread out to the edges of the cliffs and back towards where the trees had once been, racing out into nothingness and beyond Daisuke's ability to see.

Blue flooded the sky, so deep and vast that Daisuke felt he would become lost in it at any moment. With the sky came the water, reflecting back a glistening range of blues and greens that reminded him of fairytale picture books.

All around them, the world slowly woke up, seeming to breathe and stretch under them. Each flower seemed to swell and become richer with each passing second. Could it be that each one contained a world? That each flower held life in it that was unimaginable?

_Daisuke… _ A soft voice calling to him, so small and frail compared to the power of this place.

He felt that if he remained there for much longer that he would get lost in such beauty and richness, never to return. It was intoxicating.

_Daisuke… Don't leave me._ It was so soft, but somehow the power of this place couldn't snuff it out.

_Daisuke… Please find me._

It was Ken! "Takeru, I know the way back!" He grabbed the other boy's wrist and pulled him across the field to the very edge of the cliff that overlooked the water.

"Daisuke?" Takeru gave him a doubtful look. "I don't see anything…"

"He's there. Trust me." Daisuke smiled and looked back at the field just as the flowers slowly started to bloom. The bodies were gone, lost in the field of new life. "It's time to go home."

He pulled Takeru sharply and to his credit, the other boy didn't resist as they both plunged off the cliff together.

The sensation of falling was both terrible and wonderful as the fresh sea breeze pushed at them and the world bloomed around them. Daisuke smiled as the urge to spread his arms and welcome the warm breeze overwhelmed any sensation of fear.

It was gentle and soothing as it slid through their hair and brushed over their cheeks. There was no sensation of fatalism as they plunged past the green and brown rocks towards the water. There was no pain as they slipped past the surface of the water, letting it surround them and add a new sensation of weightlessness to it all as they still continued to sink.

It wasn't cold and it didn't press in around them as it had once before. There was no fear of suffocation and no resistance as the world around them slowly faded to white until there was nothing.

_This is where the world ends, _thought Daisuke as they drifted through the white void together. The only sensation was of the other boy's fingers as they gripped their hands together tightly.

_No… This is where it begins. _He amended silently. _This is where it waits to be born._

A deep sense of utter calm and serenity washed over him as he felt the nothingness envelop him. A conversation with the Kaiser from earlier came back to him softly, this time lacking all of the malice and pain.

"_What are you?" _

"_Potential." _

Potential was the perfect word for this blank canvass of a world. Out here, he felt that any desire his heart could ever dream of could manifest and bloom before him.

How tempting it was to paint his own picture and fill this nothing with color and joy… He could practically hear a soft voice whispering in his ear: _What do you dream of?_

But there was only one thing Daisuke wanted and he did not hesitate on the answer. "Ken. Take me to Ken. It's time for us to go home."

With that, the world went dark and Daisuke was jolted as his feet were suddenly planted firmly on solid ground.

Takeru was gone and Daisuke found himself alone in the dark.

"Takeru?" Daisuke spun around, reaching out for his friend. "Ken?" He tentatively took a few steps forward. "Hello?"

"You must be Daisuke." The voice came from behind him, so familiar but somehow strange.

He spun around and came face to face with spiked hair, glasses, and sad dark eyes. Only one name crossed his mind.

"Osamu."

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.


	22. Chapter 22: Smoke

**Author's Note:** This is the last chapter. I want to thank everyone that read, reviewed and stuck with me for so long.

I hope that the end was as satisfactory as the journey. For at the end, we do not lie down and die or turn back to retrace our steps, but look for the next adventure.

- – -

**Chapter 22: Smoke**

After everything that he had just experienced and witnessed, Takeru would be lying if he said that he wasn't ready to go home. Yet when he suddenly found himself back in the base in the digital world surrounded by the other destined, he couldn't help but feel a little cheated.

"Takeru!" Hikari's arms wrapped around him and pulled him close. "I was so worried."

"Are you alright?" Yamato came forward, his brows furrowed in worry. "Koushiro said that all of the gates were closed. We thought you were trapped."

"It's amazing!" Koushiro cried out from his spot on the floor where he was sitting with his laptop. "The gates are opening up. All of them! I'm even seeing signs of new ones popping up all over the place. I think some of them might even lead to different worlds. This is phenomenal! What did you guys do over on the other side?"

"I…" He felt so disoriented. Why was he back? Where was Daisuke? He looked down at the hand that had been clutching at the other boy just moments ago.

"Takeru?" Wormmon padded over to him and looked up with those large blue eyes. "Is Ken okay?"

"Yeah, where's Daisuke?" Veemon stepped forward cautiously.

"I don't know…" He had failed to protect the small boy. Kaiser had slit his own throat. Ken was a fake and had fallen just like the others. There were colors and flowers and then there was nothing.

He had heard the voice in his ear just as Daisuke had. Promising him everything and anything. It had asked him for his true heart's desire and he had answered…

His eyes found Hikari's and he felt something inside him swelling like the ocean as it threatened to overflow. "I'm sorry." He took her hands tightly in his own and sank to his knees. "I'm so sorry, Hikari… I should have listened to you."

She knelt down with him and leaned in. "Takeru, it's alright." She smiled gently at him. "It's easy to get caught up in wanting to help someone. I understand…"

"No." His hands trembled as he held hers. "Hikari…" How could he make her understand? "I was lost. It would have been so easy to get lost and disappear in there forever. It felt like I was living in a dream."

"What are you talking about?" She brushed his hair back and gave him a worried look.

"Between worlds. We were floating between worlds…" It was the only way he could describe it. A place where nothing mattered and every door was open. "I was lost and then… There you were. I heard you calling to me and you guided me back. You saved me, Hikari."

Anything his heart desired…

"Takeru…" She didn't understand, but Takeru knew that she didn't need to. They would talk later and he would tell her everything, and she would guide him through it. She would be there for him if he broke down. She would take away the nightmares and she would always be there.

He looked up at Wormmon and Veemon. "Daisuke is with Ken. The real Ken. I know he is."

The worry and fear disappeared from Wormmon's eyes and he smiled. "Then Ken is safe."

- – -

"Osamu." Daisuke stared at the boy that had once been the center of Ken's life… And the boy that had nearly destroyed it. "Where are we? Where's Ken?"

Osamu smiled, the look of amusement was so similar to Ken's that it was eerie. "You aren't going to ask how I'm here? If I'm even real?"

Daisuke shrugged slightly. "After everything else that I've seen lately, talking to a spirit doesn't seem that farfetched I guess."

This made Osamu laugh, the sound was deep and loud and nothing at all like Ken's. "I can see why he loves you so much."

Osamu turned and a small light came on in the dark, illuminating a simple desk that Daisuke recognized from Ken's bedroom. There were books neatly lining the shelves and papers stacked in the upper corner with pens lined up perfectly across the top.

"You came here looking for Ken. This place has been so interesting lately." Osamu gestured towards the desk offhandedly.

The light flickered and the books fell over, scattering across the shelves. The stack of papers became complete disarray across the desk and the pens appeared to be leaking deep pools of black ink on the marred up wood.

"Hard to find anything so small and delicate in all of this, wouldn't you say?" Osamu shook his head. "You did a real number on him."

"You're saying I did this?" Daisuke frowned.

"No." Osamu sighed. "He did." There was pain and guilt there. More than Daisuke could have expected from a boy like Osamu.

"Osamu," Daisuke took a tentative step forward. "Where is Ken?"

Osamu looked up at Daisuke, his eyes tired and his face full of weary lines that made him seem so much older than he should have been. "Where do I fit in, Daisuke? I caused so much pain and suffering. He hated me… I had so much time to teach him… To save him. I could have said something to Mom and Dad. I could have spent more time with him. I tried to be his big brother. I tried to protect him and I was _jealous_. I earned his hate and I-"

"Stop it!" Daisuke grabbed the other boy by the collar and pulled him close. "Don't you dare say that you deserve what you got. Ken loved you. Do you hear me? He loved you. You were his whole world. He idolized you. The pain that you caused can never be taken away. You took away his chance to have a big brother. To have his own life. You took from him the one person that he loved most."

His hands trembled on the collar, tears in his eyes as he looked at the boy angrily. Slowly, he eased his grip and dropped his hands. "He still loves you, Osamu. Don't you get it? He doesn't want to feel pain when he thinks of you anymore. He wants to feel the love that was there. He wants to see the good memories you shared. He wants to cherish you. He wants to think of you and remember how much you meant to him and how much you still mean to him..."

"How can he still love me after what I did? He was so young… There are so few memories." Osamu's glasses glinted in the light, hiding his eyes and hiding the pain.

"That's not for you to decide. It's up to Ken. He was always there, wasn't he?" Daisuke looked back at the desk as the light flickered and a memory floated up, ghostly and shy.

A much younger Osamu sat at the desk working hard as a very young Ken sat beside him on the floor, drawing with crayons and pausing to gaze up at his big brother lovingly every few moments.

"Maybe the memories are faded and sometimes not completely clear…" Daisuke wiped his eyes. "But you're still there and he can still take comfort from those moments in the dead of night when he wakes up and feels lost and alone."

"I'm sorry…" Osamu bowed his head and the tears were falling freely. "I'm so sorry… I never wanted to hurt him. All I wanted was to give him a chance…"

"No." Daisuke looked down. "You weren't thinking of him when you took your life. You were thinking of yourself…. But he can't be angry at you anymore for that. I don't think he's ever blamed you for it and I don't think he ever will…" He would never understand why Osamu did it. Maybe Ken could on some level deep down, but he honestly hoped that Ken would never agree with Osamu.

"Do you think he'll ever be able to move past it?" Osamu clenched his hands tightly at his sides. "Do you think the nightmares will ever stop?"

"Yes." Daisuke didn't even have to think about that one. "It will take some time, but one day he'll look back on that moment, shake his head, and he won't allow it to have power over him anymore. It's like a scar and it needs time to heal. The mark will always be there, but it will fade over time."

Osamu was shuddering now, the tears flowing heavily. He moved a hand to wipe the tears away from under his glasses. "Daisuke…" It was soft and muffled by a barely contained sob.

Daisuke's eyes widened as he recognized that gentle and fragile voice. His hand moved up quickly and ripped the glasses from the boy's face, tossing them out into the dark.

Ken was suddenly before him, trembling and crying softly. "I'm sorry, Daisuke…"

Daisuke pulled him into his arms in one smooth motion and slid a hand up into his hair, letting those silky locks slide between his fingers. "Oh god, Ken… It's you. It's really you."

Just holding him he could feel that this was indeed the real Ken, whole and complete.

"Daisuke… I'm so sorry… Everything I did… Everything I said…" Ken simply leaned into him; his hands limp at his sides and his body shuddering with every breath.

"Stop it." Daisuke clung tighter. "Being with them… The other parts of you… I loved every piece. I love the innocence. I love the vulnerability. I love the arrogance. I love the intelligence and I love the cold calculations. I love the cocky bastard that enjoys pain and laughing at fools as much as I love the shy and gentle soul that loves whole heartedly and cries when others are hurt. I love all of you and don't you ever be afraid to let me see them."

"What about the others? I put you all through so much… How can I face them again?" Ken slowly lifted a hand and lightly clung to the back of Daisuke's shirt.

"They're your friends, Ken. We all have our demons; some just more visible than others. They'll understand and forgive you. It's what friends do. You just have to trust them." Daisuke smiled and pulled Ken away just enough to look him in the eyes.

"Daisuke?" Ken looked tired and utterly worn down, but he looked healthy and whole. The light was back in his eyes, the spark of a flame that he hadn't seen in a very long time starting to kindle in those deep depths.

"Yeah?" Daisuke grinned, feeling giddy and light headed.

"Can we go home now?"

The desk was gone now, but the light was still there, growing brighter as a doorway appeared.

"Hey Ken?" Daisuke took Ken's hand and squeezed tightly.

"Yeah?" Ken squeezed his hand back.

"When we get back, you do realize that I'm staying at your place, right? And I'm not going to let you out of my sight for at least three days." Daisuke looked over at his partner, friend, and lover.

Ken looked back at him, a familiar glint in his eyes that was playful and challenging. "Is that so? Well, I suppose you can sleep on the floor for a few days."

"The floor?" Daisuke gave him puppy dog eyes. "Why can't I sleep on the bed next to you?"

Ken grinned and Daisuke swore that he could see a bit of the Kaiser hidden behind it. "Because Wormmon is going to want to sleep there. My bed really isn't that large, Motomiya."

"I accept that challenge and vow to prove you wrong." Daisuke grinned, his heart fluttering as he squeezed the strong yet soft hand with his own.

Together they moved to the door and together they stepped through.

- – -

"Foundations"

I built on the sand

And it tumbled down,

I built on a rock

And it tumbled down.

Now when I build, I shall begin

With the smoke from the chimney.

-Leopold Staff

- – -

~~Epilogue~

Ken stared down at the black and white squares, deep in concentration.

Across from him sat Koushiro, sipping a cup of tea and watching him intently.

On the other side of the room sat Wormmon curled up on the bed and watching sleepily.

Ken smiled and selected a piece, moving it smoothly to another square. "Check."

Koushiro frowned and set his tea aside. "Well that's bothersome. It would seem I've wandered right into a trap." He sighed and moved a piece. "Make it quick and painless."

Ken moved another piece. "Checkmate."

Koushiro laughed and knocked his king over. "I'm glad to see that you haven't lost anything in the transition. How are you feeling?"

It had been two weeks since Ken had shattered himself and two weeks since Daisuke had put him back together.

"Better than I did." Ken admitted. "Sure, some things are still hard… School will never be as easy as it used to be, but I'm talking to my parents about it now. Dad even offered to find me a tutor if I needed it."

Koushiro whistled. "Do you need it?"

"Are you available?" Ken picked up his cup and took a sip, eyeing Koushiro over the top.

Koushiro nearly choked on his tea in surprise. "Seriously? You can't seriously want me to sit with you on a weekly basis and tell you how to study, do you?"

Ken smiled shyly. "I wouldn't mind it. I think you're the only one that I could stand tutoring me, honestly. It's not that I need the help understanding it, but I really could use someone to talk to on a different level."

Koushiro seemed to think it over then nodded. "You know, that's not such a bad idea. As much as Yamato and Taichi are fun to do homework with, I wouldn't mind someone to talk to either."

Ken started to pick up the pieces, moving to reset the board. "Have you figured out how many new gates have opened?"

Koushiro shook his head. "No. No one has passed through them yet, either. Not even the digimon. As far as I can tell, the doors are locked. I'd love to know where they go, though. Can you imagine all those worlds just waiting for exploration?"

"Who's to say that we were meant to go through them at all?" Ken looked up at him. "New worlds and old ones… Are we so arrogant as to believe that they were meant for us to explore?"

"Hmmm." Koushiro seemed to think it over. "Perhaps we aren't meant to visit these worlds. Perhaps the doors are waiting for someone else. What do you think those worlds are like?"

Ken sat back in his chair, looking down at the board. "Perhaps my brother is in one, happy and playing chess right now with his little brother."

Koushiro looked up at him then nodded. "And perhaps I am on my way with my real parents to visit their cousins. There are infinite possibilities out there. Maybe in one, you had died instead of Osamu. Maybe in another, Daisuke was in your shoes and you were the one to save him."

Ken thought that over for a moment then started to laugh. "Daisuke would have had terrible taste as the Kaiser…"

Koushiro raised an eyebrow for a moment then slowly started to laugh. "You're right. I'd hate to go to that world."

Ken chuckled, making a mental note to tell Daisuke the joke when they met up later that night for a game of soccer in the park.

"Koushiro?" Ken fell serious again and Koushiro quieted down instantly. "Sometimes I…" He hesitated and focused on setting up the board for a moment then sighed and looked down. "Do you ever find it hard to pick who you want to be?"

It was an odd sort of question and not one that he felt he could ask just anyone. Daisuke might understand, but Daisuke couldn't speak from experience.

Koushiro was silent for a long moment as he focused on the board, deep in thought as he plotted out the first move.

At last Koushiro picked up a pawn and moved it forward, starting a new battle tactic and a fresh strategy. "I think everyone has that problem, Ken. Everyone has voices inside of them, some louder than others. We pick and choose which ones to listen to and which ones to act on. I think part of life is learning to do more than simply telling them to be quiet and ignoring them. You'll never get anywhere if you don't let yourself make mistakes or take risks."

Ken picked up a piece and moved it quickly and confidently. "Do you ever listen to those voices?"

Koushiro smiled up at Ken and moved another piece. "Well, I'm considering trying to teach Daisuke how to play chess. Does that tell you anything?"

Ken nearly dropped his next piece. "Are you serious?"

"I think he'll be amazing at it. He's confident, bold, and compliments your style wonderfully. You're far too reserved when you play against me. I think Daisuke might make you take more risks." Koushiro grinned.

Ken smiled and held up the pawn, looking the smooth white piece over carefully before setting it down. "You might regret it. I'm not sure you can go toe to toe with my more aggressive side."

Koushiro moved a piece quickly. "My dear Ken, there is a time and place for everything and you forget, I'm rather fond of your other side. He had some rather interesting ideas that I wouldn't mind hearing more of later on." He paused. "Not everything is made up of good and evil."

Ken paused then moved another piece slowly. "I think… I'd like that. He was quite fond of you. He had a lot of respect for you and I must admit my admiration stems from that. Just like my respect for Takeru…"

When they had first returned from that other world, Takeru had avoided Ken. Eventually, Takeru had come to him and opened up. They had spent the day discussing all that had happened, past and present, and finally they had seen eye to eye. A friendship was forged and Takeru had vowed to learn from Ken and accept that he too still had demons lurking about.

Ken had no doubts that Takeru would face those demons head on and, with Hikari's help, he would come out on the other side.

"You see?" Koushiro made a bold move that made Ken have to sit back and rethink his plan of attack. "Listen to every part of yourself and you will find new outlooks on life."

"Sometimes…" Ken touched first one piece then hesitated and moved another. "I think I still hear them. When I'm alone and not in a good place, sometimes I still feel them." He frowned. "I know I shouldn't think of it as 'them' verses 'me'. That's what got me into trouble in the first place."

Koushiro sat back and crossed his arms as he stared down at the board. "It might take a while for things to come back together fully. As divided as you were… as powerful as the split was… Who's to say that you'll ever be fully whole again."

Ken winced and looked down.

"Maybe that's just the way you were meant to be. Maybe you just function better that way." Koushiro smiled and moved a piece, taking a bigger risk than he probably should be taking this early in the game.

"You think so?"

"I met with Gennai the other day. I was just checking on the progress of a few of the programs I was creating to help convert the base and I found him working in the core room. He's still rattled over what happened. I think he has his own demons to deal with in time… Gennai mentioned going on his own quest to give the ghosts of his past a much deserved peace." Koushiro paused while Ken moved a piece and captured another. "He asked me if we were sure that it was really Ken that had returned."

It had been an odd question and at the time Koushiro had not answered. Gennai had accepted that Koushiro needed time to consider his answer. He knew that Koushiro would tell him truthfully what he thought someday and Gennai would accept it as nothing less than the truth.

Ken didn't press for the answer either, knowing that Koushiro would not lie to him or change the subject.

At last, Koushiro nodded. "I wasn't sure at first. You could have been another projection or even something completely different. However, Daisuke was convinced and that was good enough at the time. If Daisuke has any doubts, he isn't the type to hesitate in finding the answer."

"I believe it's Ken." Wormmon spoke up softly but confidently from the bed. "I believe that it's the full real Ken. He's different than before sometimes… But that seems more real than anything."

Koushiro looked over at the small digimon and smiled. "I think that resolves it. If something else had come out of the fray, things would simply go back to 'normal'. You can't have growth and expect things to return to like they were before."

Ken looked up at Koushiro in amazement.

Koushiro smiled. "You seem startled, but I know this is already something you've considered at some level. You wouldn't be you if you had not already rationalized this all out and been sure that you were in fact you."

Ken laughed softly and looked down. "I think I'm still getting used to things. Still trying to find the balance that completes me… But I have hope. For one thing… I'm not alone."

Koushiro nodded in agreement. "It's a process we all go through. Some of us more than others."

They fell silent for a while, focusing on the game of chess and deep in their own thoughts.

Koushiro relished in the moment, watching the game unfold and watching the ever changing strategies blooming before him. Since returning, Ken's game was certainly more adaptable than it had been in the past. He could switch from defensive to offensive without a single misstep. It was safe to say that there was both Ken and Kaiser visible on the board at the same time, working together with a fluidity that he found inspirational, and Koushiro hoped that it would always be this way.

"Koushiro?" Ken looked up at him. He was currently on the defense but Koushiro knew that could change at any moment.

"Mmn?" He looked up at the boy, surprised to see a look of the utmost respect and calm flowing over him.

"Thank you." Ken blushed softly and looked down. "From every part of me. For inspiring me… For understanding… And for being there for all of me."

Koushiro smiled warmly. "I enjoyed getting to know your other sides. I'm honored that you shared them with me and I look forward to getting to know this part of you too." He paused as he noticed that he was two moves away from losing. Somewhere along the line, he had taken a misstep and while he was chasing Ken, Kaiser had flanked him and laid the trap. He laughed to himself softly and shook his head slowly. "I think that you are starting to inspire me."

The boy across from him grinned and sipped his tea slowly, more at peace with himself than he had ever been in his life.

Koushiro could only hope that someday he and the others would be able to find that peace with themselves too. Until then, he knew that Ken would be there for them with Daisuke standing strong beside him.

- – -

End.

- – -

Disclaimer: Digimon is owned by various other entities that are not me. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.

**Author's note extended:** The idea for this fic came to be in 2001. Over the years, the idea stayed at the back of my mind until one day in 2010, I sat down and wrote out a rough draft of the first several chapters. Early this year, I picked it back up again and re-wrote it and a few months ago, I finished the first of the final drafts.

There are still bits that I am not satisfied with, but how can I linger here when there are so many other roads to travel down?

In the end, I wrote this ending for myself and it was a message that I needed.

If not everyone is satisfied with it, that is to be understood, but honestly, as long as one person is happy with it, then that is all I need.

Thank you.


End file.
